“You sure?” She looked at me in concern, and that burning guilt started roiling through my gut again. She was so gorgeous. Sweet as fuck. She didn’t push or prod, didn’t ask where I was when I had a late night, never turned me away from her bed, even when she was on the rag and I knew she was uncomfortable with the mess. She supported herself, didn’t expect me to do it, even though I wanted to. Took care of her kid with no complaints, even when Reb was waking her up all night. Hell, she even knew when to keep her mouth shut. She hadn’t even told her best friend that she’d seen me in the hospital.
She was fucking perfect, and I knew there was no way in hell it would ever work.
“Everything’s fine, sugar,” I said softly, reaching up to grip the back of her neck to pull her in for a kiss. Her lips met mine and I knew I was a fucking psychopath, because I was going to take that trust she gave me and break it, but before I did that, I was going to fuck her into oblivion over and over again so she’d never forget the way I felt inside her.
We were on a timeline that she had no idea was ticking down, and I wasn’t going to tell her. I was going to savor it instead.
“You want some dinner? I brought home some steaks,” she said, pulling away a little, but not far enough to stop the fingers she was running through my hair.
“Sounds good,” I replied gruffly, sliding my hand down her back until I held her ass in my palm.
“You hungry, Rebel?” she asked, leaning down to kiss Reb’s cheek when the baby ignored her.
I’d noticed Rebel did that a lot, ignoring the people around her. Sometimes she was right there with you, but other times it was like you weren’t even in the room. She was just off in her own universe, completely unconcerned with what was happening around her.
“You’re a pain in the ass, kid,” I mumbled into her hair as Molly went to the other side of the kitchen and pulled out a pan. Rebel ran her fingers through the stuffed cat’s fur over and over again, like I hadn’t even spoken. “But I love you, anyway.”
She glanced up at me briefly, then went back to the cat’s fur.
* * *
“One more time,” I said, trying to catch my breath as Molly panted beneath me.
“I can’t,” she argued, her sweaty hair sticking to the sides of her face. “Enough.”
“Yeah, you can.” I slid out of her, making her wince, and rolled her until the top half of her body was pressed face down on the bed and her hips were twisted to the side. I couldn’t get enough of her. We’d been going at it for hours, and every time we caught our breath, I was dying to be inside her again. She’d sucked me off the last time, probably just so her pussy could get a break, but it had backfired when she’d gotten so worked up that she’d practically climbed me when she was done.
“Gentle,” she yelped as I slid back inside her, bracing myself on one hand while I used the other to push her knee to her chest. “I’m so sore.”
“Too sore?” I asked as I slowly pulled back out.
“No,” she moaned, the word drawn out until I pressed inside again.
I paused as I caught her grimace, pulling back out even as she reached for me.
“Too sore,” I said softly as I leaned down to kiss her thigh.
“It’s okay.”
“This’ll be better.” The cool air of the room against my sweaty skin made me shudder, but I didn’t pause as I ran my tongue down her thigh, admiring the red spots I’d left earlier in the night. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d given a chick a hickey, but when she’d been sitting on my face as she’d sucked me off, I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I wanted to tattoo my name on her ass so any fucker that got close enough knew she belonged to me.
Mostly because she wouldn’t belong to me for much longer.
“So gorgeous,” I murmured against her skin when I finally reached the soft, dark pink skin of her pussy. The longer we messed around, the redder her skin got, especially if she came more than once. She’d come so many times that night, her clit was red, like a fucking bullseye hiding in her short blonde pubic hair.
“Will,” she mumbled, her hands finding the back of my head as I gently nudged her clit with my tongue. We’d stopped using condoms since Molly was on the pill, and I loved that she tasted like both of us now. Smelled like both of us.
“Shh,” I whispered as I slid one finger inside her, still smoothing my tongue over her clit in soft strokes. She was swollen around my finger, and I wasn’t sure how I’d fit my dick in her just a few minutes before.
“More,” she gasped, rolling her hips against my hand and mouth. “Please, Will.”
I sucked her clit into my mouth, pinching my lips around it as I licked back and forth, and just like that, she was coming. So fucking wet.
I needed just one more time.
Even though I knew it was going to sting, I jerked up off the bed and wrapped her legs around me, shoving inside in one thrust.
“Fuck!” she hissed, her nails digging into my chest. “Yes.”
Sweat dripped down my cheek as I thrust once, twice, and then like a virgin, I was coming so hard it hurt.
“Jesus,” I groaned, falling forward until my face was pressed against the side of her neck.
“Feel better?” she asked, wrapping her arms tightly around my back. I huffed out a laugh and reached down to secure the condom so I could pull out.
“Don’t leave yet,” she murmured drowsily as I moved to get up. “Cuddle me for a minute.”
“Cuddle you?” I asked softly, my lips twitching as she grinned.
“Yeah.”
“How ’bout I go clean up, then I’ll come back and cuddle you?” I needed a minute to myself. The thought of being without her was starting to make me anxious and I had to get my shit together.
“Fine,” she mumbled, sliding her hands across my sweaty back as she let go.
I climbed off the bed and walked into the bathroom. Shit, I needed a shower, but I was too tired to do more than piss. When I was finished, I shut off the light and walked back into the bedroom to find Molly completely passed out on her belly, one arm dangling off the side of the bed.
She’d asked me to hold her, and I’d left her to fall asleep alone. I was such an asshole.
I crawled in next to her and pulled her against my chest, swallowing hard when her arm automatically slid around my waist as she slept.
Chapter 11
Molly
“Time for bed,” I sang to Rebel, trying to get her calmed down. She’d been racing around the house all night, barely able to sit still, and I knew it was my fault. I was strung so tight my shoulders had begun to ache from the tension, and there was no way that Rebel hadn’t picked up on it.
“Do you want to go potty on the big toilet?” I asked, catching her as she tried to run past me. She clung like a monkey as I sat her on my hip and carried her into the bathroom.
She wouldn’t be potty training until she was older, but she’d seemed so fascinated with the toilet that I’d been letting her sit on it before bed and when she woke up in the morning. Oddly enough, I used it as incentive both for her to wake up and let me get her ready, and so that she would calm down for bed. It seemed to be working so far, though we’d only started it a couple days before.
“What a big girl you are,” I said, smiling as I sat her little bare butt on the seat.
I tried really hard not to cry as she grinned at me, completely clueless that anything was wrong. She felt the tension, of course, but she had no idea what was going on. In her world, everything was normal.
“Good job, Reb!” I told her as she dropped clean toilet paper into the toilet. “Now, we wash our hands.”
I helped wash her hands and wrists, then brought her into her bedroom to get her dressed in her brand new puppy pajamas. I’d bought them in a lame attempt to commemorate her surgery, because the next morning I’d be driving her to the hospital so early that they’d told me to just bring her in her jammies. It worked better that way, since dressing
was Rebel’s cue for time to eat, and she couldn’t have anything before the procedure.
“You’re getting so big,” I said softly as I zipped up the new pajamas. “I can’t believe it.”
“Mama.”
“I know, you’re talking now!”
She signed for water and I glanced at the clock to make sure I could give her some, even though I knew it wasn’t after midnight. After carrying her into the kitchen for a drink, I brought her back into the bedroom, my hands trembling slightly as I sat down in the rocking chair. I wasn’t ready to put her down yet, so instead, I wrapped her blanket around her and began to rock.
“You’re going to do so good tomorrow,” I whispered against her hair, even though she had no idea what I was talking about.
Reb laid her head on my shoulder and sighed, her little body relaxing against mine. After a few minutes, before I’d even sang the “Ten in the Bed” song, she was asleep. But I didn’t put her in her crib until two hours later.
* * *
“Hey, Will,” I said into the phone late that night, trying hard not to let my voice indicate how hard I’d been crying. “So, I haven’t talked to you since yesterday morning and I’m getting kind of worried. I mean, I know you have other stuff going on, but—” I snapped my mouth shut and grit my teeth as tears dripped out of my eyes. I cleared my throat before speaking again. My nose was stuffed, and I knew I sounded awful, but I had to try one more time to reach him. “I just wanted to remind you that Reb’s getting those tubes in her ears tomorrow, and I know you wanted to be there. I hope everything’s alright . . . Okay, bye.” I pressed end on my phone and tossed it on the couch beside me.
He was fine. Of course he was. He probably just broke his phone or something. We’d talked every day since we’d started seeing each other, but that didn’t mean we had to. We’d been together less than two months. It wasn’t like we were married.
And it wasn’t like he had to be there for Reb’s surgery. He wasn’t her dad.
My mind processed all of that, but it didn’t help the nervous nausea that had me bent in half as I tried not to get sick. Mel had asked if I wanted her to spend the night with us, but I’d told her to meet us at the hospital the next morning because I’d thought that Will would be with me.
But he wasn’t.
He wasn’t anywhere. He wasn’t answering any of my texts, or any of my phone calls. He’d left right after breakfast the morning before, and I hadn’t heard from him since. I was starting to panic.
He always called, even if it was just to see how my day was. He sent me texts asking for blowjobs, and memes he thought were funny, and random pictures of Rebel that he’d taken on his phone. He’d never been silent for so long, not since those three weeks after we’d slept together the first time when he’d been out of town.
“He’s fine,” I said out loud, my raspy voice breaking the silence of the house. “He’ll show up in the morning with some excuse.”
I wasn’t a clingy girl. I wasn’t needy. I liked being by myself, and I didn’t mind when Will had to work long hours. I didn’t call him constantly or expect him to be at my beck and call.
I was just so scared, a bone-deep fear that felt like it was seeping in more and more hour by hour. The closer it got to the time I had to wake Rebel up, the more debilitating the fear became. It wasn’t adrenaline-inducing fear. No, instead it was the type that left you paralyzed, barely able to breathe.
I glanced at the clock and lifted my hand to my mouth, my chapped lips and torn cuticles stinging as I began to pull at the skin of my lower lip.
He might still call. God, I just needed him to call. It was too late to call Mel or my dad. They were already sleeping because they had to meet us at the hospital in four hours. I probably wouldn’t even wake them up if I called.
I stood up and began to pace back and forth across the living room, my eyes so tired that they stung. Time was moving too fast, and also so slow I thought I was going to go crazy. When my steps became too frantic for the small space, I went all the way down the hall and back.
I kept moving, showering and getting dressed in between pacing the house. Finally, the alarm on my phone went off, indicating that my wait was up. It was time to wake Rebel.
* * *
“This stuff’ll knock her right out,” the anesthesiologist, Doctor Grant, told me two hours later, handing me a little cup of liquid while I sat with Rebel on her hospital bed. “At the very least, she’ll be so relaxed she won’t care what’s happening around her.”
“But she’ll be asleep before you do anything else, right?” I asked, moving Reb’s hand away from the buttons on the side of the bed.
“Of course,” he reassured me gently. “We’ve done this thousands of times.”
“Not to my kid,” I murmured, lifting the cup to Rebel’s lips. She drank it greedily since she hadn’t had anything to drink yet, even though she’d been asking for water since she’d woken up.
“You’re right,” he said, chuckling. “Not to Rebel. But she’ll be fine. I’ll be back in about thirty minutes to see how it’s working.”
He left the room as Rebel climbed onto my lap, the little gown she was wearing tangling in her legs. She’d been pissed when they had me strip her down to her diaper, but I’d calmed her with a new stuffed owl I’d packed to keep her occupied.
“Hey, girls,” Mel called softly as she pushed back the curtain shielding the door. “Auntie Mel’s here.”
“Hey,” I answered dully, smoothing down Reb’s hair.
“How you doin’, mama?”
“I’m ready for all of this to be over,” I said softly, kissing the top of Rebel’s head as she leaned heavily against me, her hand fisting in my ponytail.
“Almost done,” Mel said kindly, sitting on the opposite side of the bed. “Where’s your dad and Will?”
“Dad went to get coffee,” I said, meeting her eyes.
“Will?”
“I haven’t heard from him.” The words came out weird, almost garbled.
Mel’s eyes widened in sympathy. “That dick!”
I shrugged. I couldn’t even think about Will anymore, not with Reb’s surgery looming so close. God, I was being such a wuss. It was freaking tubes in her ears. Thousands of kids got the procedure every day, even kids with Down syndrome. The chances of something happening were higher for Rebel, but they were still small. I needed to suck it the fuck up, but I just . . . couldn’t. She was my baby. She was everything.
I looked down. She was also asleep.
“It worked,” I said in relief, tears hitting my eyes for the thousandth time in the last twenty-four hours.
“She’s out,” Mel said in amusement. “She’s practically drooling.”
“Thank God,” I whispered, resting my hand on her chest for a moment before checking her pulse. I was a nurse. I couldn’t stop myself.
I gently pulled Rebel’s glasses off her face and handed them to Mel as my dad came back in the room.
“Is that medically induced?” he asked, nodding at Rebel.
“Yeah, they gave her something after you left,” I whispered, laying Rebel down on the bed next to me.
“Good,” he said as he handed me a mocha from the hospital cafeteria. He turned to Mel and handed her a cup, too.
“Ah, Mr. Duncan you’re a saint,” she said airily, making my dad roll his eyes behind his glasses.
She always flirted with him. It was disgusting, but my revulsion didn’t bother her in the slightest. Ever since she’d seen my dad with his shirt off when we were seventeen, she’d had this weird thing for him. Thankfully, my dad ignored it. I was pretty sure I would have killed him if he’d even acknowledged it.
“How we doing?” Doctor Grant called as he came back through the door a few minutes later. “Ah, looks like everything’s going as planned.” He smiled at me, but I couldn’t make my lips form one in return.
A nurse came in behind him, and I glowered as she pulled a tray in with her.
/> “You’re not doing her IV,” I said, startling her with the venom in my voice. I turned to the anesthesiologist. “Where’s a fucking pediatric nurse?”
“Molly,” he said chidingly. I both loved and hated that we were at the hospital where I worked. It was comforting to know how good the doctors and anesthesiologists were, but it also meant that I knew which nurses were fucking horrible at finding veins for IVs.
“She’s not getting near my child with a needle,” I growled, meeting the nurse’s eyes, knowing I was making an enemy, but not caring in the slightest. “I’ve seen the shit job you do.”
“She’s not going to change her mind,” Mel said into the tension-filled silence. “You should probably get another nurse.”
“I can do it,” I said decisively.
“You know it’s against hospital policy,” Doctor Grant said, waving the nurse out. “Who would you like to put the IV in?”
“Who’s working?” I asked stubbornly.
He went down the list of nurses working and I immediately picked one. “Jan. She actually knows what the fuck she’s doing.”
“I’m sure she’ll be glad for the endorsement,” Doctor Grant said dryly. “I’ll go get her.”
“Jesus,” Mel said with a laugh as soon as he was gone. “You’re never going to be able to come back to work.”
“Fuck her,” I mumbled.
“Calm down, Molly,” my dad said softly, reaching out to rub my back.
“That nurse leaves bruises the size of golf balls,” I said in irritation, climbing off the bed and away from his hand.
It took less than ten minutes for nurse Jan to walk in the door, her hands above her head. “I come in peace!” she called out jokingly, making my dad chuckle. “Hey, girl. Sounds like you’re making friends left and right this morning.”
“Samantha does a shit job and everyone knows it,” I replied stubbornly. “You’re good.”
“Well, thank you,” she said, giving me a smile as she walked over to the bed. She swept a soft hand over Rebel’s arm, then lifted it and looked it over. “Check out those pretty veins. Piece of cake.”