I slipped out of my heels and left them by the steps. Stepping up to the bottom step, I matched his height and moved close to his lips, “Yup, let’s get it over with.” His eyelids fluttered and his tongue wet his lips. I blew out a small puff of air right to his lips and smirked, letting him know what a fool he was. I wasn’t kissing him. I especially wasn’t kissing him now. Get it over with? He didn’t have to endure any of this. I was fine going to my own room. I spun and slid my dress up my hips and over my head while ascending the stairs with a sway. The thongs were for Blake too, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. A little bit of jealousy would do him some good. Maybe it would knock him off that high horse he’d become accustomed to.
I continued my little charade in the bedroom. I slid out of my panties just inside the door, fluctuating my hips as the thin string released from my ass. I turned to him and dropped my bra to the floor. I pulled the pin from my hair and shook it over my shoulders. Blake liked my hair down. He watched me more with my hair down.
“How would you like it?” I asked, flipping my seductive hair again. I turned just in time for his lips to meet mine. The straight edge of the dresser dug into the middle of my spine while his lips devoured my neck and his hands consumed the rest of my body. Erratic breathing over shadowed my loud heartbeat and that thing happened again. I felt like a feather, the pit of my stomach danced, and the pulsating between my legs became unpredictable.
Assuming Blake was reaching for the condom, I let myself get lost in him and the way I felt in his arms. I was sure I wouldn’t be needing any help, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the arousal would have ran down my leg, that’s how hot it was. Blake thought he was describing something to me earlier that I hadn’t felt before, but I had. Every time Blake touched me, I felt it.
I felt incredibly sensitive everywhere his hands went. It did sharpen as it isolated my throbbing clit, but there was more. Much more than Blake described. There was a sensual chemistry that surrounded me like a drug addict. It was so overwhelming it forced me to want it as much as I didn’t. The palms of my hands were always clammy and my stomach noticeably trembled beneath his touch, my throat closed from the dryness and I floated with closed eyes into an ecstasy of pure lust.
“Aahh!” An ear piercing squeal escaped my lips and I jerked my hips from the vibration. I only felt it on the very tip of my slit. I screamed before I felt it anywhere else, “You idiot. I thought you were getting a condom,” I accused, trying to get away. I knew he’d opened the drawer but not for that.
“Shhh, just relax,” he coaxed running the pink vibrator down there again. His knee between my legs, and the weight of his upper body kept me from moving away. The dresser ledge digging in to my back kept me from stepping backward, until I felt the hum between my legs again.
“Let me go,” I demanded, feeling his leg open me more. Oh God. Oh shit. The pulsating, sliding up and down my wetness kept me from jerking a way. That isolation around my clitoris Blake was talking about felt like it was going to explode.
“Tell me that doesn’t feel good on your pussy, Makayla. You want it. You know you do. Don’t you, Makayla?” I wasn’t sure where this Blake was coming from, but I was sure I was detecting some anger. And I had a feeling Ryan was at the top of that list. I hated to think about what he would do if he knew it was his Ryan. I didn’t respond with words, only because I couldn’t. Something that didn’t fit a description rattled from my lips; something between a moan and a whimper. Oh lord. I was going to fall in the floor.
Blake spun me and I spun my head. What the hell? This guy wouldn’t take the hint. I wasn’t kissing him. Damn he was more obstinate than me. His lips came down hard on my nipple when I hit the bed. I covered my face with my hands when he spread my legs wide, holding them that way with his arm, he slid the powerful little tool up and down my slit, paying extra attention to my igniting nub. Igniting it wasn’t the issue; the problem was getting it to detonate. I wanted to, I wanted to so bad, but it just wouldn’t. Like a teeter-totter, it dangled in midair. It wouldn’t go up and it wouldn’t go down, not until Blake finally stopped. The heightened awareness was halted by the sudden stop of the vibrating hum.
“I’m baffled. What is it? What am I doing wrong?”
“Oh my God. We’re not talking about this,” I said, trying to close my legs. Blake wouldn’t let me. He held them open while he rolled on a condom.
“This is a natural part of being a human. You’re not doing anything the rest of the world hasn’t caught onto already. Let go, Makayla. Enjoy it,” Blake pleaded while he pulled my hips to his and bent at the knee. He didn’t know anything. Not all girls were like the ones he brought home. I wasn’t into sex like that, although I do have to say I may have been into the way he did that. I loved how he pulled me to him and guided himself inside me. He liked that positon for whatever reason. I think it was because he watched. The lust on his face when he stood between my legs and watched stirred the same desires in my own expression. Blake tried like hell again. He used the toy while thrusting in and out of me and I rode the teeter-totter again. Gah! Maybe I needed to practice. I knew he was giving up as soon as he grabbed my hips and went at me like he’d gotten a jolt of energy; Blake always pumped fast and hard right before he was going to come.
That time was different. I laid there spread eagle with a frown when I watched him slide out and roll the condom off. I couldn’t even protest. Blake moved on top of me, sliding me to the middle of the bed. My hands went around to his back on their own when he whimpered. I felt it too, or something. I don’t know if it was the fact that I knew this was as close as it gets, or if I really did feel the difference now. Blake moved slowly in and out of me while our naked bodies melted into one. I may not have known it at the time, and I might not have climaxed, but I am one hundred percent sure that was the first time I’d ever made love.
Blake’s eyes stayed locked on mine and his lips hovered just above mine. I could feel every erotic breath, “I knew you would be this way,” he whispered to my lips, but didn’t try to kiss me, and of course I didn’t respond. I knew exactly what he was saying. He felt it too. He had to. Didn’t he?
Blake didn’t do what I’d pegged him to do. He never sped up like he normally did. Afraid that he would come inside me, part of me wanted to protest, but the most part wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t worried about getting pregnant, I made the doctor that examined me give me the shot. I wasn’t taking any chances. It was where else his penis had been that worried me. Blake lifted his weight with a right arm pushup and pulled out of me. He stroked himself, staring into my eyes and moaned with the first spurt to my stomach. Two more followed and my stupid, stupid hand moved between us. My fingers met his come and smoothed it to my swollen clit. The surprise on Blake’s face brought me back. I jerked my hand, realizing what I’d done. Gross. That wasn’t erotic. Was it?
I hated my mom at that moment. I needed to call her. That’s the kind of mom she was too. I so would have called her up and asked her about all this sex stuff. She never hid anything from me and I was sure I wouldn’t have her. Not even when I found her magic wand and asked her what it was. She told me. It was a magic wand and sometimes girls had needs. I think I was like Pea’s age. That was all the answer I needed at that age, but it wasn’t some dumb lie about it being Barbie’s rocket or something. It was the truth. But what if you have those needs, but you can’t quite achieve them? Then what?
“Makayla, it’s okay. That’s normal,” Blake assured me, trying to ease this trepidation I had about certain things in front of him.
“You’re left handed,” I stated the silly fact. He frowned and agreed.
“Yeah, so are you.”
“How do you know that?” I’d never written one word in front of him.
“You draw all over your right arm.”
“Oh.”
“Tell me why you’re so sheltered. Do you masturbate?”
“No, and I’m not sheltered. I’ve seen more shit in my
eighteen years than you have in five, so don’t talk to me about being sheltered.”
“Nineteen,” he corrected. I blew it off like I forgot I just had a birthday. I opened enough worms for one day. “Masturbating is normal too. You’ve never gotten yourself off? You don’t touch yourself? I don’t believe that.”
“Can you get off of me now?” I asked, holding my wet fingers above his back.
“No. Answer my question.”
“No. I’ve never done that.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Get off me. I was busy. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind,” I grunted and squeezed myself away from him.
“Busy doing what? Why won’t you talk to me?”
“What do you want, Blake? Do you want a relationship with me? Am I what you have in mind as your wife? What? Tell me why you give a shit about where I come from.” Blake only stared at me and took a deep breath. My eyes accidently moved to his downsizing penis when he rolled to his side. “That’s what I thought,” I said, grabbing my clothes. I didn’t put them on. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I needed to move on. This was going to crush me. First Pea, now Blake? I should have known I was too vulnerable to pull this off.
Twenty Four
The city lights as we approached the Port Authority Bus Terminal overshadowed the panic in my pounding chest.
“Come on, Pea,” I said, shaking her awake beside me.
“Are we home now?” She asked, sitting up and seeing the same familiar lights that I was seeing. I chose to arrive at three in the morning on purpose, but I still placed the pink hat on her head, just in case. I pulled my hoodie over mine, and slid down my sleeves, covering the artwork decorating my right arm.
With great ambiguity, I guided Pea through the terminal, holding her hand. I felt horrible for having her out that time of night and I had no idea where to take her. It was three in the morning and I had a four year old in a bus terminal. Sometimes I wondered where the logic was when I came up with these bonehead brain storms. Now what? It worked every other time I begged my mother for help so I did it again.
“I’m tired,” Pea whined.
“I know, baby. Come here,” I lifted her with one arm and held onto our one backpack with the other. We needed clothes, a shower, and a bed. Where the hell was I going to get those? We walked out to the busy street and my eyes darted up and down both lanes. I was sure day light hours were a lot busier, but nonetheless, the terminal was plenty congested. I sat on a bench right beside the street and waited for my ride like everyone else. Only mine didn’t come. Holding Pea close to me while she slept, I worried about what was going to happen. I sat on the bench and watched traffic depositing and retrieving travelers lost, not knowing which way to go. I swallowed the tears and kissed Pea’s head. She squirmed a bit and covered her face with Larry the monkey. I felt like such a failure. I let her down. I let myself down. Sighing with tons of regret, I swallowed a dry lump and gazed out into the glittering lights.
***
Blake couldn’t have just talked to me and told me he didn’t want me to see Ryan, he had to go and do something in retaliation. I think I would have been fine with any other girl but Felicia. Pea was seated on the counter, tasting chocolate when Blake got home.
WITH FELICIA!
My mouth dropped when he guided her into the kitchen with his hand on her back. The smirk on his face when he spoke was pointed right at me. Blake was a freaking twelfth grader. And I was the immature one?
“Felicia, you remember my nanny and my daughter London.”
“Wow. She grew.”
“Yeah, kids do that pretty quickly,” I smarted off.
“Hello. Do. You. Remember. Me?” Felicia asked, smiling down at Pea and her chocolate lips. She spoke in loud syllables. What was up with conceited women, thinking Pea couldn’t hear? Farrah did the same thing at her birthday party. Pea shifted her eyes from the ice princess to me.
“Don’t look at me. Your dad brought her home,” I said, tossing my hands to the air.
Felicia gasped and put her hand over her chest, “You’re going to let her talk to me like that? My God, Blake, you want someone like this around your daughter?”
“Can I see you for a second?” Blake angrily asked.
“No need. I’m terribly sorry Ms. Felicia. Please forgive me,” I spoke in the best ass kissing voice I could come up with. I slid Pea off the counter and walked away.
“But not me,” Pea said with her thumb in her chest. I looked at her and kissed her chocolate nose.
“Not me what?”
“Not forgive me. Me no like feces.”
“Me no like feces either,” I laughed. Epic. Why couldn’t she have called her feces in front of her face?
I messaged Ryan after that and the start of a wild burning fire was ignited into flames. Let the games begin. I was so mad. I was furious beyond belief. I paced downstairs for two hours. I tried my best to stay busy with Pea, but knowing what was going on in the bed he’d just fucked me in was sending volts of angry surges through my blood. And yes, I said fuck. I never said that word because my mother hated it so much. The vulgar word played out in my head so many times I lost count. Most of them had a name after it and they were all directed toward Blake, but a few ended in Felicia.
I tried to talk myself down and convince my brain that maybe he didn’t touch her. That they weren’t in his bed doing what he’d done to me the night before. Once when I’d just gotten Pea out of the tub and had her picking a book, I ran to the end of the hall. I knew it, but the crazy moaning solidified it. Dumb bitch. She sounded like a birthing cow.
Trying to read a story I knew by heart was like trying to read one in Japanese. I couldn’t do it. That was the first time I let Pea read the book and tell the story. She did amazing for a three year old. She pointed to the pictures and repeated what she saw. I paid very little attention due to the underlying fact that my mind was stuck down the hall. Wait, I didn’t care, I didn’t give a shit who he was in there with. I turned to Pea’s pointing finger and listened to her make up her own story to the words.
Jerking my arm around to my buzzing phone, I sent it dashing to the floor. I rolled over and fell to the floor on my knees, causing a very loud thump and an even louder, “Ouch!”
Pea looked at me like I was crazy and then giggled. Her shoulders curled and bounced, up and down while she lost it. Totally worth the fall. I came to my knees with my phone and plopped to her bed on my elbows to read Ryan’s text message.
“What the hell was that?” Blake yelled, opening the door at the exact same moment I read the text message from Ryan. Great.
“Mikki falled off the bed,” Pea tattled and then giggled again. I was in a boat load of trouble and it didn’t matter. Pea’s laughter set mine free and I giggled too. I couldn’t help it. The way she squealed in and out, her bouncing shoulders, and the happiness in those teal eyes would have made the devil laugh. Blake laughed too. That’s when I noticed his unbuttoned shirt and the erection, protruding his black slacks.
“I’m going out once Pea is down.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know. Just out.”
“With Ryan?”
“Yes.”
“There’s no Ryan in maintenance.”
“What?”
“You heard me. The only Ryan’s at this Zazen hotel is Ryan from accounting. He’s married to Judy from the coffee shop. There’s a Ryan in the mail room, but he’s a high school senior, and then there’s Ryan Ford.”
“You checked him out?”
“No, I was just looking over the payroll this morning. If I wanted to check him out I would go down to security and tell them to show me footage from whatever date and time I wanted.”
“Whatever, don’t you have something to get back to?”
“That depends on whether or not you’re going out. If you’re staying in, I’ll get rid of her.”
Well, damn. Staying there and doing that w
ith Blake sounded like a much better plan than hanging out with Ryan. Unfortunately, Ryan was up to something. Ryan was holding me with an invisible blackmail. Until I knew what his motive was, I had to keep him at arm’s length.
“Rid her,” Pea said, waving her hand away.
“Stop making me laugh. I’m trying to be mean to your daddy. Are you really going to give me an ultimatum to keep me from going out with someone?” That pissed me off. The many talks my mother had with me about being manipulated into doing anything I didn’t feel, just paid off. I wasn’t the co-dependent type. And there wasn’t enough money in the world to convince me otherwise.
“Is everyone out to get you? Why do you have to analyze everything?”
“Because you just gave me an ultimatum, I’m going out.”
“Fine, but maybe that wasn’t what that was. Maybe it’s the only way I know how to tell you I would rather spend the evening with you.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I heard from the hall. Great. Let’s all say drama together. Gah! Shoot me. I pulled Pea to my lap and held my hands over her ears. “Go fuck yourself Blake Coast. You want some rat from the Bronx, go for it. I don’t fucking need you. Who the fuck do you think you are? Don’t fucking call me again—ever. We’re through.” My hands stayed in place until the, slamming of the door.
“Her is mad,” Pea assured me.
Damnit. I didn’t want to go out, I wanted to stay there, but I couldn’t. Promising myself I was going to tell Blake who I was, I left the penthouse right after Pea fell asleep, sending a simple text message to Blake as I walked out in a slinky red dress. This was the last night I was doing this. It was a good thing too. I was wearing the last outfit I had that Ryan hadn’t already seen me in. I was even getting used to the heels. Maybe not expert status, I wasn’t putting any swing in my steps yet, but I could walk. Knowing I wasn’t going to fall flat on my face helped with my confidence.
I spent a couple hours with Ryan, but not really. We talked a little but not much. Sort of like it was the last time. He did ask me a couple questions, but then went right back to working on his phone or talking to some random, important person that he never even introduced me to.