Neither was I. In fact, if I was honest, the intensity of my feelings scared me. Whether Flynn was getting into fights or telling me he loved me, he dominated everything in my life. Nothing seemed real apart from being with him.
10
I met Flynn again the next day after school. We hung out in the park, then I went with him to the hair salon to pick up Siobhan. It had just gone six, but Siobhan was still washing a woman’s hair. She signalled she’d just be a couple of minutes, so Flynn and I sat down by the door. Flynn chatted to the receptionist while I looked round, wondering which of the two male stylists was the guy who’d been with Siobhan the other day, Gary. One of the men was short and stocky with spiky blond hair. The other was tall and black with broad shoulders.
Flynn nudged me. ‘Just going for a pee.’
He wandered off to the back of the salon and the stairs down to the staff area.
I watched Siobhan expertly rinsing off her client’s hair. Her own red hair was tied neatly off her face. She looked up, caught sight of Flynn disappearing into the staff area, then smiled over at me. I smiled back.
Siobhan’s eyes flickered over to my left, to the salon front door. Her eyes widened. The smile slid off her face.
I looked around. A tall, middle-aged man stood in the doorway. He was wearing a cheap grey suit that was too long in the sleeves and very worn around the collar. I frowned. There was something familiar about him – about the slope of his nose, the curve of his lip. But his face was fleshy and his skin red and shiny.
I looked back at Siobhan. She looked terrified.
Some instinct told me it had to be her and Flynn’s dad.
I watched, open-mouthed, as the showerhead in Siobhan’s hand drifted forwards. Water sprayed over the client’s face. Siobhan didn’t notice. She was still staring at the man in the doorway.
The client spluttered and sat up with a shriek.
Siobhan dropped the shower head in the sink and stepped backwards. Water was now spraying all over the floor. The client was still shrieking. All the other clients and stylists were looking around, bemused.
Siobhan covered her mouth with her hands. Even at this distance I could see her whole body was shaking.
I jumped up and turned towards the man. He was just inside the salon now. As I moved, his gaze shifted from Siobhan to me.
He smiled at me. And there was so much of Flynn in that smile that any remaining doubts I had about the man’s identity disappeared.
‘I’m Patrick Hayes,’ he said, holding out his hand and completely ignoring the chaos going on in the salon behind us.
I shook it, my heart pounding. This was Flynn’s da. The man who had beat his mum. Who had terrorised Siobhan. Who had left Flynn with a long scar across his shoulder.
‘You’re the girl Patrick is going out with.’ He looked around. ‘Patrick not here, then?’
Patrick. Flynn’s first name. The one he refused to answer to because it was his da’s name.
I stared at the man, unable to speak.
‘It’s nice to meet you,’ he smiled. ‘I’ve seen you out with Patrick before. He’s got good taste.’
I swallowed. I’d expected a monster, but the man in front of me looked pretty normal. Charming, even. Okay, so his face was flushed and there was something clouded about his eyes, but he certainly didn’t seem drunk. And his whole demeanour was humble. He was almost shuffling as he spoke to me, as if he were slightly ashamed of something.
I looked at his hands. They were shaking slightly. I was dimly aware of people talking rapidly across the room, though the client Siobhan had sprayed with water had stopped shrieking.
I opened my mouth, but still no sounds came out.
‘I daresay you’ve heard about me?’ Flynn’s da said.
I nodded. He glanced towards the sinks. I followed his gaze. Most of the stylists were crowded around the sopping client, who was wiping her face with a towel. Someone was mopping the floor. Siobhan had shrunk against the far wall of the salon. She was still shaking. The black guy I’d noticed before was standing beside her, his hand on her shoulder.
‘I was hoping for a word with Siobhan,’ Flynn’s da said.
I blinked at him. ‘Now?’ I stammered.
‘Well . . .’ Flynn’s da looked towards the back of the salon. A look of alarm crossed his face. I followed his gaze. Flynn was there, in the doorway leading from the staff area. He was staring at the scene by the basins, at Siobhan in the corner. She was rushing towards him, pointing at the door.
I turned back. Flynn’s da had gone.
Suddenly my legs felt wobbly. I sat down hard on the seat by the door.
Seconds later Flynn was at my side, his hand gripping my elbow. ‘Are you okay, River? Are you all right?’
‘Yes.’
Flynn raced to the door and peered along the street. Then he darted back to me and sat down, wrapping his arms around me. ‘Oh, my . . . Are you . . . ? What did he do?’
I looked up at him. ‘I’m fine. He didn’t do anything. I . . .’
‘Oh man, I don’t believe it.’ Flynn hugged me so tightly I could hardly breathe. ‘I can’t believe he was here. That he talked to you.’ He rocked me in his arms, then sat back and held my face in his hands. His eyes blazed. ‘Tell me what happened.’
As I spoke, Siobhan came over and sat down beside me, on my other side. She was still shaking.
Both she and Flynn were acting as if I’d gone through some terrible ordeal. I tried to reassure them.
‘I’m fine,’ I said. ‘Honestly. He wasn’t even drunk. At least, I don’t think so. He said he just wanted to talk to Siobhan.’
Flynn and Siobhan exchanged glances. ‘D’you think he knows about Sunday?’ Siobhan said.
Flynn gritted his teeth. ‘We’ll have to cancel it.’
‘We can’t,’ Siobhan said. ‘Caitlin had to miss her original First Communion because she was ill last June. If she doesn’t do it on Sunday, she’ll have to wait until after Easter. She’ll be devastated.’
‘I don’t think he was going to make any trouble,’ I said. ‘I mean, look how he left without any fuss.’
Flynn pulled me closer towards him again. ‘Oh, man . . .’ His voice tensed with anger. ‘If he’d hurt you. If . . .’
‘He didn’t, Flynn.’ I squeezed his hand. ‘He was fine. Really. Nice, actually. He said he’d seen me with you. Thought you had good taste.’
I was trying to make Flynn smile, but instead his face twisted with fury. ‘He’s seen us together? Freakin’ hell, Riv, he’s been watching us. I bet he’ll come after you now.’ He thumped the seat beside him so hard that it jumped.
I frowned. ‘Flynn, you’re not listening. He didn’t want anything. Just to talk to Siobhan . . .’
‘And what d’you think he wanted from her?’ Flynn said. ‘Money. That’s what. Freakin’ money for a freakin’ pint.’
I opened my mouth to try and explain again, but Siobhan put her hand on my arm. She shook her head, then indicated the salon behind her. Everyone was watching us.
‘We should go,’ she murmured. ‘You take River home, Flynn. Gary said he’d drive me back in his car.’
Flynn looked suspiciously into the salon. The black guy was gazing over at us. So that was Gary.
‘He’s sound,’ Siobhan said. She glanced at me briefly. ‘Go on, both of you.’
Flynn was clearly not completely convinced. I looked up at Siobhan and nodded. ‘Come on, Flynn.’ I smiled at him. ‘Siob’ll get home quicker this way.’
Flynn nodded. ‘I guess.’ He stood up and took my hand. ‘You sure, Siob?’ he said.
‘Gary’s really okay. Honest,’ she said. ‘He’ll make sure I’m safe. He’s already explained everything to his dad so he’s not cross about the mess I made and he calmed down the client.’
This seemed to convince Flynn at last.
Siobhan went back to Gary, and Flynn and I wandered up the road. Flynn kept glancing around, his arm across my shoulder.
I knew he was looking out for his da, but we saw no one all the way home.
We stood on the corner, kissing, for ages. Flynn’s kisses were always like a conversation, where he listened to how I wanted to be kissed and told me how he felt. Today it was as if he was telling me over and over how much he loved me.
At last Flynn let me go. His eyes shone liquid gold in the street lights. ‘Please be careful,’ he whispered. ‘Please, if my da ever comes up to you again, just walk away. Promise me?’
‘I promise,’ I said, kissing him again. ‘I promise.’
At last he pulled away. I watched him stroll along the street, then I went inside and up to my room. Mum knocked to say she was going out and there was some food in the fridge.
I called out a plaintive thank you. Now I was on my own I felt kind of weird about having met Flynn’s da and how much it had freaked out Flynn and his sister. I half hoped Mum would come into my room so we could talk like we used to.
But she didn’t.
11
It was a long week. I missed Flynn and he missed me, but we both had school and Flynn had his jobs so I didn’t see much of him until the following Friday. We couldn’t even talk for long. Flynn never had much credit on his phone – for ages he hadn’t owned a phone at all – and now, thanks to Mum cutting back my allowance, I didn’t either.
Anyway I didn’t want to speak to him on the phone. I wanted to see him. I wanted him to leave his jobs, to stop meeting Siobhan from work, to forget about his da and his homework and all his responsibilities.
I hated not having any money of my own. Flynn gave most of what he earned to his mum, so between us we had barely enough to scrape together the price of a cup of coffee. It made going out anywhere almost impossible. I’d already decided to get a job – which I suspected was going to mean another argument with Mum, who was bound to complain it would get in the way of my schoolwork.
By Thurday I was feeling really miserable. I thought I was covering it up quite well, paying attention in class and chatting to my friends, but as I wandered outside at break with Grace and Emmi, Emmi said, ‘Okay, River, we’ve waited and waited and we’re not waiting any longer. What on earth is wrong?’
I hadn’t talked to either of them properly for a long time, especially about Flynn. In fact, I’d hardly seen them outside school. Not since the big bust-up with Mum, when they’d both made it clear they had mixed feelings about Flynn themselves.
I stood there, feeling the cold wind against my face.
‘Come on, Riv,’ Grace said gently. ‘You haven’t talked to us for ages.’ She paused. ‘Is it Flynn?’
‘Not exactly . . . though . . . it’s just I hardly ever see him,’ I said.
Emmi raised her eyebrows. ‘Some might count that a blessing,’ she said drily.
‘Fine,’ I snapped. ‘If you’re just going to take the—’
‘No.’ Grace put her hand on my arm. ‘Course we’re not.’ She frowned at Emmi.
‘Sorry.’ Emmi rolled her eyes. ‘So, you miss him?’
I sighed. ‘I do. And nobody else ever seems to understand why – or why Flynn sometimes acts a bit . . . passionate. It’s not fair . . .’ I hesitated. No one outside Flynn’s family knew about his da or the true background to his anger and I didn’t feel I could reveal any of it without Flynn’s permission. ‘It’s just no one understands him,’ I finished lamely.
‘Come on, Riv,’ Emmi said. ‘Flynn doesn’t exactly make it easy, does he?’
‘You’ve got to admit he likes keeping people at a distance.’ Grace made a face. ‘Sometimes I think he wants people to be scared of him.’
I considered this. Maybe Grace was right. The wind whipped my hair across my face. As I brushed it back Emmi shook her head at me.
‘You can’t let him tell you what to do, girl,’ she said slowly. ‘I’d never let Alex boss me about.’
‘He doesn’t tell me what to do,’ I said, immediately feeling disloyal that I’d talked about Flynn in the first place. ‘I know he sometimes comes across as a bit defensive, but it doesn’t help that everyone blames him whenever something goes missing.’
Emmi and Grace exchanged another look. I suddenly remembered my little silver heart bracelet and how it had appeared the very day Alex’s iPad was stolen. Did they think Flynn was capable of that theft? Did I?
I quickly changed the subject to our weekend plans. Before I knew where I was I’d agreed to go to a party with the girls and James and Alex on Saturday night. I knew Flynn would be annoyed at having to socialise with Alex, but Grace said she was sure we could stay over at James’s house again. I hoped that the memory of our fantastic night there would persuade Flynn that we’d have a good time.
It did. Sort of.
Even so, when we met up on Saturday after he’d done an early shift at the café, I could see he was in a bad mood. He sulked all the way through the party, refusing to talk to anyone except me and James. He was superficially polite to Grace, though I suspected that was simply out of respect for James. He ignored Alex and Emmi point blank, though neither of them seemed that bothered.
I felt exasperated with him. After defending him earlier in the week to Emmi and Grace, it was deeply annoying that he should act in exactly the way they’d described.
He was still in a bad mood when we got back to James’s house. But then, as soon as we were on our own in the little room with the blue silky curtains he was so sweet. He lay me down on the bed and held me and stroked my hair. I felt like texting Emmi to tell her. But of course I didn’t. Instead we talked. Flynn told me how much he’d missed me all week, how much he worried about me being safe. He also talked about Siobhan, how he worried about her – how nervy she’d been after their da’s visit.
I felt like I should tell him about Gary, but it wasn’t really my business and Siobhan had asked me not to. Anyway, I didn’t want to bring up anything that would change the soft, loving mood he was in.
I texted Mum to say I wasn’t coming home, that I was staying over ‘with friends’. She wouldn’t like it, of course, but then she didn’t like anything I did at the moment as far as I could see. As soon as I’d sent the message I switched off my phone.
Flynn and I talked for hours, then woke up late the next morning. We had to rush to get back to his flat to be ready for Caitlin’s first Holy Communion service. As we opened the front door to the flat the bathroom door just in front of us opened. Gary stepped out into the hallway.
I gasped.
Flynn jumped forwards and grabbed Gary’s arm.
‘What the—?’ Before Gary even had time to register what was happening, Flynn slammed him against the wall. He rammed his elbow under Gary’s chin.
‘What are you doing here?’ he hissed.
‘Relax, mate. I’ve just come to meet Siobhan.’ Gary frowned, pushing Flynn away with what I noticed were extremely muscular arms.
My breath caught in my throat. ‘Flynn.’
Flynn pushed back, pressing Gary harder against the wall. ‘You think taking her home once means . . . ?’
‘Stop it.’ Siobhan rushed into the hallway. ‘It’s okay. Flynn. It’s okay.’
Flynn stared round at her. ‘It’s not okay,’ he snapped.
His mum and Caitlin appeared in the living area door.
‘Hey, come on, mate.’ Gary’s voice was tense, but still conciliatory. He was at least half a head taller than Flynn and broader too.
Siobhan glared at Flynn – angrier than I’d ever seen her. ‘I said, stop it.’
My heart pounded. ‘Please, Flynn.’ I touched his arm. ‘You’re overreacting.’
He shot a look at me. ‘Overreacting?’ He blinked, his eyes searching my face. ‘You knew . . . ?’ He looked at Gary. ‘Him and . . .’
‘Me and Siobhan,’ Gary nodded – still amazingly calm in the face of Flynn’s anger. ‘We’re together.’
Flynn let go of him and staggered backwards. He looked at Siobhan. ‘No.’
‘Yes.’ She put
her hands on her hips. ‘Now back off.’
Flynn looked from her, to his mum and Caitlin, then back to me.
‘You knew?’ he hissed.
I gulped. ‘They were here that day you gave me your keys . . . when . . .’
‘That was weeks ago,’ Flynn yelled. ‘How dare you not tell me what was going on?’
‘Flynn, please . . .’ My heart was in my mouth. His face was purple with rage. My hands started shaking.
‘Listen, mate,’ Gary said urgently. ‘I get where you’re coming from. If she was my sister, after what she’s been through . . . I’d be the same. But you can’t be there for her like I can. You can’t . . .’
‘I can,’ Flynn yelled. ‘She doesn’t need you. She—’
‘That’s enough.’ Siobhan gripped Flynn’s arm and swung him round to face her. Her face was tight with fury. ‘This is none of your business.’
Flynn frowned. ‘None of my . . . ?’ He turned on me again. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
I stared at him helplessly.
‘Because I asked her not to,’ Siobhan shouted. ‘Because I knew how you’d react. For goodness sake, can you not see yourself?’
Flynn slammed the wall with his palm.
I jumped, so scared I felt sick.
‘Don’t tell me I’m out of order here. You’re the one who’s not been honest. And you . . .’ He turned on me again.
‘Please, Flynn.’ I could feel the tears welling up again.
‘Fine.’ He threw his hands into the air and spun round. Then he stormed out, slamming the flat door behind him.
I burst into tears.
Siobhan put her arm round me and led me into her bedroom. I caught a quick glimpse of Flynn’s mum and Caitin, both wide-eyed. Then Siobhan shut the door and sat me down on the bed. She perched beside me and stroked my shoulder.
‘He’s an eejit, my brother, sometimes. Honestly. I thought if he met Gary here, like it was a done deal, then he’d just accept it.’