“Stop,” Will ordered gently as he ran his hands up and down my back. “Stop it, Molly.”
I inhaled deeply and let the breath shudder back out, letting his gruff words soothe me. If anyone else had spoken to me in that tone, I would have told them to go fuck themselves. It was ridiculous that he kept telling me to stop crying. However, as he spoke, his arms held me tight against him, and I could hear his heart thundering in his chest as he tried to get me to calm down. He was as wound up as I was.
My breath finally evened out after a few more minutes, leaving only occasional hiccups that shook my whole body. My swollen eyes grew heavy and I shut them as Will’s hand lifted to push my hair back from my face. A few moments later, when I was almost asleep, I felt Will pull away from me. I didn’t say a word as he tucked the blanket up over my shoulder, but I cringed as he climbed out of bed. I didn’t blame him for leaving.
I opened my eyes and glanced up to see Will looking down at me as he unbuckled his belt. He shucked his jeans and socks off then reached up to pull his t-shirt and flannel over his head.
“I know you’re awake,” he said quietly as he pulled the blankets back again to crawl in next to me.
“I thought you were leaving,” I rasped, my words muffled by my pillow.
“’Course not.”
My lips tipped up in a small smile at his easy reply. Of course he wasn’t leaving.
I let him pull me against his chest and fell asleep almost instantly.
Chapter 10
Will
“Hey, Moose!” a voice called, followed by someone thumping against the side of the car I was under. I cursed as I dodged dirt and other nasty shit that they’d knocked loose with their thumping.
“What?” I growled out, sliding out from underneath the car. My face and neck felt gritty with the shit that had been sprinkling down on me from inside the engine all damn day.
“Dragon wants to talk to you,” Woody said, smirking at me.
“Fine.” I got to my feet and tried brushing off my jump suit. Little flecks of dirt flew through the air, but it wasn’t making much of a difference.
“That shit’s nasty,” Woody said, backing up a step.
“Get used to it, you’ll be under here before too long.”
“No fucking way,” he said with a laugh. “I’m getting the fuck out of here.”
“Oh, yeah?” I asked, only half listening. The kid was a punk, but he was funny as hell. He hung around the club quite a bit when he wasn’t in school because his dad had been a member before he died of old age. Doc was old as shit when I was a kid, so I had no idea how he’d managed to knock some chick up, but we had living proof in Woody and the goofy-as-fuck smile he wore around that looked exactly like his dad’s.
“I’m gonna go to college,” he said as we walked out of the garage bay. It was getting cold as fuck outside, but we kept the doors open anyway. There was too much shit in the air to keep them closed when we were working, we’d fucking suffocate.
“Good for you—know what you’re going to do?”
“Doctor, maybe,” he mumbled, wrapping his arms around his chest.
“Got the grades for that?”
“Nah, I’ll probably have to join the military or something first. But I gotta get the fuck outta here.”
I slammed to a stop at his tone. “You got problems?”
“Bitches, man,” he said with a derisive laugh, trying hard as hell to sound older than he was.
“You talkin’ about Cece? You know she’s my cousin, right?”
“She’s—” his mouth snapped shut and he shook his head. “Leo wants to fuckin’ kill me and Cecilia doesn’t know what the fuck she wants.”
“Still?” I asked in surprise. They’d had some sort of weird teenage love triangle going on for over a year.
“She says she loves me,” he said quietly, looking anywhere but at my face. “But she won’t stay away from him.”
“You guys don’t know what the fuck you’re doin’ at your age,” I said incredulously. “Fuckin’ cut bait, man.”
“You’re not that much older,” he spat, straightening his shoulders in offense.
“Yeah, and I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doin,’” I said with a derisive laugh, ignoring his scowl as I stripped my jumpsuit off, leaving it on the ground outside the door as I walked into the warm clubhouse.
“You lookin’ for me?” I asked as Dragon as I sat down next to him at the bar.
“You want some coffee?” his wife, Brenna, asked as she cleaned the countertop. I didn’t know why she was doing it. There were plenty of other people to clean up messes around the club that were far lower in the hierarchy than the president’s old lady.
“Please,” I answered with a nod.
“You’re covered in . . .” her words trailed off as she waved her hand in front of her face.
“Yeah, I’ll be back at it in a minute, didn’t see the use in cleanin’ off now,” I grumbled, making her laugh as she poured me a cup of coffee.
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it,” she said as she set the mug in front of me. She paused for a moment when Dragon reached out, and I looked away as he used her hair to slowly pull her forward and kiss her goodbye.
“You can look back now,” Dragon said in amusement after Brenna had left the room.
“Just givin’ you some privacy.”
“Don’t need privacy to kiss my woman,” he said, taking a drink of his coffee. “How’s the suit’s daughter workin’ out?”
“Her name’s Molly,” I ground out. Swear to Christ, they never said her name, even though I’d been with her for almost two months.
“Molly, then,” he conceded with a nod.
“Good.”
“You gonna bring her around?”
“I’ll get around to it,” I mumbled, scratching at the shit in my beard.
“So it’s just temporary, then.” He nodded like he understood.
“No, it’s not.” I stopped scratching at my beard and took a drink of my coffee. “Just haven’t had time to bring her around.”
“Yeah, you’ve been flyin’ out of here like somethin’s chasin’ ya every night. What’s goin’ on with that?”
“Is there a problem?” I asked seriously, turning to face him. “Didn’t know it was a requirement to spend all my time here.”
“See,” Dragon said darkly, setting his mug down. “That’s what concerns me. Couple months ago, you were happy as hell to hang out with your brothers, but lately you wanna be anywhere but here. If there’s a problem, need to know about it.”
“There’s no problem,” I snapped, getting to my feet.
“Sit your ass down,” Dragon growled, glaring until I followed the order. “You got a woman that’s pullin’ you from the club, that’s somethin’ that needs to be fuckin’ dealt with.”
“I do my part,” I ground out. “I do everything you fuckin’ ask.”
“I don’t need some fuckin’ mindless soldier following orders,” he barked, reaching out to cuff the side of my head. “My boys are fuckin’ loyal, they work for the club because they goddamn love it and they get what they put in. So where the fuck has your head been?”
“It’s here.”
“Nah, kid. It’s not.”
I grit my teeth against the urge to tell him to fuck off. I pitched in more than anyone. I never bitched about the shit that no one else wanted to do and I got stuck with. Rocky had been fucking Mel for as long as I’d been with Molly, but he hadn’t brought her to the club, either. Was he sitting next to me getting bitched out? Of course not.
It all came back to the bullshit I’d pulled back when I was juicing. I’d never get out from under that fucking umbrella. I’d taken steroids for less than six months, and in that time I’d fucked up so bad that I was pretty sure no one in the club was going to trust me again.
And the worst part? I didn’t blame them.
They’d forgiven me, sure as shit, but they’d never forget. None of
us would ever forget.
The guilt of that kept me up at night. It burned in my belly when everything was quiet and I had time to think, especially now that I was with Molly. Her presence seemed to drag all of the old shit up. I wasn’t sure if it was because she’d been my nurse that night, or because I was fucking terrified that something was going to happen to her and Reb because of me.
I’d put the Aces on some pussy college kids’ radar when I’d started buying off them, and I’d pissed them off when I wouldn’t agree to sell their shit. I’d had no idea that one of them had been trying to make friends with Dragon’s daughter, Trix, in order to get in with us a different way, and had lost patience when she didn’t want anything to do with him. There’d been no way for me to know that they’d go off the rails and shoot up our family barbeque.
It had been a snowball effect, sure, but all that shit had started with me. I’d made the first move and four of our people were dead because of it. My baby brother was dead because of it.
That’s why I took the shit jobs, why I always offered to go on the long runs, why I took the risky meets. I was paying my penance, and fuck Dragon for saying that my head wasn’t in it.
“I’m here,” I said, lifting my hands palm up. “I do what needs to be done.”
“You good for a run up to Montana, then?” Dragon asked, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket. “Need to meet with some boys up there about the Russians. Looks like the idiots are trying to get permission to run their shit through to Canada. We need to make sure that’s not a possibility.”
I started nodding before he’d even finished speaking. “When?”
“Tuesday. Hulk and Samson are goin’ to ride up with you. Sam knows some of the boys up there pretty well, hopefully that’ll make shit run smooth.”
My stomach sank, but I kept my face expressionless. Rebel’s surgery was on Thursday and Molly was going to flip her shit when she realized I wasn’t going to be there.
“Alright,” I said, sliding off my bar stool. “That all you needed?”
“For now,” Dragon said, watching me closely.
“Catch you later, then.” I walked outside and cursed as I found my jumpsuit in a puddle. At least the rain fit my mood.
* * *
“Ma, you here?” I called the next day as I pulled my boots off at my parents’ front door. I usually just left them on in the house, but I was soaked and I didn’t want my mom following me with a towel to mop up my footprints.
“In here!”
I followed her voice into the living room and snorted when I found her sitting at the coffee table with about fifteen dolls spread out in front of her.
“Oh, shut it,” Mom said with a smile, spraying one of the dolls with a little spray bottle.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, pulling off my coat and the beanie I was wearing. God, I hated the rain.
“I got this recipe off Pinterest, and I’m trying to detangle the hair on all of Rosie’s dolls,” she said seriously as she dropped the spray bottle and started painstakingly combing out the hair of a little blonde doll.
“Why?” I dropped to the couch and rubbed my face. I’d tried to clean up at the club, but I still felt like I had little pieces of dirt in my beard.
“Well, your sister doesn’t play with these anymore, so I thought I’d pass them down to Rebel,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders.
“Don’t think she plays with dolls,” I said seriously. I’d never seen Reb with any, only stuffed animals.
“That’s okay,” Mom said, shaking her head. “I’ll give her a couple just in case she gets interested later.”
“Mom,” I mumbled, sighing. “Might wanna do that tonight before I get to Molly’s.”
“Why? What did you do, William?”
“Jesus, why’s it always me? Maybe Molly fucked up.”
“No, she didn’t or you wouldn’t be here. You came over because you’re feeling bad about something, not because you’re pissed.”
“I come over here all the time,” I argued, leaning forward to brace my elbows on my knees.
“Not when you know it’s just me at home. Now tell me what’s going on.”
“Reb’s getting those tubes put in her ears on Thursday,” I said, lifting up a doll that had hair down to its feet.
“How’s Molly doing with that? I was so nervous when the boys had them put in.”
“She’s freakin’ the fuck out.”
“Okay, so what did you do?”
“Nothin’ yet.” I lifted my head and found her staring right at me, her hands unmoving on the table. “Gotta go on a run Tuesday and there’s no way in hell I’ll make it back for the procedure.”
“Oh, Will,” Mom sighed.
“She’s gonna be pissed,” I mumbled, setting the doll back on the table.
“Couldn’t you ask—”
“No.” I cut her off with a shake of my head. “Club comes first.”
“Bullshit,” she snapped, climbing to her feet.
“Not havin’ this fight with you,” I said, following her as she stormed into the kitchen. “You wanna bitch at Dad, that’s between the two of you.”
“Maybe I will! Maybe I’ll ask why his son is leaving town when his old lady’s kid is having surgery!” She smacked the palm of her hand down on the countertop in emphasis.
“She’s not my old lady,” I argued, lifting her hand up to make sure she hadn’t hurt it. “And I don’t need you in my shit, causing problems.”
“I’m your mother!”
“I’m twenty-one years old! I can handle my own shit.”
“Then why did you come here?” she snapped, wrapping her arms across her chest as her eyes filled with tears.
“Christ, Mom,” I groaned, pulling her rigid body forward until I could wrap my arms around her shoulders. She was so much shorter than me that her face lined up with my sternum. “Stopped by because I wanted to see you and I needed to get some advice. I didn’t stop by so you could get into a big fight with Dad about shit that’s none of your concern.”
“You’ll always be my concern,” she said, her body relaxing as she put her arms around my waist and squeezed. “I like Molly. She’s good for you. I just don’t want to see you mess it up.”
“I’m tryin’ not to,” I replied, kissing the top of her head before pulling away. “But I’ve got responsibilities—”
“When are you going to stop punishing yourself?” my mom asked quietly as I stepped back.
I froze. “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” I said, refusing to meet her eyes.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” she argued, her voice still quiet. “You think I don’t know things, Will? You think your dad keeps me in the dark? Just because I don’t say much about the club, doesn’t mean I don’t know most of what goes on there, especially when it has to do with my kids. I know about that supplier that you—”
“You’re an old lady,” I said stubbornly. My gut burned with shame, but I let a surge of anger overpower it me as I made eye contact. “You keep your mouth shut.”
Mom’s eyes flared wide, then shuttered as she took a step toward me. “I love you, Will,” she said, her voice hard. “But if that filth ever comes out of your mouth again, you won’t be welcome in this house.”
She didn’t rush as she walked around me, and I didn’t turn around as I heard her start up the creaky stairs to her bedroom. She was going up there because she knew I wouldn’t follow. My parents’ room had always been off-limits to us kids, for obvious reasons, and also so that my mom had a place that was all her own where she could get away from us for a few minutes. She’d gone up there because she wanted to get away from me, and I wasn’t surprised.
If my dad had heard that conversation, he would have knocked me on my ass and I would have deserved it.
“Shit,” I glanced around for something to hit, then dropped my hand. I couldn’t leave a hole in one of my mother’s walls.
&
nbsp; Stomping out to my bike, I glanced up to see my mom standing in her bedroom window watching me leave. She didn’t acknowledge me as I climbed on my bike, though, just stared like she was trying to figure out when her son had become such an asshole.
Molly was at work for another hour, so I stopped and grabbed a bottle of Jack then drove over there, letting myself into the quiet trailer. I sat down at the table and cracked the seal on my bottle of oblivion.
I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. I couldn’t get out of the fucking run. No way. Dragon was looking for any reason to be up in my face. If I tried to get out of it, I’d only be proving his point about my head not being at the club, where it was supposed to be. I’d been standing on thin ice for so fucking long, I didn’t even remember the last time I’d felt comfortable taking care of my own shit without worrying about the blowback from the club. The Aces were my brothers. The only family I’d ever known. I couldn’t screw that up, especially for a woman who’d refused to even stop by my parents’ house when I’d invited her to Thanksgiving dinner because my dad freaked her out. I was pretty sure she’d never step foot on the club grounds if she could help it, and where the fuck would that leave me? Choosing between the two?
I was taking a drink straight out of the bottle when Molly’s door was shoved open and Reb came through, carrying a stuffed cat, her glasses crooked on her face.
“Hey,” Molly called as Rebel came to me, lifting her arms for me to pick her up.
“Hey,” I called back, pushing the bottle of Jack to the middle of the table where Reb couldn’t reach it.
“Damn, you’re not messing around,” Molly said, eyeballing the liquor. “No chaser.”
“Only bitches use chasers.”
“Uh, language,” she huffed, dropping Reb’s bag on the floor. “And don’t be an ass.”
“You can say ass but I can’t say bitches?” I mused as she slid off her coat and came to pull Reb’s off, as well.
“What’s going on?” she asked quietly as she tugged on Reb’s sleeve.
“Nothin,’” I mumbled as Reb’s hand smacked me in the mouth.