Chapter 6
Axira
I was thankful for one thing and one thing alone: Elle. Though it sounded crazy, as I’d spent the last several months trying to shake her off. But today she was being comforting. She hadn’t mentioned my inability to interact during the spacer lecture and nor had she mentioned my episode with the mindair. Instead, she was chatting happily, as always. Trying to distract me with a midday walk through the grounds.
It seemed nothing phased her. I had just bordered on insubordinate in the way I’d dealt with Hendra, the mindair, but Elle didn’t seem bothered. Or if she was bothered, she had the compassion not to speak about it.
“We should go away this weekend. Some of the other recruits are planning a training session in the mountains. You keep on saying I need to get some experience in different terrains.”
I smiled at her and said, “I’ll think about it.”
To be honest, the only thing I was thinking about today was how I’d been incapable of controlling myself, twice. To be fair, both times I hadn’t expected my classes to cut so close to the bone. If I’d thought the spacer lecture was bad, the mindair was worse, far worse. I’d felt her try to push her way in through my mind, and it had reminded me – reminded my whole body – of him. Of the control he’d exerted for so many centuries. It was a surprise I’d only been snide and hadn’t leaped up and pushed her off her chair. I’d wanted to. Okay, maybe I hadn’t wanted to use violence, but I had wanted to run away. At the first hint of her trying to wheedle her way past my defenses, I’d wanted to space jump right out of the room and up into the sky.
Fortunately, I’d held myself together. And while that had been a personal feat, my inability to control my reaction to her would likely attract a reprimand.
Even though the mindair was not a tenured member of staff, and nor was she technically a member of the Coalition Forces, I was still insubordinate. I was still rude. And yet I was still within my rights. For that entire lecture and the entire unit were a waste of time. I was right: it was a bad idea to teach recruits how to fend off a telepathic attack by making them learn how to open up for one. I knew better than most that as soon as you created tracks in your mind – doors by which the telepathically possessed can travel – you invite them in.
It was yet another example of a growing list of inefficiencies the Academy had in its training program. If I were in charge, I would overhaul the whole thing. There was little wonder that their cadets were insufficiently prepared for this rapidly changing galaxy. When they weren’t taught useless theory, they were taught a watered-down method of combat that would not prepare them for the true brutality of the galaxy.
“I keep seeing my brother popping up everywhere. It’s already been several months, and I can’t believe he’s still checking up on me,” Elle suddenly said.
At the mention of her brother, I tuned in subconsciously, his name coming to the forefront of my mind. “It seemed as if he was escorting our lecturers. Perhaps you are mistaken, and he isn’t checking up on you, but rather doing his job,” I defended Jason Singh, and I wasn’t sure why.
Elle shook her head vigorously and flopped a hand at me. “You don’t know what he’s like. He’s like my mother. Once they think they’ve found a problem with something, they won’t stop until they fix it. And look at me,” she grabbed the sleeves of her uniform and pulled, “I’m just full of problems. I’m a middling recruit with a family who expects she can do so much more.”
My lips crunched up into a smile of their own accord. “Your academic grades are sound.”
Elle brought up a finger and waggled it at me. “And yet my combat grades are the worst in the class.” Though she was reprimanding herself, she still had a smile on her face. It seemed that no matter what got her down, she would always bounce back.
Me, on the other hand, I was still trapped in the whirlwind of my thoughts, hating the fact I hadn’t been capable of controlling myself. Considering I didn’t sleep, I knew I would be spending the whole night staring up at my ceiling, ruminating.
“There’s a party on for the first years at Barney’s Bar tonight,” Elle suddenly pointed out, “Everyone has to go.”
“That doesn’t sound like a party; it sounds like an assignment,” I pointed out dryly. Several years ago, even several months ago, I’d been incapable of humor. But the more time I spent with Elle, the more I adapted to it.
She offered a light chuckle. “Tell me about it. Our superiors are going to be there. Apparently, it’s meant to be a chance to mingle outside of classes, a chance to create camaraderie. Because this is the Coalition Academy, and loyalty and camaraderie are the glue that keeps us stuck together.” She waggled her finger again.
I considered it as I considered her.
I didn’t want to attend this party. I didn’t want yet another chance to mingle with my peers. Though I understood the truth of what she’d said, and knew for a fact that the Coalition valued loyalty and camaraderie above all else, I could not deny I was a solitary creature. Socialization was a lesson I could not excel at, and one I had completely failed, aside from with Cadet Elle Singh.
“Anyhow we should go together. What’s that saying? Safety in numbers?”
I doubted Elle could provide me any more safety than I could provide for myself, but I nodded nonetheless.
Fortunately, the rest of that day passed without further incident. Which, in a way, simply meant I had more time to ponder what I’d done and whether, in fact, I was cut out for this.
…
Jason Singh
Babysitting wasn’t a duty I could get used to. When I joined the Academy – especially after spending a life with my mother – I’d assumed it would be all adventure, all dashing through the stars, saving planets, protecting the weak, and keeping the galaxy safe. Well, right now I was standing in a bar with a mindair trying to be dutiful and keeping a watchful eye on her while letting my mind wander.
I had a lot to think about, a lot to do. I was getting nowhere with my mission, and that fact should be commanding all my attention, yet it wasn’t. My thoughts kept twisting back to her. Christ, she’d barely been at the Academy a few months, but it seemed as if she’d been here as long as I had.
I watched Hendra walk lithely through the crowd, her long, elegant body swaying this way and that as her golden robes dragged over her bare feet. There seemed to be some unwritten rule that all mindairs had to be drop-dead gorgeous. Hendra was no exception. There was something uniquely beautiful about her gaze – fragile in the same way a glass statue was and yet at the same time you knew if it broke on you, it would shatter and cut you to pieces.
I tried to let that be my distraction, but it wouldn’t last. All too soon I found my head tipping back as my eyes scanned the crowd for her. She should be here, right? This was a gathering of team Omega, and I’d known from day one which team she was on.
Before I could shirk my duty and start pushing through the crowd to find her, Hendra stopped abruptly in front of me, her face contorting with pale-cheeked concentration.
“What is it?” I approached the mindair, smiling in a comforting way. “You look worried.”
“I… am thinking.” She pressed two elegant fingers into her brow. “I… someone’s memories are resurfacing.”
“What are you talking about?” I frowned in interest.
“From this morning – from the class. That woman.”
My back stiffened as nerves leaped across my skin. “Cadet Em,” I supplied, knowing immediately who she was referring to.
The mindair nodded, her fingers still pressed into her brow.
With a darting look, she tipped her head back and surveyed the bar. It was clear she was looking for Em. She started to push forward, and I was forced to walk by her side, lest I lose her in the crowd of babbling, chatting recruits.
It didn’t take long to find Em. She was always such a statuesque figure, rising above the recruits even if someone was taller than her. It wasn’t her height
– it was everything else, from the way she held herself to the look in her eye. It was clear she wasn’t some simple recruit.
As soon as Hendra spied Em, she walked right up to her. Rather than tap her lightly on the shoulder, she reached out and clutched Em’s wrist. I’d seen my sister do the same, and I’d seen Em’s response – a quick, almost violent tug to the side to release the painful subspace wounds gouged under her skin.
Fortunately, Em didn’t yank Hendra off her feet. Em’s body did stiffen, though, and I watched as her eyes slid toward Hendra, that same cold dead expression escaping over her face that I’d seen this morning in class. “What are you doing?” Em asked through gritted teeth.
“Cadet, I am continuing what you did not allow me to finish this morning.”
Em stiffened even more. I didn’t think it was possible – she’d already looked like a rigid poll, maybe some reinforced smart metal you use to hold up a ship, not a person.
Em didn’t say anything. She was seconds from tugging her wrist back, I reasoned, maybe seconds from walking out. Then Hendra said something. She looked up into Em’s eyes, and she asked three little words: “Who is master?”
Em stopped. Her face froze into the coldest, hardest expression I’d seen her show.
The room fell silent. Em’s exact expression and body language commanded attention – they practically sucked it toward her like a black hole.
The mindair kept hold of Em’s wrist.
“This master – he has been significant in your life. The memory of him has a great psychological hold over you. You must challenge that hold, find some way to move on. No matter your experience—”
I reached forward and slowly pried Hendra’s grip from Em’s wrist, then I pulled her back.
Em did not move. She didn’t even breathe. She hadn’t said a word either. Her face looked locked in the coldest emotion I’d ever witnessed.
For a mindair, Hendra seemed clueless. She might be able to read minds, but she clearly hadn’t paused long enough to actually look at Em.
I looked up at her, trying to make eye contact with Em as I continued to pull Hendra back.
Em remained frozen for several more agonizing seconds, her expression still as deadly cold. Then she snapped out of it, her gaze snapping around to the silent crowd as they stared at her.
Without a word, she walked out.
Hendra moved to follow, but I kept hold of her. “Leave her,” I said.
“She has a psychological wound,” Hendra protested. “She kept it blocked from me in class, but now I feel it. If she wishes to pass this test and become the best recruit she can be—”
“Drop it,” I counseled in a hoarse breath, eyes darting up to stare at the closed door.
“All her classmates went through the process this morning. It is transformative,” Hendra countered.
Transformative? Perhaps for some. Dredging up the past and conquering the memory of deep-rooted fears and traumas worked for the lucky few. If your past was filled with too many monsters, the battle to conquer them would take a life, not a morning.
“Just leave it,” I said one last time, finally dropping Hendra’s wrist.
Slowly the crowd around us started to relax, almost immediately bursting into conversation about what had just happened.
I tuned them out and turned to the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of Em outside. She wasn’t there.
I’d give her a few hours to settle down, then go find her to check on her.
Despite the fact I had my own mission to attend to, all my time these days seemed occupied with her.
…
Jason Singh
It took me all night to find her. She was on top of her dormitory roof, sitting beyond the safety railing, her legs dangling down, her blue and black tendrils flaring behind her in the wind.
At first, I thought she was getting ready to jump. My heart leaped into my mouth as I opened the door to see her sitting there.
As I inched closer, bringing a hand up against the wind, I saw her expression. It was thoughtful as she stared at the city below her. If it weren’t for the wind, it would be beautiful up here. At night, the city was a cluster of gem-like light – a dazzling sea against the dark gray and black of the land and water.
I didn’t want to surprise her, so I edged toward her carefully. Before I could even make a sound, she announced, “I know you’re there, Jason.”
She hadn’t even looked my way.
“Come back over the safety railing,” I said in a forced light voice. “It’s kind of windy on the edge of the roof there.”
She didn’t say anything.
My heart leaped back into my mouth. When I’d been looking for her, I’d toyed with the idea of asking who ‘master’ was. Maybe she needed the chance to unload. Now as I stared at her, her torso a small shadow against the bed of lights below, I realized I couldn’t dare utter that word.
This wasn’t a trauma I could deal with. Whoever ‘master’ was, he wasn’t some petty fear to Em.
I approached, lacing my fingers through the safety fence as I got as close as I could. I didn’t stop there, though, I started to climb the damn thing.
She finally turned, eyeballing me as I hauled myself up the fence.
I comforted myself with the thought that should one of us fall, the Academy’s sensors should detect the sudden acceleration of our wrist devices and beam us to safety. I ignored the fact that didn’t always work.
There was the thinnest lip of smart concrete running around the edge of the building, just beyond the safety fence, and it was this lip that Em sat on, dangling her legs in the air as if she was casually sitting in a chair.
I climbed down the opposite side of the fence, carefully pressing my foot into the lip of concrete as I turned and sat down.
A few times I almost fell but latched my hands onto the fence in time. Eventually, I managed to make it to her side.
She barely looked at me.
I kept one hand pressed into the fence behind me, my fingers looped into the metal as I stared at her.
Now I was here, I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to get her to come back to safety with me, but I didn’t know where to start.
“You do not need to worry, Lieutenant Singh – I have no intention of jumping to the ground from here.”
“Ha, you could have told me that before I climbed all the way out here,” I tried for a joke.
What the hell was I doing? I quickly realized now as not the time to joke.
This woman was on the edge, literally.
Or was she?
Her expression was calm as she assessed the city, not contorted with pain.
“You’re a good recruit,” I suddenly supplied, “One of the best. You’ve got a great career ahead of you.”
It’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to point out that Hendra had been way out of line. She should never have pushed the issue. She should never have confronted Em about this ‘master’ in public.
“I’ll be quitting the program tonight,” she said.
“Wait, what?” What do you mean?”
“I have realized I am not suited for Academy life.”
“No, no you can’t quit. You’re great. Ignore what Hendra said,” I mentioned her name, swallowing as I did. Sweat laced my brow, my heart beating hard in my chest.
I’d trained for a lot in my career, but I had no idea how to deal with this.
“Just… just come back onto the roof with me, and we can discuss this.”
“I have told you – I have no intention of reaching the ground by jumping. That is why you Coalition races invented stairs.” She stood, swiftly.
I balked, reaching toward her and grabbing a hand on her leg.
She ignored my hand, turned, and climbed up the fence. She was over it and jumping down to the other side before I had a chance to blink.
I turned, stunned, and followed. I had to concentrate hard not to fall. I also took a lot longer than Em had to reach the
safety of the roof again.
She stood tall, staring past me at the city.
I clamped a hand on my knee and breathed. I wasn’t out of breath – I was rattled. I’d just been on the wrong side of a safety fence.
Soon enough I pushed myself up and considered her. My heart was calmer now we weren’t on that ledge. Calmer, but not completely calm. It still beat with an erratic thump as I considered what to do next. “You shouldn’t quit,” I managed.
“I am not suited for the Academy,” she repeated.
“You’re strong, fast, and smart. You’ve also clearly traveled the galaxy – you’ve got a massive head start on the rest of the recruits. If anyone is suited for the Academy, Em, it’s you.”
She didn’t look at me.
I was going to lose her, wasn’t I? I mean, the Academy was going to lose her. Just one look at the cold, calm determination spreading over her face told me she’d already made her mind up.
Well, I wasn’t about to give up. I cleared my throat. “We need you,” I said bluntly, “A person with your skills could save a lot of lives.”
Her gaze darted toward me. I hadn’t thought my chest-thumping, patriotic speech would work, but on the term ‘save lives’ she focused on me.
“You could make a difference,” I continued. “You’ve already made a difference. Ignore… what happened with Hendra. I’ll smooth it over with your teachers. Maybe you can get out of that class.”
“I thought this would be easy,” she said, appearing distracted.
“Sorry?”
“The Academy.”
“… It’s meant to be one of the hardest training programs in the galaxy.”
“A Kore darma assassin is kept in total darkness for 20 years and taught to fight in the ice-cold caves of the Markan System.”
“Okay, so it’s not the hardest training program in the galaxy – but the Academy is meant to push recruits to prepare them for the dangers of space.”
She drew silent.
“Why… did you join in the first place?” I asked. If the most I could do was keep her talking, that was what I was going to do. I was no counselor, but I had the feeling she needed company.
She looked at me now. Her expression was unreadable. Empty. “To fix things.”
I swallowed. “You mean to make a difference?”
She nodded.
“You can still do that. No one is going to want you to quit. The only person who’s going to get in the way of you making a difference is you. I told you, I can smooth everything over with Hendra. She won’t be bothering you again.”
Was that hope flickering in Em’s gaze? It was hard to tell – she was one of the most guarded people I’d ever met.
She wasn’t running away, though, which was a good sign.
“I can talk to your teachers tonight, make sure you never have to go near that class or Hendra again.”
“Lieutenant Ma’tovan will object,” she said.
I clutched hold of her statement as proof she was considering my offer. I practically burst into a smile. “I’ll do what it takes. Plus, he’s not that scary once you get to know him.”
She shot me a look that told me she knew I was bluffing.
“Em, just stay,” I said, strangely emotional as the words tumbled from my mouth.
“I do not believe the building maintenance staff would be happy with me remaining on this roof all night.”
“I meant at the Academy,” I clarified through a short laugh.
Had she just made a joke?
I smiled, awkwardly, but hopefully.
“Very well, you’ve convinced me.”
I let out a massive breath of relief. “Wow, now, we should really get off this roof before our ears freeze and fall off.” I cupped my ears and winced.
She looked fine. Maybe those thick tendrils of hair protected her, or maybe she was ten times tougher than I’d ever be.
Scratch that – 100 times. She walked off the roof with her head held in the air, her statuesque form cutting a powerful shadow against the light filtering in from the door.