“Did you do anything in school? Like sports or anything?” Ryan asked over the table. My attention went from the crowded club to him.
“What?”
“You know. What did you do in school? I was a wrestler.”
“Oh, um. Nothing really. I played basketball until the sixth grade, but then quit when my mom got sick.”
“I see,” he distantly replied, getting back to the buzzing, “See, this is why it’s so hard for me to date. Is Blake like this? Is he forever busy?”
“Well, he is the CEO, so yeah. I guess.”
“He’s the CEO because of who he knows, sort of like who he blows. He didn’t get that position because he worked for it.”
“Blake works very hard for Holden.”
“Yeah, I didn’t mean it that way. Never mind. Why do you call him Holden? It’s almost like you know him.”
“I don’t know him at all. I know you more than I know him and that’s not saying much.”
“I have a feeling that’s going to change,” he smiled, placing his hand over mine. I wish I would have read between those lines. I know now that he probably wasn’t talking about our relationship, not fully anyway.
I answered a few personal questions that I thought were strange, but whatever. It was weird. Ryan would ask me a question and then act totally disengaged while his thumbs worked on his phone.
“Do you have other family around here?”
“No.”
“Where are they?”
“I don’t really have anyone. My grandmother died when I was seven.”
“How?”
“Um, the same cancer my mom had.”
“Which was?”
“Breast cancer.”
“So you witnessed your mother and grandmother suffer through cancer?”
I suddenly didn’t like the way I felt. Ryan wasn’t asking questions like Blake did. He wasn’t concerned. He didn’t care and I felt alone and intimidated.
“No, not exactly. My grandma passed right away from complications during surgery.”
“Hmm, that’s sad. Are you ready to go?”
“For sure,” I said standing.
Mooooom!!!!!
“I’ll pick you up around eight tomorrow night,” Ryan said, pulling to the double doors of the resort. His hand went to my neck and his lips crushed mine. Great. I tried like hell not to kiss him back. What the hell was going on here? Ryan couldn’t like me. I thought this was like the donkey and the carrot. Ryan was into me? Gah!
“Well, goodnight,” I said, pushing away from him.
“Goodnight. Maybe you can spend the night tomorrow night.”
The nervous laugh escaped and I got the hell out of the car, “Maybe. Goodnight.”
Spend the night? With Ryan? The whirlwind of what to do’s were plentiful on my way to the penthouse. Ryan?
I closed the door and breathed a sigh of relief. Blake wasn’t downstairs and I sighed, almost wishing he was. I showered and got rid of the slinky little dress that wasn’t me. What was I doing? I just needed to come clean with Blake about everything and stop hiding behind all these lies.
I slid fuzzy socks over my cold feet and slipped on a long shirt and walked back to the living room. After I rinsed a chocolate milk cup and wiped up cracker crumbs, I poured a glass of juice and walked to the glass wall. I stared out to the twinkling lights, longing for my mom. A ghostly shiver of guilt ran over my skin, I hadn’t cried for her in a few days. What kind of daughter was I? I should have been sulking, not out doing whatever that was. Hell, I wasn’t even old enough to be doing any of this. I couldn’t even buy beer. I wasn’t even registered to vote yet. I breathed a long deep breath and walked around the grand piano. My fingers traced the gold trim on the fall and I thought about my mom. I hadn’t come close to that piano since I got there. Pea didn’t even know the big thing even made noise. Thinking about how her sitting beside me while I taught her to play, I slid across the bench and opened the fall.
My fingers brushed lightly across the keys and a small smile appeared on my lips. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that my mother wasn’t pushing me. My ring finger tinged the thin high pitched note all the way to the right. I felt a musical nostalgia that I hadn’t even realized I was missing. My eyes closed and I placed my fingers on the dominant keys and took a deep, diaphragm breath. The notes came like I had never stopped playing. I was eleven years old again, my eyes were closed just like my mom taught me, and I was feeling the music. That was the very first time I knew what she was talking about.
I’d spent weeks and weeks practicing this melody. It was so routine and I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand how I could feel a song that I was so sick of, but I did that night. My mom promised me that I would.
I wore a silver dress with a purple belt. Walking onto a stage of that magnitude catapults you into a whole new awe of astonishing. I bowed to the massive audience, and glanced to my mom in the front row. Her hands covered her mouth with praying hands, her eyes lifted to the heavens, and her head nodded for me to take my place. My eyes closed before I got to the shiny bench. The anxiety I felt about messing up and disappointing my mom was stronger than the fear of making a fool of myself in front of all of Chicago. They didn’t come to see some dumb kid. They wanted the real piano players like my mom.
My eyes never opened the entire time. My fingers landed on the dominant keys by osmosis and the melody happened all by itself. All those days of practicing couldn’t have prepared me for this. I felt it. I felt it in the way my body swayed lost in a melodramatic trance until three seconds after the last note. I was lost in another world for a full three minutes. My eyes fluttered with the wetness. I didn’t see a stadium full of standing people, I saw my mother. I didn’t hear the thunderous claps, echoing in the dome from the standing ovation, I heard my mother’s tear slide down her cheek. I didn’t feel the hundreds of people staring at me, I felt my tear slide down my cheek, matching my mom’s.
“Sarah’s Whisper.” My watery eyes quivered open to see Blake, sitting on the bottom step. The tear slid down my cheek and I turned to the soft voice, “That’s amazing. You didn’t say you played like that. Why didn’t I know this about you?”
I smiled and closed the lid, “You don’t know a lot about me. How did you know what that was? Not many people even know who Goldoni even is.”
“He wrote some of the saddest songs known to man before he killed himself in nineteen forty three. Sarah’s Whisper was written for his little sister. She died of a curable disease. The religion of his parents wouldn’t allow her to have the needed surgery. Goldoni watched her die.”
Remembering the story my mother told me more than once, I finished it, “He wrote Sarah’s Whisper to give her the voice she didn’t have,” I quietly said in the same melodramatic tone, the same it was told to me by my mother. She couldn’t say Sarah’s Whisper without sounding sad.
“That was beautiful. I’m at a loss for words.”
“You didn’t answer my question. How do know Sarah’s Whisper?”
Blake stood from the step and walked toward me. The sensations only he caused were immediate. “I’m sure my mother has told you all about it,” he accused.
“No, I asked her why you had this piano, but you never play.”
“And she said?”
“Ask you.”
I felt his leg touch mine, but I didn’t move. Blake leaned his elbows behind him and looked at me, “My dad was the founder of Conley.”
“I’m not sure what that is.”
“It’s a prestigious music school here in New York.”
“What happened to your dad?” If he told me he died of cancer I was going to feel like an idiot. Maybe he did understand. Maybe Blake turned into this person because that was how he coped.
“He killed himself.”
“Wow, suicide?”
“Same as. He got drunk and drove his car into a tree.”
“That’s not really suicide. When did he die?”
/>
“I was seventeen and yes it was. He preached and preached about me drinking and driving. He killed himself. He didn’t have to do that.” I didn’t give my opinion on the matter. Who was I to tell him how to cope with his loss? He worked and I wrote all over myself. “Tell me something,” Blake requested when I didn’t respond.
“Doubtful, but you can try,” I smiled a half a smile.
“Why can’t I make you come?”
I expelled a quick puff of air and straightened my slouched shoulders, “I don’t think it’s you. It’s weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“I feel things,” I said, in a raspy tone, staring deep into his eyes.
“Like what?” Blake asked, sitting up and moving closer. My breath caught when his hand touched my waist and his lips neared mine.
“Like I want to. Like my hands become clammy and my heart beats too fast. My stomach fills with swarms of butterflies and my mouth dries up.”
“What else?” Blake whispered to my lips. My eyes closed and our foreheads touched.
“I feel a trembling sensation deep inside me.”
“Inside? Is it here?” Blake whispered, tilting his head to the right a little. His hand slid down and his thumb slid between my legs.
“Yes,” I panted and tried not to lean into his lips.
“Do you feel it now?”
“I peed,” Pea called from the top of the step. I sucked in a breath and spun on the slick seat. The pounding in my chest hummed so fast and I got the hell away from whatever that was and went to Pea.
Twenty Five
I maneuvered Pea enough to reach my phone and held my breath. Powering it on, I read the last message.
RUN!!!! And Quinton Ford. He’s coming for you. Leave now.
Why wasn’t there something? Any kind of guidance. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, or who to trust. I squeezed Pea a little and looked around. My finger swiped across the screen and I started to go to my contacts when I stopped.
Wait a minute.
Quinton Ford? Of course. My new revelation did little in helping me figure out what to do next, but at least I had something to go on. I breathed in the twenty fifth breath and dialed the number.
“Mikki, you can’t call me. What are you doing? Is everything okay?”
“No, I’m in New York with Pea.”
“Why? What happened? Did you get caught? Are you in jail?”
“No, but they’re on to us. We had to leave Idaho.”
“You came back to New York? Are you crazy?”
“I don’t know what else to do.”
“Mikki, you’re going to go to jail and that wretched woman is going to get Pea.”
“I need you to get Pea for me. Just keep her there until I can figure out what to do.”
“I can’t let anyone know I was involved in this.”
“I don’t know where else to go. Please. Don’t do it for me. Do it for Pea.”
“Where are you?”
“Port Authority bus station.”
“I’m going to send someone to get her. Don’t move, but power off that phone.”
“Thank you,” I replied in a relieved breath.
My eyes closed in as much relief as I could feel at the time. Blake wouldn’t be happy with my decision, but I trusted her more than anyone else. Except Grace of course. I just couldn’t call her. She was being watched for sure.
I shook my head to a homeless lady asking for a dollar. I had a kid in my lap. Was she blind? The homeless lady was all the trigger I needed to jump back to how this all happened.
“Pea, wake up, baby. I need to talk to you.”
“Why?” Pea questioned squirming in my arms.
“Listen to me, Pea. Someone is going to come and pick you up. He’s going to take you to Sarah’s for a few days, okay?”
“Are you coming to?”
“Not yet, sweetie. I’ll come and get you as soon as I can. I promise.”
“No, I don’t want to.” Crap. Why did she have to cry?
“Pea, I promise everything is going to be okay.”
“What if you don’t come back?”
“I will, Pea,” I promised again, locking her pinky with mine. “Bible,” I added for more conviction.
I held Pea while she cried in my arms, sucking in both my lips to keep from crying with her. I had to fix this.
“Okay, here we go, baby. Give me a hug. I love you so, so much and I’ll see you really soon, okay, Pea? Okay Pea?” I said again, pulling her crying eyes from my chest.
“Okay,” she pouted. I kissed away her salty tears and stood with her.
I placed her in the backseat of the total stranger’s car, feeling like I was going to lose it. “I love you, Pea,” I said, fastening her seatbelt. My knees suddenly felt like they were about to buckle and the air fell from my lungs. The lights swirled around me as the car drove off with Pea. My reality was snapped back when a stranger bumped into me, placed a piece of paper in the palm of my hand, and disappeared.
Meet me at noon tomorrow in Central Park. Conservatory Garden. Pea is on her way to Staten Island with my house keeper, Aliza. She’s met her before and she took care of Janie. She’s in good hands. Throw this away now.
I tossed the paper in the trash and spun around with a breath of fresh air. Sarah knew how much I loved her. Sarah went out of her way to tell me Pea was okay. I needed that. I stayed in the wide open streets, walking only where I felt safe and tried my best to come up with a plan. I needed in Ryan’s office.
After stopping off at a Dollar General store for a few things, I checked into a one star hotel and ordered Chinese takeout. Lathering the suds between my fingers, I decided to never take good shampoo for granted again.
I peeked through the peep hole with a towel on my head, “Keep the change,” I said, giving the kid a twenty. Sitting on the bed with my new cheap sweats and stiff shirt, I ate and flipped channels on the box TV. I stopped it on an old Bob Hope comedy. Bank teller Henry Dimsdale found a substantial amount of money in a parking lot. He was a widower with seven kids and the money was blessing. His housekeeper convinces him that it is a case of finders keepers.
Henry waits two weeks to see if anyone claims the missing money, but no one does, so he splurges on a new car and a diamond ring for Ellie Barton, his fiancée. When the bank Henry works for discovers a fifty thousand dollar shortage, Henry becomes a prime suspect. I actually got into the dumb movie. It fit me and Pea. Henry, along with his seven kids take it on the lam to Arizona. It was hard being on the run with one kid, I couldn’t imagine being on the run with seven. One imagination was enough. God I missed Pea. I held the jagged heart in my closed hand and held her close to my heart.
She had to be scared to death. After eating all of the shrimp and broccoli from my cardboard box, I sat at the small table and looked out the window, overlooking a side street with an empty parking lot. A cat jumped inside a green dumpster and I picked up an ink pen with the hotel inscription and drew a straight line.
***
The day after my heart stopping encounter with Blake and the piano, I caught myself smiling several times. As much as I fought the feelings toward Blake, a stronger force fought harder; probably my mom. I had a hard time not picturing the three of us as a family, but not there. I saw us in the suburbs, maybe a little farm or something. Of course that was silly. Blake took his job too serious for that.
Pea and I were out by the pool, searching the gardens for a frog she swore she saw. I mostly followed her and listened to her broken sentence that made little sense. I thought she was crazy. I didn’t see a frog.
“Are you fucking, Ryan? Ryan my CFO?”
“No. Why? Did he say I was?”
“How can you go out with Ryan? How did that even happen? I don’t get it.”
“Blake it’s not like that. I swear to God, it’s not.”
“Then how is it? You know what? I don’t even care. I want you out of my house by tomorrow afternoon. I’l
l make sure you’re okay with enough money and a new nanny will be here by tomorrow afternoon.”
“Blake, listen to me. It’s not like that. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time.”
“Are you in love with him? I don’t get it, Makayla. You tell him things.”
“What? No I don’t.”
“He knows more about you after a couple of dates than I do after a few months. I know all about you, you just turned eighteen, and not nineteen at all. I don’t know what kind of scheme you’ve got going on with Ryan, but you can leave me out of it. I’ve worked very hard to get where I am, and I’m not letting either one of you take that away from me.”
“Blake, oh my God. Will you listen to me?”
“Why does he get to know that side of you? Why does the guy that wants everything I’ve ever had get to know that your mom and grandma died of cancer? Why does he get to know about how much you loved to play basketball, but you quit, because you had to take care of your mom?”
“What? No. It wasn’t like that, Blake. You’re making it sound like some intimate conversation between us. It wasn’t. I swear to God it wasn’t, Blake.”
“I don’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth.”
“I find it!” Pea yelled from behind the bush.
“She’s holding a frog,” Blake informed me, “Oh my God. She’s her mother.”
“What?” I asked, looking at the puzzled way Blake watched his daughter.
“Nothing. Pea? Pea’s the pea,” Blake said, watching her with intent.
“You’re freaking me out here. What the hell are you talking about?”
“The Princess and the pea. You feel her.”
“You’re telling me the moral of the Princess and the Pea?” What? What the hell was going on here? My heart pounded, trying to keep up. What the hell did Ryan tell him? What did he know about my relationship with Holden? What the hell was he talking about and what did he mean Pea was her mother? No she wasn’t. Pea was far from being anything like that horrid creature.
“Yeah, the prince could only marry a real princess. He had many imposters, but not one of them could feel the pea through twenty mattresses. The real princess showed up tattered and wet from being caught in a storm. The Queen doesn’t believe that she’s a real princess because of how she looks.”