LETTER XXXV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
Just come from my charmer. She will not suffer me to say half theobliging, the tender things, which my honest heart is ready to overflowwith. A confounded situation that, when a man finds himself in humourto be eloquent, and pathetic at the same time, yet cannot engage themistress of his fate to lend an ear to his fine speeches.
I can account now how it comes about that lovers, when their mistressesare cruel, run into solitude, and disburthen their minds to stocks andstones: For am I not forced to make my complaints to thee?
She claimed the performance of my promise, the moment she saw me, ofpermitting her [haughtily she spoke the word] to go to Hampstead as soonas I was gone to Berks.
Most cheerfully I renewed it.
She desired me to give orders in her hearing.
I sent for Dorcas and Will. They came.--Do you both take notice, (but,perhaps, Sir, I may take you with me,) that your lady is to be obeyed inall her commands. She purposes to return to Hampstead as soon as I amgone--My dear, will you not have a servant to attend you?
I shall want no servant there.
Will you take Dorcas?
If I should want Dorcas, I can send for her.
Dorcas could not but say, She should be very proud--
Well, well, that may be at my return, if your lady permit.--Shall I, mydear, call up Mrs. Sinclair, and give her orders, to the same effect, inyour hearing?
I desire not to see Mrs. Sinclair; nor any that belong to her.
As you please, Madam.
And then (the servants being withdrawn) I urged her again for theassurance, that she would meet me at the altar on Thursday next. But tono purpose.--May she not thank herself for all that may follow?
One favour, however, I would not be denied, to be admitted to pass theevening with her.
All sweetness and obsequiousness will I be on this occasion. My wholesoul shall be poured out to move her to forgive me. If she will not, andif the promissory note should fall in my way, my revenge will doubtlesstake total possession of me.
All the house in my interest, and every one in it not only engaging tointimidate and assist, as occasion shall offer, but staking all theirexperience upon my success, if it be not my own fault, what must be theconsequence?
This, Jack, however, shall be her last trial; and if she behave as noblyin and after this second attempt (all her senses about her) as she hasdone after the first, she will come out an angel upon full proof, inspite of man, woman, and devil: then shall there be an end of all hersufferings. I will then renounce that vanquished devil, and reform. Andif any vile machination start up, presuming to mislead me, I will soonerstab it in my heart, as it rises, than give way to it.
A few hours will now decide all. But whatever be the event, I shall betoo busy to write again, till I get to M. Hall.
Mean time, I am in strange agitations. I must suppress them, ifpossible, before I venture into her presence.--My heart bounces my bosomfrom the table. I will lay down my pen, and wholly resign to itsimpulses.