I wasn’t into her, and her crush had made me feel weird, uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but shit, she just didn’t do it for me. She was too clean-cut, too naive and trusting. Even then, I’d been more attracted to women who were a little harder, a little darker, than the girl who still had posters of fairies on her walls at seventeen.
So I began avoiding her as much as I could until she’d brought home a girl wearing red lipstick and covered in tattoos after her first semester in college. I’d ignored the way Kate had watched me with sad eyes as I’d monopolized her friend’s time and completely disregarded her hurt feelings. I’d never liked Kate that way, and I hadn’t seen anything wrong with going after her new friend.
I’d ended up married to her roommate, and from then on I’d acted like Kate and I had never been friends. It was easier that way.
“Come on, baby,” Rachel called, pulling me into the darkened coffeehouse. “I see a table, and my feet are killing me.”
Why the fuck did she insist on wearing those damn shoes?
“Can I get you anything to drink?” a small waitress asked us. Like, really small. She was barely taller than the bistro table we were sitting at.
“Can I get a green tea, please?” Rachel asked.
“Sure! The green we’ve got is incredible. When are you due?”
“Not for a while.”
“Well, congratulations!”
“Black coffee,” I ordered when the friendly waitress finally looked my way. Her smile fell, and I realized my words had come out shorter than I’d intended.
“Sure thing!” she chirped with a tight smile before walking away.
“Seriously, Shane?” Rachel growled in annoyance.
“What?” I knew exactly what. I’d been a jackass, but I wasn’t about to explain that the crowded coffeehouse was making me sweat. People were laughing loudly, jostling and bumping into each other around the room, and I couldn’t see the exits from where we sat.
“Hey, San Diego,” a familiar voice called out over the speakers. “How you guys doing tonight?”
The room filled with cheers, and Rachel’s face lit up as she looked past me toward the stage.
“Aren’t you sweet?” Kate rasped with a short chuckle. “I dig you guys, too.”
The crowd grew even louder, and my shoulders tightened in response.
“There’s a coffee can being passed around, who’s got it?” She paused. “Okay, Lola’s got it now—back there in the purple shirt with the Mohawk. When you get it, add a couple dollars, if you can, and pass it on.”
The crowd clapped, and Kate chuckled again over the sound system. “I better get started before you guys riot.”
I still hadn’t turned to look at her. Frankly, I didn’t want to embarrass her if she sucked. I didn’t—
The clear notes of a single guitar came through the speakers, and I froze as the entire room went silent. Completely silent. Even the baristas behind the counter stopped what they were doing to watch the stage as Kate began to sing.
Holy shit. My head whipped around, and I felt like I’d taken a cheap shot to the chest.
Her voice was raspy and full-bodied, and she was cradling her guitar like a baby that she’d held every day of her entire life. She was completely comfortable up there, tapping her foot and smiling at different people in the crowd as they began to sing along with her.
It was incredible. She was incredible. I couldn’t look away. This wasn’t some silly idea she’d had on the spur of the moment. She knew exactly what she was doing, and these kids knew her. They freaking loved her.
And she looked gorgeous.
Shit.
Her hair was rolled up on the sides in something Rachel had attempted a few times. I think they were called victory rolls? I’m pretty sure that’s what Rach had called them when she couldn’t figure them out. Her skin was smooth, and she wore deep-pink lipstick that made her teeth bright white under the spotlight. She was wearing a T-shirt that hung off her shoulder and ripped jeans that were so tight, I wasn’t even sure how she’d managed to sit down.
I blinked slowly, and she was still there.
“I tried to tell you she was good,” Rachel said smugly from my side.
“Did she write that song?” I asked, turning to look at my wife.
“Babe, seriously? It’s a Taylor Swift song.”
“Oh.”
“This one’s a Kenny Chesney song.”
“I know this one,” I murmured, looking back toward the stage. “Does she only sing country?”
“Hell no. It’s mostly other stuff, but it’s usually got a theme. Tonight is obviously about kids…teenagers, since the donations are going to some stop-bullying charity.”
I nodded, but my eyes were on the stage again as Kate danced a little in her seat, tapping out the beat of the new song on the front of her guitar. Had Kate been bullied? I didn’t remember anything like that, but like I’d told Rachel, I’d only stayed with Kate’s aunt and uncle for a little over a year before I left for boot camp. Maybe I’d missed it. The thought made me grind my teeth in anger.
Kate pursed her bright lips then, blowing a kiss with a wink for the crowd.
My breath caught.
Jesus Christ.
I pushed my seat back from the table and grabbed Rachel’s hand, pulling her over to sit on my lap.
“What are you doing?” she whispered with a laugh.
“If I’ve gotta stay here, I’m getting some perks.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” I leaned in and kissed her hard, ignoring the lipstick I could feel smearing over my lips. I slid my tongue into her mouth and felt her nails dig into my shoulder as she tilted her head for a better angle. God, kissing her still felt as good as it had the first time I’d done it. I hadn’t known that loving someone so much was even possible before I’d met her.
“Rain check?” she asked against my lips as she reached out blindly and grabbed a couple of napkins to clean off our faces. Her face was flushed, and I wanted nothing more than to leave that fucking coffeehouse and get her alone.
My wife was the most beautiful woman I’d ever known, and it wasn’t just her looks. She’d grown up like I had, scrounged and fought for every single thing she’d needed—and I was proud of the family and the life we’d built together. We’d come a long way from our nasty upbringings.
“Can we go home yet?” I replied with a smirk as I wiped my face.
“Hey, you two in the corner!” Kate called into the mike, interrupting the incredibly sexy look Rachel was giving me. “None of that, I’ve got kids here.”
The crowd laughed, and I glanced sharply at the stage.
Kate was smiling so brightly that she looked giddy. “That’s my best friend, right there. Isn’t she gorgeous?”
The crowd cheered as Rachel laughed softly in my ear and blew a kiss at Kate.
“I wanna know who the guy is!” a girl called out from across the room, making everyone laugh.
“Eh, that’s just her husband,” Kate answered flatly, making the crowd snicker. She met my eyes and winked, then grinned before looking away and starting in on the next song as if she hadn’t just made my stomach drop.
We watched her for almost an hour as she fucking killed it on stage. Then I ushered Rachel out of the building without saying good-bye, making excuses about wanting to beat the rush of kids.
I had the distinct impression that I knew very little about the woman I’d been avoiding for the past ten years, and I wondered how I’d missed it. She wasn’t the awkward girl I remembered, or the sloppy woman in sweats and tank tops that Rachel occasionally invited over to the house when I was home.
The Kate I’d seen on stage was a fucking knockout—confident and sassy. I knew then that I’d continue to avoid her, but for an entirely different reason than I had before.
Kate
Two months later
Evans Web Design,” I answered my phone as I switche
d lanes on the freeway. God, traffic was a nightmare.
“Is this Katherine Evans?”
“Yes, who’s this?”
“Sorry, this is Tiffany from Laurel Elementary School. I’m calling because you’re Sage Anderson’s emergency contact number—”
“Is Sage okay?” I interrupted, flipping off the car that honked at me. Why the hell would they call me and not her mother?
“Sage is fine, Ms. Evans. We were just wondering if you knew who was supposed to pick her up from school today? Class ended about thirty minutes ago, and no one was here to get her.”
“Her mom picks her up,” I replied, looking at the clock on my dash. “She didn’t call?”
“No, ma’am. We’ve been trying to reach her, but haven’t been able to.”
“That’s weird.”
“It is,” she agreed.
“Okay, well, I’ll come get her and try to get ahold of Rachel, but it’s going to take me at least half an hour.” It looked like my appointment downtown was going to have to be postponed.
“That’s totally fine. Sage can just hang with me in the office.”
“Okay, tell her Auntie Kate will be there soon.”
I hung up and pulled off the freeway so I could turn around. Shit, if I tried to go north I’d be stuck in stop-and-go traffic for the next two hours. I navigated back streets working toward Sage’s school, calling Rachel over and over. The longer she didn’t answer, the more my stomach tightened.
My best friend wouldn’t forget to pick up her child at school. She was a second grader, for pete’s sake. It wasn’t like her pickup time was any different than it had been for the last two years. Something was off.
It took me less time than I thought to get to Sage’s school, and I whipped into a parking space with shaky hands.
I had an awful feeling in my gut that I couldn’t seem to calm.
“Hey, I’m looking for a girl, short, dark hair, goes by some ridiculous plant name…” I said in my most serious voice as I reached the front office.
“Auntie Kate! I’m right here!”
“Ah, yep. That’s the one I’m looking for,” I teased, smiling as my favorite girl in the whole world wrapped her arms around me.
“You just have to sign her out,” the office lady said with a grin.
“No problem.”
I signed Sage out and walked her to my car, popping the trunk to pull out the spare booster I kept there.
“Where’s my mom?” Sage asked, bouncing around on her toes. The excitement of riding around in my car had obviously eclipsed the trauma she’d endured by being forgotten at school.
“I’m not sure, kiddo,” I answered as I got her situated in the backseat.
“Daddy’s at the range today!” Sage informed me as we made our way to her house.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, he’s been home for a long time.”
“It sure seems that way, doesn’t it?” I replied cheerfully. She had no idea.
I didn’t mind that Rachel wanted to spend time with Shane while he was home. I totally understood it. But it sucked being the friend who was ignored when someone’s significant other came home from yet another military deployment. I practically lived with Rachel while Shane was gone—she hated being alone—but the moment her husband stepped foot on American soil, I was persona non grata again.
It had been happening for years. I wasn’t sure why it still bothered me.
“Mom’s going to have a baby soon,” Sage piped up from the backseat as I turned onto their street.
“I know, pretty exciting, right?”
“Yeah. She’s having another brother, though.”
“What’s wrong with brothers? I have two brothers,” I reminded her, pulling into their empty driveway.
I climbed out of the car as she started to answer and looked at the quiet house in confusion when no one came to greet us. Where the hell were Rachel and the boys?
Sage continued rambling on as I helped her out of her seat. “—wanted a sister. Boys stink, and they only play with boy stuff—”
“Kate?” someone called from across the street. “Where’s Rachel? She was supposed to pick up the boys like two hours ago!”
I turned to see Rachel’s neighbor Megan crossing the dead-end street with Gavin on her hip and Keller skipping alongside her.
“No clue,” I answered quietly as she reached me. “The school called because she didn’t pick Sage up. I’ve been trying to reach her for the last forty minutes.”
“Where’s my mom?” Sage asked, looking between us in confusion.
“Hey, sis, take the boys inside for me, would ya?” I handed her my keys as Megan set Gavin on the ground. “I’ll be inside in a sec, and we’ll make a snack. You guys want to make some cookies?”
“Yeah!” Keller yelled, throwing his fist in the air.
“No hello for your favorite aunt?” I asked him with a raised brow.
“Hi, Auntie Kate! Cookies!” he yelled, racing toward the door with Gavin and Sage trailing behind him.
I watched as Sage unlocked the door, leaving the keys hanging in the lock as she rushed inside.
“What the hell is going on?” I asked, turning to Megan.
“I have no clue. She said she was going to get her nails done and she’d be back in, like, an hour. It’s been well over three now,” she replied in frustration, wrapping her arms around her waist.
“That’s not like her.”
“No, I know it’s not.” She rushed to add, “I’m not mad, I’m worried. She’s usually back before she says she’ll be.”
“Auntie Kate, cookies!” Keller screamed at me from the front door.
“I better get in there,” I told Megan, looking over my shoulder at Keller swinging on the open door. “Thanks so much for watching them.”
“No problem,” she answered with a nod. “Let me know when you hear anything, okay?”
“Sure,” I said, already walking toward where my little monkey was trying to climb the door frame.
“Let’s go make a mess in the kitchen!” I announced loudly, picking Keller up like a football as he giggled. I forced myself not to panic in front of the kids as we pulled ingredients out of the cupboards and began trashing the kitchen. I told myself that Rachel would call soon, but the longer I was there with no word from her, the less I believed it.
* * *
We didn’t hear anything, not for hours.
I tried to call Rachel at least a hundred times but she never answered, and after a while I couldn’t even leave another message in her full voicemail.
It wasn’t until I was making dinner for the kids that my phone rang, and I almost dropped it in my haste to answer.
“Hello?” I said, walking toward the laundry room for a bit of quiet. “Hello?”
“Can I please speak to Katherine Evans?”
“This is Katherine.”
“Hello, this is Margie at Tri-City Medical Center. I’m calling about a Rachel Anderson.”
My knees felt like water, and I reached out to grip the washing machine to keep me on my feet. “Is she okay?”
“Ma’am, she’s been in an accident.”
“Is she okay?” I could hear my voice becoming more shrill with every word, and I clenched my teeth to keep myself from yelling.
“Can you come to the hospital, ma’am?”
The woman’s voice was unnaturally calm, and I knew that no matter what I said she wasn’t going to give me a straight answer. Hell, it was her job to notify people that their family was in the hospital. She didn’t give a shit that I was about to lose my mind.
“I’ll—” I looked around the laundry room in a panic. What was I supposed to do? “I’m on my way. Tell her I’m on my way.”
“Come straight to the emergency entrance when you get here.”
“I will.”
The minute she hung up, I bent at the waist and braced my hands on my knees, trying to get my shit together.
Rachel was fine. The baby was fine. I was freaking out over nothing. I was getting myself worked up over nothing. It was just an accident.
“Sage!” I yelled as I walked quickly through the house. “Keep an eye on your brothers. I’m walking over to Megan’s real quick—I’ll be right outside!”
As I reached the front porch, I began to sprint, and by the time I was at Megan’s front door I was out of breath and on the verge of tears.
“Kate? What’s up?” Megan asked as she swung the door open.
“Can you take care of the kids? I have to go—the hospital just called.” A painful sob burst out of my throat, and I wiped my hand over my face to try to gain some control. “They said Rachel’s been in an accident. I need to get over there.”
“Sure, honey. No worries,” she answered before I was even finished speaking. “Caleb, get your shoes on, bud! We’re going over to the Andersons’ for a bit.”
“Woohoo!” I heard from somewhere in the back of the house.
“Did you call Shane?” she asked, sliding into some sandals by the door.
“I didn’t even think to,” I replied with a small shake of my head. “He’s rarely here. I forgot he was in town.” I felt like shit for not calling him, but I was so used to taking care of things while he was gone that it hadn’t even dawned on me. I’d driven Rachel to the hospital when she’d had Gavin, taken care of things when Keller broke his arm, and helped with a thousand other little events over the past few years. I stepped in every time he was gone, and I hadn’t thought about him for one second as I’d paced around the house that afternoon.
“We’ll be over in a minute. I’m sure she’s fine,” Megan assured me with a nod. “You better go get some shoes on and let the kids know I’m coming over for a visit.”
“I’m not telling them—” I shook my head and looked down at my bare feet. I hadn’t even noticed the hot pavement as I’d run across it barefoot. Why didn’t I put shoes on?
“Come on,” she said gently, pushing me away from the door as her kid raced out ahead of us. “We’ll walk you over.”
* * *
I’m not sure what I said to the kids about the reason I was leaving, and I don’t remember the drive to the hospital or even where I parked that afternoon. I can’t recall what the nurse looked like as she searched for Rachel’s name in their computer system or the walk toward the room where I waited for someone to speak to me.