Read Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 5 Page 16
LETTER XV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.WEDNESDAY NIGHT, ELEVEN O'CLOCK.
Faith, Jack, thou hadst half undone me with thy nonsense, though I wouldnot own it on my yesterday's letter: my conscience of thy party before.--But I think I am my own man again.
So near to execution my plot; so near springing my mine; all agreed uponbetween the women and me; or I believe thou hadst overthrown me.
I have time for a few lines preparative to what is to happen in an houror two; and I love to write to the moment.
We have been extremely happy. How many agreeable days have we knowntogether!--What may the next two hours produce.
When I parted with my charmer, (which I did, with infinite reluctance,half an hour ago,) it was upon her promise that she would not sit up towrite or read. For so engaging was the conversation to me, (and indeedmy behaviour throughout the whole of it was confessedly agreeable toher,) that I insisted, if she did not directly retire to rest, that sheshould add another happy hour to the former.
To have sat up writing or reading half the night, as she sometimes does,would have frustrated my view, as thou wilt observe, when my little plotunravels.
I was speaking to my heart, Jack!--It was then at my throat.--And what isall this for?--These shy women, how, when a man thinks himself near themark, do they tempest him!
***
Is all ready, Dorcas? Has my beloved kept her word with me?--Whether arethese billowy heavings owing more to love or to fear? I cannot tell, forthe soul of me, of which I have most. If I can but take her before herapprehension, before her eloquence, is awake--
Limbs, why thus convulsed?--Knees, till now so firmly knit, why thusrelaxed? why beat you thus together? Will not these trembling fingers,which twice have refused to direct the pen, fail me in the arduousmoment?
Once again, why and for what all these convulsions? This project is notto end in matrimony, surely!
But the consequences must be greater than I had thought of till thismoment--my beloved's destiny or my own may depend upon the issue of thetwo next hours!
I will recede, I think!--
***
Soft, O virgin saint, and safe as soft, be thy slumbers!
I will now once more turn to my friend Belford's letter. Thou shalt havefair play, my charmer. I will reperuse what thy advocate has to say forthee. Weak arguments will do, in the frame I am in!--
But, what, what's the matter!--What a double--But the uproar abates!--Whata double coward am I!--Or is it that I am taken in a cowardly minute? forheroes have their fits of fear; cowards their brave moments; and virtuouswomen, all but my Clarissa, their moment critical--
But thus coolly enjoying the reflection in a hurricane!--Again theconfusion is renewed--