V.
SOME OTHER BIRDS ARE TAUGHT TO FLY.
Before the earliest Ruggles could wake and toot his five-cent tin horn,Mrs. Ruggles was up and stirring about the house, for it was a gala dayin the family. Gala day! I should think so! Were not her nine"childern" invited to a dinner-party at the great house, and weren'tthey going to sit down free and equal with the mightiest in the land?She had been preparing for this grand occasion ever since the receiptof the invitation, which, by the way, had been speedily enshrined in anold photograph frame and hung under the looking-glass in the mostprominent place in the kitchen, where it stared the occasional visitordirectly in the eye, and made him pale with envy:
"BIRDS' NEST, Dec. 17th, 188-.
DEAR MRS. RUGGLES,--
I am going to have a dinner-party on Christmas day, and would like tohave all your children come. I want them every one, please, from SarahMaud to Baby Larry. Mama says dinner will be at half-past five, andthe Christmas tree at seven; so you may expect them home at nineo'clock. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, I am,yours truly,
CAROL BIRD."
Breakfast was on the table promptly at seven o'clock, and there wasvery little of it, too; for it was an excellent day for short rations,though Mrs. Ruggles heaved a sigh as she reflected that even the boys,with their India-rubber stomachs, would be just as hungry the day afterthe dinner-party as if they had never had any at all.
As soon as the scanty meal was over, she announced the plan of thecampaign: "Now Susan, you an' Kitty wash up the dishes; an' Peter,can't you spread up the beds, so't I can git ter cuttin' out Larry'snew suit? I ain't satisfied with his close, an' I thought in the nightof a way to make him a dress out of my old plaid shawl--kind o' Scotchstyle, yer know. You other boys clear out from under foot! Clem, youand Con hop into bed with Larry while I wash yer underflannins; 'twonttake long to dry 'em. Sarah Maud, I think 'twould be perfeckly han'somif you ripped them brass buttons off yer uncle's policeman's coat an'sewed 'em in a row up the front o' yer green skirt. Susan, you mustiron out yours an' Kitty's apurns; an' there, I came mighty nearforgettin' Peory's stockin's! I counted the whole lot last night whenI was washin' of 'em, an' there ain't but nineteen anyhow yer fix 'em,an' no nine pairs mates nohow; an' I ain't goin' ter have my childernwear odd stockin's to a dinner-comp'ny, brought up as I was! Eily,can't you run out and ask Mis' Cullen ter lend me a pair o' stockin'sfor Peory, an' tell her if she will, Peory'll give Jim half her candywhen she gets home. Won't yer, Peory?"
Peoria was young and greedy, and thought the remedy so much worse thanthe disease that she set up a deafening howl at the projectedbargain--a howl so rebellious and so out of all season that her motherstarted in her direction with flashing eye and uplifted hand; but shelet it fall suddenly, saying, "No, I won't lick ye Christmas day, ifyer drive me crazy; but speak up smart, now, 'n say whether yer'druther give Tim Cullen half yer candy or go bare-legged ter the party?"The matter being put so plainly, Peoria collected her faculties, driedher tears and chose the lesser evil, Clem having hastened the decisionby an affectionate wink, that meant he'd go halves with her on hiscandy.
"That's a lady;" cried her mother. "Now, you young ones that ain'tdoin' nothin', play all yer want ter before noontime, for after ye gitthrough eatin' at twelve o'clock me 'n Sarah Maud's goin' ter give yersuch a washin' an' combin' an' dressin' as yer never had before an'never will agin, an' then I'm goin' to set yer down an' give yer twosolid hours trainin' in manners; an' 'twon't be no foolin' neither."
"All we've got ter do 's go eat!" grumbled Peter.
"Well, that's enough," responded his mother; "there's more 'n one wayof eatin', let me tell yer, an' you've got a heap ter learn about it,Peter Ruggles. Lord sakes, I wish you childern could see the way I wasfetched up to eat--never took a meal o' vittles in the kitchen before Imarried Ruggles; but yer can't keep up that style with nine young ones'n yer Pa always off ter sea."
The big Ruggleses worked so well, and the little Ruggleses kept from"under foot" so successfully, that by one o'clock nine complete toiletswere laid out in solemn grandeur on the beds. I say, "complete;" but Ido not know whether they would be called so in the best society. Thelaw of compensation had been well applied; he that had necktie had nocuffs; she that had sash had no handkerchief, and vice versa; but theyall had boots and a certain amount of clothing, such as it was, theoutside layer being in every case quite above criticism.
"Now, Sarah Maud," said Mrs. Ruggles, her face shining with excitement,"everything is red up an' we can begin. I've got a boiler 'n a kettle'n a pot o' hot water. Peter, you go into the back bedroom, an' I'lltake Susan, Kitty, Peory an' Cornelius; an' Sarah Maud, you take Clem,'n Eily, 'n Larry, one to a time, an' git as fur as you can with 'em,an' then I'll finish 'em off while you do yerself."
Sarah Maud couldn't have scrubbed with any more decision and force ifshe had been doing floors, and the little Ruggleses bore it bravely,not from natural heroism, but for the joy that was set before them.Not being satisfied, however, with the "tone" of their complexions, shewound up operations by applying a little Bristol brick from theknife-board, which served as the proverbial "last straw," from underwhich the little Ruggleses issued rather red and raw and out of temper.When the clock struck three they were all clothed, and most of them intheir right minds, ready for those last touches that always take themost time. Kitty's red hair was curled in thirty-four ringlets, SarahMaud's was braided in one pig-tail, and Susan's and Eily's in twobraids apiece, while Peoria's resisted all advances in the shape ofhair oils and stuck out straight on all sides, like that of theCircassian girl of the circus--so Clem said; and he was sent into thebed-room for it too, from whence he was dragged out forgivingly byPeoria herself, five minutes later. Then--exciting moment--came linencollars for some and neckties and bows for others, and Eureka! theRuggleses were dressed, and Solomon in all his glory was not arrayedlike one of these! A row of seats was formed directly through themiddle of the kitchen. There were not quite chairs enough for ten,since the family had rarely all wanted to sit down at once, somebodyalways being out, or in bed, but the wood box and the coal-hod finishedout the line nicely. The children took their places according to age,Sarah Maud at the head and Larry on the coal-hod, and Mrs. Rugglesseated herself in front, surveying them proudly as she wiped the sweatof honest toil from her brow.
"Well," she exclaimed, "if I do say so as shouldn't, I never see acleaner, more stylish mess o' childern in my life! I do wish Rugglescould look at ye for a minute! Now, I've of 'en told ye what kind of afamily the McGrills was. I've got some reason to be proud; your uncleis on the po-lice force o' New York city; you can take up the newspapermost any day an' see his name printed right out--James McGrill, and Ican't have my childern fetched up common, like some folks. When theygo out they've got to have close, and learn ter act decent! Now, Iwant ter see how yer goin' to behave when yer git there to-night.Let's start in at the beginnin' 'n act out the whole business. Pileinto the bed-room, there, every last one of ye, an' show me how yergoin' ter go in't the parlor. This'll be the parlor 'n I'll be Mis'Bird." The youngsters hustled into the next room in high glee, andMrs. Ruggles drew herself up in her chair with an infinitely haughtyand purse-proud expression that much better suited a descendant of theMcGrills than modest Mrs. Bird. The bed-room was small, and therepresently ensued such a clatter that you would have thought a herd ofwild cattle had broken loose; the door opened, and they straggled in,all the little ones giggling, with Sarah Maud at the head, looking asif she had been caught in the act of stealing sheep; while Larry, beinglast in line, seemed to think the door a sort of gate of heaven whichwould be shut in his face if he didn't get there in time; accordinglyhe struggled ahead of his elders and disgraced himself by tumbling inhead foremost.
Mrs. Ruggles looked severe. "There, I knew yer'd do it in some sechfool-way,--try it agin 'n if Larry can't come in on two legs he can
stay ter home!"
The matter began to assume a graver aspect; the little Rugglesesstopped giggling and backed into the bed-room, issuing presently withlock step, Indian file, a scared and hunted expression in everycountenance.
"No, no, no!" cried Mrs. Ruggles, in despair; "Yer look for all theworld like a gang o' pris'ners; there ain't no style ter that; spreadout more, can't yer, an' act kind o' careless like--nobody's goin' terkill ye!" The third time brought deserved success, and the pupils tooktheir seats in the row. "Now, yer know," said Mrs. Ruggles, "thereain't enough decent hats to go round, an' if there was I don' know 'sI'd let yer wear 'em, for the boys would never think to take 'em offwhen they got inside--but, anyhow, there ain't enough good ones. Now,look me in the eye. You needn't wear no hats, none of yer, en' whenyer get int' the parlor 'n they ask yer ter lay off yer hats, SarahMaud must speak up an' say it was sech a pleasant evenin' an' sech ashort walk that you left yer hats to home to save trouble. Now, canyou remember?"
All the little Ruggleses shouted, "Yes, marm," in chorus.
"What have you got ter do with it," demanded their mother; "did I tellYOU to say it! Wasn't I talkin' ter Sarah Maud?" The little Ruggleseshung their diminished heads. "Yes, marm," they piped, more feebly."Now git up, all of ye, an' try it. Speak up, Sarah Maud."
Sarah Maud's tongue clove to the roof of her mouth.
"Quick!"
"Ma thought--it was--sech a pleasant hat that we'd--we'd better leaveour short walk to home," recited Sarah Maud, in an agony of mentaleffort.
This was too much for the boys.
"Oh, whatever shall I do with ye?" moaned the unhappy mother; "Isuppose I've got to learn it to yer!" which she did, word for word,until Sarah Maud thought she could stand on her head and say itbackwards.
"Now, Cornelius, what are YOU goin' ter say ter make yerself goodcomp'ny?"
"Dunno!" said Cornelius, turning pale.
"Well, ye ain't goin' to set there like a bump on a log 'thout sayin' aword ter pay for yer vittles, air ye? Ask Mis' Bird how she's feelin'this evenin', or if Mr. Bird's havin' a busy season, or somethin' likethat. Now we'll make b'lieve we've got ter the dinner--that won't beso hard, 'cause yer'll have somethin' to do--it's awful bothersome terstan' round an' act stylish. If they have napkins, Sarah Maud down toPeory may put 'em in their laps 'n the rest of ye can tuck 'em in yernecks. Don't eat with yer fingers--don't grab no vittles off one'nother's plates; don't reach out for nothin', but wait till yer asked,'n if yer never GIT asked don't git up and grab it--don't spill nothin'on the table cloth, or like's not Mis' Bird 'll send yer away from thetable. Now we'll try a few things ter see how they'll go! Mr.Clement, do you eat cramb'ry sarse?"
"Bet yer life!" cried Clem, who, not having taken in the idea exactly,had mistaken this for an ordinary family question.
"Clement Ruggles, do you mean to tell me that you'd say that to adinner party? I'll give ye one more chance. Mr. Clement, will youtake some of the cramb'ry?"
"Yes marm, thank ye kindly, if you happen ter have any handy."
"Very good, indeed! Mr. Peter, do you speak for white or dark meat?"
"I ain't particler as ter color--anything that nobody else wants willsuit me," answered Peter with his best air.
"First rate! nobody could speak more genteel than that. Miss Kitty,will you have hard or soft sarse with your pudden?"
"A little of both if you please, an' I'm much obliged," said Kitty withdecided ease and grace, at which all the other Ruggleses pointed thefinger of shame at her and Peter GRUNTED expressively, that theirmeaning might not be mistaken.
"You just stop your gruntin', Peter Ruggles; that was all right. Iwish I could git it inter your heads that it ain't so much what yersay, as the way yer say it. Eily, you an' Larry's too little to train,so you just look at the rest, an' do 's they do, an' the Lord havemercy on ye an' help ye to act decent! Now, is there anything moreye'd like to practice?"
"If yer tell me one more thing I can't set up an' eat," said Peter,gloomily; "I'm so cram full o' manners now I'm ready ter bust 'thout nodinner at all."
"Me too," chimed in Cornelius.
"Well, I'm sorry for yer both," rejoined Mrs. Ruggles, sarcastically;"if the 'mount o' manners yer've got on hand now, troubles ye, you'redreadful easy hurt! Now, Sarah Maud, after dinner, about once in sooften, you must say, 'I guess we'd better be goin';' an' if they say,'Oh, no, set a while longer,' yer can stay; but if they don't saynothin' you've got ter get up an' go. Can you remember?"
"ABOUT ONCE IN SO OFTEN!" Could any words in the language be fraughtwith more terrible and wearing uncertainty?
"Well," answered Sarah Maud, mournfully, "seems as if this whole dinnerparty set right square on top o' me! Maybe I could manage my ownmanners, but ter manage nine mannerses is worse 'n staying to home!"
"Oh, don't fret," said her mother, good naturedly, "I guess you'll gitalong. I wouldn't mind if folks would only say, 'Oh, childern will bechildern;' but they won't. They'll say, 'Land o' Goodness, who fetchedthem childern up?' Now it's quarter past five; you can go, an'whatever yer do, don't forget your mother was a McGrill!"