CHAPTER viii.
AN ALARM.
The spring was now advancing, and the weather was remarkably fine; whenone morning, while Cecilia was walking with Mrs Harrel and Henriettaon the lawn before her house, to which the last dinner bell was justsummoning them, to return, Mrs Harrel looked round and stopt at sightof a gentleman galloping towards them, who in less than a minuteapproached, and dismounting and leaving his horse to his servant, struckthem all at the same instant to be no other than young Delvile!
A sight so unexpected, so unaccountable, so wonderful, after anabsence so long, and to which they were mutually bound, almost whollyover-powered Cecilia from surprise and a thousand other feelings, andshe caught Mrs Harrel by the arm, not knowing what she did, as iffor succour; while Henrietta with scarce less, though much more glademotion, suddenly exclaimed, "'tis Mr Delvile!" and sprang forward tomeet him.
He had reached them, and in a voice that spoke hurry and perturbation,respectfully made his compliments to them all, before Cecilia recoveredeven the use of her feet: but no sooner were they restored to her, thanshe employed them with the quickest motion in her power, still leaningupon Mrs Harrel, to hasten into the house. Her solemn promise to MrsDelvile became uppermost in her thoughts, and her surprise was soonsucceeded by displeasure, that thus, without any preparation, he forcedher to break it by an interview she had no means to prevent.
Just as they reached the entrance into the house, the Butler came totell Cecilia that dinner was upon the table. Delvile then went up toher, and said, "May I wait upon you for one instant before--or after youdine?"
"I am engaged, Sir," answered she, though hardly able to speak, "for thewhole day."
"You will not, I hope, refuse to hear me," cried he, eagerly, "I cannotwrite what I have to say,--"
"There is no occasion that you should, Sir," interrupted she, "since Ishould scarcely find time to read it."
She then courtsied, though without looking at him, and went into thehouse; Delvile remaining in utter dismay, not daring, however wishing,to follow her. But when Mrs Harrel, much surprised at behaviour sounusual from Cecilia, approached him with some civil speeches, hestarted, and wishing her good day, bowed, and remounted his horse:pursued by the soft eyes of Henrietta till wholly out of sight.
They then both followed Cecilia to the dining-parlour.
Had not Mrs Harrel been of this small party, the dinner would have beenserved in vain; Cecilia, still trembling with emotion, bewildered withconjecture, angry with Delvile for thus surprising her, angry withherself for so severely receiving him, amazed what had tempted him tosuch a violation of their joint agreement, and irresolute as much whatto wish as what to think, was little disposed for eating, and withdifficulty compelled herself to do the honours of her table.
Henrietta, whom the sight of Delvile had at once delighted anddisturbed, whom the behaviour of Cecilia had filled with wonder andconsternation, and whom the evident inquietude and disappointment whichthat behaviour had given to Delvile, had struck with grief and terror,could not swallow even a morsel, but having cut her meat about herplate, gave it, untouched, to a servant.
Mrs Harrel, however, though she had had her share in the surprise, hadwholly escaped all other emotion; and only concluded in her own mind,that Cecilia could sometimes be out of humour and ill bred, as well asthe rest of the world.
While the dessert was serving, a note was brought to Henrietta, which aservant was waiting in great haste to have answered.
Henrietta, stranger to all forms of politeness, though by nature soft,obliging and delicate, opened it immediately; she started as she casther eye over it, but blushed, sparkled, and looked enchanted, andhastily rising, without even a thought of any apology, ran out of theroom to answer it.
Cecilia, whose quick eye, by a glance unavoidable, had seen the handof Delvile, was filled with new amazement at the sight. As soon as theservants were gone, she begged Mrs Harrel to excuse her, and went to herown apartment.
Here, in a few minutes, she was followed by Henrietta, whose countenancebeamed with pleasure, and whose voice spoke tumultuous delight. "Mydear, dear Miss Beverley!" she cried, "I have such a thing to tellyou!--you would never guess it,--I don't know how to believe itmyself,--but Mr Delvile has written to me!--he has indeed! that note wasfrom him.--I have been locking it up, for fear of accidents, but I'llrun and fetch it, that you may see it yourself."
She then ran away; leaving Cecilia much perplexed, much uneasyfor herself, and both grieved and alarmed for the too tender, toosusceptible Henrietta, who was thus easily the sport of every airy andcredulous hope.
"If I did not shew it you," cried Henrietta, running back in amoment, "you would never think it possible, for it is to make such arequest--that it has frightened me almost out of my wits!"
Cecilia then read the note.
_To Miss Belfield_.
Mr Delvile presents his compliments to Miss Belfield, and begs tobe permitted to wait upon her for a few minutes, at any time in theafternoon she will be so good as to appoint.
"Only think," cried the rapturous Henrietta, "it was _me_, poor simple_me_, of all people, that he wanted so to speak with!--I am sure Ithought a different thought when he went away! but do, dearest MissBeverley, tell me this one thing, what do you think he can have to sayto me?"
"Indeed," replied Cecilia, extremely embarrassed, "it is impossible forme to conjecture."
"If _you_ can't, I am sure, then, it is no wonder _I_ can't! and I havebeen thinking of a million of things in a minute. It can't be about anybusiness, because I know nothing in the world of any business; and itcan't be about my brother, because he would go to our house in townabout him, and there he would see him himself; and it can't be about mydear Miss Beverley, because then he would have written the note to herand it can't be about any body else, because I know nobody else of hisacquaintance."
Thus went on the sanguine Henrietta, settling whom and what it could_not_ be about, till she left but the one thing to which her wishespointed that it _could_ be about. Cecilia heard her with truecompassion, certain that she was deceiving herself with imaginationsthe most pernicious; yet unable to know how to quell them, while in suchdoubt and darkness herself.
This conversation was soon interrupted, by a message that a gentleman inthe parlour begged to speak with Miss Belfield.
"O dearest, dearest Miss Beverley!" cried Henrietta, with encreasingagitation, "what in the world shall I say to him, advise me, pray adviseme, for I can't think of a single word!"
"Impossible, my dear Henrietta, unless I knew what he would say to you!"
"O but I can guess, I can guess!"--cried she, her cheeks glowing, whileher whole frame shook, "and I sha'n't know what in the whole world toanswer him! I know I shall behave like a fool,--I know I shall disgracemyself sadly!"
Cecilia, truly sorry Delvile should see her in such emotion, endeavouredearnestly to compose her, though never less tranquil herself. Butshe could not succeed, and she went down stairs with expectations ofhappiness almost too potent for her reason.
Not such were those of Cecilia; a dread of some new conflict tookpossession of her mind, that mind so long tortured with struggles, solately restored to serenity!
Henrietta soon returned, but not the same Henrietta she went;--theglow, the hope, the flutter were all over; she looked pale and wan, butattempting, as she entered the room, to call up a smile, she failed, andburst into tears.
Cecilia threw her arms round her neck, and tried to console her; but,happy to hide her face in her bosom, she only gave the freer indulgenceto her grief, and rather melted than comforted by her tenderness, sobbedaloud.
Cecilia too easily conjectured the disappointment she had met, to painher by asking it; she forbore even to gratify her own curiosity byquestions that could not but lead to her mortification, and sufferingher therefore to take her own time for what she had to communicate, shehung over her in silence with the most patient pity.
Henrietta was very sensible of this ki
ndness, though she knew not halfits merit: but it was a long time before she could articulate, forsobbing, that _all_ Mr Delvile wanted, at last, was only to beg shewould acquaint Miss Beverley, that he had done himself the honour ofwaiting upon her with a message from Mrs Delvile.
"From Mrs Delvile?" exclaimed Cecilia, all emotion in her turn, "goodheaven! how much, then, have I been to blame? where is he now?--wherecan I send to him?--tell me, my sweet Henrietta, this instant!"
"Oh madam!" cried Henrietta, bursting into a fresh flood of tears, "howfoolish have I been to open my silly heart to you!--he is come to payhis addresses to you!--I am sure he is!--"
"No, no, no!" cried Cecilia, "indeed he is not!--but I must, I ought tosee him,--where, my love, is he?",
"In the parlour,--waiting for an answer.--"
Cecilia, who at any other time would have been provoked at such a delayin the delivery of a message so important, felt now nothing but concernfor Henrietta, whom she hastily kissed, but instantly, however, quitted,and hurried to Delvile, with expectations almost equally sanguine asthose her poor friend but the moment before had crushed.
"Oh now," thought she, "if at last Mrs Delvile herself has relented,with what joy will I give up all reserve, all disguise, and frankly avowthe faithful affection of my heart!"
Delvile received her not with the eagerness with which he had firstaddressed her; he looked extremely disturbed, and, even after herentrance, undetermined how to begin.
She waited, however, his explanation in silence; and, after anirresolute pause, he said, with a gravity not wholly free fromresentment, "I presumed, madam, to wait upon you from the permission ofmy mother; but I believe I have obtained it so late, that the influenceI hoped from it is past!"
"I had no means, Sir," answered she, chearfully, "to know that youcame from her: I should else have received her commands without anyhesitation."
"I would thank you for the honour you do her, were it less pointedlyexclusive. I have, however, no right of reproach! yet suffer me to ask,could you, madam, after such a parting, after a renunciation so absoluteof all future claim upon you, which though extorted from me by duty, Iwas bound, having promised, to fulfil by principle,-could you imagine meso unsteady, so dishonourable, as to obtrude myself into your presencewhile that promise was still in force?"
"I find," cried Cecilia, in whom a secret hope every moment grewstronger, "I have been too hasty; I did indeed believe Mrs Delvile wouldnever authorise such a visit; but as you have so much surprised me, Ihave a right to your pardon for a little doubt."
"There spoke Miss Beverley!" cried Delvile, reanimating at this littleapology, "the same, the unaltered Miss Beverley I hoped to find!--yet_is_ she unaltered? am I not too precipitate? and is the tale I haveheard about Belfield a dream? an error? a falsehood?"
"But that so quick a succession of quarrels," said Cecilia, halfsmiling, "would be endless perplexity, I, now, would be affronted thatyou can ask me such a question."
"Had I, indeed, _thought_ it a question," cried he, "I would not haveasked it: but never for a moment did I credit it, till the rigour ofyour repulse alarmed me. You have condescended, now, to account forthat, and I am therefore encouraged to make known to you the purposeof my venturing this visit. Yet not with confidence shall I speakif, scarce even with hope!--it is a purpose that is the offspring ofdespair,--
"One thing, Sir," cried Cecilia, who now became frightened again, "letme say before you proceed; if your purpose has not the sanction of MrsDelvile, as well as your visit, I would gladly be excused hearing it,since I shall most certainly refuse it."
"I would mention nothing," answered he, "without her concurrence;she has given it me: and my father himself has permitted my presentapplication."
"Good Heaven!" cried Cecilia, "is it possible!" clasping her handstogether in the eagerness of her surprise and delight.
"_Is it possible_!" repeated Delvile, with a look of rapture; "ah MissBeverley!--once my own Cecilia!--do you, can you _wish_ it possible?"
"No, No!" cried she, while pleasure and expectation sparkled in hereyes, "I wish nothing about it.--Yet tell me how it has happened,--I am_curious_," added she, smiling, "though not interested in it."
"What hope would this sweetness give me," cried he, "were my schemealmost any other than it is!--but you cannot,--no, it would beunreasonable, it would be madness to expect your compliance!--it is nextto madness even in me to wish it,--but how shall a man who is desperatebe prudent and circumspect?"
"Spare, spare yourself," cried the ingenuous Cecilia, "this, unnecessarypain!--you will find from me no unnecessary scruples."
"You know not what you say!--all noble as you are, the sacrifice I haveto propose--"
"Speak it," cried she, "with confidence! speak it even with certainty ofsuccess! I will be wholly undisguised, and openly, honestly own to you,that no proposal, no sacrifice can be mentioned, to which I will notinstantly agree, if first it has had the approbation of Mrs Delvile."
Delvile's gratitude and thanks for a concession never before sovoluntarily made to him, interrupted for a while, even his power ofexplaining himself. And now, for the first time, Cecilia's sincerity waschearful, since now, for the first time, it seemed opposed by no duty.
When still, therefore, he hesitated, she herself held out her hand tohim, saying, "what must I do more? must I offer this pledge to you?"
"For my life would I not resign it!" cried he, delightedly receiving it;"but oh, how soon will you withdraw it, when the only terms upon whichI can hold it, are those of making it sign from itself its natural rightand inheritance?"
Cecilia, not comprehending him, only looked amazed, and he proceeded.
"Can you, for my sake, make such a sacrifice as this? can you for a manwho for yours is not permitted to give up his name, give up yourself thefortune of your late uncle? consent to such settlements as I canmake upon you from my own? part with so splendid an income wholly andfor-ever?--and with only your paternal L10,000 condescend to becomemine, as if your uncle had never existed, and you had been Heiress to noother wealth?"
This, indeed, was a stroke to Cecilia unequalled by any she had met,and more cruel than any she could have in reserve. At the proposal ofparting with her uncle's fortune, which, desirable as it was, had asyet been only productive to her of misery, her heart, disinterested, andwholly careless of money, was prompt to accede to the condition; but atthe mention of her paternal fortune, that fortune, of which, now, notthe smallest vestige remained, horror seized all her faculties! sheturned pale, she trembled, she involuntarily drew back her hand, andbetrayed, by speechless agitation, the sudden agonies of her soul!
Delvile, struck by this evident dismay, instantly concluded his planhad disgusted her. He waited some minutes in anxious expectation of ananswer, but finding her silence continued while her emotion encreased,the deepest crimson dyed his face, and unable to check his chagrin,though not daring to confess his disappointment, he suddenly quittedher, and walked, in much disorder, about the room. But soon recoveringsome composure, from the assistance of pride, "Pardon, madam," he said,"a trial such as no man can be vindicated in making. I have indulged aromantic whim, which your better judgment disapproves, and I receive butthe mortification my presumption deserved."
"You know not then," said Cecilia, in a faint voice, "my inability tocomply?"
"Your ability or inability, I presume, are elective?"
"Oh no!--my power is lost--my fortune itself is gone!"
"Impossible! utterly impossible!" cried he with vehemence.
"Oh that it were!--your father knows it but too well."
"My father!"
"Did he, then, never hint it to you?"
"Oh distraction!" cried Delvile, "what horrible confirmation is coming!"and again he walked away, as if wanting courage to hear her.
Cecilia was too much shocked to force upon him her explanation; butpresently returning to her, he said, "_you_, only, could have made thiscredible!"
"Had you, then, actu
ally heard it?"
"Oh I had heard it as the most infamous of falsehoods! my heart swelledwith indignation at so villainous a calumny, and had it not come from myfather, my resentment at it had been inveterate!"
"Alas!" cried Cecilia, "the fact is undeniable! yet the circumstancesyou may have heard with it, are I doubt not exaggerated."
"Exaggerated indeed!" he answered; "I was told you had been surprisedconcealed with Belfield in a back room, I was told that your parentalfortune was totally exhausted, and that during your minority you hadbeen a dealer with Jews!--I was told all this by my father; you maybelieve I had else not easily been made hear it!"
"Yet thus far," said she, "he told you but what is true; though--"
"True!" interrupted Delvile, with a start almost frantic. "Oh never,then, was truth so scandalously wronged!--I denied the whole charge!-Idisbelieved every syllable!--I pledged my own honour to prove everyassertion false!"
"Generous Delvile!" cried Cecilia, melting into tears, "this is what Iexpected from you! and, believe me, in _your_ integrity my reliance hadbeen similar!"
"Why does Miss Beverley weep?" cried he, softened, and approaching her,"and why has she given me this alarm? these things must at leasthave been misrepresented, deign, then, to clear up a mystery in whichsuspense is torture!"
Cecilia, then, with what precision and clearness her agitation allowedher, related the whole history of her taking up the money of the Jewfor Mr Harrel, and told, without reserve, the reason of her tryingto abscond from his father at Mrs Belfield's. Delvile listened to heraccount with almost an agony of attention, now admiring her conduct;now resenting her ill usage; now compassionating her losses; but thoughvariously moved by different parts, receiving from the whole the delighthe most coveted in the establishment of her innocence.
Thanks and applause the warmest, both accompanied and followed hernarration; and then, at her request, he related in return the severalincidents and circumstances to which he had owed the permission of thisvisit.
He had meant immediately to have gone abroad; but the indispositionof his mother made him unwilling to leave the kingdom till her healthseemed in a situation less precarious. That time, however, came not; theWinter advanced, and she grew evidently worse. He gave over, therefore,his design till the next Spring, when, if she were able, it was herdesire to try the South of France for her recovery, whither he meant toconduct her.
But, during his attendance upon her, the plan he had just mentionedoccurred to him, and he considered how much greater would be his chanceof happiness in marrying Cecilia with scarce any fortune at all, thanin marrying another with the largest. He was convinced she was far otherthan expensive, or a lover of shew, and soon flattered himself she mightbe prevailed upon to concur with him, that in living together, thoughcomparatively upon little, they should mutually be happier than inliving asunder upon much.
When he started this scheme to his mother, she heard it with mingledadmiration of his disinterestedness, and regret at its occasion: yetthe loftiness of her own mind, her high personal value for Cecilia,her anxiety to see her son finally settled while she lived, lest hisdisappointment should keep him single from a lasting disgust, joined toa dejection of spirits from an apprehension that her interference hadbeen cruel, all favoured his scheme, and forbid her resistance. Shehad often protested, in their former conflicts, that had Ceciliabeen portionless, her objections had been less than to an estate soconditioned; and that to give to her son a woman so exalted in herself,she would have conquered the mere opposition of interest, though thatof family honour she held invincible. Delvile now called upon her toremember those words, and ever strict in fidelity, she still promised toabide by them.
Ah! thought Cecilia, is virtue, then, as inconsistent as vice? and canthe same character be thus high-souled, thus nobly disinterested withregard to riches, whose pride is so narrow and so insurmountable, withrespect to family prejudice!
Yet such a sacrifice from Cecilia herself, whose income intitled herto settlements the most splendid, Mrs Delvile thought scarcely to besolicited; but as her son was conscious he gave up in expectation noless than she would give up in possession, he resolved upon making theexperiment, and felt an internal assurance of success.
This matter being finally settled with his mother, the harder taskremained of vanquishing the father, by whom, and before whom the name ofCecilia was never mentioned, not even after his return from town,though loaded with imaginary charges against her. Mr Delvile held ita diminution of his own in the honour of his son, to suppose he wantedstill fresh motives for resigning her. He kept, therefore, to himselfthe ill opinion he brought down, as a resource in case of danger, buta resource he disdained to make use of, unless driven to it by absolutenecessity.
But, at the new proposal of his son, the accusation held in reservebroke out; he called Cecilia a dabler with Jews, and said she had beenso from the time of her uncle's death; he charged her with the grossestgeneral extravagance, to which he added a most insidious attack upon hercharacter, drawn from her visits at Belfield's of long standing, as wellas the particular time when he had himself surprised her concealed withthe young man in a back parlour: and he asserted, that most of thelarge sums she was continually taking up from her fortune, were lavishedwithout scruple upon this dangerous and improper favourite.
Delvile had heard this accusation with a rage scarce restrained fromviolence; confident in her innocence, he boldly pronounced the whole aforgery, and demanded the author of such cruel defamation. Mr Delvile,much offended, refused to name any authority, but consented, with an airof triumph, to abide by the effect of his own proposal, and gave him asupercilious promise no longer to oppose the marriage, if the terms hemeant to offer to Miss Beverley, of renouncing her uncle's estate, andproducing her father's fortune, were accepted.
"O little did I credit," said Delvile in conclusion, "that he knewindeed so well this last condition was impracticable! his assertionswere without proof; I thought them prejudiced surmises; and I came inthe full hope I should convict him of his error. My mother, too, whowarmly and even angrily defended you, was as firmly satisfied as myselfthat the whole was a mistake, and that enquiry would prove your fortuneas undiminished as your purity. How will she be shocked at the taleI have now to unfold! how irritated at your injuries from Harrel! howgrieved that your own too great benevolence should be productive of suchblack aspersions upon your character!"
"I have been," cried Cecilia, "too facile and too unguarded; yet always,at the moment, I seemed but guided by common humanity. I have everthought myself secure of more wealth than I could require, and regardedthe want of money as an evil from which I was unavoidably exempted. Myown fortune, therefore, appeared to me of small consequence, while therevenue of my uncle insured me perpetual prosperity.--Oh had I foreseenthis moment--"
"Would you, then, have listened to my romantic proposal?"
"Would I have listened?--do you not see too plainly I could not havehesitated!"
"Oh yet, then, most generous of human beings, yet then be mine! By ourown oeconomy we will pay off our mortgages; by living a while abroad,we will clear all our estates; I will still keep the name to which myfamily is bigotted, and my gratitude for your compliance shall make youforget what you lose by it!"
"Speak not to me such words!" cried Cecilia, hastily rising; "yourfriends will not listen to them, neither, therefore, must I."
"My friends," cried he with energy, "are henceforth out of the question:my father's concurrence with a proposal he _knew_ you had not power togrant, was in fact a mere permission to insult you; for if, instead ofdark charges, he had given any authority for your losses, I had myselfspared you the shock you have so undeservedly received from hearingit.--But to consent to a plan which _could_ not be accepted!--to make mea tool to offer indignity to Miss Beverley!--He has released me from hispower by so erroneous an exertion of it, and my own honour has a claimto which his commands must give place. That honour binds me to MissBeverley as forcibly as my adm
iration, and no voice but her own shalldetermine my future destiny."
"That voice, then," said Cecilia, "again refers you to your mother.Mr Delvile, indeed, has not treated me kindly; and this last mockconcession was unnecessary cruelty; but Mrs Delvile merits my utmostrespect, and I will listen to nothing which has not her previoussanction."
"But will her sanction be sufficient? and may I hope, in obtaining it,the security of yours?"
"When I have said I will hear nothing without it, may you not almostinfer--I will refuse nothing with it!"
The acknowledgments he would now have poured forth, Cecilia would nothear, telling him, with some gaiety, they were yet unauthorized by MrsDelvile. She insisted upon his leaving her immediately, and never againreturning, without his mother's express approbation. With regard to hisfather, she left him totally to his own inclination; she had receivedfrom him nothing but pride and incivility, and determined to skewpublicly her superior respect for Mrs Delvile, by whose discretion anddecision she was content to abide.
"Will you not, then, from time to time," cried Delvile, "suffer me toconsult with you?"
"No, no," answered she, "do not ask it! I have never been insincerewith you, never but from motives not to be overcome, reserved even fora moment; I have told you I will put every thing into the power ofMrs Delvile, but I will not a second time risk my peace by any actionunknown to her."
Delvile gratefully acknowledged her goodness, and promised to requirenothing more. He then obeyed her by taking leave, eager himself to putan end to this new uncertainty, and supplicating only that her goodwishes might follow his enterprise.
And thus, again, was wholly broken the tranquility of Cecilia; newhopes, however faint, awakened all her affections, and strong fears, buttoo reasonable, interrupted her repose. Her destiny, once more, wasas undecided as ever, and the expectations she had crushed, retookpossession of her heart.
The suspicions she had conceived of Mr Monckton again occurred to her;though unable to ascertain and unwilling to believe them, she tried todrive them from her thoughts. She lamented, however, with bitterness,her unfortunate connexion with Mr Harrel, whose unworthy impositionsupon her kindness of temper and generosity, now proved to her an evilfar more serious and extensive, than in the midst of her repugnance tothem she had ever apprehended.