NOT FOR HER TO SAY
The value of travel oftentimes depends upon who travels.
Mrs. Williams, who had recently returned from abroad, was attending anafternoon tea which was given in her honor.
"And did you actually go to Rome?" asked the hostess.
"I really don't know, my dear," replied Mrs. Williams. "You see, myhusband always bought the tickets."
AN EXPERT
"So," said the old general, "you think you would make a good valet foran old wreck like me, do you? I have a glass eye, a wooden leg, and awax arm that need looking after, not to mention false teeth, and soforth."
"Oh, that's all right, general," replied the applicant,enthusiastically; "I've had lots of experience. I worked six years inthe assembling department of a big motor-car factory."
SHE ADMITTED IT
Our ideals are often a personal matter and, after all, it is just aswell to be humble about our achievements A certain woman was broughtbefore a magistrate.
"It appears to be your record, Mary Moselle," said the magistrate, "thatyou have been thirty-five times convicted of stealing."
"I guess, your honor," replied Mary, "that is right. No woman isperfect."
A BENEFACTOR OF MANKIND
This story teaches us a very old moral.
The man of whom it is told was travelling in a railroad train when heleaned forward confidentially to the man in the next seat:
"Excuse me, sir," he said. "You're not going to get off at the nextstation, are you?"
"No, sir."
"Then that will give me time to tell you. Are you aware, sir, what isthe matter with this great country?"
"No, sir."
"As I thought. It's due entirely to misunderstanding. We are alwaysjumping to conclusions about others. That makes us suspicious. Result,constant friction. Take you and me, for example. At present we arecomparative strangers. But when we get to know each other better weshall slowly but surely come to realize that each of us is trying to doour best, and--"
"But I don't want to know you any better."
"Precisely. Exactly. That's what causes all the trouble. I judge you andyou judge me too hastily. As you become better acquainted with mymotives you will gradually come to realize that deep down in my heart isa passionate desire to benefit my fellowmen. Same here. My tendency isto treat you as a stranger, not to give you credit for noble generosityand genuine civic virtue. But I am determined to overcome this attitudeand recognize you as a brother. I know I'm a hundred years ahead of myage, but someone must make the sacrifice."
The train stopped and the other man got up and, leaning over, grabbedhim by the arm.
"I'm changing my mind," he said; "guess I will get off at this station.By-by. Sorry I can't know you better."
The pioneer in human progress sat for some time after the train hadstarted, pondering on the deep problem of destiny. Suddenly, however, heclapped his hands to his pockets and ran forward to the conductor.
"Say, conductor," he whispered, hoarsely, "did that man I was talking toget off at the last station?"
"Yes, sir; did you lose anything?"
The human benefactor smiled sadly.
"Not in comparison with what the world has lost," he replied. "The humanrace has lost one of those priceless ideas which, in the course ofcenturies, sometimes come to real genius only to be abandoned. I lostonly my watch."
THE SILVER LINING
He was a Scot, with the usual thrifty characteristics of his race.Wishing to know his fate, he telegraphed a proposal of marriage to thelady of his choice. After waiting all day at the telegraph office hereceived an affirmative answer late at night.
"Well, if I were you," said the operator who delivered the message, "I'dthink twice before I'd marry a girl who kept me waiting so long for ananswer."
"Na, na," replied the Scot. "The lass for me is the lass wha waits forthe night rates."