I saw Zeb’s shoulders tense, but he answered the question truthfully. “Since I’m self-employed, that has been a tad bit trickier. I have to wait for open enrollment to sign him up on a policy, so until then I’ll put him on Medicaid.”
“What about my recommendation for counseling? You mentioned the child was having issues being alone and separated from you.”
“My sister gave me the name of the doctor she took my niece to after the incident a few years ago. He didn’t have any openings this month, but I set us up an initial appointment for a few weeks from now. I want to make sure Hyde is comfortable with the guy before I commit to anything on a long-term basis.”
More scribbling but there was satisfaction stamped on the judge’s face. This was all going really well and I hadn’t had to do much of anything. I didn’t think he was even going to call the Fuller women to the bench.
The judge nodded and scribbled some more notes. “How has the adjustment in your social life been, Mr. Fuller?”
Zeb’s eyes darted over to me and then back to the judge. I forced myself not to start squirming as the judge followed the exchange.
“Haven’t had much of a social life lately, Your Honor. I’ve been working and getting things settled for my boy. I’m waiting for someone special. I won’t let anyone I’m not seriously involved with near my kid. He’s been disappointed by the adults in his life far too much already.”
The judge reached up, pulled his glasses off, and offered up a slight grin. “That is a very good answer, Mr. Fuller. In fact, I am very pleased with everything you have told me and all the steps you have taken to facilitate your motion for custody. Go ahead and have a seat. Counselor, can you approach the bench, please?”
I wasn’t expecting this but kept my face blank so that I gave nothing away as I passed Zeb on my way up to the bench. He gave me a curious look, but since I had no idea what was going on, I just shrugged a little and took purposeful strides until I was in front of the judge.
He pushed the microphone in front of him to the side, crossed his hands in front of him, and leaned forward so that he was looking down directly at me.
“You’ve been in front of me several times the last few years for different cases, Ms. Cole. You are passionate, dedicated, and driven to do right by your clients. I like having you in my courtroom.”
I blinked in shock and shifted on my feet. “Uh, thank you, Your Honor.”
“You fight for your clients with the obvious belief that you are doing so with their best interests in mind. In this case, I know the father is who you are representing, but I want to know that if it was the child you were fighting for, would you still be convinced the best place for him is in the care of Mr. Fuller?”
I opened my mouth and let it close again. It was unprecedented for a judge to ask legal counsel their opinion on a matter like this.
“Your Honor, I . . .”
“I want your honest opinion, Ms. Cole. Should the child be placed in the care of your client on a permanent basis?”
The truth. My truth . . . finally. It was the easiest thing in the world for me to give it to this man who held Zeb’s world in his hands.
“Zeb loves that boy and Hyde loves him back. They are a team, and while I recognize there is a learning curve for both of them, neither could ask for a better teacher. Zeb will never, ever give up on Hyde, no matter what issues from the child’s formative years may present down the road. He will work endlessly and tirelessly to make sure that little boy never goes without, and there has never been a man more willing to open up himself and his home for anyone. Honestly, Your Honor, I wish I was as certain in all my cases that the child in question was going exactly where he or she was supposed to be.”
The man’s eyebrows rose up on his forehead. “Both of them seem pretty fond of you as well, Ms. Cole. The reports from both the CASA representative and the social worker who visited the home mentioned both the father and son brought you up quite frequently in conversation.”
I felt myself flush. “This case started out on a personal note and became more so as I got to know the people involved more intimately.” Maybe it was a bad choice of words because the judge was going to know I meant that Zeb and I were involved sexually, but I didn’t care. There was nothing to be ashamed of. The woman without the mask knew that as she stood there confidently and unafraid of judgment.
“It’s rare that a child in the circumstances that Hyde found himself in has so many good people looking out for his best interests. He is very lucky.”
I nodded a little stupidly. “He is, but so are we. He’s a great kid, Your Honor.”
The judge nodded again and reached for his glasses. “You are someone special, Ms. Cole. In this courtroom and, if I had to wager a guess, outside of it as well. Keep that in mind after my ruling.”
I closed my eyes briefly as his words echoed Zeb’s statement that he was waiting for someone special to be in his life. I took a deep breath to steady myself and went back to the table as the judge told me to have a seat so he could read his final ruling.
“As far as the court is concerned, Mr. Fuller has met all the requirements mandated by the court and provided enough evidence that he is willing and capable to assume fully physical and financial responsibility of the minor child Hyde Bishop. The court reserves the right to intermittently check on the welfare of the child for the first five years of custody, but beyond that you are free to raise your son as you see fit, Mr. Fuller.”
He picked up the gavel, but before he brought it down he said, “On a side note, it does this often jaded court official good to see a man turn his life around, accept responsibility, and make selfless and caring choices. I didn’t know you before, Mr. Fuller, but the man standing before me now is the kind of parent I wish all children had fighting for them.”
The gavel hit the top of the bench, the judge left in a flurry of black robes, and I turned to Zeb with a huge grin as his mother and sister got up and slowly made their way over.
I wanted to reach out and touch him, to hug him and celebrate with him. His eyes were shining bright and his smile was so infectious that I couldn’t help but return it.
“You won.” I whispered out the words around the lump in my throat.
His grin dimmed a little and he climbed to his feet. I went still as stone when he bent over and pressed his lips to the top of my head.
“Not yet, but the game isn’t over yet.” He straightened to his impressive height and looked down at me with serious eyes. “Thank you, Sayer. You gave me everything.”
He walked away from me and threw his arms around his family. They all shared an embrace and I could hear his mom crying.
Victory was very sweet, but watching Zeb walk away with it because I wasn’t ready to let him share it with me felt like the greatest loss in the entire world.
CHAPTER 16
Zeb
Hyde had been in my custody for two full weeks when Rowdy called and told me that everyone was getting together at Asa and his girlfriend Royal’s new place for a housewarming party. He mentioned that everyone was curious about the little boy they had heard so much about from Sayer and that had been keeping me occupied. I hadn’t really seen much of my friends since the whole custody case started and I knew there was a big part of me that wanted to go on the off chance that Sayer would be there. I agreed to swing by for an hour and refrained from asking my friend Rowdy if his sister was planning on making an appearance. I knew he had to know what was going on—or rather what was no longer going on—between the two of us, and if he didn’t mention it I wasn’t going to either. That was an open wound that didn’t need salt poured on it.
Taking myself out of Sayer’s life ranked up there with the hardest things I had ever done. Seeing her in court, listening to her tell the judge about all the love I had to give to Hyde and yet not being willing to take any of it for herself when it was so freely offered had me ready to rupture at all the places where I was barely holding it together.
When she told me that I won I wanted to shake her and ask her how in the hell she could say that when we hadn’t spoken directly in a month. There was no winning without her being where she was supposed to be. She was supposed to be with me, with my son, and we were supposed to be a family. She was the one that had fought to make it so and she was the one walking away from the spoils of the war.
Hyde was playing in the living room when I went to get him to take him to the party. He had settled into being with me with relative ease, even though there were still some struggles at night. He didn’t like the dark. He didn’t like to be left alone. He didn’t like to sleep through the night. I was getting used to waking up in the morning with a tiny body inhabiting the opposite side of my bed. He also didn’t like it when I had to leave him with my mom while I went to work. Every time I came to pick him up in the early evening he ran at me like we had been separated for months instead of hours, like he was surprised I’d come back for him. It broke my heart that he felt so insecure, but all I could do was show up. I would always show up for him and eventually he would realize that he had nothing to worry about.
“You ready to go, little man?”
He turned to look up at me from the trucks he was pushing around the floor and furrowed his tiny brow. “Is Joss gonna be there?”
God bless my niece. She might be a handful and not know when to keep quiet, but she had taken the little boy under her tiny wing and the two of them were as thick as thieves.
“No. These are a bunch of my friends that all want to meet you. There might be a little girl named Remy there, but she’s pretty young, so I’m not sure she’ll know how to play with you.”
Rome and Cora’s daughter was the spitting image of her pixielike mother and a tiny tornado of activity.
“I’ll take my trucks just in case.” He got to his feet and held the plastic toys out to me.
“Sounds like a plan. Don’t forget to grab your hat and gloves.” Denver had nose-dived into early winter, and even though there wasn’t snow on the ground yet, the temperatures were hitting below freezing on the regular. I was regretting every single time I ever gave my mother hell for trying to make me dress warm when I was a kid as Hyde grumbled all the way to his room. Little boys apparently hated being warm and it was an ongoing struggle to keep my little guy bundled up.
I put on my own coat and shoved the trucks into the pockets. I grabbed the keys to the Jeep and waited for Hyde to come barreling out of his room. He had his knit hat on and one glove and a puzzled look on his face.
“I only have one.” He held up his bare hand for inspection as I lifted an eyebrow at him.
“Where did the other one go?”
He shrugged his tiny shoulders and shuffled his feet in the black Converses that matched my own.
“I dunno. I lost it.”
I sighed and pulled the glove off his other hand. I was going to have to start buying those suckers in bulk. “You think you might’ve left it over at Grandma’s?”
More shrugging. “Maybe. Are you mad at me?” His bottom lip trembled when he asked it.
I took his uncovered hand in my own and left the condo. “No, I’m not mad at you. I lost my fair share of gloves when I was your age. I just want you to be warm, remember? It’s my job to take care of you.”
I made sure to keep my steps short and easy for his much smaller legs to keep up with. “I’ll try harder.”
I grinned down at him. “Thanks, buddy.”
“Hey, Zeb.” I stopped and hefted him up so I could put him in the Jeep. When we were eye-to-eye he asked me, “If your friends are going to be there, is Sayer going to be there? I miss her.” Now that he was with me full-time she no longer stopped by to see him after work. I wanted to call her on it, tell her she was making the wrong choices all around, but I knew she had to figure out where she was going on her own. I continued to have hope but the past was still pulling at her hard and I couldn’t do anything more until she worked her way free.
It was a gut punch.
I gave Hyde a little squeeze and worked him into his seat. “I don’t know. She might be and I miss her, too.”
“Call her. You said I could, so why can’t you?” Again, five-year-old logic at its finest.
“Well, bud, I think she would want to talk to you if you called; me . . . not so much. It’s complicated adult stuff that you don’t need to worry about, okay?”
He didn’t bring her up a lot but every time he did it was heart-wrenching. He was too young to have lost so much. He nodded and gazed up at me through his lashes. “Okay, Zeb.”
I shut the door and walked around the Jeep to get in the driver’s side. We were both quiet as I drove toward the suburbs where Asa had bought his new house. I knew Hyde was thinking because his feet were bouncing up and down and he was biting on his lower lip. I could read the kid like a book now and knew he was going to hit me with more questions I probably didn’t have the right answers for. I tried to be honest with him. I tried to be as forthright and as compassionate as I could be, but life wasn’t fair sometimes and there wasn’t always a happy ending. I just hated to tell him that his mother fell into that category.
“Hey, Zeb?”
I looked over at him. “Yeah, buddy?”
“How come you’re better at taking care of me than my mom was?” It was an innocent question but not innocent at all.
It all came down to realizing how much I had to lose if I didn’t care for him the best I could. Hyde was the ultimate second chance, the pinnacle of proving I was a different man from the hotheaded kid who acted without thought. He wouldn’t understand that, so I told him, “I had your grandma and your aunt Beryl to show me how to do it right. I also screwed up really bad a few years ago, made some really bad choices, and saw what would happen to me if I didn’t figure out how to take care of myself and the people I love. I learned from my mistakes and I learned from people that loved me. I don’t think your mom could do that. And I’m not always going to be better at taking care of you, kiddo. We’re both gonna screw up here and there, but we’re going to learn along the way and be better for it in the end.”
He held up his bare hands and wiggled his fingers at me and I nodded at him because he got it. The kid was too smart and too aware for his own good. He shouldn’t have had to live as much life as he already had in his short time on this earth. It was one of my goals to make sure he got to enjoy being a regular old kid from here on out.
“If Sayer wants to be the one to help you take care of yourself and me, that would be awesome.”
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and was treated to a giant, toothless smile. If I didn’t know any better I would swear the little man was playing matchmaker.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Asa’s house was easy to find with all the cars parked in front of it. I took Hyde’s hand, which felt like a block of ice—thank you, missing glove—and led him to the front door. I didn’t bother to knock since I knew everyone was expecting us and was enveloped in the atmosphere of celebration and family as soon as we crossed the threshold. Laughter rang out. There was football on the TV. There were deep voices arguing in a good-natured tone. This was a place full of family, laughter, and love. I had missed it and I was so glad me and my son got to be a part of it.
I hung our coats on the hooks on the wall in the hallway and retrieved Hyde’s trucks from my pockets. I gave him one and held on to one since I still had his hand in mine as we made our way toward where I assumed the kitchen was, since that was where everyone typically congregated when we all got together. We were intercepted by a blond toddler before we made it even a few feet into the house.
Remy Archer was too cute for words in her pink-and-black dress and with her fair hair pulled up in a miniature ponytail on the top of her head. She was still baby chubby but surprisingly sturdy on her legs as she came toward Hyde with glowing blue eyes.
She pointed at one of the trucks he was clutching and announced i
n a very serious tone, “Mine.”
Hyde looked up at me with questioning eyes and I showed him the truck I still had in my hand. “You can let her have that one. You can take this one and go play with her.”
He opened his mouth and I could see that he wanted to argue when Remy wandered closer and put one hand on the truck and the other on Hyde’s cheek. It took me a second to realize she was poking at his dimple. He jerked back and scowled at the little girl, which made me laugh as he thrust the truck toward her.
“Take it.” He sounded so disgruntled I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
The toddler took the toy and smiled a toothy grin just as her very pregnant and very frazzled mother came around the corner. I saw Cora’s multicolored eyes light up at the sight of us and a huge smile crossed her face when she saw Hyde.
“We were wondering when you were going to show.” She put a hand on her round belly and scooted closer. “Oh my, don’t you look just like your daddy? You’re quite handsome, my little friend.”
“I’m Hyde.” He looked up at me and grinned. “My dad’s a giant. So I’m going to be a giant, too.”
Cora tossed her head back and laughed. “You’re probably right about that. But don’t be surprised to find there are a few giants running around this place today. It’s nice to meet you, Hyde. I’m Cora and the little thief that took your truck is Remy. You can call her RJ if you want. She’s harmless, mostly.”
The little girl looked at her mom and gave her a grin like she knew exactly what was being said about her. I didn’t envy Rome having to deal with that kind of handful as the little girl got older.
Hyde took the truck from me, and even though he grumbled about it, he didn’t complain when Remy took his hand and started to totter off with him deeper into the house. Cora put a hand over her heart and sighed.
“Oh my. I think my daughter has her first crush. I can’t blame her. He is adorable, Zeb.”