Gary now only had a couple of days left as his leave from the base but he was determined to make the best of it. He spent a whole day doing research online and calling friends to help him look into it. He even called in a favour to a former recruit of his that was a private investigator to look into it for him as well. He was determined to finish one more item on the list before heading back to base. Lizzy was just out of bed and making up a pot of coffee when Gary got the call to his cell that had all the answers. Gary listened for a moment before finally jumping up in celebration, dancing around the living room like he had just scored the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. “I got it!” he called out to her.
“Got what?” Lizzy asked as she patiently waited for the coffee machine to work.
“I know where the vines are!” Gary called back to her.
“I can’t believe it!” Lizzy called out as she came running out of the kitchen with shocked look on her face. “How did you find this out?”
“Now don’t get mad.” Gary said as he tried to soften his explanation. “I had a friend of mine who is a private detective fiddle with your computer. I had him track all internet traffic from here, but only for the few months leading up to Hayden’s death.”
Lizzy seemed a little stunned but it made sense. Hayden did use the computer to look for lots things.
“All right,” She said calmly, “What did you find?”
“We found out that he was looking at this website for a vineyard that offers retreats for couples in California,” Gary continued, “You do wine tasting, tours of the vineyard and how the wine is made, romantic dinners and all that stuff. It’s quite a nice place, but it’s called ‘The Vines’. I’m pretty sure this is the place Hayden was referring to in the list.”
“So why was he looking at this place?” Lizzy quickly asked.
“My friend found out by calling the place up. It turns out that Hayden was on the waitlist for a specific weekend. He was trying to book something for the weekend of August 29th of next year.” Gary pulled out a printed form and handed it to her. Hayden was still on the list but hadn’t moved in a quite a while as few people were willing to cancel their reservation for that weekend.
“That’s our anniversary.” Lizzy said, “He was trying to book this place to celebrate our sixth year.”
“Yeah, this place is super booked when the vines are in season,” Gary said to her, “I called the place to book a weekend. The earliest they could get us was two months from now.” Gary tossed the info on the desk. “So I can’t make the trip. It’s beyond my leave time.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Lizzy said with a frown. “I was hoping you’d be able to help me finish at least one more item before heading back to base.”
“Well, just case we can’t book a spot at the vineyard doesn’t mean we can’t visit.” Gary said as he walked back in with two cups of coffee. “We just book a local motel and then just take a regular tour and have dinner at the vines without having to stay there.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Lizzy said as she took her coffee and sipped it. “So do you have any hotels lined up?”
“I managed to call around but only found one with a vacancy. There’s a small bed and breakfast that only has one room available with one queen sized bed.” Gary paused for a moment to watch Lizzy’s reaction.
She didn’t seem too fond of the idea. “I don’t think I’m comfortable with that.”
“Neither am I.” Gary conceded. “I’m used to camping out on rocky terrains, so I will be happy to camp out on the floor. You take the bed.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Lizzy said, somewhat relieved. Even having a guy lying on the floor was too close to a man she wanted to be right now. She never even considered getting that close to someone since Hayden had died. The fact that just this made her nervous proved to her that she was nowhere near ready to move on, at least romantically.
Gary could sense the tension and shrugged it off with a smile. “We’ll be able to tour the vines, get some dinner and then at the end of the weekend I’ll had back for base.” He took a sip and sighed. “I wish I could do more to help, but...”
Lizzy held up a hand to stop him mid-sentence. “No. That’s all right. You’ve done more than enough to help out. I mean just helping me with the item about the lake was more than enough because you and Hayden were the only two who knew what had happened. You’ve been a great help and while you help will be missed after you head back to base, I’m going to have to move on alone if I have to.”
“I’m sure some of your friends will come back to lend you a hand.” Gary predicted. “But if they don’t, I know you have the will and the strength to do it.”
“We’ll see.” Lizzy said as she left the living room. She proceeded to her bedroom to pack for the weekend at the vines. She was a little nervous about the trip but had no reason to be. Gary had been nothing but a gentleman since they started their adventure at a campsite by the lake. Lizzy was determined to get the list finished so letting another man camp out on the floor near the bed while not something she was ready for, but was no different than her camping in a trailer while he was in a tent next door. She realized it was not a time to panic. Gary knew the limits and wouldn’t cross them. Gary had been very polite during their trip thus far, so Lizzy was confident she could trust him.
Lizzy never hesitated to pay for their flight, her second to California in a year. It was worth picking up the tab since Gary did the leg work to figure out the mystery for her. She went all out and booked first class for them, which made Gary a little uneasy. She could tell the soldier had never flown first before, and he was like a fish out of water. It was something she enjoyed watching as it kept her amused for the majority of their time in the air. When the landed, Lizzy had a rental waiting for them at the airport but it was Gary who took it upon himself to drive to their next location. He had maps printed and was all ready to navigate so she let the soldier do his thing as she relaxed and watched the scenes as they passed by. Lizzy didn’t mind giving up command of a mission as long as there was something else to distract her until it was time to get into things again. It was an hour or so later when Gary finally pulled into the parking lot of a well established hotel chain, and came to a stop.
“Here we are.” Gary said as he shut down the vehicle. “We’ll stay here for the night. That will allow us tour and have dinner at the Vines which is only a few miles from here. Not exactly what Hayden had planned, but many couples use this front as their command post when visiting this place, sometimes just to be economical because their hotel is super expensive.”
“This will do.” Lizzy said as she got out of the car to stretch. “I don’t exactly want to wait another year to finish this part of the list.”
After they checked into their hotel, they went to their room to dump their luggage. Lizzy was a little shocked by how small the room was, but Gary had told her he booked based on what was available and this was all he could find. Beggars can’t be choosers, Lizzy thought to herself as she dumped the suitcase onto the bed and went the bathroom to freshen up. They were going out for dinner, so she had a nice sundress and applied some make up to look a little better. Gary had used his time in the bedroom to do the same. His ensemble of jeans and a t-shirt had turned into grey kakis and a beige dress shirt. It was nothing too spectacular but enough to look good when going out for a tour of the vineyard and for dinner. They returned to the car and never said anything to each other as they got in and began to drive towards their ultimate destination. It didn’t take very long before Lizzy could see where they were going. The vineyard was enormous and in season as she could see the grapes hanging from their vines. Lizzy was getting more excited as they got closer to the winery which was located deep into the vineyard. It was a very unique setup, as the winery had a large restaurant and what seemed like a massive bed and breakfast like hotel attached to it. The hotel didn’t like anything like it, as from a distance it just looked like a large southern mansio
n you’d expect from the old plantation days. The people who ran the business worked off that and with had a romantic location for people who were not only lovers of wine but lovers that wanted to do something different with their special someone. Lizzy kind of felt uneasy entering this place without Hayden because it was his idea to bring her there. She instead chose to remember that this was being all done for him, to do the things he wanted to. It was that attitude she wanted walking into the place, enjoy herself and get the feel of what Hayden wanted when he wrote it on the list.
Gary himself was a complete gentleman, opening doors for her as they took their tour. He kept a very respectable distance from her, and his hands were always tucked behind his back most of the time. Lizzy didn’t know what to think of it, but Gary had mentioned his marriage had ended on the ugly side. She was afraid to ask, thinking it might be too soon for him. It wasn’t until they went to the restaurant for lunch at the main house that Lizzy had a chance to talk to him about it.
“It’s been almost a year for me since Hayden died.” Lizzy said to Gary while waiting for their food. “How long has it been since your marriage ended?”
“I’m not sure you want to know.” Gary answered honesty as he chewed on a bread stick. “I don’t want to compare what happened to what you’re going through.”
“I know there is a big difference between being divorced and being a widow.” Lizzy said as she didn’t like Gary’s hesitation to talk. “But one reason why I am doing this is to help my grieving process. This is helping me get over the man I lost. What are you doing to get over the woman that you lost?”
“To be honest,” Gary started, “I really haven’t done anything.”
Lizzy knew how isolating Gary could be. “How many people have you talked to about this? I mean really opened up with?”
“Do lawyers count?” Gary said with a sarcastic grin.
“No.” Lizzy confirmed, “They don’t. Talk to me Gary. What happened?”
“I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the easiest guy to live with.” Gary said as he put down his bread stick. “I have a temper, I can be very stubborn and for a while I was a very angry person. My job was hard and toss in some occasional drinking and I was a bad husband. A pretty bad husband.”
“So what happened?” Lizzy asked.
“She laid down the law and gave me an ultimatum: clean up my act or our marriage would be over.” Gary looked down at his shoes, hoping the subject would go away but it wouldn’t. “I did what she asked. I stopped drinking, I went to anger management classes and I even applied to work on base as a drill instructor so I wouldn’t be away from home as much. I worked very hard to save my marriage.”
“So if you did everything she asked, what happened?” Lizzy asked.
Gary was very hesitant to give the answer. He shuffled in his seat for a moment and then deeply sighed before speaking. “I guess I didn’t do all these things fast enough for her liking. By the time my act was cleaned up, she had already found comfort in the arms of another man.”
“She cheated on you?” Lizzy was shocked beyond words.
“Yes, she did.” Gary answered. “I was so busy working on my own problems that I didn’t realize that she had been going to a hotel to meet with this man once every two or three weeks. I was devastated when I found out.”
“I would have been too.” Lizzy replied. She had never known the feeling of being betrayed by someone you love, so she could only imagine the kind of pain Gary had been put through at the hands of his ex-wife. “Why did she do that?”
“I honestly don’t know.” Gary replied. “I never asked her. I found out what happened because she left her email account logged in when she left for the day. I read all their emails and found out what they had been doing and that was all I was willing to take. I never even talked to her or offered her a chance to explain herself. When she got home from work that day, I had already packed up everything I owned and had moved out. And like that it was all over, eight years of marriage right down the crapper.”
“You didn’t even talk to her?” Lizzy asked.
“I eventually did, when in the process of ending our marriage.” Gary answered, “But I never asked her to explain herself. I wanted closure, not excuses.”
“You didn’t even want to know why?” Lizzy asked. She knew it was something she would want to know if someone had done that to her.
“It doesn’t matter why, because there is no excuse for that.” Gary said. “There is no way to excuse cheating on the one you claim to love. None that will ever satisfy someone and I knew that so I never asked her. I didn’t want to hear her excuses. I was doing my best to clean up my act and I was winning the battle against my demons. It wasn’t the reward I expected to get for all the work had been doing for her.”
Lizzy could only imagine what he was going through. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Gary said as he smiled. “I am learning from what happened. While I’ve been a bit of a workaholic on the base, I’ve tried to keep working on my anger and demons after what happened. I didn’t use the end of my marriage to sink back into bad habits. I decided to keep working not for her, but for myself.”
Lizzy seemed proud of Gary’s attitude. “Good for you. I think that’s how everyone should life their lives. Not by the expectations of others, but for yourself.”
“That’s what kept me out of trouble, but I’ve had a hard time moving on.” Gary said, “I can’t seem to go on a date, go out with someone without get paranoid about what might be going on that I don’t know. I never wanted to be the jealous type, but what I went through has made me a little bitter and closed off to everyone.”
“You’re not closed off to me.” Lizzy observed.
“I’m not, but it might have something to do with Hayden. We are both trying to survive the premature end to relationships we thought were with the loves of our life.” Gary paused for a moment. “I guess that made me more comfortable with you, knowing that you’re not as ready to move on as I am even though I’ve had more time to build a bridge and get over it already.”
“How much more time?” Lizzy asked, getting back to the subject at hand.
“Two years.” Gary answered. “But there are small differences between our two stories. Hayden didn’t want to leave you and mine just didn’t want to be with me anymore.”
“That’s not fair to say.” Lizzy replied.
“Why not? It’s the truth. No one jumps into another person’s bed and conducts that kind of betrayal to someone they claim to love. She didn’t want me to change, she wanted me to fail so I could give her the excuse she wanted to abandon our marriage and make it my fault.” Gary seemed very disturbed, almost on the verge of tears. “She stopped loving me long before I left. It’s just taking me a lot longer to get over it. I know that’s not fair to all the women out there who are probably capable of being honest and loyal, but it’s going to be very hard for me to trust someone like that again.”
“I’m sorry, Gary.” Lizzy said, almost crying herself. “I really didn’t mean to upset you. I can only imagine how painful that must have been.”
“It hurt very much.” Gary admitted, “but it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through. I at least know she’s happy, even if that happiness is attained without me. You never got to say goodbye on your terms and he was gone without any notice. It’s not fair how someone who loved you so much could be taken away from you. It’s not fair because you guys had something true, something beautiful. I looked around this place, and I see why Hayden wanted to bring you here. To celebrate your love, and enjoy some time together. I wish he was here with you instead of me and I’m sorry he’s not.”
“Thank you.” Lizzy said as she raised her glass. “Here’s to our bridge.”
“What bridge?” Gary asked.
“The one we have to build… so we can get over it.” She answered.
Gary laughed, “I guess that is wort
h drinking to.”
After they shared their little toast, the food arrived and very little was said after that. After supper they returned back to the motel they had booked into earlier that night. Gary was a man of his word as he was very respectful and crashed on the floor with a blanket and a pillow like a good soldier. He clearly had worse conditions out on the field and slept like a baby in no time at all. Lizzy had a harder time getting to sleep that night. What Gary had told her was something painful that he didn’t talk about that often. She didn’t tell him, but she almost knew exactly how he had felt when he learned of his ex-wife’s betrayal. She had only a short time ago thought Hayden had an affair with his ex-girlfriend from high school. Thankfully for her, Hayden had been loyal as his ex was a lesbian looking for a child of artificial means. But that one moment when she thought Hayden had betrayed her, she felt the heartbreak that Gary has been living with for the past two years. His betrayal had not been in error, it was the real thing. He was in pain, unsure of when or if he would be able to give his heart to another again. She felt bad for him and understood his insecurity. She felt disgust for the woman who could do that to someone she claimed to love, especially since he had been doing so much to make things better for their marriage. He genuinely loved her but in the end it wasn’t enough. Lizzy’s love for Hayden wasn’t enough either. It couldn’t stop the flames from taking his life nor could it stop the negligence that lead to the towering inferno that started in the first place. Despite people’s best efforts, it takes more than love to make something last. Neither she nor Gary had what it took to make their love last. Lizzy didn’t know if she was ever going to fall in love again herself. Did she want to risk putting herself through the pain of being the last one standing? The idea of being widow left to pick up the pieces again didn’t really appeal to her and so did the idea of letting another man into her life. Could she love again? Lizzy honestly didn’t know, but was it fair to honest and hard working men like Gary to stop loving just out of a fear that they might leave again before she did? So many questions went through her head that night and while she tried to find an answer, all she managed to find in that hotel room was sleep.