CHAPTER 19
My breath caught and my stomach threatened to heave. My mind couldn’t process fast enough, wondering whether it was because my father had been found out, or if it was all just about me going missing.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” he said. “I had to get you out of there. I mean, who knows if you’d been spotted at the club or something. Even I’ve seen you in the papers with your father. No wonder the Boss found out who you were.”
I guess I hadn’t really thought about that. I was never the person who stood out in a crowd. Heck, I was never the person who stood out in a group of two. That was always Annie’s job, or my father’s. Until last night, I’d always been fine with that.
“You were passed out cold, and I didn’t know what to do. I don’t know. Maybe they thought you’d run away or something and called the cops. I suppose when the Mayor’s daughter goes missing it’s a big deal down at the station. God Sadie, I’m so sorry, I just didn’t know what else to do.” He buried his head in his hands. He wasn’t crying, but I guess he just couldn’t face looking at me.
I laid down on the bed, my legs hanging over the edge and crossed my hands over my stomach. It did little to help the churning.
“I wouldn’t have known what to do either,” I finally said.
I tried to picture the scene. All those policemen, the lights flashing, maybe even the sirens going. What would I have done? “I certainly wouldn’t have waltzed right up to my front door either if it had been my decision.”
“Really?” he asked, hopeful.
“Are you kidding? The police had just finished shooting at me! They killed Annie, Frankie. They killed her!”
“You don’t know that for sure,” Frankie said.
“Yes I do. You didn’t see her like I did. She’s gone Frankie. My best friend is gone.” I thought I’d cried all the tears that my body could possibly produce, but I was wrong. They pooled around my neck, some sliding past my ears leaving a cold path.
Frankie lay down on his side, nestled closer and stroked my hair gently. “I’m so sorry Sadie. About everything. About Annie. Just… about everything,” he said, laying his head on the bed, his hair touching my cheek.
I believed him. I believed that he truly hadn’t meant to hurt me. I believed he was broken up about Annie. And most of all, I believed he would have taken me home if he could have, even if it meant he might never see me again. My breath went shaky when I thought about what that meant.
“But, why here?” I asked, trying to keep my breathing steady. “Why aren’t we at your house?”
I couldn’t imagine what Frankie’s place might look like. Was it fancy or plain? Clean or messy? Dark or light? Knowing Frankie, it was probably modest. Funny, out of all the guys that worked for the Boss, Frankie seemed less taken in by all the money and all the ‘things’ than the rest.
Frankie made a sound, almost like he was wounded. “I couldn’t go back there. After the raid…” he started, sitting up.
I propped myself up on one elbow, waiting.
“…well, you know that the cops found the tunnels. So, it’s just a matter of time before they find my place. The guys are all on high alert. Most who haven’t already been arrested are making plans to leave town.” He was actively avoiding my gaze now as he cleared his throat. “Some of them are already gone.”
I suddenly realized Frankie was trying to tell me he was leaving.
“So, um…” I started, trying my best to not sound as panicked as I was, “what about me?”
He buried his head in his hands again. “Yeah, I…” What followed was the longest pause in the history of the world. “… I just don’t know.”
That was it. He didn’t want me. He didn’t want me to run away. Especially, it seemed, with him. And now I couldn’t go back home either.
I tried my best not to let the tears come again, but there was no stopping them, running as if my eyes were a faucet. Another steady stream soaking my cheeks and the front of my dress which was a disastrous mess, stained with blood, soaked with tears, and I noticed, torn as well.
I could never leave the room in this condition. Plus everyone in town knew my face, especially now. I could only imagine what was in today’s paper. Great perk of being the Mayor’s daughter.
Frankie tried. He really did. But I was inconsolable. Numb, as if the whole world just fell away and all that was left was the stupid little cell of a hotel room. Nowhere to go. Nothing to see, nothing to do.
Just nothing.
Frankie paced for what could have been a few minutes, or it could have been hours. I didn’t have any sense of time, although after a while I noticed the room wasn’t as bright. Perhaps the sun had gone down. Or maybe it was raining. I didn’t have the energy to get up off the bed to check. I just lay there sleepless and numb.
Frankie went out once for something to eat, but I wasn’t hungry.
“Please Sadie. You’ve got to eat something.”
I tried to choke down a few bites, I really did. But along with the food, Frankie had also picked up a copy of the local paper.
“MAYOR’S DAUGHTER GOES MISSING IN RAID, SECRET MOB TUNNELS DISCOVERED,” was the caption. Just as I thought. How nice for my father that he wasn’t found out.
I started reading. A few lines down, it described briefly, how “many innocent civilians were caught in the crossfire, including three who lost their lives. The newly discovered secret tunnels linked several previously unknown, illegal establishments, as well as various other mob hideouts.”
I could barely read the rest of the article, my vision so blurry from a new wave of tears. The article also detailed several ‘unnamed’ eyewitness accounts to my whereabouts last night, stating I was at Diamonds. An unnamed police snitch got into the story, no doubt making a month’s wages for being the inside source. He’d confirmed that I’d been there, right down to what I’d been wearing. Of course my father shot it all down, saying ‘these sources are unnamed for a reason. There’s no truth behind it.’ He was adamant that I had been kidnapped, taken out of my room in the dead of night.
I couldn’t help but let out a humorless laugh, knowing full well he knew I’d snuck out. But he had to save face for the press. After all, an election was coming up. He couldn’t afford to have a daughter who would even think of sneaking out of the house, and certainly not to some seedy, illegal juice joint.
Ironic, considering Diamonds was the swankiest, most upscale place in town, much more so than anyplace legal.
I balled up the paper and threw it across the room.
The vision of Annie’s lifeless body haunted me. The way I’d left her in that dark, dingy tunnel. I couldn’t believe I once thought the tunnels were so mysterious, so exciting. All I could see in them now was devastation and death.
Time passed. I couldn’t even guess how much, a day for sure, maybe more. Frankie would leave for food and other supplies, but mostly he just stood, holding the curtains open a crack, staring out the window.
We didn’t talk much. Every now and then, when he thought I was sleeping, he came and lay with me on the bed, close, but always the gentleman, carful not to touch me inappropriately.
On what I guessed was the third day, Frankie left again. He was gone much longer than the times before, and soon I was the one peeking through the curtains, willing him to come strolling back into that parking lot.
The longer I waited, the more worked up I became. How could he be gone so long? Wasn’t he worried about someone spotting him? What on earth could be so important?
Whatever it was, it was obviously more important than me.
I soaked in the bathtub, and didn’t even care if Frankie walked in or not. Sitting, vulnerable in that tiny bathroom, almost like I was daring him to catch me. Daring him to return. I even left the bathroom door partway open.
But he didn’t come. I had no choice but to put my blood-caked dress back on. Another reminder that I had nothing in the world, not even a clean outfit. <
br />
Finally, as the sun was setting again, Frankie came back.
His hands were so full of shopping bags and boxes that I could barely see his face behind everything. Relief flooded over me.
“Hi,” I said, quietly, wondering what was inside all those bags.
“Hi,” he said back, and smiled for the first time since we’d been holed up in this God forsaken room. It was like seeing the sun break through the clouds at the end of a hurricane.
He walked up to the bed and spread his arms wide, dropping everything carelessly on top of the wrinkled blankets. He turned to face me, still beaming. “I have come to a decision.”
I couldn’t help it. My heart beat just a little faster and for the first time since the tunnel, I think I felt something slightly related to hope.
“I’m leaving town,” he said.
And that was the end of that.
Frankie must have seen my face fall because he was quick to add, “but I want to take you with me Sadie. I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to think of every angle but one thing was always holding me back.”
“Me?” I said quietly.
“Yes!”
“Well, I’m sorry to be such a burden to you,” I said, feeling that old familiar sting behind my eyes.
I hung my head, hoping to hide the tears.
“No Sadie, you don’t understand. I meant you are holding me back in a good way. In an I-can’t-get-my-mind-off-of-you way.”
I kept my head down, but I dared a quick glance up. Frankie was still beaming. “Sadie, as much as I’ve tried not to, I finally realized that I’ve completely fallen for you I just can’t walk away.”
My heart started up again. What was I supposed to say to that? Fortunately, Frankie probably knew I’d be stunned when he let out this revelation, so he kept talking. “When I realized I wanted to take care of you for the rest of my life, I wanted to get started right away.”
Take care of me for the rest of my life?
“So that’s all stuff… for me?”
“Well, I had to get a few things for myself, but yeah, it’s for you. The saleslady at the boutique really helped me out a lot.”
I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I was used to having fine things, but I never imagined that one day Frankie might be the person buying those fine things for me.
And fine things they were. As I rifled through, feeling the softness of the fabrics, knowing how much this all must have cost, I couldn’t help but feel special. It had been a long, trying few days and I wondered if maybe I could start to feel like a real person again.
But then my mood would darken, remembering. I knew Annie would want me to be happy, so I tried to imagine how she would be decidedly envious of all my new clothes, but be happy for me anyway, asking to try everything on. Annie was nothing if not a fashion--obsessed girl.
Frankie looked so happy, watching me go through the clothes. The thought flashed through my mind, wondering how he could afford it all, but then I realized that a man in his position, high up in the organization, would probably have money to burn. The Boss’ joints were humming every night. They must rake in cash hand over fist.
“Frankie, this is too much,” I said.
“Nothing is too good for my girl,” he said, sitting beside me, even daring to put his arm around my waist.
My girl. He called me his girl. I nearly fainted dead away, having wished so hard for those words.
The thing I’d wanted had finally come, but I was missing my best friend. Annie had been my everything, and accepting Frankie into my life felt like I was betraying her somehow. I shouldn’t be happy. I should be punished, and if no one else was going to do it, I should at least have the decency to punish myself. But I didn’t even know how to do that. I buried my head in my hands, guilt overcoming me, and tears came again.
Annie was the one who knew how to live. She deserved to be alive so much more than me, and just sitting in that room for days, doing nothing, proved it even more. If I were Frankie, I would just sigh and walk away from the driveling mess that I had become. But Frankie wasn’t like that. Criminal or not, he had a good and kind heart. And for some reason, he had chosen me to share it with.
He set his hat down on the table and came to me. He sat on the bed and put his arms around me and let me cry all over his clothes, messing them up yet again. I just couldn’t do anything right, not even accept a wonderful and generous gift from the man I loved.
And I did love him. More than I had ever loved anything in my life. So much that I could no longer picture a life without him, could barely remember a life before him.
It was then that Annie’s voice came to me. “You’re alive for a reason Sadie, it’s your turn now. Your turn to live your life. Your turn to take a chance. Your turn to dare to accept love.”
I pulled back from Frankie, wondering if somehow he’d heard it too. Of course he hadn’t, but the way he looked at me with so much concern, and with so much love in his eyes, I knew that Annie was telling me it was okay. That it wasn’t all my fault, and that she would seriously let me have it if I didn’t hurry up and live my life.
I decided right then and there to start living it.
It seemed to take forever to get the coat off, it was so snug in the arms. I still couldn’t believe how strong Frankie was. I tried to imagine what kind of work he did for the Boss that would require such muscle, but nothing came to me. Not that I was complaining.
The kisses were gentle, loving, as he slid his hand ever so lightly down my arm. Tingles shot through my body and I almost dove on him, hardly able to hold myself back. The only thing that stopped me was Frankie. He seemed to be having no trouble going slowly. Perhaps he already knew it was better that way.
I pushed the thought out of my mind as quickly as I could, not that it was all that difficult considering what was going on. In fact, it was pretty hard trying to think any thoughts whatsoever. My mind was a big pile of mush again, just like with that first kiss in the tunnel. Finally, I gave up and decided to just feel instead of think.
I couldn’t keep my eyes off his muscular forearms as he unbuttoned his shirt… until, that is, he pulled off his undershirt, revealing his rippled stomach. It was like his whole body was alive with movement, bathed in red as the setting sun tried to peek through the curtains.
He laid me back gently, breathing heavy, though I couldn’t imagine his breathing was any heavier than mine. I was exhilarated, like I’d just run a mile, but not tired in the least. Tiny pulses of energy sparked through my body, taking turns through my fingers, my legs, even my scalp.
“Are you okay?” Frankie asked gently.
Somehow I found a way to answer, “yes, more than okay.”
He smiled, pressing into me, his lips nearly crushing mine. Before that moment, I would never have thought that sort of pressure would have felt good, but it was amazing. His lips investigated my neck. My eyes rolled back and I could do nothing, my mind was gone. All senses except the ones in my neck had abandoned me and I was forced to give in to the sensation, unable to move, barely able to even breathe. But soon the rest of my body came alive, alive like I’d never known it to be. An urgency like no other, swelled deep where I’d never experienced. It was shocking and marvelous all at once. Frankie shifted further on top of me and with the weight of him the urgency subsided momentarily, then grew even stronger.
Finally, he made his way to my lips and I kissed back with no thought attached to it, only Frankie’s comfort and warmth guiding me.
Of course, no unmarried woman should ever indulge in such scandalous behavior, but I had truly never felt more comfortable, and nothing had ever felt so right before. It was like with Frankie, I had finally found a home, and I knew in my heart that he felt the same way.
He was gentle as he kissed my shoulders, down my arms, and undid the buttons on my dress, leaving fluttery kisses across my stomach. The butterflies that were forming soared into a frenzy and I gulped for air then bit down o
n my lip, trying to control myself from crying out. This was the point of no return. I could not stop myself from giving into Frankie completely, and was surprised to realize there was nothing I wanted more.
I guess there was more of my sacandalous Annie in me than I’d thought. Maybe she would always be with me after all.