Read Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 8 Page 34

  LETTER XXXIII

  MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE

  [In this letter, the Lady acquaints Miss Howe with Mr. Brand's report; with her sister's proposals either that she will go abroad, or prosecute Mr. Lovelace. She complains of the severe letters of her uncle Antony and her sister; but in milder terms than they deserved.

  She sends her Dr. Lewen's letter, and the copy of her answer to it.

  She tells her of the difficulties she had been under to avoid seeing Mr. Lovelace. She gives her the contents of the letter she wrote to him to divert him from his proposed visit: she is afraid, she says, that it is a step that is not strictly right, if allegory or metaphor be not allowable to one in her circumstances.

  She informs her of her cousin Morden's arrival and readiness to take her part with her relations; of his designed interview with Mr. Lovelace; and tells her what her apprehensions are upon it.

  She gives her the purport of the conversation between her aunt Hervey and Mrs. Norton. And then add:]

  But were they ever so favourably inclined to me now, what can they do forme? I wish, and that for their sakes more than for my own, that theywould yet relent--but I am very ill--I must drop my pen--a suddenfaintness overspreads my heart--excuse my crooked writing!--Adieu, mydear!--Adieu!

  THREE O'CLOCK, FRIDAY.

  Once more I resume my pen. I thought I had taken my last farewell toyou. I never was so very oddly affected: something that seemed totallyto overwhelm my faculties--I don't know how to describe it--I believe Ido amiss in writing so much, and taking too much upon me: but an activemind, though clouded by bodily illness, cannot be idle.

  I'll see if the air, and a discontinued attention, will help me. But, ifit will not, don't be concerned for me, my dear. I shall be happy. Nay,I am more so already than of late I thought I could ever be in this life.--Yet how this body clings!--How it encumbers!

  SEVEN O'CLOCK.

  I could not send this letter away with so melancholy an ending, as youwould have thought it. So I deferred closing it, till I saw how I shouldbe on my return from my airing: and now I must say I am quite anotherthing: so alert! that I could proceed with as much spirit as I began, andadd more preachment to your lively subject, if I had not written morethan enough upon it already.

  I wish you would let me give you and Mr. Hickman joy. Do, my dear. Ishould take some to myself, if you would.

  My respectful compliments to all your friends, as well to those I havethe honour to know, as to those I do not know.

  ***

  I have just now been surprised with a letter from one whom I long agogave up all thoughts of hearing from. From Mr. Wyerley. I will encloseit. You'll be surprised at it as much as I was. This seems to be a manwhom I might have reclaimed. But I could not love him. Yet I hope Inever treated him with arrogance. Indeed, my dear, if I am not toopartial to myself, I think I refused him with more gentleness, than youretain somebody else. And this recollection gives me less pain than Ishould have had in the other case, on receiving this instance of agenerosity that affects me. I will also enclose the rough draught of myanswer, as soon as I have transcribed it.

  If I begin another sheet, I shall write to the end of it: wherefore Iwill only add my prayers for your honour and prosperity, and for a long,long, happy life; and that, when it comes to be wound up, you may be ascalm and as easy at quitting it as I hope in God I shall be. I am, andwill be, to the latest moment,

  Your truly affectionate and obliged servant,CL. HARLOWE.