Just speaking his name gave me chills.
“Oh, don’t worry. That could never happen.” Raquel paused. “Why won’t you be running without Jacob? You like running.”
I nodded. “I’m no longer allowed. Jacob wasn’t happy when he arrived this morning. He knew why I didn’t go to work.” I sighed. “It’s like he always knows everything. Instead of staying here and discussing it, he made me go out into the community with him, to the coffee shop.”
Raquel’s eyes widened. “Were there many people?”
I shrugged. “I kept my eyes down, but even though it was early, yes. I didn’t see any chosen, but there were many followers.”
“I guess that was his way of easing you out of your embarrassment.”
Really?
“It was mortifying, and this afternoon after the Commission meeting concludes, he’s taking me to Brother Raphael and Sister Rebecca’s apartment.” I lowered my voice. “I have to apologize for missing work.”
She squeezed my hand. “It could be worse. You seem to be sitting fine.”
“Now,” I interjected. “He said my correction will be up to Brother Raphael.”
Raquel shrugged. “I guess I’ll know how that went tomorrow morning at service.”
I sat straighter and opened my eyes wide. “Tomorrow! Oh, do you remember me telling you that Jacob petitioned the Commission for me to travel?”
“Yes.”
“Apparently it was approved. Father Gabriel told Jacob to bring me with him when he comes to pick him up from the Eastern Light.”
Raquel’s expression clouded. “The Eastern Light? He’s supposed to take you there?”
“What’s the matter? Do you know where that is?”
“Do you?”
I feigned a smile. “I’m assuming east of here.”
She nodded. “I guess, since it’s not the dark, I can say. I remember the Eastern Light. I was there for a little while before I was brought here.”
Oh. My stomach sank. What happened to her?
I couldn’t stop my inquisitive mind. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It was just different, harder. If you’re allowed to see other campuses, Father Gabriel must really trust you.”
“I don’t understand. Isn’t the Eastern Light like here?” Though I was doing my best to keep her suppressed, the Stella part of me was dying to ask more probing questions.
“Not really. You can tell me what you think when you get back.”
I couldn’t push too much, or she might become suspicious. As I sat there with Raquel, I understood what Jacob had meant last night when he’d said he couldn’t allow his assignment to affect his behavior. Though it was tempting, I wouldn’t either.
“Thank you for coming to see me. Again, I’m sorry I scared you.” I admired her clear, bruise-free olive complexion as her round cheeks rose.
“Hey, now that you’re all right, let’s talk about something more exciting.”
I genuinely smiled. I was doing it, being Sara, and if my best friend since I’d awoken in The Light wasn’t suspicious, I must be doing a good job. Settling against the sofa, I stifled a yawn and listened as she chatted away.
My sleep-deprived nerves were stretched to the point of breaking as we walked silently to Brother Raphael and Sister Rebecca’s apartment building near the temple. Though Jacob hadn’t told me, I assumed he’d spoken to Brother Raphael at Assembly, because when we arrived, they seemed to be expecting us. The only other Commissioner’s apartment I’d visited was that of our overseer, Brother Daniel, and his wife Sister Ruth. The Commissioners’ apartments were bigger than the Assemblymen’s, but not by much. Since all of the Assemblymen’s apartments were similar, I wasn’t surprised that Brother Raphael and Sister Rebecca’s was similar to Brother Daniel and Sister Ruth’s. What made theirs bigger than ours was that it contained an office, which was where Sister Rebecca led us as soon as we arrived.
Brother Raphael greeted us as he stayed seated behind his desk. Sister Rebecca moved a chair next to her husband and sat, leaving Jacob and me standing. It was probably their way of making our visit about the matter at hand and not a friendly visit.
Though Brother Raphael had always been nice to me in the lab, as we stood before him and Sister Rebecca, I remembered his position. Not only was he a Commissioner, he was second in command at the Northern Light, second only to Father Gabriel. With Father Gabriel gone, he was in charge. Nothing, not even banishment, was outside the scope of his power. That knowledge, plus Jacob’s warning about the next eighteen hours, weighed heavily on my mind as I waited to speak. If our story was to be disputed, it would probably be here and now.
“Sister Sara, I’m glad you’re not ill. Go ahead. Brother Jacob said you wanted to say something to me.”
Though I didn’t remember having said I wanted to do this, I nodded and began, “Brother Raphael and Sister Rebecca, I’m here today . . .”
I attributed my emotional outbursts to my lack of sleep. Just as had happened when I talked with Raquel, as I apologized to Brother Raphael, tears coated my cheeks. It wasn’t an ugly cry, but it was enough that Sister Rebecca stood, even as I spoke, handed me a tissue, and gave me a hug.
I didn’t tell them why I didn’t go to work, only that I was upset and selfish, thinking only of myself. When I was done, Brother Raphael asked me whether I enjoyed my job at the Northern Light. I assured him—I did. Then he asked me a similar question about my husband, did I love him and accept his decisions? When I turned toward Jacob and saw the pride in his eyes, more tears flowed. “I do. I really do,” I answered.
I didn’t think about Stella or how wrong this was. I didn’t think about how I was essentially telling the person in charge that I was all right with my husband blackening my eye, which he hadn’t. In that moment all I thought about was what Jacob had told me to remember when I had the nightmares: I was Sara and he was Jacob.
Sara loves Jacob, and Jacob loves Sara.
Brother Raphael didn’t respond; instead he looked at his wife. “Rebecca, please take Sister Sara into the kitchen. I need to speak with Brother Jacob privately for a few minutes.”
As far as Commissioners’ wives went, Sister Rebecca was more like Sister Ruth than like Sister Lilith. Though she was thin and always well dressed like Sister Lilith, she was also sweet, with the maternal quality of Sister Ruth. Whenever I’d spoken with her, she’d been kind, and her lessons during Tuesday and Thursday prayer meetings were thought provoking and often emotional. We Assembly wives didn’t know which Commission wife would lead the meetings until we arrived. Whenever I learned it was Sister Rebecca, I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed.
Once we were in the kitchen, Sister Rebecca gave me a new tissue and smiled. “My dear, I’m glad you’re all right. When you weren’t at work, Brother Raphael was concerned that you may’ve been ill. I heard Brother Benjamin was concerned too.” She patted my hand. “It’ll be all right. My husband’s a fair man.”
My head began to ache as I hiccupped and nodded. After the way Jacob had scared me the night before, I knew I didn’t want correction or reminders. I also knew that it wasn’t up to me.
Setting the teakettle on the stove, Sister Rebecca said, “Let me make you some decaffeinated tea. That always helped me relax. Though I did miss coffee while I was pregnant.”
My eyes opened wide. “W-what did you just say?”
Her soft hazel eyes sparkled. “Come now, you heard me.”
“I-I’m not . . .” I shook my head. “I don’t know if I am.”
“But you want to be, don’t you, Sister?”
“I’m really not sure anymore.”
“Is that why Brother Jacob corrected you? Did you not tell him?”
Oh, shit! Where is this going?
I swallowed. “Sister, I have a problem with questioning. I try, I really do, but sometimes I think all I do is try his patience.”
“Brother Jacob seems to be a patient man.”
“He is. That’s why I’m so embarrassed. I don’t want people to think less of him.”
“You do love him,” she asked, “don’t you?”
I smiled a closed-lipped smile. “I do. I know that God had a reason for bringing us here. I’m so thankful I’ve had Jacob to help me, and”—I lowered my eyes—“to correct me.” Though the words once again hurt my pride, they flowed easily from my lips.
Again she patted my hand. “Let me get you that tea.” Once she set the cup in front of me, she whispered, “I doubt Brother Raphael picked up your signals. You know how men are.”
“My signals?”
“Your hand protectively covered your stomach the entire time you were apologizing, you’re emotional, and the way you looked at your husband . . . goodness, if you’re not sure yet if you’re expecting a child, you certainly think it’s a possibility.”
I shrugged as my cheeks blushed. “I mean, I know how it works. There’s a chance.”
“When I was pregnant, I had all sorts of strange cravings.” Her eyes lit up. “Oh, and odd memories. I’m not even sure they were real. They seemed real. Have you had any of that?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. She was good, and she was sneaky. I shook my head. “No, I haven’t. Do you think that means that I’m not pregnant?”
“No. Everyone is different. Besides, this is early, if you aren’t sure.”
I nodded. “Very early, I haven’t even missed a period.”
“Well, when you know something, do tell. I just love babies. Sometimes I go to the day care just to be around them.”
“Sister?” I asked, “Your child, or children, are they here, in The Light?”
“One, our son. He was raised under Father Gabriel’s teachings, even before The Light. He’s not at this campus, but he’s an Assemblyman.”
I smiled. “I’m sure you’re proud. You only have one child?” As soon as the question left my lips, I regretted it. A shadow of sadness fell over her expression, returning the tears to my eyes. “I’m sorry. Please don’t answer.”
Her neck straightened. “Not all stories have happy endings. I’ll always remember my beautiful daughter; however, Father Gabriel knows best. I trust in him and Raphael in all things.”
The opening of a door and footsteps alerted us that our husbands were coming down the hallway. When Sister Rebecca pressed her lips together and patted my hand again, I knew she was silently telling me not to say anything about their daughter. I nodded my understanding as the men entered.
As we were about to leave, Brother Raphael said with his still-thick Boston accent, “Sister Sara, we’ll welcome you back to the lab as soon as Father Gabriel sees fit to return from the Eastern Light. I trust your husband to do what is best.”
It took all my willpower not to look toward Jacob; instead I lowered my eyes. “Thank you, Brother Raphael.”
A few minutes later, as Jacob and I walked along the sidewalk with my hand in his, I whispered, “What does that mean? What Brother Raphael said.”
Though Jacob didn’t turn, his grip tightened, and he simply replied, “Sara.”
“You said I could—”
“When we’re alone. Does this look like we’re alone?”
No. We weren’t alone. We were walking among followers who were going from here to there. However, in my opinion, they all seemed preoccupied, all heading to their own destinations. No one was paying attention to us, except the occasional male follower who’d address Jacob with a nod and a “Brother Jacob.” I assumed that most of those were the followers he counseled. I should know their names and for a few I did, but mostly I didn’t. I probably knew their wives’ names. I rarely saw couples together. Whenever I counseled the wives they were alone.
“No. I’m sorry,” I said softly, pressing my lips together.
CHAPTER 17
Sara
Ascending the stairs into Father Gabriel’s private plane, I was in awe of the splendor. Taking a deep breath, I immediately remembered the rich aroma of leather. Of course my husband wore it like cologne, but it was different as I stepped across the cabin’s threshold. It was the new-car smell that everyone loved, only amplified. The only other time I’d been inside this jet had been when I was without sight, during Jacob’s and my temporary banishment, when he’d given me a tour of the planes. Now my vision was overloaded and my eyes darted about. From the shiny wooden facade of the cabinets that greeted me as I stepped inside, to the beautiful cream-colored leather chairs up and down the aisle, everything was over-the-top luxury.
It was definitely nothing like the plane I’d flown in this morning or Thomas’s plane. The cabinet near the door held a sink, refrigerator, and coffeemaker. Wineglasses hung upside down from a rack. For only a moment, I wondered whether there could be wine. No one in The Light drank alcohol, but the Stella part of me questioned whether Father Gabriel did when he was flying or in Bloomfield Hills.
“Sara,” Jacob instructed, “go sit near the back. You won’t have to listen to Brother Micah and me in the cockpit.”
I nodded and obediently walked toward the rear of the plane. With each step down the aisle, the backs of my fingers brushed the soft leather. Closing my eyes, I remembered the first time Jacob had brought me onto this plane—I remembered our past.
There were eight seats. Consecutive rows faced in opposite directions, creating clusters. I chose a seat all the way in the back. From it I could see up to the cockpit, but I was far enough away that their talking wouldn’t bother me. Scanning the seat belts, I smiled. They were normal, not the jump seat kind like in the other plane.
Having difficulty suppressing my curiosity at Father Gabriel’s extravagance, I opened the bathroom door and peered inside. With my mouth agape, I covered my lips, physically stopping myself from making an audible gasp. Even the bathroom was over the top. The cabinetry matched the stunning, shiny cabinets in the cabin, and the fixtures glistened. Lowering my hand and closing the door, I was glad I’d remembered to stay quiet. During the drive out to the hangar, I had been reminded more than once that everything within the plane was recorded.
Since we weren’t sure when we’d have privacy, and couldn’t be assured that we weren’t being recorded, Jacob had spent most of the truck ride preparing me for what I might see. While he did, he admitted he was nervous about this trip. When he’d asked permission for me to go with him, he’d assumed that meant going to Fairbanks for supplies. He’d never expected permission to take me to another campus, especially back to the Eastern Light. The fact that he’d been specifically told to bring me only added to his concern.
When I asked about the mansion, he said he’d never been invited up to the house. There were small buildings closer to the landing strip. I remembered seeing those on Google Earth. Apparently they were similar to the living quarters in the pole barn. When he was required to spend the night at the Eastern Light, that was where he and Micah stayed. When Father Gabriel came to the airplane, he was driven through a side gate. He didn’t walk through the yards to the back of the property. The only people from the mansion who ventured close to the outbuildings were those who played on the tennis courts or swam in the pool. Jacob said it wasn’t uncommon for there to be many people around and it often sounded as if parties were being thrown. Father Gabriel referred to them as celebrations.
Jacob also told me that sometimes, if he was at the Eastern Light for any length of time, he could leave the property, as he had when he was taken to see me in Dearborn or when he went to service at the Eastern Light’s temple. Since we’d be arriving early Sunday morning, more than likely we wouldn’t just pick up Father Gabriel and return to the Northern Light. Father Gabriel always broadcast his Sunday and Wednesday sermons live. That meant he actually did each sermon three times, one for each time zone. The first in Detroit—in Highland Heights—was at nine Eastern time. Since we had been told to be there before then, there was a good probability that we’d be told to attend.
All I could do as he spoke was st
are. There’d been a time when I’d longed to see inside the white building in Highland Heights. I reminded myself that now was my opportunity to do as Sara what I hadn’t been able to do as Stella.
The Western Light was on Mountain time, which meant the next sermon would be two hours after the first, and the final sermon would be four hours from the first and broadcast to the Northern Light. With that schedule, we couldn’t possibly be ready to fly back to the Northern Light until three or four in the afternoon at the earliest. Since everything was contingent upon Father Gabriel, Jacob wanted me to be prepared to spend the night in Bloomfield Hills.
He’d reminded me several times that Sara had never seen the mansion before. She’d never Google Earthed it nor stood outside its gate. I needed to act as if everything was new, while at the same time turning a blind eye. Jacob credited his quick rise to the Assembly to his ability to ignore the wealth and exuberance that occurred behind the scenes.
That begs the question, Why is Father Gabriel willing to expose his secrets to me?
We’d both napped after our visit with Brother Raphael. Nevertheless, I was still worried about Jacob’s lack of sleep over the last twenty-four hours. He’d promised it would be all right, that the Cessna Citation X used instruments for navigation and Brother Micah was there. They were both confident in each other’s abilities as a pilot and alternated as copilot. Jacob had volunteered to be the copilot on the way to Eastern Light, claiming that he wanted to be able to check on me. Personally I wanted to sleep. Making it through our return to the Northern Light undetected had left me more exhausted than relieved.
If I was supposed to be corrected after I apologized to Brother Raphael, Jacob had never done it. Though I’d tried to ask about it while we walked home, I hadn’t tried since. Even though he’d given me permission to ask questions, my correction was a subject I preferred to avoid, mostly because it made me mad.
Why hadn’t I restricted corporal correction before I agreed to return?
Instead I’d restricted sex. I liked sex, being struck with a belt—not so much.