LETTER XXXIV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.SAT NIGHT, JUNE 10.
What will be the issue of all my plots and contrivances, devil take me ifI am able to divine. But I will not, as Lord M. would say, forestall myown market.
At four, the appointed hour, I sent up, to desire admittance in theCaptain's name and my own.
She would wait upon the Captain presently; [not upon me!] and in theparlour, if it were not engaged.
The dining-room being mine, perhaps that was the reason of her naming theparlour--mighty nice again, if so! No good sign for me, thought I, thisstiff punctilio.
In the parlour, with me and the Captain, were Mrs. Moore, Miss Rawlins,and Mrs. Bevis.
The women said, they would withdraw when the lady came down.
Lovel. Not, except she chooses you should, Ladies.--People who are somuch above-board as I am, need not make secrets of any of their affairs.Besides, you three ladies are now acquainted with all our concerns.
Capt. I have some things to say to your lady, that perhaps she wouldnot herself choose that any body should hear; not even you, Mr. Lovelace,as you and her family are not upon such a good foot of understanding aswere to be wished.
Lovel. Well, well, Captain, I must submit. Give us a sign to withdraw,and we will withdraw.
It was better that the exclusion of the women should come from him, thanfrom me.
Capt. I will bow, and wave my hand, thus--when I wish to be alone withthe lady. Her uncle dotes upon her. I hope, Mr. Lovelace, you will notmake a reconciliation more difficult, for the earnestness which my dearfriend shows to bring it to bear. But indeed I must tell you, as I toldyou more than once before, that I am afraid you have made lighter of theoccasion of this misunderstanding to me, than it ought to have been made.
Lovel. I hope, Captain Tomlinson, you do not question my veracity!
Capt. I beg your pardon, Mr. Lovelace--but those things which we menmay think lightly of, may not be light to a woman of delicacy.--And then,if you have bound yourself by a vow, you ought--
Miss Rawlins bridling, her lips closed, (but her mouth stretched to asmile of approbation, the longer for not buttoning,) tacitly showedherself pleased with the Captain for his delicacy.
Mrs. Moore could speak--Very true, however, was all she said, with amotion of her head that expressed the bow-approbatory.
For my part, said the jolly widow, staring with eyes as big as eggs, Iknow what I know.--But man and wife are man and wife; or they are notman and wife.--I have no notion of standing upon such niceties.
But here she comes! cried one, hearing her chamber-door open--Here shecomes! another, hearing it shut after her--And down dropt the angel amongus.
We all stood up, bowing and courtesying, and could not help it; for sheentered with such an air as commanded all our reverence. Yet the Captainlooked plaguy grave.
Cl. Pray keep your seats, Ladies--Pray do not go, [for they made offersto withdraw; yet Miss Rawlins would have burst had she been suffered toretire.] Before this time you have all heard my story, I make no doubt--pray keep your seats--at least all Mr. Lovelace's.
A very saucy and whimsical beginning, thought I.
Captain Tomlinson, your servant, addressing herself to him withinimitable dignity. I hope you did not take amiss my declining yourvisit yesterday. I was really incapable of talking upon any subject thatrequired attention.
Capt. I am glad to see you better now, Madam. I hope I do.
Cl. Indeed I am not well. I would not have excused myself fromattending you some hours ago, but in hopes I should have been better. Ibeg your pardon, Sir, for the trouble I have given you; and shall therather expect it, as this day will, I hope, conclude it all.
Thus set; thus determined; thought I,--yet to have slept upon it!--But,as what she said was capable of a good, as well as a bad, construction, Iwould not put an unfavourable one upon it.
Lovel. The Captain was sorry, my dear, he did not offer his attendancethe moment he arrived yesterday. He was afraid that you took it amissthat he did not.
Cl. Perhaps I thought that my uncle's friend might have wished to seeme as soon as he came, [how we stared!]--But, Sir, [to me,] it might beconvenient to you to detain him.
The devil, thought I!--So there really was resentment as well as head-ache, as my good friend Mrs. Bevis observed, in her refusing to see thehonest gentleman.
Capt. You would detain me, Mr. Lovelace--I was for paying my respectsto the lady the moment I came--
Cl. Well, Sir, [interrupting him,] to wave this; for I would not bethought captious--if you have not suffered inconvenience, in beingobliged to come again, I shall be easy.
Capt. [Half disconcerted.] A little inconvenience, I can't say but Ihave suffered. I have, indeed, too many affairs upon my hands; but thedesire I have to serve you and Mr. Lovelace, as well as to oblige my dearfriend, your uncle Harlowe, make great inconveniencies but small ones.
Cl. You are very obliging, Sir.--Here is a great alteration since youparted with us last.
Capt. A great one indeed, Madam! I was very much surprised at it, onThursday evening, when Mr. Lovelace conducted me to your lodgings, wherewe hoped to find you.
Cl. Have you any thing to say to me, Sir, from my uncle himself, thatrequires my private ear!--Don't go, Ladies, [for the women stood up, andoffered to withdraw,]--if Mr. Lovelace stays, I am sure you may.
I frowned--I bit my lip--I looked at the women--and shook my head.
Capt. I have nothing to offer, but what Mr. Lovelace is a party to, andmay hear, except one private word or two, which may be postponed to thelast.
Cl. Pray, Ladies, keep your seats.--Things are altered, Sir, since Isaw you. You can mention nothing that relates to me now, to which thatgentleman can be a party.
Capt. You surprise me, Madam! I am sorry to hear this!--Sorry for youruncle's sake!--Sorry for your sake!--Sorry for Mr. Lovelace's sake!--Andyet I am sure he must have given greater occasion than he has mentionedto me, or--
Lovel. Indeed, Captain,--indeed, Ladies, I have told you great part ofmy story!--And what I told you of my offence was the truth:--what Iconcealed of my story was only what I apprehended would, if known, causethis dear creature to be thought more censorious than charitable.
Cl. Well, well, Sir, say what you please. Make me as black as youplease--make yourself as white as you can--I am not now in your power:that consideration will comfort me for all.
Capt. God forbid that I should offer to plead in behalf of a crime,that a woman of virtue and honour cannot forgive! But surely, surely,Madam, this is going too far.
Cl. Do not blame me, Captain Tomlinson. I have a good opinion of you,as my uncle's friend; but if you are Mr. Lovelace's friend, that isanother thing; for my interest and Mr. Lovelace's must now be for everseparated.
Capt. One word with you, Madam, if you please--offering to retire.
Cl. You may say all that you please to say before these gentlewomen.--Mr. Lovelace may have secrets--I have none:--you seem to think me faulty:I should be glad that all the world knew my heart. Let my enemies sit injudgment upon my actions; fairly scanned, I fear not the result; let themeven ask me my most secret thoughts, and, whether they make for me, oragainst me, I will reveal them.
Capt. Noble Lady! who can say as you say?
The women held up their hands and eyes; each, as if she had said,--Not I.
No disorder here! said Miss Rawlins:--but, (judging by her own heart,) aconfounded deal of improbability, I believe she thought.
Finely said, to be sure, said the widow Bevis, shrugging her shoulders.
Mrs. Moore sighed.
Jack Belford, thought I, knows all mine; and in this I am more ingenuousthan any of the three, and a fit match for this paragon.
Cl. How Mr. Lovelace has found me out here I cannot tell: but such meandevices, such artful, such worse than Waltham disguises put on, toobtrude himself into my company; suc
h bold, such shocking untruths--
Capt. The favour of but one word, Madam, in private--
Cl. In order to support a right which he has not over me!--O Sir!--OCaptain Tomlinson!--I think I have reason to say, that the man, (there hestands!) is capable of any vileness!--
The women looked upon one another, and upon me, by turns, to see how Ibore it. I had such dartings in my head at the instant, that I thought Ishould have gone distracted. My brain seemed on fire. What would I havegiven to have had her alone with me!--I traversed the room; my clenchedfist to my forehead. O that I had any body here, thought I, that,Hercules-like, when flaming in the tortures of Dejanira's poisoned shirt,I could tear in pieces!
Capt. Dear Lady! see you not how the poor gentleman--Lord, how have Iimposed upon your uncle, at this rate! How happy did I tell him I sawyou! How happy I was sure you would be in each other!
Cl. O Sir, you don't know how many premeditated offences I had forgivenwhen I saw you last, before I could appear to you what I hoped then Imight for the future be!--But now you may tell my uncle, if you please,that I cannot hope for his mediation. Tell him, that my guilt, in givingthis man an opportunity to spirit me away from my tried, my experienced,my natural friends, (harshly as they treated me,) stares me every daymore and more in the face; and still the more, as my fate seems to bedrawing to a crisis, according to the malediction of my offended father!
And then she burst into tears, which even affected that dog, who, broughtto abet me, was himself all Belforded over.
The women, so used to cry without grief, as they are to laugh withoutreason, by mere force of example, [confound their promptitudes;] mustneeds pull out their handkerchiefs. The less wonder, however, as Imyself, between confusion, surprise, and concern, could hardly stand it.
What's a tender heart good for?--Who can be happy that has a feelingheart?--And yet, thou'lt say, that he who has it not, must be a tiger,and no man.
Capt. Let me beg the favour of one word with you, Madam, in private;and that on my own account.
The women hereupon offered to retire. She insisted that, if they went,I should not stay.
Capt. Sir, bowing to me, shall I beg--
I hope, thought I, that I may trust this solemn dog, instructed as he is.She does not doubt him. I'll stay out no longer than to give her time tospend her first fire.
I then passively withdrew with the women.--But with such a bow to mygoddess, that it won for me every heart but that I wanted most to win;for the haughty maid bent not her knee in return.
The conversation between the Captain and the lady, when we were retired,was to the following effect:--They both talked loud enough for me to hearthem--the lady from anger, the Captain with design; and thou mayest besure there was no listener but myself. What I was imperfect in wassupplied afterwards; for I had my vellum-leaved book to note all down.If she had known this, perhaps she would have been more sparing of herinvectives--and but perhaps neither.
He told her that as her brother was absolutely resolved to see her; andas he himself, in compliance with her uncle's expedient, had reported hermarriage; and as that report had reached the ears of Lord M., Lady Betty,and the rest of my relations; and as he had been obliged, in consequenceof his first report, to vouch it; and as her brother might find out whereshe was, and apply to the women here for a confirmation or refutation ofthe marriage; he had thought himself obliged to countenance the reportbefore the women. That this had embarrassed him not a little, as hewould not for the world that she should have cause to think him capableof prevarication, contrivance, or double dealing; and that this made himdesirous of a private conversation with her.
It was true, she said, she had given her consent to such an expedient,believing it was her uncle's; and little thinking that it would lead toso many errors. Yet she might have known that one error is frequentlythe parent of many. Mr. Lovelace had made her sensible of the truth ofthat observation, on more occasions than one; and it was an observationthat he, the Captain, had made, in one of the letters that was shown heryesterday.*
* See Letter XXIV.
He hoped that she had no mistrust of him: that she had no doubt of hishonour. If, Madam, you suspect me--if you think me capable--what a man!the Lord be merciful to me!--What a man must you think me!
I hope, Sir, there cannot be a man in the world who could deserve to besuspected in such a case as this. I do not suspect you. If it werepossible there could be one such a man, I am sure, Captain Tomlinson, afather of children, a man in years, of sense and experience, cannot bethat man.
He told me, that just then, he thought he felt a sudden flash from hereye, an eye-beam as he called it, dart through his shivering reins; andhe could not help trembling.
The dog's conscience, Jack!--Nothing else!--I have felt half a dozen suchflashes, such eye-beams, in as many different conversations with thissoul-piercing beauty.
Her uncle, she must own, was not accustomed to think of such expedients;but she had reconciled this to herself, as the case was unhappilyuncommon; and by the regard he had for her honour.
This set the puppy's heart at ease, and gave him more courage.
She asked him if he thought Lady Betty and Miss Montague intended her avisit?
He had no doubt but they did.
And does he imagine, said she, that I could be brought to countenance tothem the report you have given out?
[I had hoped to bring her to this, Jack, or she had seen their letters.But I had told the Captain that I believed I must give up thisexpectation.]
No.--He believed that I had not such a thought. He was pretty sure, thatI intended, when I saw them, to tell them, (as in confidence,) the nakedtruth.
He then told her that her uncle had already made some steps towards ageneral reconciliation. The moment, Madam, that he knows you are reallymarried, he will enter into confidence with your father upon it; havingactually expressed to your mother his desire to be reconciled to you.
And what, Sir, said my mother? What said my dear mother?
With great emotion she asked this question; holding out her sweet face,as the Captain described her, with the most earnest attention, as if shewould shorten the way which his words were to have to her heart.
Your mother, Madam, burst into tears upon it: and your uncle was sopenetrated by her tenderness, that he could not proceed with the subject.But he intends to enter upon it with her in form, as soon as he hearsthat the ceremony is over.
By the tone of her voice she wept. The dear creature, thought I, beginsto relent!--And I grudged the dog his eloquence. I could hardly bear thethought that any man breathing should have the power which I had lost, ofpersuading this high-souled woman, though in my own favour. And wouldestthou think it? this reflection gave me more uneasiness at the moment thanI felt from her reproaches, violent as they were; or than I had pleasurein her supposed relenting: for there is beauty in every thing she saysand does!--Beauty in her passion!--Beauty in her tears!--Had the Captainbeen a young fellow, and of rank and fortune, his throat would have beenin danger; and I should have thought very hardly of her.
O Captain Tomlinson, said she, you know not what I have suffered by thisman's strange ways! He had, as I was not ashamed to tell him yesterday,a plain path before him. He at first betrayed me into his power--butwhen I was in it--There she stopt.--Then resuming--O Sir, you know notwhat a strange man he has been!--An unpolite, a rough-manner'd man! Indisgrace of his birth, and education, and knowledge, an unpolite man!--And so acting, as if his worldly and personal advantages set him abovethose graces which distinguish a gentleman.
The first woman that ever said, or that ever thought so of me, that's mycomfort, thought I!--But this, (spoken of to her uncle's friend, behindmy back,) helps to heap up thy already-too-full measure, dearest!--It isdown in my vellum-book.
Cl. When I look back on his whole behaviour to a poor young creature,(for I am but a very young creature,) I cannot acquit him either of greatfolly or of deep desi
gn. And, last Wednesday--There she stopt; and Isuppose turned away her face.
I wonder she was not ashamed to hint at what she thought so shameful; andthat to a man, and alone with him.
Capt. Far be it from me, Madam, to offer to enter too closely into sotender a subject. Mr. Lovelace owns, that you have reason to bedispleased with him. But he so solemnly clears himself of premeditatedoffence--
Cl. He cannot clear himself, Captain Tomlinson. The people of thehouse must be very vile, as well as he. I am convinced that there was awicked confederacy--but no more upon such a subject.
Capt. Only one word more, Madam.--He tells me, that you promised topardon him. He tells me--
He knew, interrupted she, that he deserved not pardon, or he had notextorted the promise from me. Nor had I given it to him, but to shieldmyself from the vilest outrage--
Capt. I could wish, Madam, inexcusable as his behaviour has been, sincehe has something to plead in the reliance he made upon your promise,that, for the sake of appearances to the world, and to avoid themischiefs that may follow if you absolutely break with him, you couldprevail upon your naturally-generous mind to lay an obligation upon himby your forgiveness.
She was silent.
Capt. Your father and mother, Madam, deplore a daughter lost to them,whom your generosity to Mr. Lovelace may restore: do not put it to thepossible chance, that they may have cause to deplore a double loss; thelosing of a son, as well as a daughter, who, by his own violence, whichyou may perhaps prevent, may be for ever lost to them, and to the wholefamily.
She paused--she wept--she owned that she felt the force of this argument.
I will be the making of this fellow, thought I.
Capt. Permit me, Madam, to tell you, that I do not think it would bedifficult to prevail upon your uncle, if you insist upon it, to come upprivately to town, and to give you with his own hand to Mr. Lovelace--except, indeed, your present misunderstanding were to come to his ears.Besides, Madam, your brother, it is likely, may at this very time be intown; and he is resolved to find you out--
Cl. Why, Sir, should I be so much afraid of my brother? My brother hasinjured me, not I him. Will my brother offer to me what Mr. Lovelace hasoffered?--Wicked, ungrateful man! to insult a friendless, unprotectedcreature, made friendless by himself!--I cannot, cannot think of him inthe light I once thought of him. What, Sir, to put myself into the powerof a wretch, who has acted by me with so much vile premeditation!--Whoshall pity, who shall excuse me, if I do, were I to suffer ever so muchfrom him?--No, Sir.--Let Mr. Lovelace leave me--let my brother find me.I am not such a poor creature as to be afraid to face the brother who hasinjured me.
Capt. Were you and your brother to meet only to confer together, toexpostulate, to clear up difficulties, it were another thing. But what,Madam, can you think will be the issue of an interview, (Mr. Solmes withhim,) when he finds you unmarried, and resolved never to have Mr.Lovelace; supposing Mr. Lovelace were not to interfere, which cannot beimagined?
Cl. Well, Sir, I can only say, I am a very unhappy creature!--I mustresign to the will of Providence, and be patient under evils, which thatwill not permit me to shun. But I have taken my measures. Mr. Lovelacecan never make me happy, nor I him. I wait here only for a letter fromMiss Howe--that must determine me--
Determine you as to Mr. Lovelace, Madam? interrupted the Captain.
Cl. I am already determined as to him.
Capt. If it be not in his favour, I have done. I cannot use strongerarguments than I have used, and it would be impertinent to repeat them.If you cannot forgive his offence, I am sure it must have been muchgreater than he has owned to me. If you are absolutely determined, bepleased to let me know what I shall say to your uncle? You were pleasedto tell me, that this day would put an end to what you called my trouble:I should not have thought it any, could I have been an humble mean ofreconciling persons of worth and honour to each other.
Here I entered with a solemn air.
Lovel. Captain Tomlinson, I have heard a part of what has passedbetween you and this unforgiving (however otherwise excellent) lady. Iam cut to the heart to find the dear creature so determined. I couldnot have believed it possible, with such prospects, that I had so littleshare in her esteem. Nevertheless I must do myself justice with regardto the offence I was so unhappy as to give, since I find you are readyto think it much greater than it really was.
Cl. I hear not, Sir, your recapitulations. I am, and ought to be, thesole judge of insults offered to my person. I enter not into discussionwith you, nor hear you on the shocking subject. And was going.
I put myself between her and the door--You may hear all I have to say,Madam. My fault is not of such a nature, but that you may. I will be ajust accuser of myself; and will not wound your ears.
I then protested that the fire was a real fire. [So it was.] Idisclaimed [less truly] premeditation. I owned that I was hurried on bythe violence of a youthful passion, and by a sudden impulse, which fewother persons, in the like situation, would have been able to check: thatI withdrew, at her command and entreaty, on the promise of pardon,without having offered the least indecency, or any freedom, that wouldnot have been forgiven by persons of delicacy, surprised in an attitudeso charming--her terror, on the alarm of fire, calling for a soothingbehaviour, and personal tenderness, she being ready to fall into fits: myhoped-for happy day so near, that I might be presumed to be looked uponas a betrothed lover--and that this excuse might be pleaded even for thewomen of the house, that they, thinking us actually married, mightsuppose themselves to be the less concerned to interfere on so tender anoccasion.--[There, Jack, was a bold insinuation on behalf of the women!]
High indignation filled her disdainful eye, eye-beam after eye-beamflashing at me. Every feature of her sweet face had soul in it. Yet shespoke not. Perhaps, Jack, she had a thought, that this plea for thewomen accounted for my contrivance to have her pass to them as married,when I first carried her thither.
Capt. Indeed, Sir, I must say that you did not well to add to theapprehensions of a lady so much terrified before.
The dear creature offered to go by me. I set my back against the door,and besought her to stay a few moments. I had not said thus much, mydearest creature, but for your sake, as well as for my own, that CaptainTomlinson should not think I had been viler than I was. Nor will I sayone word more on the subject, after I have appealed to your own heart,whether it was not necessary that I should say so much; and to theCaptain, whether otherwise he would not have gone away with a much worseopinion of me, if he had judged of my offence by the violence of yourresentment.
Capt. Indeed I should. I own I should. And I am very glad, Mr.Lovelace, that you are able to defend yourself thus far.
Cl. That cause must be well tried, where the offender takes his seatupon the same bench with the judge.--I submit not mine to men--nor, giveme leave to say, to you, Captain Tomlinson, though I am willing to have agood opinion of you. Had not the man been assured that he had influencedyou in his favour, he would not have brought you up to Hampstead.
Capt. That I am influenced, as you call it, Madam, is for the sake ofyour uncle, and for your own sake, more (I will say to Mr. Lovelace'sface) than for his. What can I have in view but peace andreconciliation? I have, from the first, blamed, and I now, again, blameMr. Lovelace, for adding distress to distress, and terror to terror; thelady, as you acknowledge, Sir, [looking valiantly,] ready before to fallinto fits.
Lovel. Let me own to you, Captain Tomlinson, that I have been a veryfaulty, a very foolish man; and, if this dear creature ever honoured mewith her love, an ungrateful one. But I have had too much reason todoubt it. And this is now a flagrant proof that she never had the valuefor me which my proud heart wished for; that, with such prospects beforeus; a day so near; settlements approved and drawn; her uncle meditating ageneral reconciliation which, for her sake, not my own, I was desirous togive into; she can, for an offence so really sli
ght, on an occasion sotruly accidental, renounce me for ever; and, with me, all hopes of thatreconciliation in the way her uncle had put it in, and she had acquiescedwith; and risque all consequences, fatal ones as they may too possiblybe.--By my soul, Captain Tomlinson, the dear creature must have hated meall the time she was intending to honour me with her hand. And now shemust resolve to abandon me, as far as I know, with a preference in herheart of the most odious of men--in favour of that Solmes, who, as youtell me, accompanies her brother: and with what hopes, with what view,accompanies him!--How can I bear to think of this?--
Cl. It is fit, Sir, that you should judge of my regard for you by yourown conscienceness of demerit. Yet you know, or you would not have daredto behave to me as sometimes you did, that you had more of it than youdeserved.
She walked from us; and then returning, Captain Tomlinson, said she, Iwill own to you, that I was not capable of resolving to give my hand, and--nothing but my hand. Had I not given a flagrant proof of this to theonce most indulgent of parents? which has brought me into a distress,which this man has heightened, when he ought, in gratitude and honour, tohave endeavoured to render it supportable. I had even a bias, Sir, inhis favour, I scruple not to own it. Long (much too long!) bore I withhis unaccountable ways, attributing his errors to unmeaning gaiety, andto a want of knowing what true delicacy, and true generosity, requiredfrom a heart susceptible of grateful impressions to one involved by hismeans in unhappy circumstances.
It is now wickedness in him (a wickedness which discredits all hisprofessions) to say, that this last cruel and ungrateful insult was nota premeditated one--But what need I say more of this insult, when it wasof such a nature, and that it has changed that bias in his favour, andmake me choose to forego all the inviting prospects he talks of, and torun all hazards, to free myself from his power?
O my dearest creature! how happy for us both, had I been able to discoverthat bias, as you condescend to call it, through such reserves as mannever encountered with!
He did discover it, Capt. Tomlinson. He brought me, more than once, toown it; the more needlessly brought me to own it, as I dare say his ownvanity gave him no cause to doubt it; and as I had apparently no othermotive in not being forward to own it, than my too-justly-foundedapprehensions of his want of generosity. In a word, Captain Tomlinson,(and now, that I am determined upon my measures, I the less scruple tosay,) I should have despised myself, had I found myself capable ofaffectation or tyranny to the man I intended to marry. I have alwaysblamed the dearest friend I have in the world for a fault of this nature.In a word--
Lovel. And had my angel really and indeed the favour for me she ispleased to own?--Dearest creature, forgive me. Restore me to your goodopinion. Surely I have not sinned beyond forgiveness. You say that Iextorted from you the promise you made me. But I could not have presumedto make that promise the condition of my obedience, had I not thoughtthere was room to expect forgiveness. Permit, I beseech you, theprospects to take place, that were opening so agreeably before us. Iwill go to town, and bring the license. All difficulties to theobtaining of it are surmounted. Captain Tomlinson shall be witness tothe deeds. He will be present at the ceremony on the part of your uncle.Indeed he gave me hope that your uncle himself--
Capt. I did, Mr. Lovelace: and I will tell you my grounds for the hopeI gave. I promised to my dear friend, (your uncle, Madam,) that heshould give out that he would take a turn with me to my little farm-house,as I call it, near Northampton, for a week or so.--Poor gentleman!he has of late been very little abroad!--Too visibly declining!--Changeof air, it might be given out, was good for him.--But I see, Madam, thatthis is too tender a subject--
The dear creature wept. She knew how to apply as meant the Captain'shint to the occasion of her uncle's declining state of health.
Capt. We might indeed, I told him, set out in that road, but turn shortto town in my chariot; and he might see the ceremony performed with hisown eyes, and be the desired father, as well as the beloved uncle.
She turned from us, and wiped her eyes.
Capt. And, really, there seem now to be but two objections to this, asMr. Harlowe discouraged not the proposal--The one, the unhappymisunderstanding between you; which I would not by any means he shouldknow; since then he might be apt to give weight to Mr. James Harlowe'sunjust surmises.--The other, that it would necessarily occasion somedelay to the ceremony; which certainly may be performed in a day or two--if--
And then he reverently bowed to my goddess.--Charming fellow!--But oftendid I curse my stars, for making me so much obliged to his adroitness.
She was going to speak; but, not liking the turn of her countenance(although, as I thought, its severity and indignation seemed a littleabated) I said, and had like to have blown myself up by it--one expedientI have just thought of--
Cl. None of your expedients, Mr. Lovelace!--I abhor your expedients,your inventions--I have had too many of them.
Lovel. See, Capt. Tomlinson!--See, Sir!--O how we expose ourselves toyou!--Little did you think, I dare say, that we have lived in such acontinued misunderstanding together!--But you will make the best of itall. We may yet be happy. Oh! that I could have been assured that thisdear creature loved me with the hundredth part of the love I have forher!--Our diffidences have been mutual. I presume to say that she hastoo much punctilio: I am afraid that I have too little. Hence ourdifficulties. But I have a heart, Captain Tomlinson, a heart, that bidsme hope for her love, because it is resolved to deserve it as much as mancan deserve it.
Capt. I am indeed surprised at what I have seen and heard. I defendnot Mr. Lovelace, Madam, in the offence he has given you--as a father ofdaughters myself, I cannot defend him; though his fault seems to belighter than I had apprehended--but in my conscience, Madam, I think youcarry your resentment too high.
Cl. Too high, Sir!--Too high to the man that might have been happy ifhe would! Too high to the man that has held my soul in suspense anhundred times, since (by artifice and deceit) he obtained a power overme!--Say, Lovelace, thyself say, art thou not the very Lovelace, who byinsulting me, hast wronged thine own hopes?--The wretch that appeared invile disguises, personating an old, lame creature, seeking for lodgingsfor thy sick wife?--Telling the gentlewomen here stories all of thine owninvention; and asserting to them an husband's right over me, which thouhast not!--And is it [turning to the Captain] to be expected, that Ishould give credit to the protestations of such a man?
Lovel. Treat me, my dearest creature, as you please, I will bear it:and yet your scorn and your violence have fixed daggers in my heart--Butwas it possible, without those disguises, to come at your speech?--Andcould I lose you, if study, if invention, would put it in my power toarrest your anger, and give me hope to engage you to confirm to me thepromised pardon? The address I made to you before the women, as if themarriage-ceremony had passed, was in consequence of what your uncle hadadvised, and what you had acquiesced with; and the rather made, as yourbrother, and Singleton, and Solmes, were resolved to find out whetherwhat was reported of your marriage were true or not, that they might taketheir measures accordingly; and in hopes to prevent that mischief, whichI have been but too studious to prevent, since this tameness has butinvited insolence from your brother and his confederates.
Cl. O thou strange wretch, how thou talkest!--But, Captain Tomlinson,give me leave to say, that, were I inclined to enter farther upon thissubject, I would appeal to Miss Rawlins's judgment (whom else have I toappeal to?) She seems to be a person of prudence and honour; but not toany man's judgment, whether I carry my resentment beyond fit bounds, whenI resolve--
Capt. Forgive, Madam, the interruption--but I think there can be noreason for this. You ought, as you said, to be the sole judge ofindignities offered you. The gentlewomen here are strangers to you. Youwill perhaps stay but a little while among them. If you lay the state ofyour case before any of them, and your brother come to inquire of them,your uncle's intended mediation will be discover
ed, and rendered abortive--I shall appear in a light that I never appeared in, in my life--for thesewomen may not think themselves obliged to keep the secret.
Charming fellow!
Cl. O what difficulties has one fatal step involved me in--but there isno necessity for such an appeal to any body. I am resolved on mymeasures.
Capt. Absolutely resolved, Madam?
Cl. I am.
Capt. What shall I say to your uncle Harlowe, Madam?--Poor gentleman!how will he be surprised!--You see, Mr. Lovelace--you see, Sir,--turningto me with a flourishing hand--but you may thank yourself--and admirablystalked he from us.
True, by my soul, thought I. I traversed the room, and bit myunpersuasive lips, now upper, now under, for vexation.
He made a profound reverence to her--and went to the window, where layhis hat and whip; and, taking them up, opened the door. Child, said he,to some body he saw, pray order my servant to bring my horse to thedoor--
Lovel. You won't go, Sir--I hope you won't!--I am the unhappiest man inthe world!--You won't go--yet, alas!--But you won't go, Sir!--there maybe yet hopes that Lady Betty may have some weight--
Capt. Dear Mr. Lovelace! and may not my worthy friend, and affectionateuncle, hope for some influence upon his daughter-niece?--But I beg pardon--a letter will always find me disposed to serve the lady, and that aswell for her sake as for the sake of my dear friend.
She had thrown herself into her chair: her eyes cast down: she wasmotionless, as in a profound study.
The Captain bowed to her again: but met with no return to his bow. Mr.Lovelace, said he, (with an air of equality and independence,) I amyour's.
Still the dear unaccountable sat as immovable as a statue; stirringneither hand, foot, head, nor eye--I never before saw any one in soprofound a reverie in so waking a dream.
He passed by her to go out at the door she sat near, though the passageby the other door was his direct way; and bowed again. She moved not.I will not disturb the lady in her meditations, Sir.--Adieu, Mr. Lovelace--no farther, I beseech you.
She started, sighing--Are you going, Sir?
Capt. I am, Madam. I could have been glad to do you service; but I seeit is not in my power.
She stood up, holding out one hand, with inimitable dignity and sweetness--I am sorry you are going, Sir!--can't help it--I have no friend toadvise with--Mr. Lovelace has the art (or good fortune, perhaps I shouldcall it) to make himself many.--Well, Sir--if you will go, I can't helpit.
Capt. I will not go, Madam; his eyes twinkling. [Again seized with afit of humanity!] I will not go, if my longer stay can do you eitherservice or pleasure. What, Sir, [turning to me,] what, Mr. Lovelace, wasyour expedient;--perhaps something may be offered, Madam--
She sighed, and was silent.
REVENGE, invoked I to myself, keep thy throne in my heart. If theusurper LOVE once more drive thee from it, thou wilt never again regainpossession!
Lovel. What I had thought of, what I had intended to propose, [and Isighed,] was this, that the dear creature, if she will not forgive me, asshe promised, will suspend the displeasure she has conceived against me,till Lady Betty arrives.--That lady may be the mediatrix between us.This dear creature may put herself into her protection, and accompany herdown to her seat in Oxfordshire. It is one of her Ladyship's purposes toprevail on her supposed new niece to go down with her. It may pass toevery one but to Lady Betty, and to you, Captain Tomlinson, and to yourfriend Mr. Harlowe (as he desires) that we have been some time married:and her being with my relations will amount to a proof to James Harlowethat we are; and our nuptials may be privately, and at this belovedcreature's pleasure, solemnized; and your report, Captain, authenticated.
Capt. Upon my honour, Madam, clapping his hand upon his breast, acharming expedient!--This will answer every end.
She mused--she was greatly perplexed--at last, God direct me! said she: Iknow not what to do--a young unfriended creature! Whom can I have toadvise with?--Let me retire, if I can retire.
She withdrew with slow and trembling feet, and went up to her chamber.
For Heaven's sake, said the penetrated varlet [his hands lifted up]; forHeaven's sake, take compassion upon this admirable woman!--I cannotproceed--she deserves all things--
Softly!--d--n the fellow!--the women are coming in.
He sobbed up his grief--turned about--hemm'd up a more manly accent--Wipethy cursed eyes--He did. The sunshine took place on one cheek, andspread slowly to the other, and the fellow had his whole face again.
The women all three came in, led by that ever-curious Miss Rawlins. Itold them, that the lady was gone up to consider of every thing: that wehad hopes of her. And such a representation we made of all that hadpassed, as brought either tacit or declared blame upon the fair perversefor hardness of heart and over-delicacy.
The widow Bevis, in particular, put out one lip, tossed up her head,wrinkled her forehead, and made such motions with her now lifted-up, nowcast-down eyes, as showed that she thought there was a great deal ofperverseness and affectation in the lady. Now-and-then she changed hercensuring looks to looks of pity of me--but (as she said) she loved notto aggravate!--A poor business, God help's! shrugging up her shoulders,to make such a rout about! And then her eyes laughed heartily--Indulgence was a good thing! Love was a good thing!--but too much wastoo much!
Miss Rawlins, however, declared, after she had called the widow Bevis,with a prudish simper, a comical gentlewoman! that there must besomething in our story, which she could not fathom; and went from us intoa corner, and sat down, seemingly vexed that she could not.