***
October
November
December
January
February
It was now Valentine’s Day and we were going to France for the movie premiere of “Untitled.” It took two elongated months of fights, court days, and anything else Ana could get into, to make it to set everyday but it was finally over. After those months, I promised myself I would never make a film involving Ana Billson again.
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Jason held out a box of See’s Candy for me with an abnormal smile.
It had been five months already, and every day with him was like the very first. It sounds cheesy but I had never felt that way about anyone. He was perfect in my eyes and he could do no wrong. I hated the days I didn’t get to look into his beautiful hazel eyes.
“Hey!” I ran over to him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
“Oh please!” Kathy said as she grabbed the chocolates from Jason and walked out the room.
Believe it or not, that was being polite to him. It took her four months to like him but it was worth it. He could come over without her swearing at him or her fussing at us. By that time, he knew about her being bipolar and held nothing against her, which I thought was crap. I remember him saying, “Lily, it’s not her fault she is ill. She was born that way.” Jason was too nice to her.
He gave me another kiss on the forehead. “Are your bags packed?”
“Um…yeah,” I muttered. “It was hard packing without Paul.”
Paul had been gone for two months again, which felt like an eternity. I let him take some time off to be with his parents after he kept on complaining that he felt ill all the time. His family, who lived in Texas, always said I overworked him. They never liked me much and I never liked them.
“Good. We’re going to have so much fun in France!” Jason dragged my heavy suitcase out the door.
“Did you bring your Mira-lax?” I asked like a little old wife.
“Yes,” he murmured in embarrassment as he helped me down the porch.
“Just wondering, I know how you get in different countries.”
“Did you say goodbye to your mom?”
“Of course!” I slammed the house door, which was my goodbye to Kathy.
When Jason opened the taxi door for me, I spotted another box of chocolates on the seat. As I climbed in, I grabbed the box and held it to my chest. “For me?”
“Don’t eat too much, Lily…you’ll get fat.”
“Um…” I pushed the candy to his lap. It was the first time he had ever said anything rude to me. He was always so polite, that his words caught me off guard. I expected that from Kathy’s mouth…but Jason…no way.
I stiffened up, as he didn’t apologize to me. Maybe I was taking that whole saying out of proportion. Maybe he was being sarcastic again. We always joked like that, right? I laughed minutes too late as the taxi began to move, realizing he had to be joking.
Jason rolled his eyes. “What is so funny?”
“Ooh…you’re so funny! That whole getting fat thing,” I laughed even harder, losing my breath to just the thought of him being serious.
“I wasn’t joking,” his smile dropped—mine did too. “I mean you are getting on the plus side. In two months, you are not going to be able to get a job if you keep eating the way you do. You were skinnier the day I met you. I don’t care how famous you are; no one wants a girl with rolls on her hips.”
I could feel a lump forming in my throat the size of an apple. All seriousness, I thought I was about to burst into tears. I held my emotions in and stared out the window in panic. Any other woman may have demanded to be let out or even kick the man out the car for saying something like that. But, I wasn’t any other woman; deep down I was a timid and naïve girl who ached for love and would do anything for it—so I stayed there.
“You should say sorry,” Jason spoke.
“Why? Sorry for what?” I said.
“For eating the way you do. You’ll be sorry if I broke up with you when you become an elephant!”
“What?” I was astounded—I must have blanked out—I must have gone to hell. “But I’m not fat! Plus, you got me the candy!”
“So!”
I could see the taxi driver looking at us in the rear-view mirror; wondering if he should butt in. He rolled his eyes and began chewing his gum louder while keeping his eyes on Jason.
“No one said for you to eat them, gosh! Lily you’re so damn difficult!” He slammed his fist into the seat between us, causing a slight rip in the cushion.
This time I stared right into Jason’s eyes. I could not believe this was happening—our first fight.
The taxi stopped and Jason got out, grabbed his things, and disappeared into the hectic crowds. He didn’t open my door like he used to or take my bags out the cab for me. As tears began to build up in the back of my eyes (or that was what it felt like), I jumped out the taxi, looking for Jason.
“Here you go.” The taxi driver helped me with my bags.
“Thanks,” I whispered to him while trying not to make complete eye contact.
“You take care,” he waved goodbye.
I stood there lost and bemused as the taxi drove off. I felt deserted as I went through the busy check-in line by myself, not really knowing what to do. After the security check-in, I felt everyone staring at me as I paced around looking for Jason. They were probably whispering about my running mascara or the real snot hanging out my nose. I got irritated, as I couldn’t find any proverbial faces. My mind was so sidetracked, that I did not panic off the fact that people were looking at me this time. But, I really wished I had my XANAX.
I could see Ana across the room texting on her Blackberry. She had about ten other people with her—I hurried over to her side. As much as I loathed her, I knew we were going to the same place.
“Ana!” I screamed, relieved to see her.
She paused and stared at me, as she put her pink MAC lip-gloss on. “What?”
“Is the plane here yet?”
“Does it look like the plane is here,” she rolled her eyes and turned her back to me. The tips of her long curly golden hair whacked me in the eyes.
I tapped her on her scrawny shoulder. “Um, do you know when it will be here?”
“Oh my gosh you’re still here?” She twirled around and looked down at me. She had at least a foot over me with her eight-inch heel boots. “No, I don’t…so be gone.” She pushed me away as if I were a stray dog.
I didn’t seem to care much that Ana was belittling me. My mind focused on where Jason could be. I walked to a seat nearby Ana and her entourage, trying to hold my tears in.
I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I thought it would be Ana, but it was Jason. He grabbed my face before I could respond and said a subdued, “I’m sorry.” I smiled because I believed him. Somewhere in me, I knew that would never happen again. “I love you, Lily.” It was the first time he had ever said that to me.
“I love you too,” I said.
“Let’s go, the plane is here,” he said as he grabbed my hand.
I ended up dosing off during the flight as expected. Jason didn’t want to talk about the incident today and neither did I. I wanted to forget the whole event and go on with our lives as I assumed he did too…
It was summer and I was on a boat. A man, who I did not recognize, approached me and handed me a wooden box. I walked over to the box and he said, “Lily, open it!” With wide eyes, I opened the box and black lilies flew out causing me to scream in misery—
I jumped up, breathing heavy and with wide eyes. Jason put his arms around me and wiped the sweat off my forehead.
“Are you okay?” he said.
“I just had a bad dream,” I said.
“Just go back to sleep. The plane ride will go quicker if you just relax.”
“But, I don’t want to.”
“Lily, don’t be difficult,” Jason snapped. “Just think happy tho
ughts.”
I just closed my eyes and drifted away. This time thinking about whom I was without Jason.