Chapter 5
I was really on edge because my mother held me up for my first twenty four hours.
You know what we had to do?
Dress picking.
For the stupid ball.
I would have loved to show off my beauty and make everyone jealous of me...if they aren't already. I would have, if it didn't mean missing my only chance to become a good person again.
Sometimes, it haunts me how shallow I am.
I'm disgusted but it's like I can't help it. It's as if I'm not in control of what I think or what I say and it scares me.
My mother seems to just love this new me though, and as shallow as I’ve gotten, I still hate the parade with ever fiber in my body.
Ugh.
It also frightens me when she’s so nice sometimes, I expect her to come to her senses all of a sudden and disown me or something.
“Ooh. This dress is gorgeous, Preston is going to love you in it.” My mom cooed. She held up a blue dress that was silky and long and it had one strap with diamonds embellished onto it.
I shook my head. “I don’t like it.” I lied.
But it was actually very pretty, I’ve just been saying that for every single dress we saw so that she’ll hopefully get fed up.
“Don’t be silly, it’s terrific.” My mom argued.
“Yeah, well you’re not wearing it. No.”
My mom grunted and put it back. “We haven’t made any progress today.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thank God.”
“You’d better fix your attitude young lady. I do not take kindly to you sassing me.” She scolded.
I sighed. “Sorry.”
“Good. Now listen, you’re a young beautiful lady and we’re going to find a beautiful dress, okay?” She pushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “You’ll be perfect at that ball.”
I swatted her hand off of me, raising my eyebrows. “Since when was I beautiful?”
“What are you talking about?” She asked.
“You didn’t even acknowledge my existence when I was ugly and now I’m a young beautiful lady!?” I screeched.
She frowned at me. “Now that’s not fair.”
“Yeah. It’s not fair to me. I’m sorry mo- actually, you don’t deserve that name, Helga.”
Yeah. My mom’s name is Helga which is about the most unattractive name on the planet.
“What did you just call me?” She hissed.
By now we were attracting a crowd, I decided to say it all, my life can’t get any worse than it was before.
“Hel-ga.” I pronounced.
She brought her hand up to slap me and my cheek throbbed at the impact.
“If you ever touch me again, I’m calling cops.” I growled.
I wouldn’t actually, considering I’m not a child by the end of this year, because I’ll be turning 18, but she probably doesn’t know that.
Hey eyes widened as she took a step back.
“Why do you suddenly care? All you’ve done is treat me horribly, you hadn’t said a word to me in six years and now you think we’re best friends?” I asked.
“Oh Rose, you have to understand that you shut me out, what could I do?”
What?
“Shut you out?” I asked dubiously. “Saying hi to you every day is shutting you out? Asking for advice is shutting you out? You pertended I didn’t exist because I was ugly.”
She didn’t have anything to say to that and she narrowed her eyes at me. “If you want to have a talk, this is not the place.”
“Why? Am I embarrassing you Helga?” I asked with fake concern. “Am I embarrassing to you again, like I was for the past six years in my life? Huh? Am I!”
She clenched her jaw. “Rose Elina Smi-”
“Don’t talk to me like the mother you never were.”
She raised her eyebrows, stepping forward. “I gave birth to you and I have control. You understand?” She demanded.
“I’d honestly rather have been given birth to by Hitler.” I said.
“He is a man!”
“And you’re a demon from hell. Your point?”
“Rose, if you don’t apologize and pick a dress, then don’t bother coming home tonight.” She threatened.
“Okay, you have fun in that huge house that you can’t afford, all by your lonely self while your husband who hates you is out having the night of his life with a woman who makes him happy.” I gave her a fake smile.
“Your father isn’t cheating on me.” She growled.
“I’m pretty sure I know better than you, considering the fact that I actually talk to him, besides, he can't cheat on you when you two aren't really even married.” I shrugged.
By now she was seething, if she was a cartoon character, she’d have smoke coming from her head.
I almost felt bad.
Almost.
“You must be proud.” I continued. “You grew up with the best parents and home, but you managed to turn your life into a shithole. Good job. Your husband hates you, your daughter hates you, heck, you probably even hate yourself, don’t you?”
Okay, now I felt bad.
“At least I’m not an ugly whore.”
Did she just call me an ugly whore?
My own mother just called me an ugly whore?
I suddenly don’t feel so bad anymore.
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m not ugly, and I’m also not the one who ‘services’ the plumber every Tuesday. Yeah. I know about that.”
Her jaw dropped. “Mind your own business young lady!”
“It’s disgusting mom! That plumber is older than grandpa.”
She balled her fists and looked me in the eye with a murderous look. “You don’t know how hard my life is, Rose. You can’t even begin to imagine!”
“Living off your husband’s income and sleeping with a guy who’s basically your father, then treating your daughter like she’s a rat. Must be so hard.” I said sarcastically, walking forward and passing her to leave the store, but she caught my arm.
“I wish the doctor had been right.” She hissed.
I raised an eyebrow. “About?”
“About you. I wish you had been a miscarriage. All you do is complicate my life.” She spat, before walking out of the store and leaving me there.
My mom wishes I wasn’t born?
That sucks to hear even if I don’t get along with her.
I definitely can’t go home after this, so now I have nowhere to go.
I walked out of the store with tears running down my cheeks. What the hell do I do now?
Walking over to the food court, I pulled out my phone, doing the one thing that I thought I could avoid.
SOS. – Rosebud.
I doubt that he’s going to reply, but I used that secret code we made for when someone is in deep trouble and needs help, but I don’t know if it still counts.
I sat there waiting for the text, but in the back of my head, knowing that the reply I so dearly need wouldn’t come.
Then my phone buzzed and I eagerly looked at it to see the text, dropping it once or twice in the process.
Where are you? – Shane.
Yes!
Oh sweet baby Jesus, thank you thank you thank you!
Highview Mall… - Rosebud.
In less than a minute, he had replied.
I’ll be right over.
That is why I love Shane.
After everything I’ve done, he’s still there for me when I need him.
Less than a half hour later, I saw Shane standing outside the food court, looking right at me.
I gave him a weak smile and got up, walking over to him. “Hey.”
He just looked me over for a minute, before he sighed. “Come on.”
He turned around to leave and I followed him. When we were in his car, he turned to me. “What happened?”
I told him the whole story of what happened and everything. After saying it, I can really see how horrible I was, which is why I really need to get tha
t wish.
I shouldn’t talk to my mom like that, even if she’s not kind to me.
He didn’t say anything when I finished and the drive to his house was silent and awkward and it pained me, because things between us were never awkward.
When we got to his house, he silently walked up the stairs to his room, and I followed him on instinct because I usually stayed there with him.
“You should probably stay in the guest room.” He told me, before walking into his room and closing the door, leaving me there, stunned.
The guest room?
He never lets me stay alone…
Oh God. I’ve really messed this up, haven’t I?
I trudged to the guest room and I laid on the bed and started crying uncontrollably, just letting all my pain out.
I cried because of my mom, she wishes I wasn’t born.
I cried because of Chase and Eloise, a guy I thought was so perfect and a girl who I thought was my best friend both backstabbed me.
I cried because of Shane, the one guy who loved me unconditionally and I ruined that.
I cried because I knew that I probably wasn’t going to get that wish.
When I finally stopped and checked, it was 10:24 at night.
I heard a light knocking on my door.
“Yeah?” I asked.
The door opened and Shane’s mom walked in. “Are you hungry sweetie?” She asked.
I shook my head no. “I couldn’t eat anything right now even if I wanted to.”
She came closer and sat on the edge of the bed. “You wanna talk about it?” She asked.
“Nah. There’s nothing that I can do now anyway.” I admitted.
“Well you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need.” She offered.
“I can’t, Shane hates me, he wouldn’t like it.” I told her.
She rested a hand on my shoulder. “Shane doesn’t hate you honey, trust me, he’s whipped.”
It was kind of funny hearing his mom say that.
“What makes you think that?” I asked.
“Trust me, as his mother, it’s my job to notice this kind of things.” She assured me. “But he’s just hurt right now.”
“He has every right to be, I treated him so badly.”
She nodded slowly. “Listen, just talk to him, he’ll forgive you in a heartbeat.”
I’m not sure, Shane really seemed pissed about how I treated him, I doubt he’ll just forgive me.
“I-I don’t know...”
“Rose. Talk to him, he’s really miserable right now.” She said and I could see the pain in her face and hear it in her voice.
I made her son feel such rejection, I can imagine she’s feeling pained about it. Oh God. I’m such a horrible person, I really need that wish.
“I’ll talk to him.” I assured her.
She gave me a sad smile. “Thanks. I just want my boy to be happy again.”
She stood up and left the room.
I really love Shane’s mom, she’s more of a mom to me than my own mother is and I can’t make her dislike me. She’s the only person who doesn’t right now.
Okay, I promised I’d talk to Shane, but what the hell am I supposed to say to him?
‘Hi Shane, sorry for being such a bitch a ruining everything, forgive me?’
Yeah, no.
There’s nothing I can say, no valid reason I can give for acting that way.
But his mom did say that he’d definitely forgive me if I go talk to him…I just…
Wait a second.
That’s it!
I jumped up from the bed and ran over to his door, knocking on it.
When he finally answered, everything I was going to say got knocked out of my head as I stared at him in all his shirtless glory. He stood there, in just a pair of sweatpants, showing off his muscular body covered with tattoos, those tattoos that I so dearly wanted to see, and now I can, I can see them all.
I don’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t help what I did next.
I think I actually jumped on him, wrapping my arms around him. “Shane. I’m so sorry.”
He was probably stunned as he just stood there.
“I get it.” I continued. “And I do want to see your tattoos, they’re beautiful Shane. You were what I wanted all along.”
Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around me and hold me tight.
“I missed you so much.” I whispered, a lone tear falling down my cheek.
I breathed in his scent, unable to get enough of his sweet smell.
“I missed you too Rosebud.”
After we let go, we sort of just stood there for a few seconds, staring at each other.
“So…” I looked down at my feet.
“Want to come in?” He asked nervously.
A smile broke out onto my face. “I’d love that.”
* * *