Chapter 7
After class, Joseph and Trisha walked off campus to a small local restaurant. He wanted to get away a bit after what he had gone through at home and after the couple of tests he had taken unprepared when he went back to school. He could not help but think, “What could you do?” as they were seated. The waitress served them wine and took their order. There they sat opposite each other, a candle centerpiece flickering between them. The place had a few couples in it. The restaurant was quiet, romantic. He needed the peace and the romantic part soothed his wounded heart. He sipped his glass wine. “So, Trisha what has been going on with these classes since I have been gone?”
Trisha looked at him a bit worried, but her eyes softened and became warm, the reflection of the candle flame dancing in her eyes. “Well quite a lot, labs were rough and that technical writing class has been nothing but work for me.”
Joseph nodded. “Have you got a chance to see your mother since last time?”
Trisha smiled nodding as she sipped her glass of wine, flicking her hair back, “I had a whole bunch of laundry to do, so I took it home last weekend.” then her eyes showing concern again, “Joe you know what happened to Kevin was not your fault.”
“No, but I should have known better. We grew up together. I mean maybe I could have done more with him, kept him out of trouble.”
Trisha a bit perturbed. “But, Joe you can't parent everyone, you need to live your life.”
Joseph turned his head away looking for a window that was not there. “I know, but people don't do what they’re supposed to do.”
“What is that, Joe?”
“They are supposed to act like adults, work to become better people, stay out of troubled...whatever...”
Trisha a bit angrily. “Joe you can't control people’s lives; some people don't want to be helped.”
Joseph dismissive. “I know that, Trish.”
Trisha now even angrier. “Look, Joe it just seems like your life revolves around your brother and your mother and everyone else who you have to rescue.”
Joe interrupting, now angry himself. “So, what are you saying? I am some type of co-dependent dope?”
Trisha hurt. “No, it’s just you need to take care of yourself. You are carrying too many bricks on your back. It's hard for me to see you like this.”
The waitress served them, interrupting their argument and then Joe continued as he ate his steak. “It is too much for you, what about me? I have had to live it.”
Trisha taking a bite of her food. “You know you act like you're the only one who goes through things, well look at your friend Kevin.”
Joe now positively angry. “I know! Kevin lived in a crack hole! He slept in garbage!”
Trisha now pleading. “I can't take this Joe…you need to focus on yourself!”
Joe pushing his plate away. "That is the whole fucking problem! Everyone wants to focus on themselves! You know, no one wants to talk about anything, nothing! No one wants to talk about mental illness, mental retardation; no one wants to talk about drug addiction. No one wants to talk about abuse, divorce, or poverty! We all walk out the door in the morning and put on our game faces and pretend like we all are wonderful perfect pretty people, with fake plastic lives and nothing gets fixed because we never get around to being honest with each other.”
Trisha began to cry quietly. “Joe, I need to think about us for a while.”
Joe got up from the table, pulling out his wallet, “Well then…I am me, I will talk and I will deal, if you or anyone else doesn't want to, or want to come along…," taking money out and placing it on the table, “...then they don't need to cross the bridge with me,” then walking out of the restaurant.
Trisha was sitting in her dorm room. She was reading one of her textbooks and generally studying for her classes. She found it hard because she was still upset about what was happening to her relationship with Joe and what was happening between Joe and his family. Her cell phone began to ring. She looked at it. It was Susan. She answered the phone hesitantly. “Hello?”
Susan's voice cracked as she spoke in low tones. “It’s Susan.”
Trisha tossed a book from her lap to bed, “I know. What is going on Susan, you don't sound too good?”
Susan's voice was trembling, “My boyfriend is gone.”
Trisha leaned back. “What do you mean...gone?”
“I mean they killed him, Trisha.” Susan whisperer in horror.
“Who? What are you talking about?”
“David's peoples.”
Trisha held her head. “What am I supposed to do? Who is David? You need to call the cops, Susan!”
Susan paused for a moment then, “David was his boss. My boyfriend was a dope dealer. He owed a lot of money to David and he was your boyfriend’s friend, Kevin's dealer.”
Trisha stood up, now pacing the small room. “What!”
“I know, please Trisha. Omar put a hit out on him on Kevin.”
Trisha placed an elbow on a dresser and held her head, “Call the police like I am Susan. Goodbye,” she said hanging up the phone.
Joseph was sitting at a bench under a tree, near the campus gym. He just sat there in the evening breeze, as the sun set, the overhead campus lighting flickering to life. He sipped a cup of coffee, thinking about his mother, about how sick she was, then about Danny. Joe thought about how innocent his brother was and how he had too good a heart for the kind of world they lived in. Danny only got hurt when others just did not. Hell, the world was tough even for himself. Joe felt out of place and unequipped for what was happening in his life. He felt he had been unprepared by his mother and was angry about it. Joe took a deep breath to relieve the stress and his anger began to fade as the stars above began to wink into view one at a time. He took another sip of his coffee, his phone ringing. He picked it up. It was Trisha. He and Trisha were not really talking since their argument, but he was not one to keep grudges too long. He answered his cell phone. “Hey?”
Trisha spoke in a heavy concerned tone. “Joe, I need to talk to you about something really bad.”
“How bad?”
“Real bad Joe, real bad.”
Joseph took another sip of his coffee, still not quite realizing just what they were going to talk about or how serious it would be. “Okay, tell me Trish.”
Trisha held her breath for a minute and then as she let it out, “Joe, Kevin was set up by his dealer and now his dealer is dead.” Joseph sighed, one hand sweaty clutching the phone, the other holding is head. It was all so unreal he thought to himself.
Tonya climbed up the fire escape to Omar’s now vacant apartment. She mumbled to herself. “I always have to do this, if I get caught...” She found the window to Omar’s apartment, looked around, slowly lifted the window and then climbed in. The apartment was dark and a bit dank with a humid smell to it. She turned on a light, looking at the disheveled mess that was left behind from the hit. Tonya began to search for the missing money. According to what David told her, he was absolutely sure that even a fool such as Omar could not have pissed away that much money. He must have some of it left, somewhere in the house. She of course, looking at Omar from a slightly different angle considered him a big enough fool to piss that much money away and more.
Tonya looked under his bed, in his dresser, under his dresser and in his closet. She found David’s lock box buried under a pile of dirty clothes in the closet. Angrily, she opened the busted lock-box. It was empty. She cursed to herself quietly. Tonya continued to rummage through Omar's closet until she found another box. This time it was a small plastic container. She popped the lid off and inside found a stack of pictures. Tonya went to toss the container aside when she gave it a second glance. The top picture caught her eyes. It was a picture of Omar in a suite. She placed the plastic box on her lap, taking the picture out. Omar looked younger....must be from high school, Tonya thought to herself. Tonya began to look at the p
ile of pictures, another catching her eyes. It was a picture of him and his girlfriend at the time, at the beach, on the boardwalk. Tonya thought to herself, they look happy together. She didn't think Omar was very happy.
Tonya continued to look through the pictures until she got to the last one. On the bottom of the pile was a picture of what seemed to be Omar's grandmother. Tonya held up the picture and sighed, thinking where was she now? What happened to them all? Why did everything turn out wrong for them when they all were on the right track? Tonya ended her train of thought, refusing to answer the questions she brought up. She carefully placed the container aside and began searching the rest of the apartment. After what seemed to be an hour Tonya left as she came, without the money, but with a somewhat different impression of Omar.
Tonya came back, unlocking the door to David's apartment. She stepped in as David was reclining on his couch. He asked her impatiently. “Well, did you find the money?”
She tossed her purse alongside the couch, pushing his feet off it and sitting where his legs had been. “No I did not!”
David now angry as well, sat up. “What do you mean you did not find it?”
Tonya gave David a stern look. “Just what I said.”
David grabbed the warm beer that was on his coffee table. “How could that fool spend it all?”
Tonya did not answer for a while then she asked him. “David, what did you do to him?”
David took a sip of his beer, not quite knowing what the question meant. “What do you mean? I did nothing to that fool.”
“I mean, you basically took him out of high school and turned him into a dope dealer...for you.”
David glanced at her briefly laughing. “Me? I didn't do nothing to him. He came to me and wanted quick cash.”
“You could have said no.”
David when to reach out to her with an arm. “Hey, baby you know I run a business.”
Tonya moved away from his embrace. “Not a legit one.”
“I make good.”
Tonya moved further away from him on the couch and then turned toward him. “No you don't. You make death; you kill people with rock and gatt. If that is a business, then I don't know what is.”
David laughed again, a bit softer now and more reflective than dismissive. “I need you to check Kevin's apartment too.”
Tonya frowned. “Listen, you got other problems, David.”
David gave Tonya another smile. “Yeah, how so?”
Tonya gave a faraway look, then looked down and finally at David. “Susan told me she talked to her friend Trisha. She told me she knows you put a hit on her boyfriend's friend.”
David furrowed his eyebrows. “Really now?”
“You are not legit, David, you’re not. You just ain't and I don't think you ever will be.”
Tonya climbed up the stairs to Kevin's apartment. There she found an older gentleman standing in the doorway of Kevin's apartment, looking over the mess that Kevin used to live in. Seeing Tonya he gave a half smile, then a bit concerned. “Are you one of Kevin's friends?”
Tonya looked sheepishly at him, nodding. “Yeah, sure...who are you, his father?”
The man looked at her, then forlornly at the mess that was Kevin's previous life. “No, thank goodness. I would have whipped his ass several times,” He turned to her, letting her into the apartment, “If you could get away with that these days -I am, was his landlord, but now I have to clean up the crap he left behind.”
Tonya moved some of the garbage around with the tip of one of her shoes, seeing a roach scurry away, “You let him live like this?”
The man wiped a hand on his jeans, “I gave him an eviction notice. He told me he needed a little more time, so I gave him a week more, but I guess he never needed it,” then catching up to the accusation, “No, but people live like this all down here. They live like this and we rent to them. They destroy our apartments, don't pay any rent and leave the mess for us to clean up.”
Tonya shuffled through the wreckage of a young man’s life. “Then why do you rent down here? You don't need to own this building. Sell the building and buy one in the town, then you could rent to more ‘so called respectable’ people.”
With that the land lord became a bit angry turning to head out, “As it is I got to get trash haulers to get his crap out of here.” walking down the stairs, “lock up as you leave.”
Now alone, Tonya found an overturned chair, turned it right side up and then sat in it. She looked over the expanse of ruin. A castle built on sand. Where could she even begin to start looking for the money? That is if there even was any money to be found there. She found a band in her pocket and pulled her hair back to keep it clean. Tonya picked up a blanket, a pillow without a pillowcase, the mattress, a few roaches and several ants scurrying back into the recesses. She found a dresser. Inside a drawer was a dime bag and a pipe. She looked in the closet, but hesitated to dig into the pile of clothes, old papers, used food cartons and other more unusual collected items. Careful not to wipe her face with her hands, Tonya instead wiped her forehead with a forearm. She then made her way back to the chair and sat down again. She could not help but think, “What am I doing?”
Danny flicked through the TV channels, preoccupied with thoughts of his mother, who was resting somewhat uneasy in the back bedroom. She had been complaining the last several days about pain and was not eating or drinking anything substantial. He needed to figure out how to make her eat more, but somehow a good idea on how just to do that escaped his mind. To Danny, she was getting quite ill. He had talked to his brother the other day and he had said that there was not much that he or Danny could do, but to try to get her to eat and drink more and call him if anything else happened. He did not quite understand why Joe would not give him more instructions that, but Danny like a good brother took his brother's word that he knew what he was doing. Danny drank his coffee. He could not find a baseball game on and instead found a college football game. Danny began to watch it as his mother called for him, a bit weakly, from the back bedroom. “Danny!”
Danny answered in sort of a meek howl from where he sat. “Yes, Mama?”
His mother yelled for him a bit louder and with more concern. “Danny, please?”
Danny heard the twinge of pain in her voice, “Yes, Mama, I am coming,” and hurried to her bedroom.
She tried to sit up in her bed, struggling to do so. “Danny, there you are.”
He sat next to her on her bed, helping her with her pillows and helping her sit up,. “Yes, Mama. you’re still in a lot of pain? Huh, Mama?”
She looked at him with a bit of fear, then love and finally a bit bravely. “I am trying son. I am trying. I hurt all over though.”
Danny grabbed both her hands and clasped them. “I know, Mama. I wish I could help, Joe Joe didn’t think he could even help.”
She smiled a bit as Danny pet her hair, smoothing it back down. “I know Danny, but you can't, nor can Joseph.”
Danny seemed like he was about to cry, but then suppressed it down deep. “If Joe Joe can't help, then I can't.”
Mama Cruse coughed a bit. “I want to tell you I love you.”
Danny looked away for a moment, then back to her. “I know you do.”
She held a cough with a clenched fist to her mouth, then began again. “I love you and Joe both very much and I am sorry I could not do more for you both.”
Danny tried a weak smile. “I know you do good, Mama.”
Mama Cruse gave into another cough. “It was hard without Daddy. I tried to be both your Mama and your father. I am sorry,” then coughing again, Danny holding her for a moment, letting her back down on the pillows, “I am sorry I got sick. It was a lot for me and the stress of raising two kids alone got to me.”
Danny did not quite understand all the words behind what she was saying, but understood all the feelings that went along with what Mama Cruse was saying. “I know, Mama.”
She coughed again, this time in her hand, then glancing at it. Her hand had blood in it. Mama Cruse looked at him again in a bit of fear. “Danny?”
Danny seeing the blood began to cry a bit, “Mama?” holding her.
Mama Cruse grabbing Danny. “Call your brother, let him know I am getting worse, but I am okay.”
Danny nodded his head in agreement and pulled away. He gave Mama Cruse a tissue to wipe her hands. To Danny, the two words ‘worse’ and ‘okay’ did not seem to fit together, but he would tell Joe what she said and also about the blood she was coughing up.
Danny dialed the number to Joe's cell phone. He let it ring for a while and then it went to his messaging system. Danny left a message telling his brother to call him back. Danny now more concerned than before the phone call, sat down on a kitchen chair. He looked up at the kitchen clock. Danny thought that maybe Joe was in class. If that was the case, then he could try again in an hour. Danny thought that it was a good decision, yet somehow the comfort of Joseph being in class as the reason for him not answering the phone did not ease his mind much. He anxiously watched the clock and waited. Danny could hear his mother coughing and his mind turned from her to Donna. What was she doing? Could she help him? Danny waited anxiously, watching the football game and then the clock. He tried not to think about calling Joe early, but after a half an hour he gave in and called. He went over to the kitchen wall, picked up the receiver and dialed Joe's number. Danny let it ring for a while and then hung up when the call transferred to his voicemail. Frustrated, Danny placed the phone back on the hook and thought for a minute. He picked the phone back up and dialed Donna. After a few rings, she answered. “Hello?”
Danny spoke first in a broken tone. “This...this is Danny.”
She spoke in warm tones, though with an undercurrent of concern. “Hey, Danny how are you?”
Danny rubbed his head, dragging the phone cord and receiver with him to the kitchen table. He sat heavily, “Not, good Donna. Mama is bad and Joe don't answer his phone.”
“Well how sick is she?”
He glanced back toward his mother's bedroom. “Not good, she is coughing blood.”
Donna thought for a moment. “Well, I am not doing too good either. I am starting to get sick like your Mama.”
Danny's eyes widened in fright. “What should I do?”
Donna thought some more. “I tell you what, I will come over and we can straighten things out. That money that Jake promised me will do us all good…get us all better.”
Danny rubbed his head again. “Okay, Donna, whatever you need to get us all better.”
After an hour, more Joe called up Danny. He found a spot on campus with a large tree and sat under it. “Danny?”
Danny answered. “Hey Joe Joe, where were you? I called and there was no answer?”
Joseph placed his book bag next to him. “I know, I had a lab.”
Danny tried to understand. “A lab?”
Joe leaned back on the tree, watching the unconcerned walk along one of the many campus roads in front of him. Some were walking alone, some holding hands and some in groups, many enjoying the fall sunshine and air. “It is like a really long class, a couple of hours.”
Danny still not quite sure why Joe would have to take a class that long. “Okay, Joe Joe, but Mama is real sick. She is coughing up blood.”
Joe pulled up his legs, wrapping one arm around his knees. “She is coughing up blood?”
“Uh huh...I am scared, Joe.”
What could Joseph do? What could he do when there was nothing he could do for his mother? Her cancer had metastasized; there was nothing they could do. The cancer was terminal and nothing short of a miracle granted by almighty God himself could cure her. How could he make Danny understand that? How could he make Danny understand that even if he left school again and came home nothing would change? She was going to die and there was nothing Danny, he or the doctors could do about it. Now Joseph was faced with going home and withdrawing from his classes or looking like the bad guy, the cold-hearted son who stayed at school when in either case, the end result would be the same. He could do nothing to change the situation, either way he was fucked. “Listen, Danny, take her to the hospital. Danny, call an ambulance and take her to the hospital. I want you to tell the doctors that if it gets critical for them to call me and I will come back, but I cannot do anything that the doctors can't do. In fact, the doctors can do much more than I can. I need you to do as I say, okay?”
Danny nodded. “Right, take her to the hospital…but, Joe Joe, why can't you come home? I need you real bad, Mama needs you real bad.”
Joseph felt so bad, the rotten cold-hearted son. You could do everything you could and more and yet you still felt like you did nothing and meant it, why? “I know, take her to the hospital.”
Danny nodded feeling quite abandoned. “Okay, Joe Joe.”
Donna drove fast in her Thunderbird. She dialed Jake's number as she swerved a bit, the sound of loud music pumping from her car taking her and driving her anger. She had been without a hit for several days now that Omar was gone. She would have to find another connection and yet she was too proud to walk the streets of lower Greenberg like many of the other dope fiends in the dark of the night to get her score. She might have to resort to such a demise, Donna thought to herself. “Hey,” she answered as soon as Jake picked up his phone.”
“Yeah, what do you want from me this time, Donna?”
“I want my money.”
Jake was sitting out near his pool. He would have to close it up for the season soon. “You aren't getting shit from me.”
Donna took an exit off the highway and down the main thoroughfare she drove, her anger beginning to boil, her hands beginning to shake. She took a glance at her hand, the one holding her cell phone, narrowly missing an oncoming car. The driver in the other car blared his horn. Donna drove on looking for the road that would lead to Danny's trailer. “I want my money. You owe it to me and to Omar and if I don't get it, my big friend, the one I took to your house will gladly do what I say, which is to break you real hard.”
Jake burning hot with anger, “Fuck you,” hanging up the phone and throwing it into the pool, then with one hand tossing the table and the drink upon it aside, the glass shattering along his patio.
Mama Cruse began to have a fit of coughing. She called out to Danny. “Danny, please...get me some more tissues.”
Danny got up from the couch. He was still quite worried about his mother and yet still did not have any answers. He wanted to call the ambulance, but yet he was afraid to do it. Danny called back to his mother, “Coming Mama,” as he looked for a box of tissues. He did not find any, so he took a roll of toilet paper from the cabinet and brought it to her. There he found his mother with blood on her hands and on her bed sheets. Danny shook from frayed nerves as he gave his mother the roll of paper. “Mama, I have to call the ambulance.”
She started unrolling the paper and wiping herself down. “No, Danny.”
Danny pleaded. “But, Mama!”
Mama Cruse began coughing again as Danny ran to the phone in the kitchen. He dialed 911 and gave them the information they needed. Danny hung up the phone and waited for the ambulance to arrive. But, after a minute or two more of hearing his mother suffer and him being alone with her to hear it, he broke. Danny began to cry and in sobs he stumbled to the door and left the trailer. He began to shake again, to think irrationally. He just needed to run he thought. He just needed to leave. Danny could not think, fear had taken over, loneliness had taken over. Danny thought of blood and death as he staggered down the street weeping, wiping his tears away. He heard a car down the road and then he saw it, it was Donna's. She hit her breaks hard, squelching them. She pulled off to the side of the road, intersecting his path. Danny stopped and stood in front of Donna's car. He just stood there crying. Donna turned off her car, stepped out and hugged him. “What are you doing crying out in the middle of the r
oad?”
“My mother is coughing up blood! She is dying Donna and the people aren't coming!”
Donna motioned for him to get in the car. “Get in…who isn't coming?”
Both Danny and Donna got in the car and as she pulled back onto the road to drive. “The ambulance people and Joe Joe”
She took the short remaining drive left to Danny's trailer, “What? Okay.” telling him to get out of the car as she stepped out, “Come on Danny, let's see what you're talking about,” as an ambulance pulled up to the end of the trailer.
Dontrall was standing near one of the several corner stores that dotted the inner lanes of Greenburg. He was trying to make good with the local gang and was still a bit uneasy about it all. Against his mother’s wishes he had dropped out of school and now was supported by another family, one tied to the street. He needed a way to get past being a B.G. Of course, he waited for the opportunity, his anxiety about all of it heavy on his heart. That day opportinity did come by in the form of David. David drove up next to Dontrall. He rolled the passenger window down. “Hey kid, get in.”
Dontrall opened the door and got in the car. David drove off and down the road. He gave him a glance while watching the road. “You still a B.G aren't you kid?”
Dontrall nodded. “Yeah, so?”
David smiled. “How old are you now?”
Dontrall gave him a look. “I am seventeen.”
David nodded. “You need to qualify my friend and I need someone to catch cold.”
Dontrall looked out the window suspiciously. “Yeah, who?”
“Tell you after you agree. I give you ten-g and if you get caught, you say nothing. If you do get tripped up you'll be in juv, quick nap and you’re out, plus no more B.G. you'll be a full member...Ten-g even if you get tripped.”
Dontrall looked at David and what he had on and around him, “What do I have to do?”
“Just say yes.”