LETTER XXI
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SAT. NIGHT.
I have been down. I am to be unlucky in all I do, I think, be myintentions ever so good. I have made matters worse instead of better: asI shall now tell you.
I found my mother and sister together in my sister's parlour. My mother,I fear, by the glow of her fine face, (and as the browner, sullener glowin her sister's confirmed,) had been expressing herself with warmth,against her unhappier child: perhaps giving such an account of what hadpassed, as should clear herself, and convince Bella, and, through her,my brother and uncles, of the sincere pains she had taken with me.
I entered like a dejected criminal; and besought the favour of a privateaudience. My mother's return, both looks and words, gave but too muchreason for my above surmise.
You have, said she [looking at me with a sternness that never sits wellon her sweet features] rather a requesting than a conceding countenance,Clarissa Harlowe: if I am mistaken, tell me so; and I will withdraw withyou wherever you will.--Yet whether so, or not, you may say what youhave to say before your sister.
My mother, I thought, might have withdrawn with me, as she knows that Ihave not a friend in my sister.
I come down, Madam, said I, to beg of you to forgive me for any thingyou may have taken amiss in what passed above respecting your honouredself; and that you will be pleased to use your endeavours to soften mypapa's displeasure against me, on his return.
Such aggravating looks; such lifting up of hands and eyes; such afurrowed forehead, in my sister!
My mother was angry enough without all that; and asked me to whatpurpose I came down, if I were still so intractable.
She had hardly spoken the words, when Shorey came in to tell her, thatMr. Solmes was in the hall, and desired admittance.
Ugly creature! What, at the close of day, quite dark, brought himhither?--But, on second thoughts, I believe it was contrived, that heshould be here at supper, to know the result of the conference betweenmy mother and me, and that my father, on his return, might find ustogether.
I was hurrying away, but my mother commanded me (since I had come downonly, as she said, to mock her) not to stir; and at the same time seeif I could behave so to Mr. Solmes, as might encourage her to make thefavourable report to my father which I had besought her to make.
My sister triumphed. I was vexed to be so caught, and to have such anangry and cutting rebuke given me, with an aspect much more like thetaunting sister than the indulgent mother, if I may presume to say so:for she herself seemed to enjoy the surprise upon me.
The man stalked in. His usual walk is by pauses, as if (from the samevacuity of thought which made Dryden's clown whistle) he was tellinghis steps: and first paid his clumsy respects to my mother; then to mysister; next to me, as if I was already his wife, and therefore to belast in his notice; and sitting down by me, told us in general whatweather it was. Very cold he made it; but I was warm enough. Thenaddressing himself to me: And how do you find it, Miss? was hisquestion; and would have taken my hand.
I withdrew it, I believe with disdain enough. My mother frowned. Mysister bit her lip.
I could not contain myself: I was never so bold in my life; for I wenton with my plea, as if Mr. Solmes had not been there.
My mother coloured, and looked at him, at my sister, and at me. Mysister's eyes were opener and bigger than ever I saw them before.
The man understood me. He hemmed, and removed from one chair to another.
I went on, supplicating for my mother's favourable report: Nothing butinvincible dislike, said I--
What would the girl be at, interrupted my mother? Why, Clary! Is this asubject!--Is this!--Is this!--Is this a time--And again she looked uponMr. Solmes.
I am sorry, on reflection, that I put my mamma into so muchconfusion--To be sure it was very saucy in me.
I beg pardon, Madam, said I. But my papa will soon return. And sinceI am not permitted to withdraw, it is not necessary, I humbly presume,that Mr. Solmes's presence should deprive me of this opportunity toimplore your favourable report; and at the same time, if he still visiton my account [looking at him] to convince him, that it cannot possiblybe to any purpose--
Is the girl mad? said my mother, interrupting me.
My sister, with the affectation of a whisper to my mother--This is--Thisis spite, Madam, [very spitefully she spoke the word,] because youcommanded her to stay.
I only looked at her, and turning to my mother, Permit me, Madam, saidI, to repeat my request. I have no brother, no sister!--If I ever losemy mamma's favour, I am lost for ever!
Mr. Solmes removed to his first seat, and fell to gnawing the head ofhis hazel; a carved head, almost as ugly as his own--I did not think theman was so sensible.
My sister rose, with a face all over scarlet; and stepping to the table,where lay a fan, she took it up, and, although Mr. Solmes had observedthat the weather was cold, fanned herself very violently.
My mother came to me, and angrily taking my hand, led me out of thatparlour into my own; which, you know, is next to it--Is not thisbehaviour very bold, very provoking, think you, Clary?
I beg your pardon, Madam, if it has that appearance to you. But indeed,my dear Mamma, there seem to be snares laying in wait for me. Too wellI know my brother's drift. With a good word he shall have my consent forall he wishes to worm me out of--neither he, nor my sister, shall needto take half this pains--
My mother was about to leave me in high displeasure.
I besought her to stay: One favour, but one favour, dearest Madam, saidI, give me leave to beg of you--
What would the girl?
I see how every thing is working about.--I never, never can think of Mr.Solmes. My papa will be in tumults when he is told that I cannot. Theywill judge of the tenderness of your heart to a poor child who seemsdevoted by every one else, from the willingness you have already shewnto hearken to my prayers. There will be endeavours used to confine me,and keep me out of your presence, and out of the presence of every onewho used to love me [this, my dear Miss Howe, is threatened]. If thisbe effected; if it be put out of my power to plead my own cause, and toappeal to you, and to my uncle Harlowe, of whom only I have hope; thenwill every ear be opened against me, and every tale encouraged--Itis, therefore, my humble request, that, added to the disgracefulprohibitions I now suffer under, you will not, if you can help it, giveway to my being denied your ear.
Your listening Hannah has given you this intelligence, as she does manyothers.
My Hannah, Madam, listens not--My Hannah--
No more in Hannah's behalf--Hannah is known to make mischief--Hannahis known--But no more of that bold intermeddler--'Tis true your fatherthreatened to confine you to your chamber, if you complied not, in orderthe more assuredly to deprive you of the opportunity of correspondingwith those who harden your heart against his will. He bid me tell youso, when he went out, if I found you refractory. But I was loth todeliver so harsh a declaration; being still in hope that you would comedown to us in a compliant temper. Hannah has overheard this, I suppose;and has told you of it; as also, that he declared he would break yourheart, rather than you should break his. And I now assure you, that youwill be confined, and prohibited making teasing appeals to any of us:and we shall see who is to submit, you to us, or every body to you.
Again I offered to clear Hannah, and to lay the latter part of theintelligence to my sister's echo, Betty Barnes, who had boasted of it toanother servant: but I was again bid to be silent on that head. Ishould soon find, my mother was pleased to say, that others could be asdetermined as I was obstinate: and once for all would add, that sinceshe saw that I built upon her indulgence, and was indifferent aboutinvolving her in contentions with my father, she would now assure me,that she was as much determined against Mr. Lovelace, and for Mr. Solmesand the family schemes, as any body; and would not refuse her consent toany measures that should be thought necessary to reduce a stubborn childto her duty.
I was ready to sink
. She was so good as to lend me her arm to supportme.
And this, said I, is all I have to hope for from my Mamma?
It is. But, Clary, this one further opportunity I give you--Go in againto Mr. Solmes, and behave discreetly to him; and let your father findyou together, upon civil terms at least.
My feet moved [of themselves, I think] farther from the parlour where hewas, and towards the stairs; and there I stopped and paused.
If, proceeded she, you are determined to stand in defiance of usall--then indeed you may go up to your chamber (as you are ready todo)--And God help you!
God help me, indeed! for I cannot give hope of what I cannot intend--Butlet me have your prayers, my dear Mamma!--Those shall have mine, whohave brought me into all this distress.
I was moving to go up--
And will you go up, Clary?
I turned my face to her: my officious tears would needs plead for me: Icould not just then speak, and stood still.
Good girl, distress me not thus!--Dear, good girl, do not thus distressme! holding out her hand; but standing still likewise.
What can I do, Madam?--What can I do?
Go in again, my child--Go in again, my dear child!--repeated she; andlet your father find you together.
What, Madam, to give him hope?--To give hope to Mr. Solmes?
Obstinate, perverse, undutiful Clarissa! with a rejecting hand, andangry aspect; then take your own way, and go up!--But stir not downagain, I charge you, without leave, or till your father's pleasure beknown concerning you.
She flung away from me with high indignation: and I went up with a veryheavy heart; and feet as slow as my heart was heavy.
***
My father is come home, and my brother with him. Late as it is, they areall shut up together. Not a door opens; not a soul stirs. Hannah, as shemoves up and down, is shunned as a person infected.
***
The angry assembly is broken up. My two uncles and my aunt Hervey aresent for, it seems, to be here in the morning to breakfast. I shallthen, I suppose, know my doom. 'Tis past eleven, and I am ordered not togo to bed.
TWELVE O'CLOCK.
This moment the keys of every thing are taken from me. It was proposedto send for me down: but my father said, he could not bear to look uponme.--Strange alteration in a few weeks!--Shorey was the messenger. Thetears stood in her eyes when she delivered her message.
You, my dear, are happy--May you always be so--and then I can never bewholly miserable. Adieu, my beloved friend!
CL. HARLOWE.