CHAPTER iv. -- A PROPOSITION.
Early the next morning, Delvile again made his appearance. Cecilia, whowas at breakfast with Mrs and Miss Charltons, received him with the mostpainful confusion, and he was evidently himself in a state of theutmost perturbation. Mrs Charlton made a pretence almost immediatelyfor sending away both her grand-daughters, and then, without taking thetrouble of devising one for herself, arose and followed them, thoughCecilia made sundry signs of solicitation that she would stay.
Finding herself now alone with him, she hastily, and without knowingwhat she said, cried, "How is Mrs Delvile, Sir? Is she still atBristol?"
"At Bristol? no; have you never heard she is returned to DelvileCastle?"
"O, true!--I meant Delvile Castle,--but I hope she found some benefitfrom the waters?"
"She had not, I believe, any occasion to try them."
Cecilia, ashamed of these two following mistakes, coloured high; butventured not again to speak; and Delvile, who seemed big with somethinghe feared to utter, arose, and walked for a few instants about the room;after which, exclaiming aloud "How vain is every plan which passes thepresent hour!" He advanced to Cecilia, who pretended to be looking atsome work, and seating himself next her, "when we parted yesterday,"he cried, "I presumed to say one night alone should be given todeliberation,--and to-day, this very day to action!--but I forgot thatthough in deliberating I had only myself to consult, in acting I was notso independent; and that when my own doubts were satisfied, and myown resolutions taken, other doubts and other resolutions must beconsidered, by which my purposed proceedings might be retarded, mightperhaps be wholly prevented!"
He paused, but Cecilia, unable to conjecture to what he was leading,made not any answer.
"Upon you, madam," he continued, "all that is good or evil of my futurelife, as far as relates to its happiness or misery, will, from this veryhour, almost solely depend; yet much as I rely upon your goodness, andsuperior as I know you to trifling or affectation, what I now come topropose--to petition--to entreat--I cannot summon courage to mention,from a dread of alarming you!"
What next, thought Cecilia, trembling at this introduction, is preparingfor me! does he mean to ask me to solicit Mrs Delvile's consent! or frommyself must he receive commands that we should never meet more!
"Is Miss Beverley," cried he, "determined not to, speak to me? Is shebent upon silence only to intimidate me? Indeed if she knew how greatlyI respect her, she would honour me with more confidence."
"When, Sir," cried she, "do you mean to make your tour?"
"Never!" cried he, with fervour, "unless banished by you, never!--no,loveliest Miss Beverley, I can now quit you no more! Fortune, beauty,worth and sweetness I had power to relinquish, and severe as was thetask, I compelled myself to perform it,--but when to these I find joinedso attractive a softness,--a pity for my sufferings so unexpectedlygentle no! sweetest Miss Beverley, I can quit you no more!" And then,seizing her hand, with yet greater energy, he went on, "I here," hecried, "offer you my vows, I here own you sole arbitress of my fate! Igive you not merely the possession of my heart,--that, indeed, I had nopower to withhold from you,--but I give you the direction of my conduct,I entreat you to become my counsellor and guide. Will Miss Beverleyaccept such an office? Will she deign to listen to such a prayer?"
"Yes," cried Cecilia, involuntarily delighted to find that such wasthe result of his night's deliberation, "I am most ready to give you mycounsel; which I now do,--that you set off for the Continent to-morrowmorning."
"O how malicious!" cried he, half laughing, "yet not so immediately doI even request your counsel; something must first be done to qualify youfor giving it; penetration, skill and understanding, however amply youpossess them, are not sufficient to fit you for the charge; somethingstill more is requisite, you must be invested with fuller powers,you must have a right less disputable, and a title, that not alone,inclination, not even judgment alone must sanctify, but which law mustenforce, and rites the most solemn support!"
"I think, then," said Cecilia, deeply blushing, "I must be content toforbear giving any counsel at all, if the qualifications for it are sodifficult of acquirement."
"Resent not my presumption," cried he, "my beloved Miss Beverley, butlet the severity of my recent sufferings palliate my present temerity;for where affliction has been deep and serious, causeless andunnecessary misery will find little encouragement; and mine hasbeen serious indeed! Sweetly, then, permit me, in proportion to itsbitterness, to rejoice in the soft reverse which now flatters me withits approach."
Cecilia, abashed and uneasy, uncertain of what was to follow, andunwilling to speak till more assured, paused, and then abruptlyexclaimed "I am afraid Mrs Charlton is waiting for me," and would havehurried away; but Delvile, almost forcibly preventing her, compelledher to stay; and, after a short conversation, on his side the mostimpassioned, and on hers the most confused, obtained from her, what,indeed, after the surprise of the preceding evening she could butill deny, a frank confirmation of his power over her heart, and aningenuous, though reluctant acknowledgment, how long he had possessedit.
This confession, made, as affairs now stood, wholly in opposition to herjudgment, was torn from her by an impetuous urgency which she had notpresence of mind to resist, and with which Delvile, when particularlyanimated, had long been accustomed to overpower all opposition. Thejoy with which he heard it, though but little mixed with wonder, was asviolent as the eagerness with which he had sought it; yet it was not oflong duration, a sudden, and most painful recollection presently quelledit, and even in the midst of his rapturous acknowledgment, seemed tostrike him to the heart.
Cecilia, soon perceiving both in his countenance and manner analteration that shocked her, bitterly repented an avowal she could neverrecall, and looked aghast with expectation and dread.
Delvile, who with quickness saw a change of expression in her of whichin himself he was unconscious, exclaimed, with much emotion, "O howtransient is human felicity! How rapidly fly those rare and exquisitemoments in which it is perfect! Ah! sweetest Miss Beverley, what wordsshall I find to soften what I have now to reveal! to tell you that,after goodness, candour, generosity such as yours, a request, asupplication remains yet to be uttered that banishes me, if refused,from your presence for ever!"
Cecilia, extremely dismayed, desired to know what it was; an evidentdread of offending her kept him some time from proceeding, but atlength, after repeatedly expressing his fears of her disapprobation, anda repugnance even on his own part to the very measure he was obliged tourge, he acknowledged that all his hopes of being ever united to her,rested upon obtaining her consent to an immediate and secret marriage.
Cecilia, thunderstruck by this declaration, remained for a few instantstoo much confounded to speak; but when he was beginning an explanatoryapology, she started up, and glowing with indignation, said, "Ihad flattered myself, Sir, that both my character and my conduct,independent of my situation in life, would have exempted me at alltimes from a proposal which I shall ever think myself degraded by havingheard."
And then she was again going, but Delvile still preventing her, said "Iknew too well how much you would be alarmed, and such was my dread ofyour displeasure that it had power even to embitter the happinessI sought with so much earnestness, and to render your condescensioninsufficient to ensure it. Yet wonder not at my scheme; wild as it mayappear, it is the result of deliberation, and censurable as it may seem,it springs not from unworthy motives."
"Whatever may be your motives with respect to yourself, Sir," saidCecilia, "with respect to me they must certainly be disgraceful; I willnot, therefore, listen to them."
"You wrong me cruelly," cried he, with warmth, "and a moment'sreflection must tell you that however distinct may be our honour or ourdisgrace in every other instance, in that by which we should be united,they must inevitably be the same; and far sooner would I voluntarilyrelinquish you, than be myself accessory to tainting that delicacy ofwhich the unsullied purity h
as been the chief source of my admiration."
"Why, then," cried Cecilia, reproachfully, "have you mentioned to mesuch a project?"
"Circumstances the most singular, and necessity the most unavoidable,"he answered, "should alone have ever tempted me to form it. No longerago than yesterday morning, I believed myself incapable of even wishingit; but extraordinary situations call for extraordinary resolutions,and in private as well as public life, palliate, at least, extraordinaryactions. Alas! the proposal which so much offends you is my finalresource! it is the sole barrier between myself and perpetualmisery!--the only expedient in my power to save me from eternallyparting from you!--for I am compelled now cruelly to confess, that myfamily, I am certain, will never consent to our union!"
"Neither, then, Sir," cried Cecilia, with great spirit, "will I!The disdain I may meet with I pretend not to retort, but wilfully toencounter, were meanly to deserve it. I will enter into no family inopposition to its wishes, I will consent to no alliance that may exposeme to indignity. Nothing is so contagious as contempt!--The example ofyour friends might work powerfully upon yourself, and who shall dareassure me you would not catch the infection?"
"I dare assure you!" cried he; "hasty you may perhaps think me, andsomewhat impetuous I cannot deny myself; but believe me not of sowretched a character as to be capable, in any affair of moment, offickleness or caprice."
"But what, Sir, is my security to the contrary? Have you not this momentavowed that but yesterday you held in abhorrence the very plan thatto-day you propose? And may you not to-morrow resume again the sameopinion?"
"Cruel Miss Beverley! how unjust is this inference! If yesterday Idisapproved what to-day I recommend, a little recollection must surelytell you why; and that not my opinion, but my situation is changed."
The conscious Cecilia here turned away her head; too certain he alludedto the discovery of her partiality.
"Have you not yourself," he continued, "witnessed the steadiness of mymind? Have you not beheld me fly, when I had power to pursue, and avoid,when I had opportunity to seek you? After witnessing my constancy uponsuch trying occasions, is it equitable, is it right to suspect me ofwavering?"
"But what," cried she, "was the constancy which brought you intoSuffolk?--When all occasion was over for our meeting any more, when youtold me you were going abroad, and took leave of me for ever,--where,then, was your steadiness in this unnecessary journey?"
"Have a care," cried he, half smiling, and taking a letter from hispocket, "have a care, upon this point, how you provoke me to spew myjustification!"
"Ah!" cried Cecilia, blushing, "'tis some trick of Lady Honoria!"
"No, upon my honour. The authority is less doubtful; I believe I shouldhardly else have regarded it."
Cecilia, much alarmed, held out her hand for the letter; and lookingfirst at the end was much astonished to see the name of Biddulph. Shethen cast her eye over the beginning, and when she saw her own name,read the following paragraph.
"Miss Beverley, as you doubtless know, is returned into Suffolk; everybody here saw her with the utmost surprize; from the moment I had heardof her residence in Delvile Castle, I had given her up for lost; but,upon her unexpected appearance among us again, I was weak enough oncemore to make trial of her heart. I soon found, however, that the painof a second rejection you might have spared me, and that though she hadquitted Delvile Castle, she had not for nothing entered it; at the soundof your name, she blushes; at the mention of your illness, she turnspale; and the dog you have given her, which I recollected immediately,is her darling companion. Oh happy Delvile! yet so lovely a conquest youabandon.--"
Cecilia could read no more; the letter dropt from her hand; to findherself thus by her own emotions betrayed, made her instantly concludeshe was universally discovered; and turning sick at the supposition, allher spirit forsook her, and she burst into tears.
"Good heaven," cried Delvile, extremely shocked, "what has thus affectedyou? Can the jealous surmises of an apprehensive rival--"
"Do not talk to me," interrupted she, impatiently, "and do not detainme,--I am extremely disturbed,--I wish to be alone,--I beg, I evenentreat you would leave me."
"I will go, I will obey you in every thing!" cried he, eagerly, "tell mebut when I may return, and when you will suffer me to explain to you allthe motives of my proposal?"
"Never, never!" cried she, with earnestness, "I am sufficiently loweredalready, but never will I intrude myself into a family that disdainsme!"
"Disdains? No, you are revered in it! who could disdain you! That fatalclause alone--"
"Well, well, pray leave me; indeed I cannot hear you; I am unfit forargument, and all reasoning now is nothing less than cruelty."
"I am gone," cried he, "this moment! I would not even wish to takeadvantage of your agitation in order to work upon your sensibility. Mydesire is not to surprize, but to reconcile you to my plan. What is itI seek in Miss Beverley? An Heiress? No, as such she has seen I couldresist her; nor yet the light trifler of a spring or two, neglected whenno longer a novelty; no, no!--it is a companion for ever, it is a solacefor every care, it is a bosom friend through every period of life thatI seek in Miss Beverley! Her esteem, therefore, to me is as preciousas her affection, for how can I hope her friendship in the winter ofmy days, if their brighter and gayer season is darkened by doubts ofmy integrity? All shall be clear and explicit; no latent cause ofuneasiness shall disturb our future quiet; we will now be sincere, thathereafter we may be easy; and sweetly in unclouded felicity, time shallglide away imperceptibly, and we will make an interest with eachother in the gaiety of youth, to bear with the infirmities of age, andalleviate them by kindness and sympathy. And then shall my soothingCecilia--"
"O say no more!" interrupted she, softened in her own despite by a planso consonant to her wishes, "what language is this! how improper for youto use, or me to hear!"
She then very earnestly insisted upon his going; and after a thousandtimes taking leave and returning, promising obedience, yet pursuing hisown way, he at length said if she would consent to receive a letter fromhim, he would endeavour to commit what he had to communicate to paper,since their mutual agitation made him unable to explain himself withclearness, and rather hurt his cause than assisted it, by leaving allhis arguments unfinished and obscure.
Another dispute now arose; Cecilia protesting she would receive noletter, and hear nothing upon the subject; and Delvile impetuouslydeclaring he would submit to no award without being first heard. Atlength he conquered, and at length he departed.
Cecilia then felt her whole heart sink within her at the unhappiness ofher situation. She considered herself now condemned to refuse Delvileherself, as the only condition upon which he even solicited her favour,neither the strictness of her principles, nor the delicacy of her mind,would suffer her to accept. Her displeasure at the proposal had beenwholly unaffected, and she regarded it as an injury to her characterever to have received it; yet that Delvile's pride of heart should giveway to his passion, that he should love her with so much fondness as torelinquish for her the ambitious schemes of his family, and even thatdarling name which so lately seemed annexed to his existence, werecircumstances to which she was not insensible, and proofs of tendernessand regard which she had thought incompatible with the general spiritof his disposition. Yet however by these she was gratified, she resolvednever to comply with so humiliating a measure, but to wait the consentof his friends, or renounce him for ever.