I looked up at him. His eyes were scanning the cars—moving quickly over each one. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head slightly and squeezed my shoulder harder. “Stay here for a minute?” He looked down and gave me a reassuring smile that did nothing, but make me a little nervous. “Here, take my keys and stay by the car. I just want to check on something.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked, tugging the sleeve of his jacket.
“Just going to check out that car over there,” he whispered, and then looked over his shoulder at me. “Get in the car, babe.”
Babe?
Well, then.
I’ll just get right in the car because you…nope…not going to happen. This was me; since when did he think I’d start following instructions? I crept over to his Jeep and glided my back along the side of it until I had him safely in my view. He walked slowly over to the street and lifted his hand to the waistband of his pants. He flicked something to the side and pulled out.
My heart started thudding wildly in my chest…he pulled out his gun.
Fear gripped my imagination. Images ran wild in my head as I fumbled for my cell phone, getting ready to call someone in case he needed help. He walked all the way around the car at a steady pace, looked around, and holstered his gun. Then, he just walked back to the Jeep like nothing strange had just happened.
“What the hell was that?” I asked as I climbed into the car.
“Nothing,” he shrugged. “I thought I saw something.”
“Really? Like what?”
He gave me that slight shake of his head again and a tight smile.
“Fine,” I sighed, knowing that particular conversation wasn’t going any further. “What do you need to talk to me about?”
He started the engine and let it warm up before pulling out of the lot and onto the road. He looked straight ahead and said, “Did you sleep with that kid?”
That’s what he wanted to talk about? “Why?”
“Stop playing games with me and tell me,” he said.
“I’m not playing games. This is what you wanted to talk about?”
“No. It just pissed me off seeing you with someone else, and I need to know.”
“No,” I said.
“No you won’t tell me or no you didn’t sleep with him?” he asked, low.
“No, I didn’t sleep with him. Now, why don’t you tell me all about how your date was with Daisy?” I snapped.
“I kept calling her Maddie, so I ended the date early. The poor girl was mortified.”
I covered my mouth, but the laugh came out loud and clear anyway. “Why did you go out with her if your mind was on me?”
“Because ever since we were kids, my first impulse was to kiss you, every time I saw you. All I ever did around you was make plans about how to get you alone or how to stop wanting you.”
“How’s that working out for you? Have you decided what you want more? Because it seems to me like you were always worried about what people might think of you being with someone like me.”
“Maddie, I never gave a shit about what anyone ever thought unless it was Travis. Did you know he knows about us, about me and you?”
I shrugged. “That was a long time ago, Luke.”
“Maddie, I still want you. I want to know everything that happened to you since I left. Why didn’t you become a nurse? Why did you stay here? Why did it hurt so much when I left? You never told me. No one ever told me.”
He drove over the new bridge like he was afraid it would crumble beneath us as I tried to find the words he’d want to hear. A few tears escaped my eyes as I faced the window, knowing the truth would always be the best answer, even if it was the most painful one.
“Maddie?” he asked, pulling into my driveway. He cut the engine and opened his door. An unnerving wave of nausea rolled low in my belly. I didn’t want him to come inside tonight. I didn’t want to end up sleeping with him and making him leave right after. But that was all I could offer—I wasn’t good for much else.
We walked up to my door, and I leaned against the frame. I didn’t go for the keys; I didn’t want to open it and go inside. Everything that needed to be said could be said outside. Up on the road a car passed slowly. “Someone must be lost,” I murmured. My cabin was the furthest thing from the Mill or the town. Sometimes, kids would park at the end of the road, and I’d hear the creak of the car springs as they fooled around in the backseat...but that was only during warmer weather.
“Maddie? Answer me,” he said.
I shrugged and took a deep breath. “Two months after you left, I found out I was pregnant,” I said, watching his face blanche. “Hold on. Don’t give me any faces, just listen. Ava and I went three towns over to a clinic. Honestly, with you gone, I thought I’d just end the pregnancy,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “I was seventeen. I was scared. A little part of me was excited though. I thought having something to take care of might be nice. I knew I would have loved the baby no matter what, even though I had nothing to offer her. But when I got there and they checked me out, it wasn’t a viable pregnancy. That’s what they said: not viable.” I sat down on the porch swing and softly pushed my feet against the wooden planks of the floor for a slow swing. “So the choice was already made for me. I had to have a D & C. That didn’t go so well, so they had to call my parents,” I said, watching his face soften as my hands fidgeted in my lap. “No one ever knew who the father was. I never told anyone, except Ava, and that’s when she found out she was pregnant with Chloe. Me getting sick made her make the choice of having her baby. So we were both outcasts, except I was the bigger sinner, because my baby was dead.” I took a deep breath and sighed, “At least that’s what my mother ingrained in me.”
“Maddie…”
“Then I set the mill on fire one stupid drunken night. It wasn’t even just me that night. I just took the blame for it—I was so drunk and I thought maybe if you came back—I don’t know. I just really missed the way you made me feel. I missed the way we used to sneak looks at each other, and how you’d slide your fingers across my hand every time you walked past me,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears and pulling my coat sleeves over my hands for warmth. “I was eighteen by then and went to county for six months, and everyone had something new to gossip about.”
“Why did you stay here?”
“The night of the fire my dad dropped dead. My mother blamed me, because obviously to her, it was my fault somehow. I know the truth though, the fire started at midnight and he had already been dead for three hours. The money for the second semester at NYU went to the funeral and helping my mother. And I just ended up tending bar.”
His eyes were wide, and his face looked so pale. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.
“I don’t know what to say,” he whispered, stepping forward and kneeling down in front of the swing. “I don’t think I can ever make any of that better…”
I leaned closer to him and reached out to run my finger along the chiseled line of his jaw. “I never asked you to make anything better.”
His hands grabbed at my knees and pressed softly into my skin. The heat from his fingertips sent a shockwave of electricity through the middle of my body. My hand slid down his neck and felt his pulse thrumming wildly just under his skin. He shifted himself closer, pressed himself between my knees, and slid his hands up my thighs to grasp onto my waist. They clutched at the material of my skirt and cupped around my bottom. Then, he pulled me closer to him. “I’ve tried to get you out of my head,” he whispered, pulling me closer still, pulling and tugging until my legs were wrapped around him and both of us were breathing faster.
“Thing is, I don’t want that.”
Well that sucks.
“I don’t want you out of my head,” he whispered as he slowly slid his hands under my coat. Under the hem of my shirt. His hot fingers pressed against my skin, and I forgot my name. “I want you to be mine,” he whispered.
With strained, deliberate movements, he slowly slid his hands from my waist and up to cup both sides of my neck. I shivered as the heat from his fingers touched me once more and a small gasp escaped my lips. I edged my body into his, pushing myself against him, and it wasn’t nearly close enough. His forehead leaned heavily into mine, his breaths heavy and loud mixed with mine, making me dizzy with the need to feel his lips on me.
His grip tightened on my neck before he pushed back and pulled away, “I think it’s time for me to go,” he said hoarsely.
I swallowed hard. “Go?”
He nodded, his chest rising and falling fast, vapors of his breath coming out in puffs from his mouth.
He pulled himself up and I snapped my legs shut, and then squeezed them together, still feeling the heat of him between them. He didn’t want to come inside. I was so confused. So damned confused, “You don’t want to come in…”
“More than anything, Maddie, but you deserve more than that. I want us together, you understand me? Dinner, dates, everything. Everything you deserve. Then, I’ll take you up against walls. I’ll take you into my bed. But first, I’m taking back your heart.”
CHAPTER 13
LUKE
L eaving Maddie, watching her walk into that cabin alone, was a lot harder than I made it look. It needed to happen though. She needed to see how much she was worth to someone, and I was going to have the pleasure of showing her.
My hands were trembling by the time I got back to my place. I’d been on edge all night—even before driving her home—before seeing her with another guy. I hadn’t had a good night of sleep in months; not since pain medication was forced into my veins at the hospital. Every time I closed my eyes, I could still see the smoke and bullets. What I hear is even worse. Being around Maddie was giving me a new focus at least. Having her on my mind took the edge off what was left of my team—my career.
Talking about it won’t do me any good. Nobody would understand—not unless they were there. The hardest part so far was missing the funerals. That, I’ll never forgive myself for—not being strong enough to be there when my brothers needed me the most. That and the fact that Cardarrio’s drugs were still out on the streets. And I wasn’t strong enough to do a damn thing about that either.
Half a bottle of whiskey was what it took to stop the obsessive thoughts. A half a bottle of whiskey and long ago thoughts of Maddie moving over me in her basement…and the way her voice sounded when she whispered my name.
SATURDAY.
My head throbbed just enough to make me want to eat a bullet.
But I had shit to do, being the best man and all, and that night was Travis’s bachelor party. Yeah, I had a ton of shit to do, but a few minutes after eleven that morning I found myself on the doorstep of Maddie’s cabin, rapping my knuckles against the cold, hard wood of her front door.
The door opened an inch, and two bright green eyes peeked out. “Hey,” she smiled, “what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be jumping out of airplanes and getting lap dances with Travis today?” She stepped aside and opened the door further to let me in.
She wore a man’s wife-beater tank top that was a size too small and a pair of plain, white cotton panties to match. “You normally answer the door like that?” I asked as she turned her back and started to walk me through the house.
Her gaze swung back over her shoulder, and her lips tugged up into a sexy smirk. “What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?” She was trying to talk brave and sexy, but her voice was shaky, and her eyes were wide.
I gave in to the need to touch her, my hands grasping at her waist and pulling her hard against me. I kicked the door closed behind us and dipped my head into the crook of her neck, sliding my lips over her soft skin. She drew in a sharp gasp and whispered my name.
I trailed one hand up her body, taking my time, sliding my fingers under her shirt and spreading them out between her breasts. Her head fell back against me, and her breathing quickened as her heart thumped wildly against my fingertips. She arched her back into me, and a small whimper escaped through her lips, “Luke…please…touch me,” she pleaded.
I slid my hand up over her collarbone and cupped her throat, “Can’t get you out of my head,” I said, pressing my lips against the back of her shoulder.
She spun around, slipping right through my hands. I grabbed at her, cupping her cheeks. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but all coherent thought flew out the window when her lips pressed against mine. They were warm and soft, and small gasps of air whimpered out of them. She tasted like coffee, and I slipped my tongue alongside hers for more. “God, Maddie. Baby, we have to stop,” I rasped against her mouth as she rocked herself against me.
She pulled her lips from mine and looked up at me with big beautiful doe eyes. Then her hands were lifting her shirt over her head, and her bottom lip was between her teeth. She shook her head no. “Don’t stop,” she whispered in a shaky voice, breathing hard. “Please.”
Hard rose-colored nipples trembled with her breathing. I wanted to take them between my teeth and flick my tongue over them, but I stepped back—out of breath and panted hard. “Not fair,” I said, pointing at her. “Put those away before I lose all control. I just wanted to stop by for a kiss.”
She laughed, and her tits bounced with the movement. I had to squeeze my eyes shut tight and ball my fists painfully hard not to lunge at her. With my eyes closed, she shoved me toward the door, and I stumbled beside her. “Keep that picture of me in your head tonight when you’re around those strippers, got it?” She swung open the door and giggled, pushing me through it. “And stay safe tonight, Luke.”
“Wait,” I said, holding open the door. “Give me your phone. I want my number in it.”
She backed away, breasts still on display, and reached for the phone that was plugged into a charger by the kitchen. She walked back and swiped it open, handing me the phone.
I punched in my number with steady fingers. “Text me, so I have your number too,” I said, handing the phone back to her and trying to keep my attention on her eyes.
“Sure thing,” she said, pushing me gently out the door and slamming it in my face. I heard her giggling behind it, and as soon as I got in the Jeep, she texted me a picture of her, topless.
This woman was going to be the death of me—and what a sweet way to die.
BY MIDNIGHT, Travis had a redheaded dancer grinding his lap and a half-empty bottle of rum in his hands. Surprisingly, he was ignoring the redhead and holding a deep conversation with me about how much in love he was with Casey. Next to him, Chuck, one of the other guys with us, was getting a very loud blowjob.
“You don’t get it, Lu,” Travis slurred and then swigged a gulp from his bottle. “One day though, you will. You’re going to find her.”
“Find who?” I asked.
“The girl that you want to be more with,” he said, then slapped a hand down next to him on the fake leather couch.
“Yeah, I think I did already,” I chuckled, sipping at my beer.
“Wass-her-name?”
“Madeline Cross.” I smiled.
He leaned forward, and the redheaded dancer tumbled off his lap and crawled over to Chuck, who was waving money at her. He stuffed it in her thong and thanked her for dancing with the groom to be, all while getting head from the brunette between his legs—impressive.
“Wait-a-second. Are you asking to date my sister?” he slurred, pointing a finger at me.
“No, Travis, I’m telling you I’m dating your sister,” I said, seriously.
“Man you…” he slurred, rapidly blinking his eyes.
“Will treat her right,” I smiled, taking another pull at my beer.
“But…” he said.
“Hey, remember who’s the best man here.” I laughed and patted him on the back. “I’m crazy about her, Travis, I always was. I don’t know what’ll happen. All I know is that I’m tired of trying to not want her, okay?”
He shrugged, “S’
okay.” Then, he tilted his head past me and smiled. “My wife! My wife’s in a strip club!”
Sure enough, snapping my head to look back over my shoulder, I saw Casey smiling and dancing her way toward Travis with all her bridesmaids in tow. “Surprise!” she yelled drunkenly.
She threw herself over Travis, fell over, and knocked her head into the girl who was still servicing Chuck. Then, she laughed when she noticed what was happening and pulled herself away from the situation quickly.
“Guess who loves Maddie?” Travis yelled into Casey’s ear.
“Not me,” she growled, folding her arms over her chest angrily. “I’m so mad at her right now!”
Travis continued, ignoring Casey’s outburst. “Luke. Luke and Maddie. Can you believe that?”
“Ha,” she got up and laughed in my face. “Good luck trying to make an honest woman out of her.”
“Why would you say that?” I asked, wondering what the hell she was talking about.
“She didn’t even show up for me tonight. She planned this whole fucking great party for me. We had a treasure hunt, and there was bubbles.” The other girls giggled next to her. “I had a stripper, sorry babe,” she looked at Travis and offered him a sad face.
Travis shrugged and waved his hands around, “S’okay. I had one too.”
Her eyebrows knotted together for a second, and then she leveled her eyes at him. “You better not have had a stripper,” she said, narrowing her eyes in the direction of Chuck, who was just finishing up.
“Nah,” he said, waving her off.
A rush of heat flashed across my chest. “Hold up. Are you honestly telling me Maddie just didn’t show up tonight?”
Casey shook her head. “She didn’t show up at all. The bitch didn’t even call me and her phone keeps going to voicemail.” She looked back at Travis and held up her hands. “Your sister sucks.”