“Ohhh!” she exclaimed and then laughed. “This is great! Connor doesn’t know that his little girlfriend is a slut!”
“I… he…” I couldn’t find the right words to form a sentence.
“What? You think he’ll love you enough to stay with you even after knowing that?” she snapped, her eyes glowing.
I paused, thinking over her questions.
“What will Connor say when he finds out that his precious Bella is no longer a virgin?” she asked, smiling wickedly. “I can tell you what he will do. He is going to leave you faster than you can say, ‘Please, don’t go!’ Why? Because he only wanted one thing from you. And now, it’s gone.”
She tilted her head back, cackling.
“And soon, Connor will be gone, too!”
A cold sweat ran down my spine as I breathed heavily. My body was hunched over the sink and my knuckles were white as I gripped the edge tightly.
“No…No, no, no…” I chanted, sinking to the floor.
That nightmare was sickening and utterly horrifying.
The worst part?
It was most likely true. Connor wasn’t going to stay with me now. Once he finds out what actually happened to me, it will be all over. He will leave me and move on, and never look back.
“Bella? Bella are you okay?”
The nurse’s worried voice broke me away from my reverie. I lifted my head up, my tired eyes meeting her alert ones.
“I… I…” I breathed, looking around frantically.
Her eyes widened, and she rushed to my side and grasped my arm. She pulled me away from the sink and led me to the bed.
“It’s okay, Bella. You were just having a bad dream,” she murmured as she draped the blankets over my shaking body. “Get some rest, honey. You get to leave in the morning,” she said the last part with a smile, as if she was hoping to ignite some happiness within me. Her smile faltered when my response was nothing more than a blank stare. Sighing, she made her way to the door, pausing and looking back at me as she spoke once more.
“It was just a bad dream, Bella.” Her eyes shined with confidence. “None of it was real.”
When the door closed behind her, I let out a small whimper.
It wasn’t just a bad dream. It was my future.
Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, hours became days, and days became weeks.
Jess sat on the edge of my bed, laughing at something James probably texted her. Yeah, they were dating now.
I tried to focus on painting my pinky nail as she continued to laugh and shake the bed.
“Bella, you…” Jess paused, noticing my focused and annoyed expression. She frowned and scooted closer to me, crossing her legs and leaning her head on her hands.
“You okay?”
It’s been three weeks since the accident. Two weeks since I’ve seen Connor, and about a week since Anna was released from the hospital.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I murmured, furrowing my eyebrows as I finished my pinky, eyeing its perfection with pride.
“You know, Connor’s coming back soon!” she pointed out, sporting a small, hopeful smile.
“Jess, he hates me,” I said firmly, twisting the cap of the nail polish. “I pushed him away and now he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
She groaned and fell backwards onto the bed, causing me to drop the bottle, which thankfully, was sealed shut. I rolled my eyes at her and leaned against my headboard, observing my nails.
“So let me get this straight. He comforts you at the hospital, and then because of your insanely fucked-up meds, you blow up on him?” she asks.
“No, it wasn’t the meds. It was me and my idiotic behavior.”
“Well, that’s not what Connor thinks,” Jess huffed out, staring at the ceiling.
My eyes widened and I stared at her, amazed. “You… What? How…?” I was rendered speechless.
Her lips parted slightly and a faint blush tinted her cheeks. “Uh… I...Well, ImighthaveheardConnorsaythattoJamesandMattwhenIwasthere.”
I stared at her blankly, not processing anything she just said. “Do you want to repeat that? Or are you just going to let me sit here and attempt to decipher it?”
Her blush deepened and she bit her lip nervously.
“I was with James at Connor’s house. And, well, Connor said that he thinks it was the medication and the stress that made you say all of those things to him and push him away.” After she finished, she looked at me expectantly.
“But it wasn’t.”
“Bella, shut up,” Jess snapped at me, a playful frown covering her face. “Despite what you think, you’re actually a good person. You aren’t the kind of person that would just ice out someone you care about.”
“But what I said to him!” I snapped. “I can’t believe I said those things to him.” My horrified expression must have given away the disgust I felt towards myself.
“Sure, what you said was out of line. But you’d be surprised how well Connor reacted to it.”
I stiffened at her words. “Oh, so you’re telling me that he was okay that Liam did that to me? That he doesn’t even care? That it was just no big deal?” Something was rising within me, an emotion that was building up the more I thought about Connor’s reaction.
“No! Bella!” Jess said quickly, standing up in panic.
I ignored her and found the anger inside me quickly taking over.
“How dare he? So it’s true, then, he never actually liked me. He only wanted my body, my virginity,” I spat out the last word, my body trembling.
“Calm down. Please, just calm down. You don’t under——”
“Yeah, I don’t understand. I d-don’t understand h-h-how this has all h-happened to me. I-I just don’t g-get it.” At this point, I was sobbing loudly. “W-Why is my l-life like t-th-this?” I choked out, falling to the floor. My body curled up into a small ball, my body rocking back and forth as I sobbed shamelessly.
A pair of soothing arms wrapped around me, and I heard Jess try to comfort me. But nothing was working. My sobs grew louder and louder, and I began sniffling. A headache was coming on, too. And I knew all too well what it meant—I was crying myself sick.
It used to happen a lot when I was younger. I would get upset over something so measly and unimportant. Then I would cry until my body ached and it was too painful for me to move.
“It’s okay, let it all out,” Jess whispered quietly, letting me lean my head on her shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you on the bed.”
It took all of my energy to lift my body and move towards the bed, which I collapsed on to, continuing to sob as I did so.
“You didn’t deserve what happened to you. Hell, no one does. But you’re so much stronger than you know. You’re going to make it through this. And you have me!” She laughed a little at the end, and I joined in, surprising her.
“There’s that laugh and smile I know and love!” she exclaimed, holding me closer.
“Connor hates me,” I whispered quietly.
She frowned and stared ahead. “He went on a rampage when he got home. He claims that Liam is lucky he is dead, because if he got the chance to get a hold of him…” Her eyes darted to mine and continued, “He does care about you, and he was quite understandably very upset.”
“T-then why did he j-j-just leave me?” I asked, hiccupping.
“Bella, he had to visit his grandmother. She’s very sick.”
My breath got caught in my throat as I looked over her sorrowful expression.
“I-Is she g——” I attempted to ask.
Jess cut me off. “Yes, she will be okay. Actually, Connor called yesterday to tell the boys that he would be home soon.” That small smile reappeared on her face, and I eyed her suspiciously.
“Why do you keep saying that? Do you expect us to just hold hands and skip through a field of daisies when he gets back?” I asked, frustrated.
Jess laughed loudly, kicking her feet for effect. “But that would b
e nice, huh?” she declared.
I nodded in agreement, my eyelids drooping shut.
“Alright, Bella, I’m going to let you get some rest. I think I’m going to call Anna. See how she’s holding up.” Jess stood up and gently lay my blanket over my body.
“Do you think she’ll ever come back?” I asked quietly, my eyes still shut. I heard Jess shuffle around before speaking again.
“She’s going to finish the rest of the year through homeschooling. And as far as I know, she might just go off to college after that.”
“Like an escape,” I mumbled, sleep taking over me. “She’s escaping. That must be nice.”
I don’t know if Jess ever responded, because I fell into a deep slumber right after those words fell out of my mouth.
Flashback
“Connor, we aren’t going to work out! Just leave me alone!” My body ached slightly as I moved around in my room.
“Bells, please, enlighten me as to why we won’t work out.” A playful smile danced across his lips as he casually stretched out on my bed. Although he was studying me intensely, it seemed that he was completely oblivious about my frustration.
“Because!” I screeched and slammed my hand onto the desk, which made Connor’s eyes widen in shock. “Because you aren’t going to want me anymore once you find out…”
“Find out what?” Connor asked curiously, sitting up.
My bottom lip quivered, which didn’t go unnoticed by Connor. He quickly stood up and made his way over to me, his hands cupping my face.
“L-Liam…” I trailed off slightly, my eyes filling with tears as Connor stiffened. “He r-raped m-m-me.”
His eyes clouded over and his jaw clenched. The tears began to fall down my face and small whimpers came out of my trembling lips. Connor’s going to leave you now, a voice whispered from within.
It seemed as if hours had gone by before he finally spoke.
“You think I’m going to leave you because you were raped?” he asked, his voice was hurt and quiet.
My heart was then painfully pounding in my chest and I couldn’t bring myself to speak. My throat was dry and I ached with the hurt. I never realized how crazy I was. Connor and I had something. And whether or not it was real was confirmed at that moment. The look that he gave me said it all—I had been wrong. He wouldn’t leave me over this. But then, I had just accused him of it.
“You honestly think I only wanted you because you were a virgin?” his voice rose slightly but was still very calm.
“N-no! I-I…” My jaw was hanging ajar and I frantically looked around, feeling myself start to sink.
He threaded his hands through his hair, looking away from me. “I really cared for you. I still do.” With that, he walked out of the room. A soft click at the door told me that he had left… and I had screwed up.
“I can’t believe you took me here,” I hissed, looking around in horror. I stood in front of Connor’s, with a very excited Jess by my side.
“Oh, hush up, Bella! Connor isn’t coming home until tomorrow and you needed to get out of your house!” She knocked on the door while talking, acting as if everything was just fine and dandy.
It wasn’t.
“I had to get out of the house just so I could be taken to another one? Okay, yeah, because that makes sense.” My sarcastic, snippy side was coming out.
Jess turned to me, her eyes wide and a shocked look on her face.
“Bel——”
“Babe!” The door flew open and within seconds, Jess was in James’ arms. Joyful laughter rang out between the couple, and I scowled. I wanted that. I mean, who wouldn’t?
James set Jess down, and turned to me. “Bella, it’s great to see you!” He reached out for me, but I flinched, causing him to withdraw his hands like he had been burned.
“Oh, I…”
“No, sorry, I… I’m still just a little shaky,” I murmured, staring at the ground. I felt so uncomfortable being there. I wanted to smile and laugh like they did. I just wanted everything to go back to normal.
“Well, how about you come inside?”
I looked past James to see Matt standing in the kitchen, a grin spread across his face. I managed to come up with a pathetic excuse for a smile as I entered the house, while James was closing the door behind me. It was quite obvious how fake my smile was at that moment, but I appreciated the way they ignored that and continued to grin at me.
“So how are you?” Matt asked, once I sat down on a nearby chair, curling up in a comfortable manner.
“A little sore,” I admitted, “but the painkillers have been heavenly.” This caused the boys to laugh and Jess to smile brightly at me.
“Hey!” Matt shouted, making us all jump. “I just bought Just Dance 4! Who wants to play?”
We stared at him in silence before James took a step forward.
“Bring it, bitch.”
Jess laughed and clapped, watching the battle that was about to begin. Matt and James rushed forward, setting up the game quickly. Once they got to the song portion was when the bickering started.
“Fine. James, pick your poison,” Matt said, narrowing his eyes.
James rolled his eyes and placed a hand on his hip girlishly. I giggled and covered my mouth sheepishly with one hand. The boys turned to me, smiles slowly beginning to spread across their faces. I blushed and smiled back at them.
James looked back at the screen and grinned. “Oh, I have the perfect song.”
“What is…?”
“It’s Britney, bitch!” James shouted.
Two minutes later, I was laughing my ass off, tears rolling down my face as Matt and James continued to shake their “goods.” Meanwhile, Jess was rolling on the ground from laughing so hard.
When the song was finally over, my face was as red as a tomato and tears were streaming down my face while Jess was face down on the carpet, shaking violently with each laugh.
“Would you look at that? Bella is laughing!” Matt was beaming down at me before sharing a look with James. Evil smirks began to appear on their faces, and they turned back to face me. My heart sped up at the sight of their wiggling fingers.
“Nooo! Don’t you dare!” I shrieked as they jumped me, their hands digging lightly into my sides, making me burst with loud uncontrollable laughter. Suddenly, I felt a rush of pain through my abdomen, and a gasp escaped my mouth.
“Bella?” Jess was up and by my side like a shot, pushing the two boys away as she did. “Are you okay, Bella?”
I shut my eyes tightly and clenched my hands into small fists. My breath was coming out in short puffs as Jess rubbed my arms with her hands. Thankfully, the pain was slowly fading then.
“Bella, please open your eyes.” Her voice was quiet and I eventually did as she said. Worried eyes were studying my face and my lips parted as I took deep, soothing breaths.
“We’re so sorry! Is there anything you need? Can we help? We’re really…” the boys mumbled in unison.
“Water,” I said softly as I pulled my arms away from Jess and settled them across my chest.
James rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a cup and filling it with water. Then he rushed over to me and placed it in my shaky hands.
“Bell, you okay?” Jess asked again.
“Y-yeah,” I said, taking another sip. “My ribs are still a little sore, I guess.” Guilty looks replaced the worried ones, and I immediately felt bad about making them feel that way.
“No, guys, it’s fine. I am fine,” I insisted, standing up in an attempt to prove to them that I was okay.
“Actually,” Matt said, standing up, “you have a little something on your shirt.” His finger pointed downwards, and I dropped my head slowly, only to have his finger flick upwards.
“Wha——” My eyes widened as everyone began laughing again, including me.
“You jerk!” I cried out, still laughing. I began swatting at Matt and he took off, running to the kitchen while laughing. I was about to run after him when I heard
whispering behind me. Turning around, I noticed that James and Jess were talking about something.
“What’s going on?”
They both looked at me at the same time, both blushing a deep shade of red.
“You guys are hiding something!” My voice went an octave higher, and I pointed at them excitedly. Whipping around, I was about to tell Matt, only to see him mouthing something to them.
“What is going on?” I asked, crossing my arms and narrowing my eyes.
“Oh… well… uh…” James purposefully trailed off, looking away.
“You guys!” I whined, stomping my foot in a childish manner.
Amusement just flashed through their eyes, annoying me even more.
“Fine. If you guys won’t tell me what’s going on…” I paused, glaring at them all, “then I’ll just leave.” I made my way over to the door, stopping just before it. “Really? Nothing?”
They were now grinning and I growled in annoyance.
I flung open the door while still glaring at them all. “Fine then! Bye, guys! Guess I’ll just be… umph!” My body collided with a hard wall, and I bounced backwards. But strong, muscular arms caught me, pulling me into a warm chest.
My eyes had shut in anticipation of the fall, and knowing full well who was holding me, I planned on never opening them again.
“You’ll just be what?” A deep, mocking voice filled the silence, and I opened my eyes involuntarily.
“Connor.” My voice was soft, and a deep blush rose to my cheeks. I heard James and Jess squeal in excitement and I rolled my eyes, though I was smiling. Matt clapped loudly and walked beside us.
“Now, do you see why we couldn’t tell you what was going on?” Even though Matt was talking right next to me, I couldn’t rip my eyes off of Connor.
He looked great, better than great! His dark hair had been trimmed slightly and he had a nice tan. His eyes were bright, and a perfect smile stretched across his face.
“Earth to Bella?” Matt teased.
I tore my eyes away from Connor and blushed even more. His booming laughter rang throughout the house, and I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around his muscled body, pulling him closer by the second.