Well … I don’t know. Papa say people-creatures lie all the time.
BILL
Oh, I never lie! I have never told a lie in my life. I give you my word of honor. Just untie me and you’ll know; on my honor
FLORABELLE
Honor is very important so I know you’re telling the truth. All right … I trust you.
FLORABELLE unties BILL. HE stands, stretches, rubs his head.
BILL
How do I get outta here?
FLORABELLE
You climb up the ladder. Isn’t that the way you came down?
BILL
I guess. … My head hurts so much I don’t remember. You better show me.
FLORABELLE leads the way through the tunnel to the foot of the ladder.
BILL (Cont’d)
I’m so dizzy I don’t know if I can climb up or not. You better come up behind me to make sure I don’t fall.
FLORABELLE
All right, I’ll help. Papa always taught me to be specially kind to lower forms of life. Papa says that no wisdom can be found that is greater than kindness.
BILL
Lower forms of life --- Oh, yeah. Come on – let’s go. I’m feeling better, but just a bit. You’re being so kind to me.
BILL begins to climb the ladder, FLORABELLE following closely behind.
Cut to: Exterior of hill – BILL’S head emerging from hole. HE climbs out; FLORABELLE’S head is seen, but just barely.
BILL (Cont’d)
Thanks! Let’s shake hands.
FLORABELLE extends her hand out of hole. BILL grabs it and pulls FLORABELLE out of the hole. SHE shrieks as BILL picks her up and begins pell-mell down the hill toward the car. MARY and BARB are lounging by the car, listening to the car radio.
BILL
Open the trunk! Open the trunk.
FLORABELLE’S arms and legs are flailing frantically as BILL runs around to the back of the car. The sight of FLORABELLE stupefies MARY. BARB has the presence of mind to unlock the trunk. BILL shoves FLORABELLE in the trunk and slams it shut. HE jumps in the driver’s seat.
BILL
Come on, we’re getting’ outta here!
BARB
What was that thing?
BILL
Our meal ticket – a genuine walking, talking giant grasshopper! Come on - hurry.
BARB
What about all our stuff?
BILL
Leave it.
BARB jumps into the car, reaching out, grabs MARY’s hand and pulls her into the car.
MARY
On my God …
BILL
We’re rich, famous! This is it.
MARY
On my God.
BILL, MARY and BARB speed away around the butte and back to the old road with FLORABELLE in the trunk. CU - cloud of dust behind the Imperial.
Cut to: The Grasshopper’s room in the mine where just a short time before BILL lay unconscious. IRVING ambles into the room from the other tunnel.
IRVING (To himself)
I knew a people-creature would find us sooner or later. But later would have been much better than sooner!
IRVING goes over to where BILL was lying, sees that he is gone, and emits a high-pitched screech. DUFFY and LOCKJAW enter quickly, followed by the others.
DUFFY
What’s wrong?
IRVING
Can you see! The creature is gone – and so is Florabelle.
LOCKJAW
It stole her. My gosh!
JED
Abducted her, by golly!
AUNT LULU
Kidnapped! My gracious. What are we to do?
POPPA FRED
This is no good. Now what?
IRVING
We have a major problem. She must be rescued before it eats her.
DUFFY
Great grasshoppers! Up the ladder, everybody.
All the GRASSHOPPERS rush through the tunnel and start to scurry up the ladder. DUFFY in the lead, PAPPA FRED struggling up in the rear. DUFFY peers cautiously out the hole at the top and sees the abandoned campsite. DUFFY climbs out of the hole and motions IRVING, who was directly behind him, to come out.
IRVING
Is it safe?
DUFFY
Certainly! Come on. There not people-creatures anywhere insight.
DUFFY and IRVING run/hop down to the campsite with the other GRASSHOPPERS close behind. At the tent, DUFFY looks down at the ground.
DUFFY
It had a car. It took her way in the car.
LOCKJAW
I wish we could fly.
ZED
But we can’t so we gotta get a car.
DUFFY
I’ll go see Farmer Gray! The rest of you search through all these objects here and try to find out where that creature came from. We need a clue!
DUFFY runs/hops away toward the far mountains while the other GRASSHOPPERS begin going through the tent and other things BILL, MARY and BARB left behind.
Cut to: A cabin in a shallow canyon. DUFFY hops across a narrow arroyo and rushes to the cabin where HE pounds on the door. The door opens slowly and PERCOS PETE sticks his head out.
PECOS PETE
Weal, if it ain’t my ole sidekick, the head grasshopper honcho.
DUFFY
Farmer Gray, we need your help. Florabelle’s been kidnapped.
PECOS PETE
Kidnapped? Why, whoever done a thang like thet otta be strung up! The low-down, no-count polecat! The bushwackin’ sidewinder.
DUFFY
It took her away in a car!
PECOS PETE
Whut did?
DUFFY
A people-creature. Even uglier than you!
PECOS PETE
I’ll be goldurned! Must’a been a real scary lookin’ critter. I just betcha it were them young whippersnappers who was all fired up ta git ta Crystalville. Shore! Hadda be them’uns!
DUFFY
We need to have your car right away.
PECOS PETE
Why, cain’t none’a you critters drive no danged car?
DUFFY
You’ll … you’ll teach us!
PECOS PETE
Hold your horses. Weal, if thet don’t beat all! Teachin’ a durn grasshopper ta drive a car. I’ll be hornswoggled.
DUFFY
And we’ll need people-money. We’ll bring you more of those yellow rocks.
PECOS PETE
Weal, I got me an ole Beetle I don’t hardly use no more. But I ain’t got but mebbe thutty dollars. Yore shore welcome to it. I recken to get more with yore gold dust. Weal, come on – let’s see if we can git thet durn ole Beetle runnin’.
PECOS PETE and DUFFY go into PETE’s barn.
Cut to: Interior of barn. We see a 1969 Volkswagen Beetle – purple and yellow. Besides it is a 2-‘ enclosed trailer, a four-wheeler. PECOS PETE and DUFFY get into the Volkswagen, the engine grinds, coughs, sputters, burps and then kicks over.
Cut to: The Volkswagen bounces arroyo toward the campsite.
Cut to: Campsite. PECOS PETE skids to a stop in front of IRVING and the other GRASSHOPPERS.
LOCKJAW
We found clues.
JED
New York City!
POPPA FRED
Impossible. I’m full with despair. New York City must be a million miles away. Oh, this is impossible!
IRVING
Despair is a false and evil counselor. With a well there’s a way. If it’s New York City, that where we’ll go.
POPPA FRED
Impossible.
ZED
Maybe we should all cry?
PECOS PETE and DUFFY get out of the car and face the excited group.
DUFFY
Farmer Gray is going to let us borrow thia beautiful car of his.
IRVING
Good. Very good. Very, very good!
AUNT LULU
Look! We found this. It’s from
New York City. And we found a newspaper too.
POPPA FRED
Impossible.
IRVING
New York Times?
POPPA FRED
Oh, so impossible … a million miles a way.
ZED
I agree. We must wait for a closer spot.
AUNT LULU
Now, that’s impossible.
POPPA FRED
We most vote.
IRVING
No! Indecision and opportunity cannot dwell in the same grassy knoll.
PECOS PETE
Ya mean ta say y’all thank them young’uns took Florabelle clean ta New Yuk? Thet’s a fur place away!
DUFFY
Great grasshoppers! Doesn’t matter. We know the score … no need to vote. We’ve got to get Florabelle.
PECOS PETE
Waal, iffen it were me a’goin’, I reckon as how I’d carry with me mebbe five, six hunnered – mebbe more. Y’all don’t know how long it’ll take ta catch up with them varmints. Why shucks, y’all might be gonna a week – a whole durn month, maybe.