BREATHE WITH ME
Book Seven in the With Me In Seattle Series
Kristen Proby
WITH ME IN SEATTLE SERIES:
Come Away With Me and on audio
Under the Mistletoe With Me and on audio
Fight With Me and on audio
Play With Me and on audio
Rock With Me and on audio
Safe With Me and on audio
Tied With Me
LOVE UNDER THE BIG SKY SERIES, available through Pocket Books:
Loving Cara, UK, AU
Seducing Lauren, coming summer of 2014
For Pamela:
I can never repay you, not just for everything you’ve done for me, but for your friendship as well. I love you.
Prologue
Eleven years ago
~Meredith~
Meet u at ur place in 30. Luv u.
I grin and type back a quick luv u 2 and snap my phone shut as I hurry home from dance class. I really wanted to skip dance today, but Mark insisted that I go. He said he understands how important dance is to me and that he would see me later.
We are celebrating my seventeenth birthday tonight. It’s a week early because my mom will be home on my real birthday, but she’s gone tonight on a business trip, and Mark told his folks that he’s staying at a friend’s house so he can stay with me all night.
I can’t decide if I’m super nervous or super excited. Maybe I’m both.
Because tonight we are going to do it.
I grin and shimmy my butt in a little happy dance in the driver’s seat of my 1995 Ford Escort. I just have enough time to take a quick shower and touch up my makeup before Mark gets to my house.
I hurry through the shower, but pay extra attention to shaving my legs and bikini line. I wipe the fog off the mirror in my bathroom and wrinkle my nose. My makeup did not survive dance and the shower, so I quickly scrub my face clean and just reapply my eyeliner and mascara and smooth some lip-gloss on my lips. Mark’s seen me without makeup plenty of times, but I want to at least look like I’m making an effort tonight.
I pull the short black skirt and red-cropped sweater that shows off my belly out of the closet and after slipping into some lacy black underwear that I’ve been saving for this exact occasion, I shimmy into the cute outfit and take a turn before my mirror.
“You’re so beautiful,” I hear from behind me and smile when I turn to see Mark leaning his shoulder against my doorjamb. “So this is what it looks like.”
“This is it.” I open my arms wide and glance around my bedroom. Mom doesn’t allow Mark up here with me when he comes over.
And, it’s probably a good idea, given what we’ll be using this room for tonight.
Nerves suddenly take hold and I wring my fingers as giant butterflies take flight in my belly.
“I like it.” His eyes still haven’t moved from me. I smile shyly.
“You haven’t even looked at it.”
He smiles and glances about my frilly room. My dance shoes are scattered about. Photos of my dance teams and friends clutter a cork bulletin board above my desk where my computer sits. A photo of him and I together at Pike’s Place Market is framed next to my bed. The top of my dresser is littered with makeup and jewelry. My double-sized bed is made neatly. I changed the sheets before I left for dance this afternoon.
“I like it,” he repeats. “Why are you standing way over there?”
I shrug one shoulder and glance out the window, watching the rain fall down the window pane.
“Hey, M.” He walks to me and hugs me close. This is what I needed, the familiarity of his smell and the feel of his strong arms around my shoulders. He’s so much bigger than me. His muscles are crazy defined, but it’s his sweet smile and blue eyes that have done me in since the day I saw him in biology class last year.
When he smiles, it looks like he has a naughty secret.
I hope I learn all of his naughty secrets tonight.
“I’m making you dinner,” he says before kissing my forehead and taking my hand to lead me downstairs to the kitchen.
“You are?” I giggle and bounce down the steps behind him. “What are you making?”
“Chicken parmesan and pasta.”
“Holy calories, Batman!” I exclaim and mentally calculate how many miles I’m going to have to run to burn it off.
“It’s your birthday, M, the calories don’t count,” he says and leads me to the breakfast bar in the kitchen.
“You brought me flowers!” I exclaim and immediately bury my nose in the beautiful red roses sitting on my kitchen counter. I yank the card out of the plastic holder and read it aloud. “To M, Happy Birthday. Love, M.” I grin but in my head I’m bouncing up and down like a big dork and launch myself in Mark’s arms. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He kisses me hard before setting me down and getting started with dinner. “You’ll get your real present later.”
“There’s more?” I ask and clap my hands excitedly.
“Yep,” he replies. He pours me some bubbly water and I sit back and watch my man move about the kitchen.
“You’re good at this.”
“Mom makes us all take turns cooking,” he replies with a shrug. “She says we have to earn our keep.”
“I love your mom,” I say and sip my water.
“She loves you too.”
“I’m so glad that we like each other’s parents. It would really suck otherwise.”
“Did you have any doubt that I could charm your mom?” he asks.
“No.” I giggle and shake my head. “You’re quite charming.”
“I’m just kidding. I like your mom a lot. I feel kind of guilty that we lied to her about tonight.”
“I know.” I bite my lip and look down into my glass.
“Hey, it’ll be okay.”
I nod and sit back to watch him bustle about the kitchen, enjoying the way he moves. He has a natural grace that appeals to the dancer in me. When we danced together at the junior prom, I didn’t think that anything could get any better than that.
When dinner is done, he serves me first and we laugh all through the meal, talking about school and our mutual friends.
“How is Luke?” I ask casually.
“Good. He’s about to audition for some movie project about vampires,” he replies with a laugh. “Can you see my brother as a vampire?”
I laugh with him and shake my head. “He’s too nice to be a vampire.”
“Sam is enjoying college,” he continues as he clears our dishes. “The house seems quiet without her.”
“She doesn’t like me,” I reply and bite my lip. No matter how hard I try to talk with Mark’s older sister, she just doesn’t like me.
“Sam doesn’t know you very well, and she’s kind of stand-offish with strangers,” he says and loads the last dish into the dishwasher, then takes my hand in his and kisses it gently. “Besides, I don’t care if Sam doesn’t like you. Sam isn’t dating you.”
“Thank goodness,” I say with a grin and lean into him, hoping he’ll kiss me again. I can’t get enough of Mark’s kisses. He rests his forehead against my own and rubs his hands up and down my arms softly, sending shivers through me.
“Are you sure about this, M? We don’t have to do anything more than lie on the couch and watch TV if you want to.”
“Is that what you want?” I ask with a small voice.
“No.” He chuckles and if I’m not mistaken, blushes just a bit. “I can’t seem to keep my hands off you, and I want nothing more than to make love with you, but it’s a big step, and I just want you to know that it’s okay if you’re not ready.”
I love him even more for that speech. With a renewed sense of confidence, I link his fi
ngers with mine, toss a sassy smile over my shoulder and guide him up the stairs toward my bedroom. Once inside, he shuts and locks the door—just in case—and follows me to the bed. Keeping eye contact with him, I crawl onto the bed and, leaning back on my elbows in the most seductive pose I can come up with, I crook my finger in invitation for him to join me.
“I guess this means you’re sure,” he mutters and pulls his shoes off quickly and crawls onto the mattress with me.
“I guess so,” I whisper. My stomach is doing crazy somersaults as he leans in and kisses my cheek and then down to my neck.
“You’re so beautiful, M,” he whispers. “I’m so lucky that you’re mine.”
I smile and close my eyes as he pushes his fingers into my hair and turns my head to meet his lips. He guides me to my back and hovers over me, kissing me for what feels like forever. My hands are all over his back and arms. God, I love the feel of his body, and I suddenly want to feel him naked.
Now.
I tug the hem of his shirt up and he pulls back long enough to yank it over his head and throw it on the floor and then returns to kissing me, but now his hands are wandering all over my body.
This I’m used to. We’ve done this countless times. He even got my shirt and bra off in the back seat of his car one night after a football game before we put a stop to it.
The rain is coming down harder outside, and it’s gotten much darker. The only light is the sliver of light coming in from the streetlight on the corner. Mark’s breathing is coming faster as he pushes my sweater up and sees my bra.
“Let’s get you out of these amazing clothes,” he says and watches me closely. I nod and sit up and let him pull my sweater over my head and unclasp my bra. His fingers are shaking so it takes him a few seconds to get the hooks loose. Next, I shimmy out of my skirt and panties, and when I move to put my hands over my breasts, he tugs them away and kisses my palms gently. “I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than you.”
I’m lost in his blue gaze. I’m too skinny and my boobs haven’t reached their full potential yet, but when he’s staring down at me with so much love, I know he’s telling me the truth.
“I love you, M,” I murmur and cup his face in my hands. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, baby,” he says and kisses me softly. I reach down for the button on his jeans and with some fumbling around and muttered curses, he manages to wiggle out of them and toss them aside and suddenly there he is in all of his glory.
“You’re damn hot, Mark Williams,” I say and watch my hand glide over his hip and that really sexy muscle there. My eyes move over to his… thing and I feel them widen in surprise. “Holy shit.”
“Is that a good holy shit or a bad holy shit?” he asks with a laugh.
“That won’t fit in me,” I say and then feel my face flush hot. Geez shut the fuck up, Meredith!
“It will,” he promises and nudges my gaze back up to his and kisses me some more. He knows I love the kissing. He lies on top of me and cradles my head in his hands and kisses me silly, nibbling my lips and nuzzling my nose with his. Just when my stomach muscles loosen, he nudges between my legs and I can feel him there.
“Oh God,” I rasp with a panic.
“Hey, it’s okay, baby.”
“I’m really nervous,” I say and bite my lip, watching his face.
“Are you still sure? Or just nervous about what it will feel like?”
“Just nervous about what it will feel like,” I respond truthfully.
“Just look at me, M. It’s just me.” He eases inside just a bit and it hurts—fuck, it hurts!— but then it doesn’t hurt so bad. “Breathe with me, Meredith.”
He takes a deep breath and I follow him, watching his eyes with all of my attention, and as we breathe together, he slips even farther inside me. His brow is breaking out in a sweat and he licks his lips nervously, and I can see that he’s just as nervous as I am.
“I love you, baby,” he whispers softly.
“I love you too.”
“Happy birthday.”
“Thank you.”
He links his fingers with mine and holds our hands against the bed next to my head. God, he’s so damn big. And it’s uncomfortable, but it feels really, different. Full. Our breaths are coming really fast, and then he starts to move, like he just can’t help it. His hips pull back and then push back in, slow at first and then faster.
“Oh my God, this is so fucking amazing,” he says with awe. “I’m so glad you’re my first, M.”
“Me too,” I say, happy that he’s talking. It seems awkward when we’re quiet. We talk nonstop. “I’m so happy that we waited for each other.”
“I want to be your only, baby.”
“You do?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s you and me, M and M, against the world.” His hips are moving faster, and I can feel my eyes fill with tears as his whole body tenses. God, I’ve never felt anything like this in my life. It’s as though we’re not just connected physically, but in every way. “Oh God, baby. I’m going to come.”
“Okay.” I caress his face with my hands. “That’s a good thing, right? Come, M.”
“Oh, shit.” His face contorts in this weird mask, like he’s in immense pain, and I can’t take my eyes off him. Wow.
“Are you okay?” I ask softly.
“I think I’m supposed to ask you that,” he replies, breathing hard.
“I’m really good,” I say and smile reassuringly. But you need to pull out because… ow.
“I love you, M.” He leans his forehead on mine gently.
“I love you too, M.”
***
One year later
I’ve never been this fucking nervous in my life. Not even that first time that Mark and I had sex. I grin as I think back on that night, and the many, many times we’ve had sex since then. My Mark is insatiable and we’ve learned so much about each other over the past year.
He’s not going to be mine much longer.
I pull in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I see his car pull into my driveway. We graduated from high school last week. It was a proud moment for both of us, for our families, who threw us a huge party.
And we’re supposed to leave for New York City together in two days.
“Hey, baby,” he says with his signature naughty grin as he meets me on the porch and hugs me close. “Are you packing?”
“Yes,” I reply and bury my nose in his neck, knowing this might be the last time I have the right to do this.
“What’s wrong?” He pulls away and studies my face. He knows me too damn well. “M?”
“I don’t think you should come with me to New York,” I say it really fast, like pulling off a Band Aid.
He blinks and frowns. “What are you talking about? We’ve been talking about this for the past year.”
“I know, it’s just…” I push my fingers through my hair and barely hold on to my sanity. “I need to concentrate on dance, Mark.”
“Okay.” He shakes his head like he just doesn’t get it. “Why the change of heart?”
“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“How long?”
“A few months,” I whisper. Since the day my instructor pulled me aside when she caught me daydreaming about Mark and yelled at me about responsibilities and how hard it’s going to be in New York.
“Months?” He rubs his fingers over his mouth and begins to look a little panicked. “Mer, where is this coming from? Is there someone else?”
“Of course not!” I gape at him like he’s lost his marbles. “You know I love you so much it hurts!”
“Then why?”
“Because I have to concentrate on dance, Mark. This is going to be the hardest thing I ever do. The days are super long, and it’s so competitive.”
“So you’re saying I’ll just be in the way?” He props his hands on his hips and glares at me and I feel the first tear f
all.
“You’ll be a distraction that I can’t afford, M.” I take a step to him, begging him with my eyes to understand, but he steps away.
“I don’t want to do the long distance thing, Meredith.”
“I don’t either.” It’s a whisper, and his face pales when he realizes what, exactly this means.
“You’re breaking it off?”
“I love you, Mark.”
“But you’re breaking it off.”
“I just think that we’re so young, and I have to focus on dance.”
He takes another step away, blinking blindly, and I know I’m breaking his heart.
“So much for M and M against the world,” he spits out.
“Mark, come inside and talk to me.”
“No, you’ve said enough.” He stops and stares at me as I cry, tears in his own eyes. “Good luck to you, Meredith.”
With that he shakes his head and leaves, and I run inside to find my mom crying in the living room, having heard our conversation.
“Mom,” I cry and fall into her arms.
“Oh, baby girl,” she coos. “I’m so sorry for both of you.”
“What did I just do?” I am crying uncontrollably, leaning on my strong mother.
“You made an adult decision, baby. But I know it hurts you. And it hurts him too.”
“I love him so much.”
“I know you do.”
“How will I live without him?”
She strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. “One day at a time, my love.”
***
Two days later.
I’ve never been on a plane before. I don’t come from a poor family, but we just never went on vacations that required air travel. And now here I am, only a few months past my eighteenth birthday and on a plane.
Without Mark.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and reread his text from last night. The one I didn’t respond to.
Please don’t do this to us. We can make it work. I love u.
God, what did I do? I’ve cried nonstop for two days. Can I get off this plane? Shit, they just shut the doors. Maybe they won’t card me if I order a drink. I’ve never drank a day in my life—too many calories—but I need something to calm my nerves now.