CHAPTER x. -- A RETREAT.
The next morning Cecilia arose late, not only to avoid the raillery ofLady Honoria, but to escape seeing the departure of Delvile; she knewthat the spirit with which she had left him, made him, at present,think her wholly insensible, and she was at least happy to be spared themortification of a discovery, since she found him thus content, withouteven solicitation, to resign her.
Before she was dressed, Lady Honoria ran into her room, "A new scheme ofpolitics!" she cried; "our great statesman intends to leave us; he can'ttrust his baby out of his sight, so he is going to nurse him while uponthe road himself. Poor pretty dear Mortimer! what a puppet do they makeof him! I have a vast inclination to get a pap-boat myself, and make hima present of it."
Cecilia then enquired further particulars, and heard that Mr Delvilepurposed accompanying his son to Bristol, whose journey, therefore, waspostponed for a few hours to give time for new preparations.
Mr Delvile, who, upon this occasion, thought himself overwhelmed withbusiness, because, before his departure, he had some directions to giveto his domestics, chose to breakfast in his own apartment; Mrs Delvile,also, wishing for some private conversation with her son, invited him topartake of hers in her dressing-room, sending an apology to her guests,and begging they would order their breakfasts when they pleased.
Mr Delvile, scrupulous in ceremony, had made sundry apologies to LordErnolf for leaving him; but his real anxiety for his son overpoweringhis artificial character, the excuses he gave to that nobleman were suchas could not possibly offend; and the views of his lordship himself inhis visit, being nothing interrupted, so long as Cecilia continued atthe castle, he readily engaged, as a proof that he was not affronted, toremain with Mrs Delvile till his return.
Cecilia, therefore, had her breakfast with the two lords and LadyHonoria; and when it was over, Lord Ernolf proposed to his son ridingthe first stage with the two Mr Delviles on horseback. This was agreedupon, and they left the room; and then Lady Honoria, full of frolic andgaiety, seized one of the napkins, and protested she would send it toMortimer for a slabbering-bib; she therefore made it up in a parcel, andwrote upon the inside of the paper with which she enveloped it, "A pin-afore for Master Mortimer Delvile, lest he should daub his pappy when heis feeding him." Eager to have this properly conveyed, she then ran out,to give it in charge to her own man, who was to present him with it ashe got into the chaise.
She had but just quitted the room, when the door of it was again opened,and by Mortimer himself, booted, and equipped for his journey.
"Miss Beverley here! and alone!" cried he, with a look, and in a voice,which shewed that all the pride of the preceding evening was sunk intothe deepest dejection; "and does she not fly as I approach her? can shepatiently bear in her sight one so strange, so fiery, so inconsistent?But she is too wise to resent the ravings of a madman;--and who, underthe influence of a passion at once hopeless and violent, can boast, butat intervals, full possession of his reason?"
Cecilia, utterly astonished by a gentleness so humble, looked at himin silent surprise; he advanced to her mournfully, and added, "I amashamed, indeed, of the bitterness of spirit with which I last nightprovoked your displeasure, when I should have supplicated your lenity;but though I was prepared for your coldness, I could not endure it, andthough your indifference was almost friendly, it made me little lessthan frantic; so strangely may justice be blinded by passion, and everyfaculty of reason be warped by selfishness!"
"You have no apology to make, Sir," cried Cecilia, "since, believe me, Irequire none."
"You may well," returned he, half-smiling, "dispense with my apologies,since under the sanction of that word, I obtained your hearingyesterday. But, believe me, you will now find me far more reasonable;a whole night's reflections--reflections which no reposeinterrupted!--have brought me to my senses. Even lunatics, you know,have lucid moments!"
"Do you intend, Sir, to set off soon?"
"I believe so; I wait only for my father. But why is Miss Beverley soimpatient? I shall not soon return; that, at least, is certain, and, fora few instants delay, may surely offer some palliation;--See! if I amnot ready to again accuse you of severity!--I must run, I find, or allmy boasted reformation will end but in fresh offence, fresh disgrace,and fresh contrition! Adieu, madam!--and may all prosperity attend you!That will be ever my darling wish, however long my absence, howeverdistant the climates which may part us!" He was then hurrying away,but Cecilia, from an impulse of surprise too sudden to be restrained,exclaimed "The climates?--do you, then, mean to leave England?"
"Yes," cried he, with quickness, "for why should I remain in it? a fewweeks only could I fill up in any tour so near home, and hither in a fewweeks to return would be folly and madness; in an absence so brief, whatthought but that of the approaching meeting would occupy me? and what,at that meeting, should I feel, but joy the most dangerous, and delightwhich I dare not think of!--every conflict renewed, every strugglere-felt, again all this scene would require to be acted, again I musttear myself away, and every tumultuous passion now beating in myheart would be revived, and, if possible, be revived with addedmisery!--No!--neither my temper nor my constitution will endure suchanother shock, one parting shall suffice, and the fortitude with whichI will lengthen my self-exile, shall atone to myself for the weaknesswhich makes it requisite!"
And then, with a vehemence that seemed fearful of the smallest delay, hewas again, and yet more hastily going, when Cecilia, with much emotion,called out, "Two moments, Sir!"
"Two thousand! two million!" cried he, impetuously, and returning, witha look of the most earnest surprise, he added, "What is it Miss Beverleywill condescend to command?"
"Nothing," cried she, recovering her presence of mind, "but to beg youwill by no means, upon my account, quit your country and your friends,since another asylum can be found for myself, and since I would muchsooner part from Mrs Delvile, greatly and sincerely as I reverence her,than be instrumental to robbing her, even for a month, of her son."
"Generous and humane is the consideration," cried he; "but who half sogenerous, so humane as Miss Beverley? so soft to all others, so noble inherself? Can my mother have a wish, when I leave her with you? No; sheis sensible of your worth, she adores you, almost as I adore you myself!you are now under her protection, you seem, indeed, born for each other;let me not, then, deprive her of so honourable a charge--Oh, why musthe, who sees in such colours the excellencies of both, who admires withsuch fervour the perfections you unite, be torn with this violence fromthe objects he reveres, even though half his life he would sacrifice, tospend in their society what remained!"--
"Well, then, Sir," said Cecilia, who now felt her courage decline, andthe softness of sorrow steal fast upon her spirits, "if you will notgive up your scheme, let me no longer detain you."
"Will you not wish me a good journey?"
"Yes,--very sincerely."
"And will you pardon the unguarded errors which have offended you?"
"I will think of them, Sir, no more."
"Farewell, then, most amiable of women, and may every blessing youdeserve light on your head! I leave to you my mother, certain of yoursympathetic affection for a character so resembling your own. When you,madam, leave her, may the happy successor in your favour--" He paused,his voice faultered, Cecilia, too, turned away from him, and, utteringa deep sigh, he caught her hand, and pressing it to his lips, exclaimed,"O great be your felicity, in whatever way you receive it!--pure asyour virtues, and warm as your benevolence!--Oh too lovely MissBeverley!--why, why must I quit you!"
Cecilia, though she trusted not her voice to reprove him, forced awayher hand, and then, in the utmost perturbation, he rushed out of theroom.
This scene for Cecilia, was the most unfortunate that could havehappened; the gentleness of Delvile was alone sufficient to melt her,since her pride had no subsistence when not fed by his own; and whilehis mildness had blunted her displeasure, his anguish had penetrated herheart. Lost in thou
ght and in sadness, she continued fixed to herseat; and looking at the door through which he had passed, as if, withhimself, he had shut out all for which she existed.
This pensive dejection was not long uninterrupted; Lady Honoria camerunning back, with intelligence, in what manner she had disposed of hernapkin, and Cecilia in listening, endeavoured to find some diversion;but her ladyship, though volatile not undiscerning, soon perceived thather attention was constrained, and looking at her with much archness,said, "I believe, my dear, I must find another napkin for you! not, however, for your mouth, but for your eyes! Has Mortimer been in to takeleave of you?"
"Take leave of me?--No,--is he gone?"
"O no, Pappy has a world of business to settle first; he won't be readythese two hours. But don't look so sorrowful, for I'll run and bringMortimer to console you."
Away she flew, and Cecilia, who had no power to prevent her, finding herspirits unequal either to another parting, or to the raillery of LadyHonoria, should Mortimer, for his own sake, avoid it, took refugein flight, and seizing an umbrella, escaped into the park; where, toperplex any pursuers, instead of chusing her usual walk, she directedher steps to a thick and unfrequented wood, and never rested till shewas more than two miles from the house. Fidel, however, who nowalways accompanied her, ran by her side, and, when she thought herselfsufficiently distant and private to be safe, she sat down under a tree,and caressing her faithful favourite, soothed her own tenderness bylamenting that he had lost his master; and, having now no part to act,and no dignity to support, no observation to fear, and no inference toguard against, she gave vent to her long smothered emotions, by weepingwithout caution or restraint.
She had met with an object whose character answered all her wishes forhim with whom she should entrust her fortune, and whose turn of mind, sosimilar to her own, promised her the highest domestic felicity; to thisobject her affections had involuntarily bent, they were seconded byesteem, and unchecked by any suspicion of impropriety in her choice;she had found too, in return, that his heart was all her own; her birth,indeed, was inferior, but it was not disgraceful; her disposition,education and temper seemed equal to his fondest wishes; yet, at thevery time when their union appeared most likely, when they mixed withthe same society, and dwelt under the same roof, when the father toone, was the guardian to the other, and interest seemed to invitetheir alliance even more than affection, the young man himself, withoutcounsel or command, could tear himself from her presence by an effortall his own, forbear to seek her heart, and almost charge her not togrant it, and determining upon voluntary exile, quit his country and hisconnections with no view, and for no reason, but merely that he mightavoid the sight of her he loved!
Though the motive for this conduct was now no longer unknown to her, sheneither thought it satisfactory nor necessary; yet, while she censuredhis flight, she bewailed his loss, and though his inducement wasrepugnant to her opinion, his command over his passions she admired andapplauded.