Chapter 12
Tatiana decided that if she had dared to hurt her mother so she could get some hurt out of her heart, then she needed to speak to the one person even more responsible for her insecurities. She gathered every ounce of bravery, but after thinking about it, really thinking about it, she became angry enough not to need any guts to do it. She headed to her father's home. He was by himself again. One day he had come home and Sherry and her possessions were gone.
“Women!” he had exclaimed.
He was about to go out prowling the night spots for an unsuspecting girl when Tatiana arrived.
“Princess, I’m happy to see you but I’ve got plans,” Roland explained at the door. Can we make this another day?”
“No, Dad, I need to talk to you.”
“What do you need to talk to me about?” Roland asked as he stepped outside, locked the door behind him, and checked his watch.
“You.”
“Me?”
“I love you, Dad, but I need to get some stuff off my chest once and for all.”
“What? I—”
“I grew up with you telling me how horrible women are. Let me tell you that I am a woman and—”
“Princess, I don't have time for this,” he said impatiently.
“Listen to me!” Tatiana exclaimed with such strength that he looked at her with his mouth gaping open. “Stop interrupting me. You owe me at least that.”
“Okay,” he said defensively.
“I’m your daughter. I come from you, but you only see certain sides of me. I realize you don't even appreciate your own culture. How can you appreciate other parts of yourself?” Tatiana forced herself to continue. “I know you didn't want me in the beginning and I've tried to be a model daughter so that you wouldn't be inconvenienced too much. I think I've succeeded in being a good daughter.”
“You have,” he said quietly.
“You need to respect the womaness in me. I'm proud to be a woman.”
Roland shook his head. “Spare me.”
Tatiana flung her arms up in frustration and let out an exasperated sound. “You'll never get it, Dad.”
“I don't need to be insulted in my own home.”
“I'm not coming over anymore.”
“Why?—because we don't agree on certain things?”
“No, because you try to make me feel bad about myself. You insult how I look and basically who I am.”
“That’s ridiculous,” he snapped. “All I ever do is tell everyone how proud I am of you.”
“You tell everyone about what I look like.”
“What’s wrong about a father being proud of his beautiful daughter?”
“There’s so much more to me than what I look like and besides you aren’t all that proud about even that; Aren’t you always on my back about losing weight?”
“I just want what’s best for you.”
“Dad, looking like a model doesn’t interest me. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching now that I’ve turned thirty. I had a birthday and—“
“Is that what this is about? Me forgetting your birthday?”
“It's more about me reaching maturity and deciding that I need to chop the poison from my life. I’m a decent person and I deserve decent people around me who understand and love me for who I am.” Tatiana turned around and started stepping away.
“When you get some sense in your head, you can come back,” Roland retorted.
“Ditto for you, Dad.”
Tatiana climbed in her car. A few miles away, she parked on the shoulder and started sobbing. The tears were partially for the loss but also for the gain. When she stopped crying, she felt at least a ton lighter.
Tatiana entered the office hoping for no more drama. Last night with her father was enough trauma, so she took the morning off to regroup. She woke up late and went to El Rancho restaurant for a leisurely breakfast of burritos and orange juice. At first she felt insecure about being alone, but then she rebelled.
The heck with this. I'm good company to myself.
As soon as Tatiana strolled into the office, she sensed a strange energy. It stunk of Augusta. She could wear all the deodorant in the world and Tatiana can still smell her sneaky shenanigans. Maybe Tatiana was paranoid, but trouble seemed to be brewing. Nydia rushed into her office and closed the door.
“Have you heard?” she asked grimly.
“Heard what?”
“It's all over the office.”
“What is?” Tatiana asked.
“About Judith.”
“What about Judith?”
“There's a rumor that she was sexually molested by her own father when she was a little girl.”
“Do I need to ask you who started this rumor?" Tatiana asked gruffly.
Nydia rolled her eyes, and her hands went to her hips. “What do you think?”
“Did Augusta twist this into something it's not?”
“I don't know,” Nydia stated.
“What do we do?”
“I don't want to push Judith into telling us if she's not ready to share something like this,” said Nydia.
“Yet, should we tell her that it's all over the office?”
“I don’t know, Tatiana. What do we do?”
Judith solved the dilemma for Tatiana and Judith. She invited them to lunch to discuss a private matter. Augusta grimaced at them as they left. They were being seated at El Rancho restaurant when Augusta strutted in with a new employee, Lorna Cummings.
“She's pointing at the table next to us,” Judith burst furiously. “Why does she do this stuff?”
Tatiana and Nydia eyed Judith with quizzical expressions. It was the first time they noticed Judith being very upset with Augusta. Was Judith finally seeing the light?
“Because it's her only form of power, screwing with other people,” Nydia proclaimed.
“It's okay,” Tatiana declared. “We don't have to put up with her evil, not here, anyway.”
The waiter took Augusta and Lorna to the table next to theirs. A vein in Judith's forehead looked as if it was about to pop. Nydia shook her head.
Augusta smirked. “I told Lorna that I didn't care for this place but if she likes Mexican food, I guess this is the place to go.”
“And you just had to have them seat you next to us, right?” Nydia retorted.
Augusta looked at them in her condescending way. “We do work in the same agency. I thought that—”
Tatiana stood up and leaned towards Augusta. “Have a nice lunch.” She grabbed her tea and started stepping away. Judith and Nydia followed suit. Luckily, they hadn’t received their plates yet. Tatiana asked Petra to place them as far away from Augusta as possible, and she was happy to oblige.
“Much better,” proclaimed Tatiana, sitting down.
Nydia painfully extended her bunched fingers from a tight fist. “Good thing I'm a pacifist because I really want to pop her one.”
“Take a number,” Judith blurted.
Tatiana and Nydia eyed Judith, their eyebrows knit together. “What did you just say?” questioned Nydia.
“May God forgive me for wanting to do violence on another person, but she's really on my nerves,” Judith explained. “She's such a mean spirited person, which brings me to why I want to talk to you.”
“What is it?” Tatiana asked.
“Have you two heard any rumors in the office about me?”
Tatiana and Nydia eyeballed each other. “We've heard things here and there,” Tatiana said carefully.
Judith tapped her finger impatiently. “What have you heard exactly? Just tell me.”
“Well…” Tatiana murmured.
“Just tell me,” Judith pleaded.
“We heard that you were sexually molested by your father,” Nydia blurted.
Judith placed her face in her hands. “I knew something was up. People in that office are treating me differently.”
“Can we help you wi
th anything?” Tatiana asked, concerned.
“I can't believe how stupid I was in trusting her. I told her about that a month ago. She promised she wouldn't say anything.”
“She stores information, like a camel storing water, to use against you. Then when the convenient time for herself comes, she uses it against you,” Nydia retorted.
Judith eyes flowed with tears. “This is a secret I've kept for a very long time. Now the whole office knows.”
Tatiana placed her hand over Judith's. “We’re your friends. We’re here for you. Don't forget it.”
“The hell with the office,” Nydia snapped. “If someone doesn't understand what a horrible thing was done to you, then the hell with them.”
“Thanks. I've lived with this for so long that I wonder if I can ever really recover. I was born into an upper middle class family. My dad was a pillar of the community, my mom was an active member of several charities, and my brother was the most popular boy in school. Everybody thought we were the ideal family. My dad was the perfect family man, always on outings with us. He doted on my brother. There wasn't a little league baseball game he missed.
“Unfortunately, he doted on me too. I don't have to tell you what he'd do in my room. I tried to tell my mother, but she was horrified I would blasphemy against my dad. I told my brother, and he had the same reaction as my mother, so I shut up and it kept happening. He died of a heart attack when I was a teen-ager, and I've never brought it up to my mother or brother again.”
Tatiana thought about how she had gotten Judith wrong. She thought she had had an ideal home life. There was a saying in Spanish, 'Nadie sabe lo que trae en el saco mas que el que lo carga./ Nobody knows what is carried in the sack, but the one who is carrying it.' Tatiana wondered how much tragedy and sadness could be carried on your back.
“I'm sorry this happened to you,” Tatiana murmured.
“You know you can count on us for anything,” Nydia asserted.
Across the room Augusta kept eyeing them, wondering what they were discussing. “Kenneth, my husband. . .”
As Tatiana, Nydia, and Judith stepped out the door, they bumped into Tristan and Irma almost head on. He made the introductions and Tatiana couldn't help but feel a twist in her stomach. In the car, she was visibly quiet with a frown on her face.
“That Augusta!” exploded Judith. “Did you see how she kept staring at us?”
“She’s always up to trouble,” stated Nydia.
“I wish we had eaten somewhere else,” snarled Judith.
“Funny running into Tristan,” stated Nydia, “with his new girlfriend.”
“She seems nice,” said Judith.
“How do you know she’s his new girlfriend?” asked Tatiana, grumbling. “Maybe she’s just a friend.”
“Tatiana, he’s mentioned her to me,” Nydia said lightly. “It’s strange, though.”
“What’s strange?” Tatiana questioned.
“She looks a lot like you.”
“No, she doesn’t,” stated Tatiana.
“Actually, she does,” affirmed Judith.
“What a coincidence,” remarked Tatiana.
“Yes, coincidence,” stated Nydia. “A big one.”
Back at work, Tatiana had the incredible misfortune of having to make copies when Augusta bounced to Judith's desk with Lorna. They were becoming close buddies. A few days ago, Augusta made a point of introducing Lorna to Kenneth as the new hot shot advertising executive to put the rest to shame.
“I need some fax cover sheets for Lorna,” demanded Augusta.
“Don't you have any?” asked Judith.
“If I did, I wouldn't be asking you, would I?” Augusta retorted.
Nydia, who was using the fax machine, shook her head. “You're the head administrative assistant. Shouldn't you have some? Can’t you print them out from your computer?” she snarled.
Lorna looked embarrassed as she subconsciously patted her long wavy platinum hair, her cornflower blue eyes darted throughout the lobby and her trim body, about a size seven like Judith’s, stood trying to fold into itself. “I don't actually need any fax sheets right now, I—”
“Just give her some,” demanded Augusta. “All of you are so jealous of Lorna that you don't want to give her a few stupid pieces of paper.” She eyed Tatiana. “You didn't think anybody would ever be better looking than you in this office, did you, Tatiana?”
“What?” Did she just say what I thought she said?
Augusta continued. “I know that Lorna is prettier and more talented than any of you, but all of you should be bigger people and not be so envious. God gave everybody gifts.”
“Shut up, Augusta!” Nydia burst.
“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” Augusta snickered.
“Envy is your territory and not ours,” Tatiana retorted.
Augusta crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Why don’t you just admit that you’re jealous of Lorna? You look like a bag lady compared to her.”
“You’re a demon!” Nydia proclaimed, nostrils flaring and voice on fire. “You’re the possessed demon kids from The Exorcist and The Omen combined!!!”
By this time, there was a gathering of people from all over the agency. They heard the commotion and were investigating it. Suzanne, Bill, and Jack were having a late lunch with a client, and Tatiana worried this was going to come to blows. Tatiana stepped over to Nydia who had her hands bunched up and shook her head. She had already warned Nydia about hitting Augusta who was certain to have her arrested for assault.
Judith stood up from her chair. “Why are you such a horrible person, Augusta?”
Augusta's mouth flew open. “What did you say?”
“You heard me. Why are you like that? Why are you so evil?”
Augusta turned and started strutting away. “You're out of your mind. I'm not listening to this.”
Nydia stood in front of her with a menacing glare. “You'd better stop running away like a coward!”
As Augusta's condescending face changed to fear, she abruptly halted.
“She's going to tell you what she needs to tell you. Go ahead, Judith. This bitch from hell is all yours,” Nydia declared.
“I told you in strict confidence about my sexual abuse, and you blabbed it to everybody,” Judith snapped.
Augusta shifted her feet. “I was only concerned about—”
“That's the line you tell yourself when you stab someone in the back,” growled Judith. “That way you can keep telling yourself how much of a caring Christian you are, but in reality you're the worst kind of a demon there is. Rest assured that you’ll be seeing the deep reaches of Hell someday. That is if even Satan can put up with you. You'll only see Heaven reflected from the fires burning you.”
“How can you say that to me?” asked Augusta, hurt.
“How is it that you can dish it out, but you can't take it?” Judith blurted. “You may fool Suzanne with your conniving and manipulative ways but you don't fool me, not anymore. Why are you like that? You're a woman. Why do you hate that part of yourself so much? We should be working together and not throwing each other to the lions. It's hard enough living in a man's world without dealing with women like you.”
Augusta’s eyes started to flood water. “I . . . I. . .”
Judith continued. “Those tears you're crying are not half as bitter as the ones I've cried, but I'm going to stop letting my past control me.” Her eyes scanned the crowd. “It's true that I was sexually abused by my father, but it wasn't my fault. And to you who have been treating me differently, you're not going to make me ashamed about what was done to me. I suppose nothing really bad has ever happened to you or to someone you love because if it had, you'd have to understand how life beats you up sometimes. So go to your glass houses and throw rocks. I'll still be standing.” She turned to Augusta. “That goes especially for you. Whatever you do to me, I'll still be standing.”
/> The applause started lightly in a corner of the room, and then it caught on. Nydia stepped aside to let Augusta leave since she'd had enough of her stupidity but didn't stop staring her down. Augusta raised her head and straightened her back as she strode away. Tatiana shook her head knowing that she was on her way to call Suzanne and spin the story her way.
“Give Suzanne our regards,” Tatiana called after her.
Everyone in the room chuckled. Apparently the whole office was in on the joke that was Augusta.