I live in a spacious apartment overlooking downtown. The furniture is classic leather, and the walls are painted white. Because carpet is more of a luxury and is difficult to clean, I opted for a place with hardwood marble floors. It feels empty in this space. It was strange that when I had placed the lock in the door, a wisp of anticipation had hit me. Then, after the door opened, and she wasn’t on my couch reading a book, anticipation turned into crushing grief.
“I’m a stupid man,” I mutter to myself as I make my way down the hallway to the master bedroom. Dad had given me the opportunity to let Carmen in on the secret. Because I had failed so spectacularly in explaining things to her, I decided not to ask this of her. Carmen deserves someone that can write her love letters and pick wild flowers for her. I’m the kind of man who doesn’t bother with romantic gestures. Even as a teenager, romance was lost on me. My best friend Maggie Dalton guided me through the process. But then, she vanished from my life because of one stupid mistake. Thinking of her isn’t helping anything. In an hour, Jillian Mace is coming over for dinner. Because she’s a vegetarian who doesn’t eat fish, I decide on having this meeting catered. Goodness gracious, I’m craving a steak burger. Making my way into the walk- in closet, I frown at the business clothing attire that hang from my hangers. Is any of this suitable for a meeting? Wait, why do I care about something as trivial as wardrobe? I need to get a grip on things. Deciding that Jillian Mace is going to have to deal with jeans and a black t-shirt, I grab them from the hangers and lay the choices on the bed. After I take a quick shower and shave, I toss the dirty clothes in the hamper and change. Sliding into a pair of crocs, I enter the living room and pause. Dawn is sitting on the couch, her caramel colored eyes peering up at me.
“Mom.”
“Jake, I came here to check on you.” That’s a lie, and we both know it. Dawn came here to make sure that I don’t renege. That irks me because if I had canceled on Jill, I would tell them.
“I’m fine.”
“I thought that the two of you were eating dinner here? Where’s the food?”
“I called a caterer,” I reply, running my fingers through my damp hair.
“Why didn’t you meet at a restaurant?” And chance someone important seeing us? No way. I’m not ready for Carmen to find out about us yet. She’ll be mad, and the last thing that I need is her seeing the news of us on twitter.
“I don’t know Jill well enough,” I say, deciding that this is going to be a long conversation.
“Jake, I know that you don’t want to do this. Believe me, I don’t want this to happen either. But your father and I appreciate your cooperation.” Before I can think up a response, the buzzer goes off. I press the intercom and say, “who is it?”
“David’s Caterers with your food, Mr. Jones.
“It’s open,” I reply as I press the button to unlock the front door. When the man carrying two paper bags arrives, I’m in the hallway to greet him. He isn’t stepping foot in my apartment. Strangers warily ever do. I grab the bags, give him a fifty dollar tip, and walk back into the apartment. After setting the bags on the table, I turn back to face my mother. She isn’t related to me by blood, but she’s been there for me.
“I love you,” I tell her. I try not to wince as a tear rolls down her cheek as if she has never heard the sentiment from me. Instead of repeating the words, she runs over to me and throws her thin arms around my torso. She’s a short woman that comes up to the middle of my stomach. I awkwardly wrap her in a hug. When she pulls back, she smiles wide.
“I love you too, son.” Her words make everything that I’m about to do worth it. Despite how little I interact with my family, I do love them. I want everyone to be successful. If uncle needs me to play nice with Jillian Mace, no problem. It will all be worth it in the end. It better be worth it, considering what I had to give up.