“So, you didn’t do anything to piss her off?”
“Not that I know of.” I racked my brain, trying to think of anything I could have possibly done to make Sine want to quit. “We were fine the last time I saw her.”
“When was that?”
“Friday afternoon, when we left the studio.” I didn’t even have to think to know the answer.
After our Thursday session...encounter...whatever label I gave it, I’d worried that Friday would be awkward, but it’d felt fine to me. I’d been tempted to push my luck and kiss her again, coax her into sleeping with me again, but she’d looked exhausted, so I simply smiled and told her to rest up.
“And you said she was sick yesterday?”
“Most of the weekend, based on the voicemail she left me. She looked tired on Friday.”
Jean sighed. “And you didn’t talk to her directly? Not since Friday. When she started feeling sick. Seriously, Alix?”
She had that same sort of exasperated sound that my mother got when I did something stupid.
“Do you call all of your employees at home if you think they’re sick?” I asked, disliking the defensive tone in my words.
There was a beat of silence before she spoke again. This time, however, her voice was soft. “She’s not just any employee though, is she?”
My chest tightened. Jean was right. Sine wasn’t just another model, or some random person hired to organize things for me. She wasn’t my girlfriend, but she deserved to have someone look after her. And I hadn’t done that.
Fuck.
I knew better.
The very core of being a good Dom was taking care of my submissive, and I hadn’t done that. It didn’t matter that we’d only been together a few times and that we weren’t a couple. She was more than some random fuck at Gilded Cage, or some girl I hired to pose for me.
“And she didn’t say why she was quitting?” I ran my hand through my hair. “I mean, she didn’t say that I did something...wrong?”
“No,” Jean admitted. “But I figured you must have because I didn’t believe for a minute that she hadn’t thought it all through before signing.”
“Shit,” I muttered.
“So, you did do something.”
Yes. I fucked her. More than once. In kinky ways. And I wanted to do more.
“No,” I lied.
“Then you better get your ass over to her place, apologize, and get her back.”
I scowled even as I looked for my shoes. “I said I didn’t do anything.”
“And I’ve turned forty-five for the past decade.”
I couldn’t remember Sine’s address. “Shit.”
“I’m hoping that’s because you know you screwed up and not as a commentary on my age.” Jean’s voice was dry, but didn’t sound pissed anymore, so that was good.
“I’ll take care of it,” I said. “I just have to find my phone. I have Sine’s address in it and now I can’t–”
“You’re talking on it.”
I closed my eyes. “Yes. Yes, I am. Sorry, my parents showing up just really threw me.”
“If you want to pretend that’s what it is, I won’t stop you.”
“Jean...”
“Let Sine know that I won’t be calling around for any replacements unless she comes in to see me herself.”
The call ended, leaving me staring at the phone and wondering when the hell my life had completely spun out of control.
19
Sine
When I’d gone back to the studio, Giselle and Alix had been nowhere to be seen, so I’d just gone to my office and done the work I’d been hired to do. The whole time, my brain had been going round and round with all sorts of ideas about what my next move should be. Alix hadn’t done anything wrong, so I had no right to be angry at him. Things had been perfectly clear regarding our roles.
That didn’t stop me from being hurt though. Hurt that I’d been replaced. That the things I thought we both felt hadn’t existed. Or, rather, that they’d been one-sided.
All of that was my fault though. I was the one who’d thought Alix and I had been moving toward something real. And I hadn’t even admitted that to myself until I’d seen Giselle.
By the time I’d gotten home, I’d known I couldn’t subject Alix to whatever awkwardness I’d bring to work because of my own errors in judgment. He already had his new model. He didn’t need my pictures, and he didn’t need me.
I wouldn’t have the money for a visit home now, but maybe a longer venture back was in my future. My lease would be up soon, and if I didn’t find a roommate or a better paying job, I’d need to worry about where to live. And if I couldn’t find a job, I’d be shipped back to Balbriggan.
But that was a problem for tomorrow.
Today, I intended to enjoy my stew and biscuits. Take a hot bath. Do some reading.
And not think about Alix Wexler one single bit.
My resolve lasted until the moment someone knocked on my door, and I heard his voice.
“Sine, we need to talk.”
Dammit.
I couldn’t bring myself to be rude when he’d done nothing wrong, so I opened the door and gestured for him to come inside. I didn’t look at him though. I wasn’t ready for that just yet. I needed a moment to compose myself. I hadn’t planned on seeing him today.
I was just glad I hadn’t done my bath yet because I would have felt a lot more vulnerable than I already did. I was still wearing the skirt and blouse I’d worn to work this morning, my only concession to comfort was my lack of shoes.
“Why’d you quit?”
No small talk. Straight to the point.
At least this would be short.
I took a deep breath and tried to keep it all as simple as possible. “I told Ms. Holloman that I was willing to work until she found someone new, so I’ll have everything organized and in place for whoever comes next.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.” He took a step toward me. “And you’re not just my assistant.”
“You made the right call.” I tried a different approach. “Rehiring Giselle now that she’s finished with her prior engagement. I’m sure she’ll be perfect for the series.”
“Giselle?” He frowned, the look on his face so completely baffled that I wondered if perhaps I’d gotten things wrong.
“She and I spoke earlier today,” I continued. “She explained things, and I don’t wish for you to feel awkward about changing your mind. I thought leaving–”
“Sine.”
I shivered at the way he said my name. No one should be allowed to make two syllables sound like that.
“Start at the beginning.”
Why couldn’t he just let it go?
I sighed and did as he asked. “When I arrived at the studio this morning, Giselle was there. She told me that her previous job was done and that you’d asked her to come back to finish the series.” I kept my voice level and flat. It was a recitation of facts, nothing more.
“Sine, I didn’t–”
“It’s all right,” I cut him off. “And I’m sorry for not telling you directly. You were just...otherwise occupied when I left for lunch, and then neither of you were there when I came back–”
It was his turn to interrupt. “I wasn’t there at all.”
I stopped, mouth open as whatever I’d been planning to say died before it could get out. It took me a moment before I was able to ask, “What?”
He took another step toward me, his hand coming out to lightly touch my arm. “I was with my parents all day today. I left a message.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t get a text from you.”
A sheepish expression crossed his face. “I misplaced my phone.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I know,” he said. “It sounds like some sort of con, but I promise that it’s not. Last night, I was doing some re-arranging at my place, and I misplaced my phone. I didn’t realize it until my parents showed up here for a surprise visit,
but I didn’t find it again until a couple hours ago.”
The light in his eyes was so earnest, I wanted to believe him. But I couldn’t. Not yet. I still had questions.
“I swear, Sine, on the way to breakfast, I stopped at the studio and put a note on the door saying you could have the day off. Giselle must have removed the note.” He scowled. “I won’t be working with her again.”
“How did she get inside then?” I asked.
“I give models guest codes that I usually remove once the job’s done. I must have forgotten to remove hers since her contract ended early.”
He had an answer for everything, and that should have made me suspicious, but it didn’t. While odd, his version of events better fit with the character of the man I’d gotten to know.
“What did you mean when you said I was ‘otherwise occupied?’”
I flushed as I answered, “Giselle said you were in the bathroom, um, cleaning up.”
For a moment, he looked puzzled, and then realization dawned. “You think Giselle and I...” He shook his head. “No. Never.”
“She was naked. What was I supposed to think?” I shifted my weight, unable to look him in the eye. “I mean, you and I–”
I felt him move rather than saw it, my entire body sent buzzing with awareness as he closed the distance between us. He gripped my chin, turning my face back to him. Without my shoes on, I was so much shorter than him that I had to bend my head far back so I could see his face.
“I don’t sleep with my models.” A smile curved one side of his mouth. “At least I hadn’t until you came along.”
His face was more open than I’d ever seen it, and I read the truth of his statement there.
“Maybe it would’ve been better if you’d stuck with that policy,” I said. “A lot less trouble.”
He brushed a couple curls back from my face. “I don’t mind a wee bit of trouble.”
His attempt at an Irish accent made me laugh, easing the negative tension between us. His fingers lingered on my cheek, the gleam in his eyes shifting to a simmer. A coil of heat inside my belly warmed me all the way through.
I pushed myself up on my tiptoes, wrapping my arms around his neck so I could pull him down to me. As soon as he realized what I was doing, he met me halfway, his mouth crashing against mine with bruising force. I didn’t wait for him to take the lead. Instead, I parted my lips and traced the seam of his mouth with my tongue. He growled as his mouth opened, tongue twisting with mine.
He gripped my ass and lifted me, tugging at my skirt to give me the freedom to wrap my legs around his waist. I’d spent so much of my childhood and adolescence wishing I was taller, but with Alix, like this, I was the perfect size.
I let out a squeak as he spun us around until my back was against the door. His mouth moved down my jaw and throat, biting and sucking hard enough to make me wonder if he was leaving marks. Or if I even gave a damn.
“I don’t know if I can be gentle.” The rough words ghosted over my skin.
I gripped his hair and pulled his head back so that his eyes met mine. “Then don’t.”
“Sine...”
“I can take it,” I said. “I want to take it.”
He hesitated a moment longer, giving me the chance to back out. When I didn’t, he claimed my mouth again, his hands working between us so that in only a few quick movements, he was thrusting into me, filling me completely in one motion.
I cried out, but he swallowed that noise, and every other sound I made after it. I couldn’t quiet myself as he drove into me over and over, not waiting for me to adjust or assure him that I was ready. It was rough and aggressive, a blind, primal need, and it matched my own.
I needed him like this. Needed to feel him stretching me to the point of pain while knowing I had the power to stop him with a single word. Because I didn’t doubt for a moment that he would stop.
He tore away the darkness that had been hanging over me since I’d seen Giselle this morning. All of her innuendos and smirks vanished as he filled me, physically and mentally and emotionally and every other way he could. It was all him and me and the world exploding in an intense pleasure that brought tears to my eyes.
I still didn’t know if we had a future between us, but in this here and now, he was mine, and I could accept that.
20
Alix
I’d come here to convince Sine to work for me again. That had been it. But just like every other time I’d had good intentions when it came to her, they went out the window as soon as she was in front of me.
I always thought my art had helped me understand addiction because it was something that could come over me and block out everything else. I could lose myself in it for hours and never notice. Photography was the only thing that had ever done that for me.
Then I met her.
She was my true addiction. The thing I couldn’t stay away from. The only thing I’d ever needed as much as I needed my art. And it wasn’t until Jean had called me that I’d allowed myself to acknowledge how important Sine was. She’d given me back an appreciation for beauty, for life, even enhanced it.
I turned around so that my back shielded her from the main spray, then tipped her chin up so I could see her face. I pushed back the wet curls that were plastered to her head, cupped her face. My thumbs brushed over her cheekbones, touched the corners of her mouth. Her lips were still swollen from my kisses, and I could already see faint impressions on her hips where I’d held her. She’d have bruises tomorrow. From me.
“What’s happening in that mind of yours?” Her fingertips lightly traced my jaw.
I shook my head.
“You’re frowning, Alix. What’s wrong?”
I dropped my hands. “I didn’t mean to be so rough.”
She smiled as she reached out and took my hands, linked our fingers together. “Do I look like I didn’t enjoy myself?”
I felt a little tendril of relief and hope trying to worm its way into the knot of tension inside me. “I just...it’s...”
“Alix.” She raised one of my hands and kissed the back of it. “I wasn’t faking it, you know. I haven’t had to do that with you.”
I gave her a questioning look as a stab of jealousy went through me. “But you have with others?”
She released my hands and reached for a bottle of shampoo. “Do you really want to talk about past lovers?”
I scowled at her word choice. “No.”
The scent of peppermint filled the shower as she squirted some of the shampoo into my hand. “Then wash my hair.”
As I worked the shampoo into a lather, I massaged her scalp, closing my eyes when she moaned. After our quick fuck against the door, she’d asked me to join her in the shower, but we hadn’t really talked. And we needed to. I now knew why she’d quit, but that wasn’t enough.
She had to come back.
I didn’t know exactly where this thing between us was going, but I knew I wasn’t ready to let her go.
“I meant what I said before,” I said softly. “You’re the only woman I want modeling for this series.”
“Alix,” she began, turning toward me.
“Hear me out,” I said. “I want you to model for me, and I want you to come back to work for me as my assistant.”
She opened her mouth, and I put my finger over her lips. Her tongue flicked out against the pad of my finger, and I groaned.
“Let me get this out, Sine. I need to say it.”
She nodded as I rinsed her hair, taking care to keep the soap out of her eyes. Only when the water ran clear did I continue.
“If you don’t think you can work as my assistant because of this,” I gestured between us, “I understand. And I accept if you don’t want to model for me anymore. But I still want you.”
Her eyes widened. “I don’t understand.”
“No, you don’t, do you.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “You still don’t see what you’re worth.” I took her hands in mine. “You’re
my muse.”
She shook her head and tried to laugh it off. “Alix–”
“Before you walked into my studio that day, I’d been struggling. I’d lost my vision, lost sight of what had made me love photography in the first place.” I struggled to find the words. “But then I saw you, and I remembered.”
“You’re giving me too much credit,” she protested.
I shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe I would have tried to do a bondage series with another model and people would have bought the photos.” I gave her a partial smile. “But they wouldn’t have been a part of me. Not the way these are. You wouldn’t want to deprive an artist of their muse, now would you?”
The look of exasperation on her face must have been something her brothers had all seen at one time or another. But then she smiled, and I dared to hope.
“Does that mean I can tell Jean that she doesn’t need to look for another assistant?” I asked, my stomach in knots as I awaited her answer.
“I suppose not.” She filled her hand with shampoo. “Now, if you want me to return the favor, I’m either going to need to grow, or...”
I didn’t even hesitate to lower myself onto my knees. This wasn’t about a show of submission or dominance. This was an act of intimacy between two people that I’d never allowed myself to feel before. I’d always given so much of myself over to my art, that I never felt like I had any left over to give to someone else. But with her, it was different, as if whatever I gave to her came back to me.
So, I knelt in front of her and closed my eyes as she washed my hair. When we were finished, I’d take her to bed. Feast on her until her body was ripe and ready for me. And then I would make her scream my name.
Again.
21
Sine
“Stop fidgeting.”
It was the third time Alix had reminded me to stay still, but I couldn’t help myself. I respected his work and didn’t want to ruin it, but something in me was feeling a bit mischievous today.