LETTER VIII
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FEB. 24.
They drive on here at a furious rate. The man lives here, I think.He courts them, and is more and more a favourite. Such terms, suchsettlements! That's the cry.
O my dear, that I had not reason to deplore the family fault, immenselyrich as they all are! But this I may the more unreservedly say to you,as we have often joined in the same concern: I, for a father and uncles;you, for a mother; in every other respect, faultless.
Hitherto, I seem to be delivered over to my brother, who pretends asgreat a love to me as ever.
You may believe I have been very sincere with him. But he affectsto rally me, and not to believe it possible, that one so dutiful anddiscreet as his sister Clary can resolve to disoblige all her friends.
Indeed, I tremble at the prospect before me; for it is evident that theyare strangely determined.
My father and mother industriously avoid giving me opportunity ofspeaking to them alone. They ask not for my approbation, intended, as itshould seem, to suppose me into their will. And with them I shall hopeto prevail, or with nobody. They have not the interest in compelling me,as my brother and sister have: I say less therefore to them, reservingmy whole force for an audience of my father, if he will permit me apatient ear. How difficult is it, my dear, to give a negative where bothduty and inclination join to make one wish to oblige!
I have already stood the shock of three of this man's particular visits,besides my share in his more general ones; and find it is impossibleI should ever endure him. He has but a very ordinary share ofunderstanding; is very illiterate; knows nothing but the value ofestates, and how to improve them, and what belongs to land-jobbing andhusbandry. Yet I am as one stupid, I think. They have begun so cruellywith me, that I have not spirit enough to assert my own negative.
They had endeavoured it seems to influence my good Mrs. Norton before Icame home--so intent are they to carry their point! And her opinionnot being to their liking, she has been told that she would do well todecline visiting here for the present: yet she is the person of all theworld, next to my mother, the most likely to prevail upon me, were themeasures they are engaged in reasonable measures, or such as she couldthink so.
My aunt likewise having said that she did not think her niece could everbe brought to like Mr. Solmes, has been obliged to learn another lesson.
I am to have a visit from her to-morrow. And, since I have refused somuch as to hear from my brother and sister what the noble settlementsare to be, she is to acquaint me with the particulars; and to receivefrom me my determination: for my father, I am told, will not havepatience but to suppose that I shall stand in opposition to his will.
Mean time it has been signified to me, that it will be acceptable if Ido not think of going to church next Sunday.
The same signification was made for me last Sunday; and I obeyed. Theyare apprehensive that Mr. Lovelace will be there with design to comehome with me.
Help me, dear Miss Howe, to a little of your charming spirit: I nevermore wanted it.
The man, this Solmes, you may suppose, has no reason to boast of hisprogress with me. He has not the sense to say any thing to the purpose.His courtship indeed is to them; and my brother pretends to court meas his proxy, truly!--I utterly, to my brother, reject his address; butthinking a person, so well received and recommended by all my family,entitled to good manners, all I say against him is affectedly attributedto coyness: and he, not being sensible of his own imperfections,believes that my avoiding him when I can, and the reserves I express,are owing to nothing else: for, as I said, all his courtship is tothem; and I have no opportunity of saying no, to one who asks me not thequestion. And so, with an air of mannish superiority, he seems rather topity the bashful girl, than to apprehend that he shall not succeed.
FEBRUARY 25.
I have had the expected conference with my aunt.
I have been obliged to hear the man's proposals from her; and have beentold also what their motives are for espousing his interest with so muchwarmth. I am even loth to mention how equally unjust it is for him tomake such offers, or for those I am bound to reverence to accept ofthem. I hate him more than before. One great estate is already obtainedat the expense of the relations to it, though distant relations; mybrother's, I mean, by his godmother: and this has given the hope,however chimerical that hope, of procuring others; and that my own atleast may revert to the family. And yet, in my opinion, the world isbut one great family. Originally it was so. What then is this narrowselfishness that reigns in us, but relationship remembered againstrelationship forgot?
But here, upon my absolute refusal of him upon any terms, have I hada signification made me that wounds me to the heart. How can I tell ityou? Yet I must. It is, my dear, that I must not for a month to come, ortill license obtained, correspond with any body out of the house.
My brother, upon my aunt's report, (made, however, as I am informed,in the gentlest manner, and even giving remote hopes, which she had nocommission from me to give,) brought me, in authoritative terms, theprohibition.
Not to Miss Howe? said I.
No, not to Miss Howe, Madam, tauntingly: for have you not acknowledged,that Lovelace is a favourite there?
See, my dear Miss Howe--!
And do you think, Brother, this is the way--
Do you look to that.--But your letters will be stopt, I can tellyou.--And away he flung.
My sister came to me soon after--Sister Clary, you are going on in afine way, I understand. But as there are people who are supposed toharden you against your duty, I am to tell you, that it will be takenwell if you avoid visits or visitings for a week or two till furtherorder.
Can this be from those who have authority--
Ask them; ask them, child, with a twirl of her finger.--I have deliveredmy message. Your father will be obeyed. He is willing to hope you to beall obedience, and would prevent all incitements to refractoriness.
I know my duty, said I; and hope I shall not find impossible conditionannexed to it.
A pert young creature, vain and conceited, she called me. I was the onlyjudge, in my own wise opinion, of what was right and fit. She, for herpart, had long seen into my specious ways: and now I should shew everybody what I was at bottom.
Dear Bella! said I, hands and eyes lifted up--why all this?--Dear, dearBella, why--
None of your dear, dear Bella's to me.--I tell you, I see through yourwitchcrafts [that was her strange word]. And away she flung; adding, asshe went, and so will every body else very quickly, I dare say.
Bless me, said I to myself, what a sister have I!--How have I deservedthis?
Then I again regretted my grandfather's too distinguishing goodness tome.
FEB. 25, IN THE EVENING.
What my brother and sister have said against me I cannot tell:--but I amin heavy disgrace with my father.
I was sent for down to tea. I went with a very cheerful aspect: but hadoccasion soon to change it.
Such a solemnity in every body's countenance!--My mother's eyes werefixed upon the tea-cups; and when she looked up, it was heavily, as ifher eye-lids had weights upon them; and then not to me. My father sathalf-aside in his elbow-chair, that his head might be turned from me:his hands clasped, and waving, as it were, up and down; his fingers,poor dear gentleman! in motion, as if angry to the very ends of them. Mysister was swelling. My brother looked at me with scorn, having measuredme, as I may say, with his eyes as I entered, from head to foot. My auntwas there, and looked upon me as if with kindness restrained, bendingcoldly to my compliment to her as she sat; and then cast an eye first onmy brother, then on my sister, as if to give the reason [so I am willingto construe it] of her unusual stiffness.--Bless me, my dear! that theyshould choose to intimidate rather than invite a mind, till now, notthought either unpersuadable or ungenerous!
I took my seat. Shall I make tea, Madam, to my mother?--I always used,you know, my dear, to make tea.
No! a very short
sentence, in one very short word, was the expressiveanswer. And she was pleased to take the canister in her own hand.
My brother bid the footman, who attended, leave the room--I, he said,will pour out the water.
My heart was up in my mouth. I did not know what to do with myself. Whatis to follow? thought I.
Just after the second dish, out stept my mother--A word with you, sisterHervey! taking her in her hand. Presently my sister dropt away. Then mybrother. So I was left alone with my father.
He looked so very sternly, that my heart failed me as twice or thriceI would have addressed myself to him: nothing but solemn silence on allhands having passed before.
At last, I asked, if it were his pleasure that I should pour him outanother dish?
He answered me with the same angry monosyllable, which I had receivedfrom my mother before; and then arose, and walked about the room. Iarose too, with intent to throw myself at his feet; but was too muchoverawed by his sternness, even to make such an expression of my duty tohim as my heart overflowed with.
At last, as he supported himself, because of his gout, on the back of achair, I took a little more courage; and approaching him, besought himto acquaint me in what I had offended him?
He turned from me, and in a strong voice, Clarissa Harlowe, said he,know that I will be obeyed.
God forbid, Sir, that you should not!--I have never yet opposed yourwill--
Nor I your whimsies, Clarissa Harlowe, interrupted he.--Don't let merun the fate of all who shew indulgence to your sex; to be the morecontradicted for mine to you.
My father, you know, my dear, has not (any more than my brother) a kindopinion of our sex; although there is not a more condescending wife inthe world than my mother.
I was going to make protestations of duty--No protestations, girl! Nowords! I will not be prated to! I will be obeyed! I have no child, Iwill have no child, but an obedient one.
Sir, you never had reason, I hope--
Tell me not what I never had, but what I have, and what I shall have.
Good Sir, be pleased to hear me--My brother and sister, I fear--
Your brother and sister shall not be spoken against, girl!--They have ajust concern for the honour of my family.
And I hope, Sir--
Hope nothing.--Tell me not of hopes, but of facts. I ask nothing of youbut what is in your power to comply with, and what it is your duty tocomply with.
Then, Sir, I will comply with it--But yet I hope from your goodness--
No expostulations! No but's, girl! No qualifyings! I will be obeyed, Itell you; and cheerfully too!--or you are no child of mine!
I wept.
Let me beseech you, my dear and ever-honoured Papa, (and I dropt downon my knees,) that I may have only yours and my mamma's will, and not mybrother's, to obey.
I was going on; but he was pleased to withdraw, leaving me on the floor;saying, That he would not hear me thus by subtilty and cunning aiming todistinguish away my duty: repeating, that he would be obeyed.
My heart is too full;--so full, that it may endanger my duty, were Ito try to unburden it to you on this occasion: so I will lay down mypen.--But can--Yet positively, I will lay down my pen--!