Troy said the smartest thing he could at a time like this. “I’m going to head downstairs.”
Emily and I were silent after he left. Only the sound of laughter from the oblivious adults could be heard.
Emily finally spoke. “I know.”
“You know?”
“I was stupid, it’s just … it’s New Year’s Eve. I’m at a party. Is it so wrong that I wanted to have some fun?” She sank back onto my bed and put her head in her hands. “You can’t tell Levi.”
I couldn’t think of a response. I was so shocked at how quickly the evening had changed.
She finally looked at me. “Can you please say something? Anything?”
I was afraid to open my mouth because I had no idea what would come out. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. “How could you?”
Emily shook her head. “I don’t know. I mean, you know I used to like Troy. And we were flirting while we were playing, and I think he’s cute. You know I used to like him.”
“You have a boyfriend. And need I remind you that he’s my best friend.”
“I thought I was your best friend.”
“You both are.” But in that instant I certainly felt closer to Levi.
“Levi’s great. But he’s not here.” Emily sank back on my bed, her feet dangling toward the floor. It was a position we’d both been in often. A physical position. This awkward emotional position I was currently in was a first. And not one I cared to repeat.
“So that makes it okay?” I asked.
“No, it doesn’t.” I was relieved that this was her answer. “I’m confused, that’s all.”
“About what?”
“Everything.” She started to tear up. “I’m getting freaked out over next year. I don’t think you realize how much things will change. Everything’s going to change. It already has.”
I sat down next to her so we were both staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. “Emily, you’ve got to let this go. You’re not your sister.”
“You know what happened with her. You saw. Cassie had all these friends when she was our age. Then she went to that big school and got lost. She’d come straight home freshman year and go into her bedroom to cry.”
“But your sister’s a lot quieter than you. You’re more outgoing. You’d never be lost. And you have me.” I wanted to add that trying to date the entire male population at our school at the same time wasn’t going to make things better for her, but I knew this wasn’t the time. What she needed was reassurance. “Not everything is going to change.”
“Our group will be broken up. I used to be your only best friend, and don’t think it hasn’t hurt me that you’ve been spending more time with Levi.”
I couldn’t believe she was trying to turn this on me. Yes, I spent a lot of time with Levi. But she was the one who canceled plans with me to spend more time with him.
“And I get worried for you, Macallan. I do. Levi’s great. But when he gets to high school, do you think he’s going to be fine hanging out with only you? He’s going to have all these friends, and I don’t want you to be left alone.”
“I didn’t think I was going to be left alone.” My throat tightened. “I thought you were my best friend, too.” I turned my head in time to see her cringe.
“I am your best friend. But sometimes I question where your loyalty lies.”
I stayed motionless on my bed, repeating Emily’s words in my head. This was an impossible situation — was she really asking me to make an even more impossible choice? A knot began forming in my stomach. Could I really choose between the two? I’d known Emily for as long as I could remember. She was always happy to lend a hand when I needed girly advice. She had been there for me during the absolute worst time in my life.
Maybe Emily was right. Maybe I had been neglecting her since Levi had come to town. But did that make what she was asking me okay? Levi and his family had meant the world to me the past eighteen months. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But I felt the same about Emily.
Why was this landing all on me? This was exactly the situation I’d been worried about when they’d started dating. What would happen after they broke up?
I tried to keep my voice steady. “Are you giving me an ultimatum? That I need to be loyal to you?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying.” Emily sat up. “I’m obviously really confused. I’m so sorry. I feel horrible. I don’t want to come between you and Levi, and I don’t want Levi to come between us.”
Yeah, I thought, you’re one kissing session too late on that one.
Just then, I heard everybody downstairs counting down. While they happily rang in the New Year, I was trying to figure out how to salvage the two most important relationships in my life.
A “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” chorus erupted below.
“Hey!” Emily hugged me as I got up. “Happy New Year, Macallan! Can we make a fresh start? I promise to figure out what to say to Levi. I don’t want you to worry about it. It’s my problem, not yours.”
All I could do was hope she was right.
Emily got up off the bed and clapped her hands. “Come on, Macallan! It’s the New Year, a new start, a new beginning! Anything’s possible.”
I felt a sense of dread envelop me. Because anything was possible. But those last ten minutes had made me realize that maybe that wasn’t a good thing.
New beginnings are overrated.
I know. I’ll never understand why everybody puts so much emphasis on January first. There are three hundred and sixty-four other days in the year that you can make a change.
Or make a fresh start.
Or start a diet.
You’re not allowed to starting cooking with low-fat ingredients.
Obviously.
Or, you know, hide something from me ever again.
Well, you’re never allowed to leave the state of Wisconsin again.
Yep. That totally seems fair.
I can only control so much.
If only you could be in charge of the world.
Finally someone gets it! I should be in charge of the world. Wouldn’t life be so much better?
Obviously. First law as Queen of the World?
Banishment of the Chicago Bears.
On second thought.
Hey, it’s my world. I get to rule it as I see fit. What if I made it so you’d be the standard against which all guys are judged?
Like you don’t already do that.
Right. Question: How many suns are there in your world?
I practically ran off the plane the second we touched down in Milwaukee.
It was funny. I had spent the last eighteen months wishing to be in California, but once I got there, I realized all I’d left behind in Wisconsin. Sure it was cool to get to hang with my old buddies. But I missed my girls: Macallan and Emily. I guess most guys would’ve thought I was a player since I had two girls. But they meant completely opposite things to me.
Macallan was kinda my better half. The yin to my yang. Um, that sounded way dirtier than I meant it to.
And Emily was an awesome girlfriend. She radiated this positive energy. I could tell she was always happy to be around me. What guy wouldn’t want that?
Although I have a confession to make. I lied to Emily over the break. I told her I wasn’t getting back until Saturday evening, when in fact my flight arrived in the afternoon. I only did it because I wanted to see Macallan first. I knew Emily would want to see me right away, but I still owed Macallan her present.
I had a stupid grin on my face when I rang the doorbell at the Dietzes’ house.
“Hey!” I picked up Macallan in a tight grip when I saw her.
“Hey back!” She laughed as I put her down. “How was the culture shock?”
I walked into the foyer and started taking off my many layers. “It was more the shock of getting off the plane just now and being hit with the cold air. I was wearing flip-flops on New Year’s Eve.”
Macallan
winced slightly.
“Everything okay?”
She shook her head a little too vigorously. “Um, yeah. Ah, it’s only that, um, it’s strange to think of celebrating the holidays in the heat. Mom used to get so mad if there wasn’t snow on the ground at Christmas.”
Macallan’s odd behavior was now making sense. I knew how much her mom loved the holidays, so this time of year must’ve been particularly hard on her. Which probably also explained the mess in the kitchen. There were pots and pans everywhere. Macallan cooked a lot when she was trying to clear her mind. Or trying to distract herself from something. And with us being on winter break, she didn’t have homework to fill that void.
I rubbed her arm, thinking it would be the best way to comfort her. Ever since we’d gone to the cemetery, I knew it was okay for me to bring up her mom. I was so honored when she took me. It cemented how important our relationship was. But I also knew that if she wanted to talk about it with me, she would. It was getting to the point that I could read Macallan pretty well. I knew when she needed to be prodded into saying something and when she needed to be left alone. And the look on her face screamed, Leave it alone.
“Well, I’m used to the good weather year-round,” I reminded her. “And I’m sorry I asked you to lie to Emily about when I was coming back.”
“Yeah …” She started cleaning up the counter. “Do you want something to eat?”
I’d never passed an opportunity to eat anything she made. Macallan put together a plate of fudge brownies, Rice Krispies treats, and a slice of pecan pie.
I reached into my bag and pulled out her present. “Merry Christmas, a week late.”
She hesitated before she opened it. “It’s not a Bears hat, is it?”
I laughed. She’d given me a Green Bay Packers knit hat to help me “fit in.” Everybody had gotten a big kick out of that, especially Adam. But after all the ribbing, she’d also given me a coupon for a homemade meal of my choice. It was my favorite gift that year.
She started unwrapping the box. She began laughing the second she saw one of the pictures on the DVD case. “I can’t believe you got me —” She stopped herself as she saw the inscription on the front. “How did you … ?” Her mouth was practically on the floor. This made me extremely happy.
“My buddy’s dad knew the producer on the show. I called in a favor.”
She stared down and then read the inscription on the Buggy and Floyd DVD from the actor who played Buggy: Blimey if I don’t fancy me a glass of Macallan.
“I couldn’t figure out if it was genius or dirty,” I confessed.
“Genius!” Macallan started laughing. I loved it when she laughed. She had two kinds of laughter: One was a normal chuckle, while the other was this boisterous, head-flailing-back laughter. If I had only one goal in life, it would be to make her laugh loudly every day. And that day, my mission had been accomplished.
“This is the greatest, thank you!” She flung her arms around me. “You can have as many meals as you want, whenever!”
“I’d like that in writing, please.”
Her head fell back again as she laughed and, I kid you not, my heart actually soared.
“So.” I started playing with her hair, which changed color depending on the season, like a tree. It was currently dark brown with a red overtone. “Tell me everything. How was New Year’s?”
The smile quickly vanished from her face. I should’ve known better to keep bringing up something that reminded her of her mom. “It was good,” she said. “Um, when are you seeing Emily?”
I checked the clock. “I told her my flight got in right about now, so I should call her soon.”
“Yeah, you should call her. I know she really wants to see you.”
This was why Macallan was the greatest friend in the world. I hadn’t seen her in ten days, yet she wanted to be sure I saw my girlfriend.
“Do you want to come with me to see her?” I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to Macallan just yet.
She shook her head. “No, you guys should have some alone time.”
“Come here.” I gave her a huge hug. “You’re the best. You know that, right?”
She gave me a meek smile. I didn’t want to leave, because there was clearly something wrong. But maybe what she needed was some time alone. She was trying to get me out of the room fast enough.
“So are you.” Her eyes were so sad.
While I walked the seven blocks to Emily’s house, I couldn’t get Macallan out of my mind.
My best friend needed me and I was going to figure out what to do to help her.
But first I had to see my awesome girlfriend.
“LEVI!” Emily screamed before I even had a chance to get to the door.
She ran out in the cold and kissed me, which helped warm me considerably.
“You didn’t call me when you landed; I was getting worried!” She held my hand and led me inside.
I’d been so preoccupied with Macallan that I’d forgotten to even warn Emily that I was coming. “I had to drop something off at Macallan’s first,” I said. I didn’t want to lie to Emily anymore.
“Oh, you saw Macallan?” She smiled widely. “What did you guys talk about?”
I shrugged. “Just the usual. Plus, I still needed to give her the Christmas present.”
“Oh, right, that DVD thing?” She led me to the couch and asked me all about my time in California. She hardly let me ask her anything about what she’d done over break. It wasn’t like we hadn’t texted while I’d been away, but she kept wanting to know every detail about my trip.
“Hey, how was the New Year’s Eve party at Macallan’s?” I finally managed to ask.
“Why?” she fired back quickly.
“Ah, only curious. Macallan didn’t say much.”
“Oh.” Emily looked relieved. “It was great, a really good time.” She bit her lip. “Um, there’s something I should probably tell you. It’s totally not a big deal. You know Troy was there and whatever. I was giving him the tour of the house and we were in Macallan’s room. I guess the door was closed …”
I felt a tightness start to form in my chest.
“Anyway, we were talking and it was getting late and we were lying on the bed talking and Macallan walked in. It obviously startled us, but Macallan thought we were doing something, but it was all innocent. I swear. I just missed you so much.”
I didn’t know what to say. Mostly because I couldn’t believe Macallan hadn’t tipped me off. Even if it was nothing.
“But it’s a new year, a new start.” Emily leaned in and was only inches away from me. “I shouldn’t have talked to Troy or given him a tour, but, like, I don’t know. I wasn’t even going to tell you, but I didn’t want to keep anything from you.” She started rubbing my leg. “Forgive me?”
She started to kiss me. At first I hesitated. Not because Emily was a bad kisser, but there was so much information to process. But I gave in. If it were a big deal, Macallan would’ve said something. There was no way she would’ve seen Emily cheating and not tell me.
I thought I could trust Emily, but I knew for certain I could trust Macallan.
Ahem.
You know you don’t need to say a single thing to make me feel bad about that.
I know.
But you’re going to anyway, right?
Nope.
No?
Oh, Macallan, one of us has to be the bigger person about such things.
You’ve got to be kidding. Since when are you the bigger person about anything?
Since I forgave you for your betrayal.
You’re right.
Wow! Did that actually work? I’m right? About something? It’s a Christmas miracle!
You’re pretty proud of yourself, aren’t you?
Well, it is nice to be right about something for once.
Don’t get used to it.
Oh, I won’t. You know I won’t.
It was torture. Complete and utter torture.
I don’t think I breathed the night Levi left my house to go talk to Emily. I stared at my phone, convinced I was going to get a phone call from a newly heartbroken version of him.
The phone did ring, but it was Emily.
“Please,” she begged. “I know I made a mistake and the only person the truth would hurt is Levi. You don’t want to hurt him, do you?”
No, I didn’t. But I wasn’t the one who’d cheated on him.
“I promise you that I’ll never do anything like that again, and if I do, you’ll never have to speak to me for the rest of your life. I wouldn’t expect you to, either.” I could practically hear her pulse over the phone. “I really like Levi and I don’t want him to break up with me. Please, Macallan.”
I didn’t like having secrets. Secrets only ended up hurting people.
She continued to plead. “You’re my best friend. If I can’t trust my best friend, who can I trust?”
I bet Levi thought the same thing.
“I’ve known you for forever, we’ve been through so much. Can’t you please forgive me so I can forgive myself?”
That hit a nerve. I never thought about what Emily was going through, how hard this was for her. Although it was her fault.
“Please, Macallan, I’m begging. If I was there right now, I’d be on my hands and knees. If that’s what you want, I’ll be there in two minutes to grovel in person.”
I was so torn. Could I take her word that it would never happen again? I knew the truth would likely crush Levi. Maybe, I figured, it would be best to pretend it had never happened.
“Okay,” I said quietly.
There was a pause on the other end. “Really? Oh my goodness, Macallan. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I’ll make this up to both of you, really.”
“Please treat Levi well. He deserves it.”