CHAPTER vii.
A CALM.
Cecilia took leave over night of the family, as she would not stay theirrising in the morning: Mr Monckton, though certain not to sleep when shewas going, forbearing to mark his solicitude by quitting his apartmentat any unusual hour. Lady Margaret parted from her with her accustomedungraciousness, and Miss Bennet, because in her presence, in a mannerscarcely less displeasing.
The next morning, with only her servants, the moment it was light, sheset out. Her journey was without incident or interruption, and she wentimmediately to the house of Mrs Bayley, where she had settled to boardtill her own was finished.
Mrs Bayley was a mere good sort of woman, who lived decently well withher servants, and tolerably well with her neighbours, upon a smallannuity, which made her easy and comfortable, though by no meanssuperior to such an addition to her little income as an occasionalboarder might produce.
Here Cecilia continued a full month: which time had no otheremployment than what she voluntarily gave to herself by active deeds ofbenevolence.
At Christmas, to the no little joy of the neighbourhood, she tookpossession of her own house, which was situated about three miles fromBury.
The better sort of people were happy to see her thus settled amongstthem, and the poorer, who by what they already had received, knewwell what they still might expect, regarded the day in which shefixed herself in her mansion, as a day to themselves of prosperity andtriumph.
As she was no longer, as hitherto, repairing to a temporary habitation,which at pleasure she might quit, and to which, at a certain period, shecould have no possible claim, but to a house which was her own forever, or, at least, could solely by her own choice be transferred,she determined, as much as was in her power, in quitting her desultorydwellings, to empty her mind of the transactions which had passed inthem, and upon entering a house where she was permanently to reside,to make the expulsion of her past sorrows, the basis upon which toestablish her future serenity.
And this, though a work of pain and difficulty, was not impracticable;her sensibility, indeed, was keen, and she had suffered from it theutmost torture; but her feelings were not more powerful than herunderstanding was strong, and her fortitude was equal to her trials.Her calamities had saddened, but not weakened her mind, and the wordsof Delvile in speaking of his mother occurred to her now with allthe conviction of experience, that "evils inevitable are always bestsupported, because known to be past amendment, and felt to give defianceto struggling." [Footnote: See Vol. ii. p. 317.]
A plan by which so great a revolution was to be wrought in her mind, wasnot to be effected by any sudden effort of magnanimity, but by a regularand even tenour of courage mingled with prudence. Nothing, therefore,appeared to her so indispensable as constant employment, by which avariety of new images might force their way in her mind to supplantthe old ones, and by which no time might be allowed for brooding overmelancholy retrospections.
Her first effort, in this work of mental reformation, was to part withFidel, whom hitherto she had almost involuntarily guarded, but whom sheonly could see to revive the most dangerous recollections. She sent him,therefore, to the castle, but without any message; Mrs Delvile, she wassure, would require none to make her rejoice in his restoration.
Her next step was writing to Albany, who had given her his direction, toacquaint him she was now ready to put in practice their long concertedscheme. Albany instantly hastened to her, and joyfully accepted theoffice of becoming at once her Almoner and her Monitor. He made it hisbusiness to seek objects of distress, and always but too certain to findthem, of conducting her himself to their habitations, and then leavingto her own liberality the assistance their several cases demanded: and,in the overflowing of his zeal upon these occasions, and the raptureof his heart in thus disposing, almost at his pleasure, of her noblefortune, he seemed, at times, to feel an extasy that, from its noveltyand its excess, was almost too exquisite to be borne. He joined with thebeggars in pouring blessings upon her head, he prayed for her with thepoor, and he thanked her with the succoured.
The pew-opener and her children failed not to keep their appointment,and Cecilia presently contrived to settle them in her neighbourhood:where the poor woman, as she recovered her strength, soon got a littlework, and all deficiencies in her power of maintaining herself weresupplied by her generous patroness. The children, however, she orderedto be coarsely brought up, having no intention to provide for them butby helping them to common employments.
The promise, also, so long made to Mrs Harrel of an apartment inher house, was now performed. That lady accepted it with the utmostalacrity, glad to make any change in her situation, which constantsolitude had rendered wholly insupportable. Mr Arnott accompanied her tothe house, and spent one day there; but receiving from Cecilia,though extremely civil and sweet to him, no hint of any invitation forrepeating his visit, he left it in sadness, and returned to his own indeep dejection. Cecilia saw with concern how he nourished his hopelesspassion, but knew that to suffer his visits would almost authorisehis feeding it; and while she pitied unaffectedly the unhappiness sheoccasioned, she resolved to double her own efforts towards avoidingsimilar wretchedness.
This action, however, was a point of honour, not of friendship, the timebeing long since past that the society of Mrs Harrel could afford herany pleasure; but the promises she had so often made to Mr Harrel inhis distresses, though extorted from her merely by the terrors of themoment, still were promises, and, therefore, she held herself bound tofulfil them.
Yet far from finding comfort in this addition to her family, Mrs Harrelproved to her nothing more than a trouble and an incumbrance; withno inherent resources, she was continually in search of occasionalsupplies; she fatigued Cecilia with wonder at the privacy of her life,and tormented her with proposals of parties and entertainments. Shewas eternally in amazement that with powers so large, she had wishes soconfined, and was evidently disappointed that upon coming to so ample anestate, she lived, with respect to herself and her family, with no moremagnificence or shew than if Heiress to only u500 a year.
But Cecilia was determined to think and to live for herself, withoutregard to unmeaning wonder or selfish remonstrances; she had neitherambition for splendour, nor spirits for dissipation; the recent sorrowof her heart had deadened it for the present to all personal taste ofhappiness, and her only chance for regaining it, seemed through themedium of bestowing it upon others. She had seen, too, by Mr Harrel,how wretchedly external brilliancy could cover inward woe, and shehad learned at Delvile Castle to grow sick of parade and grandeur. Herequipage, therefore, was without glare, though not without elegance, hertable was plain, though hospitably plentiful, her servants were for use,though too numerous to be for labour. The system of her oeconomy, likethat of her liberality, was formed by rules of reason, and her own ideasof right, and not by compliance with example, nor by emulation with thegentry in her neighbourhood.
But though thus deviating in her actions from the usual customs ofthe young and rich, she was peculiarly careful not to offend themby singularity of manners. When she mixed with them, she was easy,unaffected, and well bred, and though she saw them but seldom, her goodhumour and desire of obliging kept them always her friends. The planshe had early formed at Mrs Harrel's she now studied daily to put inpractice; but that part by which the useless or frivolous were to beexcluded her house, she found could only be supported by driving fromher half her acquaintance.
Another part, also, of that project she found still less easy ofadoption, which was solacing herself with the society of the wise, good,and intelligent. Few answered this description, and those few were withdifficulty attainable. Many might with joy have sought out her liberaldwelling, but no one had idly waited till the moment it was at herdisposal. All who possessed at once both talents and wealth, wereso generally courted they were rarely to be procured; and all who totalents alone owed their consequence, demanded, if worth acquiring, timeand delicacy to be obtained. Fortune she kn
ew, however, was so often atwar with Nature, that she doubted not shortly meeting those who wouldgladly avail themselves of her offered protection.
Yet, tired of the murmurs of Mrs Harrel, she longed for some relief fromher society, and her desire daily grew stronger to owe that relief toHenrietta Belfield. The more she meditated upon this wish, the lessunattainable it appeared to her, till by frequently combating itsdifficulties, she began to consider them imaginary: Mrs Belfield, whileher son was actually with herself, might see she took not Henrietta ashis appendage; and Mr Delvile, should he make further enquiries, mighthear that her real connection was with the sister, since she receivedher in the country, where the brother made no pretence to followher. She considered, too, how ill she should be rewarded in giving upHenrietta for Mr Delvile, who was already determined to think ill ofher, and whose prejudices no sacrifice would remove.
Having hesitated, therefore, some time between the desire of presentalleviation, and the fear of future mischief, the consciousness of herown innocence at length vanquished all dread of unjust censure, and shewrote an invitation to Henrietta enclosed in a letter to her mother.
The answer of Henrietta expressed her rapture at the proposal; and thatof Mrs Belfield made no objection but to the expence.
Cecilia, therefore, sent her own maid to travel with her into Suffolk,with proper directions to pay for the journey.
The gratitude of the delighted Henrietta at the meeting was boundless;and her joy at so unexpected a mark of favour made her half wild.Cecilia suffered it not to languish for want of kindness to supportit; she took her to her bosom, became the soother of all her cares, andreposed in her, in return, every thought that led not to Delvile.
There, however, she was uniformly silent; solemnly and eternally partedfrom him, far from trusting the secret of her former connexion toHenrietta, the whole study of her life was to drive the remembrance ofit from herself.
Henrietta now tasted a happiness to which as yet her whole life had beena stranger; she was suddenly removed from turbulent vulgarity to theenjoyment of calm elegance; and the gentleness of her disposition,instead of being tyrannically imposed upon, not only made her loved withaffection, but treated with the most scrupulous delicacy. Cecilia hadher share in all the comfort she bestowed; she had now a friend tooblige, and a companion to converse with. She communicated to her allher schemes, and made her the partner of her benevolent excursions;she found her disposition as amiable upon trial, as her looks and hermanners had been engaging at first sight; and her constant presence andconstant sweetness, imperceptibly revived her spirits, and gave a newinterest to her existence.
Meantime Mr Monckton, who returned in about a fortnight to the Grove,observed the encreasing influence of Albany with the most seriousconcern. The bounties of Cecilia, extensive, magnificent, unlimited,were the theme of every tongue, and though sometimes censured andsometimes admired, they were wondered at universally. He suffered herfor a while to go on without remonstrance, hoping her enthusiasm wouldabate, as its novelty wore out: but finding that week following week wasstill distinguished by some fresh act of beneficence, he grew so alarmedand uneasy, he could restrain himself no longer. He spoke to herwith warmth, he represented her conduct as highly dangerous in itsconsequence; he said she would but court impostors from every corner ofthe kingdom, called Albany a lunatic, whom she should rather avoid thanobey; and insinuated that if a report was spread of her proceedings, acharity so prodigal, would excite such alarm, that no man would thinkeven her large and splendid fortune, would ensure him from ruin inseeking her alliance.
Cecilia heard this exhortation without either terror or impatience, andanswered it with the utmost steadiness. His influence over her mind wasno longer uncontrolled, for though her suspicions were not strengthened,they had never been removed, and friendship has no foe so dangerous asdistrust! She thanked him, however, for his zeal, but assured him hisapprehensions were groundless, since though she acted from inclination,she acted not without thought. Her income was very large, and she waswholly without family or connection; to spend it merely upon herselfwould be something still worse than extravagance, it must result fromwilfulness the most inexcusable, as her disposition was naturallyaverse to luxury and expence. She might save indeed, but for whom? not acreature had such a claim upon her; and with regard to herself, she wasso provided for it would be unnecessary. She would never, she declared,run in debt even for a week, but while her estate was wholly clear, shewould spend it without restriction.
To his hint of any future alliance, she only said that those whodisapproved her conduct, would probably be those she should disapprovein her turn; should such an event however take place, the retrenchingfrom that time all her present peculiar expences, would surely, in aclear u3000 a-year, leave her rich enough for any man, without makingit incumbent upon her at present, to deny herself the only pleasure shecould taste, in bestowing that money which to her was superfluous, uponthose who received it as the prolongation of their existence.
A firmness so deliberate in a system he so much dreaded, greatly shockedMr Monckton, though it intimidated him from opposing it; he saw she wastoo earnest, and too well satisfied she was right, to venture givingher disgust by controverting her arguments; the conversation, therefore,ended with new discontent to himself, and with an impression uponthe mind of Cecilia, that though he was zealous and friendly, he wassomewhat too worldly and suspicious.
She went on, therefore, as before, distributing with a lavish handall she could spare from her own household; careful of nothing but ofguarding against imposition, which, though she sometimes unavoidablyendured, her discernment, and the activity of her investigatingdiligence, saved her from suffering frequently. And the steadiness withwhich she repulsed those whom she detected in deceit, was a check upontricks and fraud, though it could not wholly put a stop to them.
Money, to her, had long appeared worthless and valueless; it had failedto procure her the establishment for which she once flattered herselfit seemed purposely designed; it had been disdained by the Delviles,for the sake of whose connection she had alone ever truly rejoiced inpossessing it; and after such a conviction of its inefficacy to secureher happiness, she regarded it as of little importance to herself, andtherefore thought it almost the due of those whose distresses gave it aconsequence to which with her it was a stranger.
In this manner with Cecilia passed the first winter of her majority.She had sedulously filled it with occupations, and her occupations hadproved fertile in keeping her mind from idleness, and in restoring itto chearfulness. Calls upon her attention so soothing, and avocationsso various for her time, had answered the great purpose for whichoriginally she had planned them, in almost forcing from her thoughtsthose sorrows which, if indulged, would have rested in them incessantly.