LETTER XLV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
The next letter is of such a nature, that, I dare say, these proud rougeswould not have had it fall into my hands for the world.*
* See Letter XXXIV. of this volume.
I see by it to what her displeasure with me, in relation to my proposals,was owing. They were not summed up, it seems, with the warmth, with theardour, which she had expected.
This whole letter was transcribed by Dorcas, to whose lot it fell. Thoushalt have copies of them all at full length shortly.
'Men of our cast,' this little devil says, 'she fancies, cannot have theardours that honest men have.' Miss Howe has very pretty fancies, Jack.Charming girl! Would to Heaven I knew whether my fair-one answers her asfreely as she writes! 'Twould vex a man's heart, that this virago shouldhave come honestly by her fancies.
Who knows but I may have half a dozen creatures to get off my hands,before I engage for life?--Yet, lest this should mean me a compliment, asif I would reform, she adds her belief, that she 'must not expect me tobe honest on this side my grand climacteric.' She has an high opinion ofher sex, to think they can charm so long a man so well acquainted withtheir identicalness.
'He to suggest delays,' she says, 'from a compliment to be made to LordM.!'--Yes, I, my dear.--Because a man has not been accustomed to bedutiful, must he never be dutiful?--In so important a case as this too!the hearts of his whole family are engaged in it!--'You did, indeed,'says she, 'want an interposing friend--but were I to have been in yoursituation, I would have torn his eyes out, and left it to his heart tofurnish the reason for it.' See! See! What sayest thou to this, Jack?
'Villain--fellow that he is!' follow. And for what? Only for wishingthat the next day were to be my happy one; and for being dutiful to mynearest relation.
'It is the cruelest of fates,' she says, 'for a woman to be forced tohave a man whom her heart despises.'--That is what I wanted to be sureof.--I was afraid, that my beloved was too conscious of her talents; ofher superiority! I was afraid that she indeed despises me.--And I cannotbear to think that she does. But, Belford, I do not intend that thislady shall be bound down to so cruel a fate. Let me perish if I marry awoman who has given her most intimate friend reason to say, she despisesme!--A Lovelace to be despised, Jack!
'His clenched fist to his forehead on your leaving him in justdispleasure'--that is, when she was not satisfied with my ardours, if itplease ye!--I remember the motion: but her back was towards me at thetime.* Are these watchful ladies all eye?--But observe what follows; 'Iwish it had been a poll-axe, and in the hands of his worst enemy.'--
* She tells Miss Howe, that she saw this motion in the pier-glass. SeeLetter XXXIII. of this volume.
I will have patience, Jack; I will have patience! My day is at hand.--Then will I steel my heart with these remembrances.
But here is a scheme to be thought of, in order to 'get my fair prize outof my hands, in case I give her reason to suspect me.'
This indeed alarms me. Now the contention becomes arduous. Now wiltthou not wonder, if I let loose my plotting genius upon them both. Iwill not be out-Norris'd, Belford.
But once more, 'She has no notion,' she says, 'that I can or dare to meanher dishonour. But then the man is a fool--that's all.'--I should indeedbe a fool, to proceed as I do, and mean matrimony!--'However, since youare thrown upon a fool,' says she, 'marry the fool at the firstopportunity; and though I doubt that this man will be the mostunmanageable of fools, as all witty and vain fools are, take him as apunishment, since you cannot as a reward.'--Is there any bearing this,Belford?
But, 'such men as myself, are the men that women do not naturally hate.'--True as the gospel, Jack!--The truth is out at last. Have I not alwaystold thee so? Sweet creatures and true christians these young girls!They love their enemies. But rakes in their hearts all of them! Liketurns to like; that's the thing. Were I not well assured of the truth ofthis observation of the vixen, I should have thought it worth while, ifnot to be a good man, to be more of an hypocrite, than I found it needfulto be.
But in the letter I came at to-day, while she was at church, her schemeis further opened; and a cursed one it is.
[Mr. Lovelace then transcribes, from his short-hand notes, that part of Miss Howe's letter, which relates to the design of engaging Mrs. Townsend (in case of necessity) to give her protection till Colonel Morden come:* and repeats his vows of revenge; especially for these words; 'That should he attempt any thing that would make him obnoxious to the laws of society, she might have a fair riddance of him, either by flight or the gallows, no matter which.' He then adds]--
* See Letter XLII. of this volume.
'Tis my pride to subdue girls who know too much to doubt their knowledge;and to convince them, that they know too little, to defend themselvesfrom the inconveniencies of knowing too much.
How passion drives a man on! (proceeds he).--I have written a prodigiousquantity in a very few hours! Now my resentments are warm, I will see,and perhaps will punish, this proud, this double-armed beauty. I havesent to tell her, that I must be admitted to sup with her. We haveneither of us dined. She refused to drink tea in the afternoon: and Ibelieve neither of us will have much stomach to our supper.