"No, there isn't. Just think of it as those books you and Willow loved. I believe they were called, Magic Eye?" At my nod, Josephine's voice lightened, "Those images were a stereograph, an image within an image. You just need to figure out the correct way to look at the vision and continue until you see something that wasn't there before." She leaned in to kiss my forehead. "You better get home now. It's almost dinner and I don't want Maye scolding me for keeping you out late again."
Absently, I walked away and considered her words. I wasn't sure that there could be an image beneath the terrifying things I saw, but if anyone knew what they were talking about, it was Josephine.
I walked around the forest until I gathered my thoughts into a cohesive pattern. Home was not the place I’d find peace, which was confirmed when I walked through the front door and smacked into my semi-existent love triangle.
I couldn't help the irritation that Liam's presence brought out in me. He really needed to start living at his place more. Ash looked up from the couch with a dour expression that he quickly hid. Liam looked anywhere other than me.
"Where were you? Maye wanted to know if she should make dinner." Ash's voice was controlled, nothing like the melodic lilt I’d grown up with. Instead, his voice mimicked his frigid behavior.
My body swung towards the doorway to indicate the obvious. "I was with Josephine. It's not like there are many places I go these days."
His eyebrow arched and he nodded. "You don't usually stay so late. It's past dark."
"You don't usually care. So why does it matter?" I couldn't help the bitter hurt that laced my voice. Though, I regretted it when the vein in Ash's forehead throbbed.
"Maye was worried, that's all," His tone was short and clipped. Dismissing me, he turned back to Liam and the television.
It hurt to see him this way. The emotions that I had held back all summer took an agonizing hold of me and I wanted to scream at the betrayal. The only person I’d ever truly let past every barricade I had was Ash. He had been more than a friend, he’d represented my future. I wasn't sure I wanted to continue in this life if our relationship would continue to deteriorate.
The vision with Josephine had given me more to think about than the future. It had caused me to evaluate my life, my relationships, Ash. I was losing everything. Each time I opened my eyes, I wished that I never had. Did I make a mistake in the clearing after I killed Asmodeus? If so, could I rectify it? Should I? No one seemed to care about me anymore, and those who did were dead or leaving. I had chosen to live, but I felt frozen in a piece of a shattered mirror.
"I can't take it anymore!" My voice startled me. It held steel and determination, which didn't make sense since my mouth was moving faster than my thoughts. Words burst forth at such a fast pace, that my mind failed to keep up.
"You two are driving me insane!"
Liam and Ash looked at me with shocked expressions, but remained quiet.
I gestured to Liam, "I was never in love with you. Yes, Asmodeus possessed you, but the only emotions I had with you were physical. This whole avoiding me thing that you have going on, it needs to stop. We kissed. We went on a few dates. Who cares? I sure as hell don't. I'm pretty sure that only your mother cares about that one, and considering your deception, I think your treatment of me has been pretty crummy."
"Um ..." Liam began to speak, but I held my hand to silence him.
"I am not done." His mouth closed and he looked at Ash when my body angled in his direction. "I love you. I don't know if that love is as a friend, brother, or something more, but I love you. You are killing me. You're cold, distant, and you don't seem to care about me one bit!" I paused to see if he had anything to say in response to my accusations, but he merely gave me an unwavering stare.
Tears fell before I could suppress them. "I'm alone. Do you get that? Does anyone get that?" I looked to the ceiling, hoping some higher power would emerge and fix all of my problems.
"I am in hell. It's not just when I sleep, but now it's when I am awake. I would rather spend eternity in a nightmare of my past than continue to face this living hell you have created. I used to barricade myself behind a wall inside myself, but one day I learned to trust you. You're my wall now. I need you and if you don't want to be part of my life anymore...." I covered my mouth, scared to say the next words. "If you don't care about me anymore, make it a clean cut, because I can't survive much more than I already have."
Liam shifted awkwardly. "Man, I'm sorry. Savannah, I was just trying to make everything easy for you. It was weird being possessed by a demon." He stood and walked over, brushed the tears hanging from my chin and looked me in the eyes. "I'm a jerk."
A short laugh escaped me. "Yeah, you are."
His lips lifted to the right with a hesitant smile, but it made me feel better. "I'm no good at friendships and I think I am even worse with relationships. I don't even know what to call this."
"You don't have to define it. I just want to be friends. I want to forget about your mother, the possession, and all the crazy physical stuff. I just want to start over." My head leaned into his chest and he pulled me close.
"I think I can do that, but I think your real problem is with the guy sitting on that sofa."
I groaned and moved away to look at Ash, who was staring in the opposite direction.
"I'm going. You guys should talk." When he reached the door, he turned back with a painful expression, "The next time we hang out, can we please do something that doesn't involve a demon?"
I laughed and waited for him to leave before facing Ash. The clock ticked in my head and I was sure that at least ten minutes passed before he finally turned to me. His eyes were soft and his mouth lax.
"I don't want to hurt you." Those words, as simple as they were, tore me apart inside.
"How do you think you'll hurt me? I mean, I don't think it's possible to hurt more than I already am." Unconsciously, I reached towards him, but his shudder stopped me.
"S, I can't be the guy you want me to be. We can't just go back in time and fix things. I can't go back." He stood with his head bowed and his rosewood colored hair hung in his eyes. He grimaced. "Of course I care. I just can't ... I just can't! Can you understand that? I'm not that guy anymore. Everything that has happened, it didn't just change our futures, but it changed who I am and who I can be with you."
"Oh." I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood to keep myself from begging. How could I ask anything of him? "Okay. I understand. We'll just be two people who live together and that's it."
"S, I...." He moved forward, but I turned and raced through the door. I didn't stop until I reached the center of town and sat on a boulder near the altar.
I unleashed my tears. My soul screamed and I wanted nothing more than to leave this world. If I could take Willow's place, I would. I would be free. I could escape. I wouldn't have to face everything I had lost.
"Uh, you okay?" Startled, I looked to the left and saw Griffin. His hair was ruffled and he looked tired, but worried. "You need someone to talk to? Or I could … I could just leave you be. You probably want to be alone." He backed away.
"Wait." His footsteps halted. "I could use some company. I mean, unless you hate me too?"
Was I really so desperate that even Griffin's company was a relief? Izzy tended to stay with Willow lately, and Willow never wanted to be bothered. Even the few minutes I’d spent talking to Isis the day before had been enjoyable.
"I don't really want to be alone. I just don't know if I want to talk." I held my breath. Griffin had hated me until he’d learned about the situation with Asmodeus. Since then, he had held a reluctant respect around me, and didn't seem irritable. Maybe he was lonely too?
Griffin moved over to the boulder on the opposite side of the circle, facing me. "You don't need to talk. I just don't have anything better to do and, considering your tears, I'm guessing you could use some company."
I nodded. "Does he hate me?" The words spilled out before I could pull them back
. It was like a verbal hairball that I couldn't control and needed to get out of my system, though I knew it would be unpleasant.
Griffin looked me in the eyes, and in the strongest tone I had ever heard from his lips, he said, "No."
"No? That's it? Can you answer with more than a single syllable? Please?" A loud grunt resounded from him, while I worried my hands into the folds of my skirt.
"He doesn't hate you. He's just confused. Give him some time. He's not going anywhere."
I heard the underlying message, as clear as if he had said the words aloud. Ash wasn't going anywhere, but Willow was. Subtly, Griffin was attempting to show me that my priorities were out of whack. I would have time to fix things with Ash, but who knew when I would see Willow again? Death might stake his claim and never release her.
CHAPTER 3
WILLOW
I walked through the woods, staying clear of the path, straining to fend off the wilderness. The rhythm of my heart competed with the quickening of the night. I was frozen, at war with myself. My biological makeup ensured my need to survive, but my sense of morality wouldn't allow a retreat.
I concentrated on each independent step, the feel of leaves crunching beneath my shoes, and on the song of the wolves as they cried to the moon. I wanted to join my voice with theirs. Freedom, the hunt, a pack; it was a sound of longing and of another's willingness to raise their voice with yours. It was strength and unity.
My breath caught as I pushed my way into the clearing. It was still. The breeze, all sounds, all smells, everything had been lost within the void. The only movement came from a single black rose that had clawed up through the soil and was angling towards the moon, as if wishing it weren't touched by Death. Like me, the rose yearned for something it could never have, the simplicity of white, the elegance of crimson, the delicacy of peach. It would remain a black rose, terrifying in its uniqueness, and breathtaking. Though it had the texture of something far darker, there was beauty in the emptiness that it carried with it.
I stood before Death's calling card, knowing that it was meant to antagonize me, and resisted the urge to join with the flower. The need to nurture and protect the rose from the evil clench of its master was consuming.
Honey and lemon drifted across my flesh, followed by a pressure change in the clearing that popped my eardrums. A noise that was not unlike the call of the wolves rose in the night. Initially a howl, the sound transformed into a blinding window and shattered into the depths of the forgotten.
The vortex had opened. Death stepped forth with a scowl and an air of suspicion. I wondered if he knew of Kali's visit. I peered behind him, expecting to see the familiar redhead, but was disappointed to find a different woman. She moved with the grace of a feline and the intent of a hawk. She was tall, with angular features, her hair resembling the softness of chocolate while her face remained severe. Her body stilled at the sight of me and her eyes brightened with wisdom. Her lips quirked into a tiny smile. "I'm Aria."
Death's gaze flickered from my head to my toes before lingering on my eyes. Minutes ticked by during his analysis, looking for a weakness. I could feel a minuscule particle of fear ripping through the threads that held me together, but I found the will to encase it within a mold of strength.
Death shifted from his typical predatory stance to a less intimidating one. His brown hair fell into his eyes, giving him an air of humanity. His vulnerability was deceptive. His stare held steel, domination, and power. I doubted anyone had ever tread over his toes, but I was about to and that thought thrilled me, while causing a slightly queasy drop to my stomach.
Aria must have gotten bored with our silent duel, because she stepped to the side and looked me in the eye. "Have you made your decision? Will you take your place as my sister?"
I had expected the question from Death and I had a witty comeback held in store for that occasion, but I didn't know what to say to Aria. I felt a pull towards her, as though I had known her my entire life, and yet it was faint. It was similar to the slightest touch of a feather across the base of my neck, enough to cause a tingle, but not enough for me create a connection.
I cleared my throat and faced Death. Somehow it was easier to stare him down. "I will agree to your terms, but I have some conditions of my own."
A sardonic grin held to his face. "I figured. Now, what would those terms be?"
His laugh was equally as irritating as his grin. I knew that he thought I would ask for something ridiculous, like riches or fame, but I wouldn't be asking for any of that.
"Obviously, Ash stays alive. Also, I will be able to visit my friends and family, as I wish."
"Fine. The deal is done." He held out his hand to shake on it, but I looked at him, aghast.
"You really think that's it? You think I would hand over my freedom that lightly?" I was really beginning to hate how people underestimated me. I had always been the nice, quiet, shy Willow. I refused to be that way now. My entire life I had felt another side to me, as though I were merely revealing a single side of a coin, but it was time that I flipped that coin.
He sighed. Aria chimed in, "What else do you want?" I knew it was rude, but I didn't look at her. I couldn't.
"In addition to those terms, I want you to bring Izzy back to life."
Death moved so quickly that I was barely aware of him pushing me into a tree. His teeth were bared and steam smoldered around his eyes. "You want me to do what?"
"Bring Izzy back to life." My voice was smaller now and I couldn't help the quivers that began in my hands.
He leaned his head against mine, his breath warming my face, and I became aware of just how tall he was. He needed to lean forward quite a bit for his forehead to be level with mine. He laughed hysterically and I tried to wiggle past him.
A hoarse growl loosened from him. "Do you have any idea of how decayed her body would be by now? Do you think she can waltz back into her life and mortals won't ask questions? I am Death, not Life. I am not in the business of bringing people back months after their demise."
I was disappointed. It was like losing Izzy all over again. Giving her life would be worth going to Hell, but now ... I wanted to wail, to lose myself in grief, and never turn back. I wanted to run.
Tears descended, falling against Death's fair skin. I shook my head, trying to flick the tears away and deny their assault. A keening tore through my chest. It was like the wolves, but much higher, with an aching sound buried beneath it. It was the voice of my soul tearing in half.
Death moved away suddenly. A look of horror lay frozen on his face; Aria's held only concern. She moved forward and pulled me into a hug. Then her voice rose with mine. It didn't hold the same grief in it, but brought understanding and acceptance. The wolves in the distance joined with us until I quieted. I couldn't look either of them in the face. I was ashamed to show my pain, and confused by the way it had revealed itself.
Death gazed at me, and I thought I caught a glimpse of sorrow and guilt. He looked up to the sky and back at me. "Fine. It's done. I will give Izzy … life."
"I thought – "
He rushed to me and covered my mouth, as though it were important I not ask why he gave in, when he had said he couldn't. The look in his eyes told me to accept the gift and not question it.
"You have twenty-four hours to say your goodbyes. Do not break our deal."
I nodded and he removed his palm from my lips. He began to turn, but I held my hand out to him. He looked at it in bafflement. I wondered if he wasn't used to others initiating touch. His hand grasped mine and lingered. The sigil he’d placed there after Ash died glowed brightly before fading to a black tattoo.
"I won't break it if you don't."
He rewarded me with a genuine smile and my eyes widened at the change.
"Death never goes back on his word. Twenty-four hours; we meet in the place of Divine Energy." He gestured to Aria and they turned to leave. She lingered, her eyes darting to see if I had gained my composure before she followed Death
into the vortex.
I gasped for breath and sat against the tree trunk. That had been intense. I wondered, for the millionth time, how I would survive as a Hellhound. Kali and Aria seemed nice enough, Ivy had a caustic personality, and Death ... enough said. How could I be expected to scrub my canvas clean and begin an entirely new painting? When all was said and done, what would my life look like? Would it be dark and bleak, or would I find some trace of color hidden in the depths of the underworld?
I remained in the clearing until the cold seeped through to my bones. I welcomed the chill since I was certain I wouldn't find that where I was going. The forest was unsettling, but facing my friends and family before marching into Death's fortress sounded worse.
My body ached during my walk to Savannah's. I thought back to my meeting with Death and my odd behavior. A wild ferocity had built beneath my surface and I wasn't sure if I liked it.
I neared Savannah's and resigned myself to saying my goodbyes. Izzy and Savannah had become a part of me and I was terrified that I would lose that part to the Hellhound within.
I found Izzy and Savannah downstairs in the basement. Since Maye had shown us the secret passage, Savannah had begun using it to block out the rest of the world. Though there were only two members of the outside world she really wanted to keep out. Unfortunately, she lived with one.
The wall to the passage closed behind me. Savannah sat in a chair in front of the desk, her long, ebony hair dangling in front of her face, stray strands grasping at the paper in front of her. Izzy misted around as she normally did. Her form was transparent, a habit she’d developed for whenever she was anxious.
Savannah was the first to speak. "Hey." Her voice held an antique tone, which she rarely used. I figured it had to do with my pending absence. The circles under her eyes made her seem older than sixteen, but she forced a smile.
Izzy, on the other hand, did not seem to be in the mood to appease me. "Well? Are you leaving?" Her arms were crossed, her eyes narrowed.