Read Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 3 Page 51

  LETTER XLIX

  MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MRS. HERVEY [ENCLOSED IN HER LAST TO MISSHOWE.] THURSDAY, APRIL 20.

  HONOURED MADAM,

  Having not had the favour of an answer to a letter I took the libertyto write to you on the 14th, I am in some hopes that it may havemiscarried: for I had much rather it should, than to have themortification to think that my aunt Hervey deemed me unworthy of thehonour of her notice.

  In this hope, having kept a copy of it, and not become able to expressmyself in terms better suited to the unhappy circumstances of things, Itranscribe and enclose what I then wrote.* And I humbly beseech you tofavour the contents of it with your interest.

  * The contents of the Letter referred to are given in Letter XXIV. ofthis volume.

  Hitherto it is in my power to perform what I undertake for in thisletter; and it would be very grievous to me to be precipitated uponmeasures, which may render the desirable reconciliation more difficult.

  If, Madam, I were permitted to write to you with the hopes of beinganswered, I could clear my intention with regard to the step I havetaken, although I could not perhaps acquit myself to some of my severestjudges, of an imprudence previous to it. You, I am sure, would pity me,if you knew all I could say, and how miserable I am in the forfeiture ofthe good opinion of all my friends.

  I flatter myself, that their favour is yet retrievable: but, whatever bethe determination at Harlowe-place, do not you, my dearest Aunt, denyme the favour of a few lines to inform me if there can be any hope ofa reconciliation upon terms less shocking than those heretoforeendeavoured to be imposed upon me; or if (which God forbid!) I am to befor ever reprobated.

  At least, my dear Aunt, procure for me the justice of my wearingapparel, and the little money and other things which I wrote to mysister for, and mention in the enclosed to you; that I may not bedestitute of common conveniencies, or be under a necessity to owe anobligation for such, where, at present, however, I would least of allowe it.

  Allow me to say, that had I designed what happened, I might (as to themoney and jewels at least) have saved myself some of the mortificationwhich I have suffered, and which I still further apprehend, if myrequest be not complied with.

  If you are permitted to encourage an eclaircissment of what I hint, Iwill open my whole heart to you, and inform you of every thing.

  If it be any pleasure to have me mortified, be pleased to let it beknown, that I am extremely mortified. And yet it is entirely from myown reflections that I am so, having nothing to find fault with in thebehaviour of the person from whom every evil was to be apprehended.

  The bearer, having business your way, will bring me your answer onSaturday morning, if you favour me according to my hopes. I knew notthat I should have this opportunity till I had written the above.

  I am, my dearest Aunt, Your ever dutiful, CL. HARLOWE.

  Be pleased to direct for me, if I am to be favoured with a few lines, tobe left at Mr. Osgood's, near Soho-square; and nobody shall ever know ofyour goodness to me, if you desire it to be kept a secret.