LETTER VII
MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.THURSDAY NIGHT.
I may as well try to write; since, were I to go to bed, I shall notsleep. I never had such a weight of grief upon my mind in my life, asupon the demise of this admirable woman; whose soul is now rejoicingin the regions of light.
You may be glad to know the particulars of her happy exit. I will tryto proceed; for all is hush and still; the family retired; but not oneof them, and least of all her poor cousin, I dare say, to rest.
At four o'clock, as I mentioned in my last, I was sent for down; and,as thou usedst to like my descriptions, I will give thee the woeful scenethat presented itself to me, as I approached the bed.
The Colonel was the first that took my attention, kneeling on the side ofthe bed, the lady's right hand in both his, which his face covered,bathing it with his tears; although she had been comforting him, as thewomen since told me, in elevated strains, but broken accents.
On the other side of the bed sat the good widow; her face overwhelmedwith tears, leaning her head against the bed's head in a mostdisconsolate manner; and turning her face to me, as soon as she saw me,O Mr. Belford, cried she, with folded hands--the dear lady--A heavy sobpermitted her not to say more.
Mrs. Smith, with clasped fingers, and uplifted eyes, as if imploring helpfrom the only Power which could give it, was kneeling down at the bed'sfeet, tears in large drops trickling down her cheeks.
Her nurse was kneeling between the widow and Mrs. Smith, her armsextended. In one hand she held an ineffectual cordial, which she hadjust been offering to her dying mistress; her face was swoln with weeping(though used to such scenes as this); and she turned her eyes towards me,as if she called upon me by them to join in the helpless sorrow; a freshstream bursting from them as I approached the bed.
The maid of the house with her face upon her folded arms, as she stoodleaning against the wainscot, more audibly exprest her grief than any ofthe others.
The lady had been silent a few minutes, and speechless, as they thought,moving her lips without uttering a word; one hand, as I said, in hercousin's. But when Mrs. Lovick, on my approach, pronounced my name, OMr. Belford, said she, with a faint inward voice, but very distinctnevertheless--Now!--Now! [in broken periods she spoke]--I bless God forhis mercies to his poor creature--all will soon be over--a few--a veryfew moments--will end this strife--and I shall be happy!
Comfort here, Sir--turning her head to the Colonel--comfort my cousin--see! the blame--able kindness--he would not wish me to be happy--so soon!
Here she stopt for two or three minutes, earnestly looking upon him.Then resuming, My dearest Cousin, said she, be comforted--what is dyingbut the common lot?--The mortal frame may seem to labour--but that isall!--It is not so hard to die as I believed it to be!--The preparationis the difficulty--I bless God, I have had time for that--the rest isworse to beholders, than to me!--I am all blessed hope--hope itself. Shelooked what she said, a sweet smile beaming over her countenance.
After a short silence, Once more, my dear Cousin, said she, but still inbroken accents, commend me most dutifully to my father and mother--Thereshe stopt. And then proceeding--To my sister, to my brother, to myuncles--and tell them, I bless them with my parting breath--for all theirgoodness to me--even for their displeasure, I bless them--most happy hasbeen to me my punishment here! Happy indeed!
She was silent for a few moments, lifting up her eyes, and the hand hercousin held not between his. Then, O Death! said she, where is thysting! [the words I remember to have heard in the burial-service readover my uncle and poor Belton.] And after a pause--It is good for methat I was afflicted! Words of scripture, I suppose.
Then turning towards us, who were lost in speechless sorrow--O dear, deargentlemen, said she, you know not what foretastes--what assurances--Andthere she again stopped, and looked up, as if in a thankful rapture,sweetly smiling.
Then turning her head towards me--Do you, Sir, tell your friend that Iforgive him!--And I pray to God to forgive him!--Again pausing, andlifting up her eyes as if praying that He would. Let him know howhappily I die:--And that such as my own, I wish to be his last hour.
She was again silent for a few moments: and then resuming--My sightfails me!--Your voices only--[for we both applauded her christian, herdivine frame, though in accents as broken as her own]; and the voice ofgrief is alike in all. Is not this Mr. Morden's hand? pressing one ofhis with that he had just let go. Which is Mr. Belford's? holding outthe other. I gave her mine. God Almighty bless you both, said she, andmake you both--in your last hour--for you must come to this--happy as Iam.
She paused again, her breath growing shorter; and, after a few minutes--And now, my dearest Cousin, give me your hand--nearer--still nearer--drawing it towards her; and she pressed it with her dying lips--Godprotect you, dear, dear Sir--and once more, receive my best and mostgrateful thanks--and tell my dear Miss Howe--and vouchsafe to see, and totell my worthy Norton--she will be one day, I fear not, though now lowlyin her fortunes, a saint in Heaven--tell them both, that I remember themwith thankful blessings in my last moments!--And pray God to give themhappiness here for many, many years, for the sake of their friends andlovers; and an heavenly crown hereafter; and such assurances of it, as Ihave, through the all-satisfying merits of my blessed Redeemer.
Her sweet voice and broken periods methinks still fill my ears, and neverwill be out of my memory.
After a short silence, in a more broken and faint accent--And you, Mr.Belford, pressing my hand, may God preserve you, and make you sensible ofall your errors--you see, in me, how all ends--may you be--And down sunkher head upon her pillow, she fainting away, and drawing from us herhands.
We thought she was then gone; and each gave way to a violent burst ofgrief.
But soon showing signs of returning life, our attention was againengaged; and I besought her, when a little recovered, to complete in myfavour her half-pronounced blessing. She waved her hand to us both, andbowed her head six several times, as we have since recollected, as ifdistinguishing every person present; not forgetting the nurse and themaid-servant; the latter having approached the bed, weeping, as ifcrowding in for the divine lady's blessing; and she spoke faltering andinwardly--Bless--bless--bless--you all--and--now--and now--[holding upher almost lifeless hands for the last time] come--O come--blessed Lord--JESUS!
And with these words, the last but half-pronounced, expired:--such asmile, such a charming serenity overspreading her sweet face at theinstant, as seemed to manifest her eternal happiness already begun.
O Lovelace!--But I can write no more!
***
I resume my pen to add a few lines.
While warm, though pulseless, we pressed each her hand with our lips;and then retired into the next room.
We looked at each other, with intent to speak: but, as if one motiongoverned, as one cause affected both, we turned away silent.
The Colonel sighed as if his heart would burst: at last, his face andhands uplifted, his back towards me, Good Heaven! said he to himself,support me!--And is it thus, O flower of nature!--Then pausing--And mustwe no more--never more!--My blessed, blessed Cousin! uttering some otherwords, which his sighs made inarticulate.--And then, as if recollectinghimself--Forgive me, Sir!--Excuse me, Mr. Belford! And sliding by me,Anon I hope to see you, Sir--And down stairs he went, and out of thehouse, leaving me a statue.
When I recovered, I was ready to repine at what I then called an unequaldispensation; forgetting her happy preparation, and still happierdeparture; and that she had but drawn a common lot; triumphing in it, andleaving behind her every one less assured of happiness, though equallycertain that the lot would one day be their own.
She departed exactly at forty minutes after six o'clock, as by her watchon the table.
And thus died Miss CLARISSA HARLOWE, in the blossom of her youth andbeauty: and who, her tender years considered, had not left behind her hersuperior in extensive knowledge and watchful prudence
; nor hardly herequal for unblemished virtue, exemplary piety, sweetness of manners,discreet generosity, and true christian charity: and these all set off bythe most graceful modesty and humility; yet on all proper occasions,manifesting a noble presence of mind, and true magnanimity: so that shemay be said to have been not only an ornament to her sex, but to humannature.
A better pen than mine may do her fuller justice. Thine, I mean, OLovelace! For well dost thou know how much she excelled in the graces ofboth mind and person, natural and acquired, all that is woman. And thoualso can best account for the causes of her immature death, through thosecalamities which in so short a space of time, from the highest pitch offelicity, (every one in a manner adoring her,) brought he to an exit sohappy for herself, but, that it was so early, so much to be deplored byall who had the honour of her acquaintance.
This task, then, I leave to thee: but now I can write no more, only thatI am a sympathizer in every part of thy distress, except (and yet it iscruel to say it) in that which arises from thy guilt.
ONE O'CLOCK, FRIDAY MORNING.