Chapter 16
Day 250
“What did you do?” I shrieked at Bob and plopped into a chair. “You know that you’re a complete idiot, right?”
“God Sydney, calm down,” He said rolling his eyes, “Jobs like that are a dime a dozen. I’ll be fine.”
“Bob, we make ends meet with all of our salaries. You got fired. Not once, but twice. Now because of your stupid mistakes we’re all screwed,” I said through gritted teeth. “Do you ever think about how what you do affects us all?”
Karen walked in and sat down as well. She’d gotten off her morning shift and had a little while to be home before the night shift, “Let’s not argue over it. What’s the plan?”
“I’ll start applying elsewhere tomorrow,” He said.
The day before Bob had gotten fired from the diner for yelling at a patron. We were all pissed and he swore he’d get another job. Then today he showed up at the bar and the same man was there. They’d gotten in a fist fight and he was fired yet again. Without his pay check we didn’t have enough money for everything we needed.
“You said that yesterday,” I reminded him. “Instead you got fired again.”
He rolled his eyes again, “Yeah, but that can’t happen now. God, calm down!”
“Bob, she’s right. You screwed up big time. We all knew we needed to keep our noses clean, and you didn’t. You are lucky you weren’t arrested. Can you just admit that you’re wrong?” Karen said calmly. I envied her for that sometimes. She never seemed to move beyond frustrated and even that was rare.
He sighed and glared, “Fine. I fucked up. I’ll fix it.”
“Rent is due,” I said quietly, “Plus water, gas, electricity, and the phone bill. Without your full checks we can’t pay everything. What are we letting lapse for a while?”
“I guess we let the phones go first,” She said.
I shook my head, “And lose Jenny’s income too, it’s also the internet?”
“What about gas? It’s warm enough we should be okay,” Bob said.
I shook my head again, “We’d lose the stove.”
“So we have to choose between a home, food, running water, electricity, a stove and heat, or the phones, internet, and Jenny’s income?”
I sighed and didn’t say anything. Kelly came in and walked up to me. She raised her arms and I picked her up without thinking about it. I knew Jenny was working and so I happily took the kid. I knew I had to do right by her, and by Jeremy. “We have one other option.” Everyone turned to look at me. I sighed deeply, “We can go back. They’ll take us, and probably happily too.”
“Are you sure?” Karen asked. “I mean, you hated it there. We all did, but you were the one who decided to do this.”
I nodded, “I know, but we have to think of the kids. It’s our best bet, isn’t it?”
She nodded, “We’ll leave in a few days.”
We told Jenny what was going on and she nodded. She hadn’t put down any roots here. Karen left for work and Bob headed into his room. Jeremy came in and I pulled him into my room.
“Kid, I’ve got some bad news,” I told him. He looked up at me and I realized how much the kid had aged. He wasn’t a child anymore and I felt guilt press down on my chest. Was that my fault?
“What’s up Syd?” He asked.
I frowned, “We’re going back.”
“Why?” He asked. “I like it here.”
I sighed, “I do too buddy, but we can’t afford it this month. Bob got fired again and we can’t do it. It’s more important for you to eat and have electricity.”
“But Sydney I love it here,” He said. “I love the lights and the people and your job. I love my friends and I love this stupid apartment that we don’t even really fit into. I don’t want to leave.”
I felt tears in my eyes, “I love it here too. I love the city, and my friends and my job. I love seeing how happy you are and I love the idea of Kelly growing up here, but we can’t. We just can’t afford this. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. I’d rather be unhappy than starve.”
“I’d rather die happy than live miserable. I hate that place. The hospital makes me feel awful and sad. I wish we’d never had to go there.” He admitted. I pulled him into my lap.
“Jeremy, I know this sucks, but it’s our only option. IF I could think of any other way we would never leave.”
He put his head on my shoulder and we leaned against the wall just sitting for a minute in silence. I knew how he felt. I saw him light up here, but I also knew I had to be more mature than he was.
“When are we leaving?” He asked quietly.
I looked at the calendar. It was Monday. “We’re leaving Wednesday night or Thursday morning.”
“Can I tell everyone goodbye?”
I nodded, “Of course. Just tell everyone we’re moving back to your hometown to deal with some things, and maybe we’ll be back one day. I’ve got to go now kiddo. Wanna come to work with me for a little while?”
He smiled, but it never reached his eyes, “Yeah.” We walked over and I let the kid loose. When my shift ended I headed to my boss.
“Hey, can we talk?” I asked.
He turned to look at me, “What’s up?”
“I’m being evicted, I’m going to moving back home,” I informed him.
He looked upset, “That sucks. We’ll miss having you around. When do you leave?”
“Tuesday,” I told him. I’d rather not work the day I was leaving.
He nodded, “I’ll have your check after your shift tomorrow. I wish you the best of luck. You were a great employee.”
“Thanks. I’ll miss you too, and everyone else around here,” I said truthfully. I picked Jeremy up and took him home. He was asleep before he could even blink. I walked back out and over to the casino.
“Hey Uncle Ace,” I said smiling.
He picked me up in a hug and sat me down in his office, “What’s up Australia?”
“I’ve got bad news,” I said feeling the tears I my eyes again. “We’re leaving.”
“Why?” He asked.
“Money,” I told him. “Bob lost both his jobs.”
He whistled sadly, “That sucks kid. So you mind telling me where you’re really from?”
“I broke out of a mental hospital,” I admitted.
He laughed, “Guess I’ll never know. I’ll sure miss you Sydney.”
“I’ll miss you too,” I said choking on my tears. “I’ll write to you.”
“I’ll write back. I love you Australia,” He told me hugging me and wiping my tears.
“Love you too Ace,” I said. “I don’t want to go.”
“I don’t want you to go,” He told me. “You’re a great kid and a great employee. How strapped are you guys?”
“About five hundred dollars,” I informed him. “This was a slow month on top of everything else.
He whistled, “Damn girly. I’m sorry.”
“I am too,” I muttered. “I wish I could just find that much money somehow, but I can’t.”
“You heading home?” He asked. I nodded. “Are you still working tomorrow?”
“Yeah, it’ll be my last night,” I said. My voice was cracking. Gently he put his arm over my shoulders and he walked me out. I headed home slowly admiring all the lights and the nice things the city had to offer. It was beautiful, in a completely fake and awful kind of way. It was one of those crazy things where you fell in love with something you hated.
“Are you alright Sydney?” Jenny asked when I came in. The kids were asleep.
I shook my head, “Not really. I was telling the truth when I said that this was our best option, but I hate it. I love being here, and I’d rather stay here and starve then go back. That place felt like all the life and joy had been pulled out of it and I couldn’t stand it. I don’t really want to go back.”
“Then why are we?” She asked.
I sighed deeply, “Kelly and Jeremy shouldn’t have to live in a tent. Or not have a stove, or food, or
electricity, or any of the essentials.”
“But Jeremy doesn’t want to go back either,” She said quietly.
I shook my head, “He’s a kid. It’s like when parents don’t let you eat candy for dinner. They are protecting you, because the candy is unhealthy and will make you sick. You still get mad and hate them for a while, but they made the right decision or we’d all eat candy for dinner all the time.”
“But didn’t your parents ever let you do it anyway, cause it’s what you wanted and you wanted it so badly?”
I sighed, “Once.” My brother and I had teamed up on and we’d spent all night sick as dogs. “And I wished they hadn’t later.”
“I suppose, but this is a bit bigger than candy for dinner,” She said.
I sighed, “What would you do?”
“I’d go back,” She said, “Although I’d never have had the guts to leave in the beginning.”
“Did I make the wrong choice then?”
“No,” she smiled. “This has been too amazing to be a mistake. Everyone got a taste of life beyond that place. Kelly saw the city. Bob realized that his actions affect people. Karen realized she can’t protect Jeremy from everything. Jeremy made friends with great people. You grew up, and realized you had to do what was best for the kids before yourself sometimes. I realized that everything is a risk, and sometimes it’s worth it to take the leap of faith.”
“This was a leap of faith,” I said nodding. “I can’t believe it’s ending.”
“We were close,” She said. “In another universe this would have worked out.”
I half smiled, “But not this one.”
“No,” She said smiling sadly.
I gave up and frowned, “Well I guess this is gonna be it. At least we’ll have the money to get back without resorting to the stuff we did last time.”
“You did,” She said. “You didn’t let any of us help you.”
“The only one who’d have been any good at it was Bob anyway,” I said shrugging.
She nodded, “True. You should get some sleep Sydney.”
“I will,” I smiled. “Night Jen. Don’t stay up too late.”
“I won’t.”
I collapsed into my bed and looked out our window. I felt the first tear slip from my eyes and I knew that was it. The dam was broken and I just sat crying.
I expected the voices to start up, but they didn’t. The only reasoning I can think of is that I was just too broken to be fun. I’d have just let them talk, so they didn’t bother. I cried until my pillow was soaked and then I kept crying. I fell asleep crying, something I hadn’t done since the accident.