The next Monday, Janice called Charlotte to see if she’d like to go with her and Gina to the park for a picnic lunch. It was a perfect spring day, seventy-five degrees, sunny, with just a light breeze. Charlotte jumped at the chance. Janice picked her up at one thirty and they drove the short distance to the park. Charlotte loved this place with its rickety bridge, weeping willows, and old band shell that had gingerbread galore. At this time of year spring beauties covered the ground around them. As soon as Gina was unstrapped from her seat, she took off running for the swings, laughing as if she knew a secret joke. “You’d think she spent all day in a cage,” Janice quipped as they hurried to keep up with her. “Only a few pushes on the swing, Gina, then we need to eat a bite. I know you’ve already had your lunch but Mommy and Aunt Charlotte are hungry.”
Charlotte watched with affection as Janice put the little girl in the swing and pushed her as she yelled, “Higher, Mommy, higher!” Finally, she seemed content to play in the sandbox while Charlotte and Janice spread their lunch on a nearby picnic table. “You seem like you’ve been a mom forever, Janice. She obviously loves you.”
“I love her too. People always talk about a mother’s heart, and I never understood it until now. I’d fight lions for her and if anyone tried to hurt her, I’m sure I could rip them apart with my bare hands.” Charlotte chuckled as she thought of diminutive Janice tearing someone apart.
Suddenly Janice changed the subject. “What do you think of this business with Pastor and Gloria?”
Charlotte felt annoyed. She was having such a good time. Why did everyone want to talk about that all the time? “I think they’re doing the right thing.”
“Me too. You know, I never felt right about the two of them as a couple, just like I never felt right about you and Frank.”
“Wow, you ought to go into the business. You know, screen couples and save them a lot of time.”
Janice laughed. “Oh, I’ve been wrong as much as I’ve been right. I don’t want that responsibility.” She took a bite of sandwich and they both looked around, enjoying the loud whistle of a wren and the croaking of some toads near the pond. “What about you and Pastor?”
Charlotte felt like her best friend had just stabbed her with a knife. It was as if she’d been wearing all these clothes to cover up a wart and Janice had just ripped them off, revealing it to the world. She took another bite so she wouldn’t have to answer for a minute. “What would make you say something crazy like that?”
“I don’t know. I just think you two would be perfect for each other, that’s all.”
“Well, get that out of your mind. It would never work.”
“Why not?”
“There are things even you don’t know about me, Janice.”
The harsh way Charlotte said this hurt Janice’s feelings. “Maybe it would do you good to tell them.”
“Believe me, you don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s best left alone.”
“Do you like him?”
“It doesn’t matter whether I like him or not. I mean it, Janice. Drop it.”
This was the first time a wall had come between the two friends, and at the moment it seemed impenetrable. Janice ate the rest of her sandwich in two bites, hurrying off to push Gina on the swing.
CHAPTER twenty six
Charlotte threw herself into staying busy. She wrote ferociously, hardly taking breaks; spent time with Mrs. Bartholomew and Mustard, who was growing like a weed and made Custer seem like a statue in comparison; and visited her mother whenever possible. To keep even busier, she volunteered at the local animal shelter and took ballroom dancing even though she didn’t have a partner. Besides her involvement at youth group, she abandoned all other church activities unless they were ones that didn’t involve the pastor, which was rare. Janice worried about her, but they’d never quite recovered from that day in the park. Charlotte kept her distance now emotionally, if not physically, and Janice missed her friend. She couldn’t imagine what was going on.
Pastor Gordon noticed it too. He particularly missed her on Wednesday nights at the Bible study. Her thoughtful comments had added a richness to the group that it now lacked, plus he missed her physical presence, even more than he thought possible. When he told her so at youth group, she simply said that she now had another commitment on Wednesday nights. Her distant manner puzzled him and made him feel that her contempt for him was great.
For her part, Charlotte even considered moving away from Crispens Point. No matter what she did, Pastor Gordon’s presence made her miserable. Maybe she should stay with her mother for a while. She was doing a bit better these days, but she probably could use her. She rehearsed what to say as she dialed her number. After three rings, she heard her mother say, “Hello.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Charlotte, it’s good to hear your voice. What’s up?”
“How’d you like some company? Like for a month or so?”
“Charlotte, I don’t know what Lyla has told you, but I’m doing fine. I don’t need any help.”
“You may not, but I do. I need a change or something.”
“Is this something to do with Frank’s new love interest, or old love interest, I should say?”
“Maybe.” She was glad for her mother to think that if it helped. “I just know I’ve got to get out of Crispens Point for a while.”
“Well, you know I’ll never turn you down, but I hope you’re not running from anything.”
Her mother had a way of making her uncomfortable. “I hope I’m not, too, but I’ve got to get perspective on things and I can’t seem to do it here.”
“Okay, your old room is ready and waiting.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Charlotte packed her bags and made a lot of calls to let everyone know where she’d be. She was putting her things in the car when Pastor Gordon walked by. “Going on a trip, Charlotte?”
“Yes, I am, Pastor. I’m going to stay with my mom for a while. She needs me.” She hoped that wasn’t too much of a lie.
“How’s she doing?”
“Pretty well, actually, but I’ll be a big help around the house.”
“I’m sure you will.” He stood there a minute trying to think of something else to say. “Can I help with your bags?”
“No. I’ve about got them.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Indefinitely.”
“I see.” He looked down and pushed at a stick with the toe of his shoe. “We’ll miss you.”
“Thank you.”
She turned to walk back into the house, but he grabbed her arm. “Charlotte, have I done something to make you angry with me?”
“What? No, of course not. What could you possibly have done?”
“I don’t know, but I think something’s wrong between us.”
She sighed. “Nothing’s wrong.”
He worked up his courage for one more question. “Do you dislike me, Charlotte?”
His question shocked her. For a moment she stared at him as if he’d spoken another language. “No,” she finally answered. “Why would you think that?”
He ignored her question and plunged forward. If she was going to reject him, he’d just as soon get it over with so he could move on. “When you get back from your mother’s, would you go to dinner with me? I know a nice little inn that serves wonderful Italian food.”
She stared at him again, wishing she could run away screaming. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, Pastor.”
He’d looked hopeful, like a puppy that’s been promised a walk, but now his head drooped and his forehead wrinkled, making him look even more adorable to Charlotte. “Okay,” he said abruptly. “Have a good time with your mother. Tell her I’m still praying for her.” And he walked on down the street, kicking at a stone that was on the sidewalk.
Charlotte jumped into her car and almost left the door of her house wide open. Noticing it at the last minute, she threw her car into park, jumped out
and slammed the door, and roared off down the street. Mrs. Bartholomew watched from a window as Mustard played with the cord of the blinds. “What in the world is going on with that girl, Mustard? Why won’t she go out with that nice young pastor? I think this could be our greatest mystery yet. It’s as if she has some big secret.”
Charlotte pressed on the accelerator, going at least fifteen miles per hour above the speed limit. “Why would you do this to me, God? Am I being punished somehow? Is this what I deserve?” There was only silence to her questions, so she continued to speed on as her heart raced even faster.
By the time she pulled into her mother’s driveway, Lyla had arrived home. “What are you doing here? Is your mom all right?”
“She’s fine. I thought I’d come visit for a while is all.”
“I guess, a while. You look like you have enough luggage to stay a month.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not. I’m not even a little bit all right.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh boy, it must have something to do with a man. I don’t even want to know. I’ve had enough of men for about a century.”
“That’s what I said. They’re pretty hard to escape.”
“You’re telling me.” And she patted her protruding stomach with a smile. Her carefree spirit caused Charlotte to relax. She went inside with a few of her bags.
“Hi, Mom, I’m home.”
“Oh, both my girls home at once. How nice.” She was sitting on the sofa painting her nails. Charlotte plopped down next to her and tried to hug her without getting polish on her clothes. “How was your trip?”
“Fast. I think I set a new land speed record.”
Her mother put the back of her hand on her forehead, in spite of the nail polish. “Don’t tell me things like that. There are some things mothers just don’t want to know.”
“Probably a lot of things.”
“Okay, are you going to tell me up front, or are you going to leave me to guess what’s bothering you?”
Charlotte jumped up to straighten a picture that hung crooked on the wall. “It’s nothing really. I just needed a change.”
“Why, because life is so stressful in Crispens Point?” she said with a smirk.
“Very funny. As a matter of fact, it is stressful, just a different kind of stress. Well, I’ve got to unpack.” And she slammed the door as she went out to the car.
Margaret shook her head and looked at Lyla, rolling her eyes. “I guess she doesn’t want to talk quite yet. Charlotte can be infuriating sometimes.”
“Aren’t we all, Mrs. Fyne, aren’t we all.”
“Never a truer word was spoken.” They smiled and Lyla stood up, which took some effort since she was growing in size daily.
“I’ve got homework to do, and then I’m off to work. Need me to do anything?”
“No, you go ahead with your stuff. I’m fine.”
Charlotte came back in carrying so much that it looked like armor around her. Her mother wondered if that wasn’t symbolic of what was going on inside. When she’d finally unpacked all her things, she started on dinner.
“I’m not that hungry, honey. Why don’t you just sit down and visit?”
“There’ll be plenty of time for that later. I like cooking. You’ve got chicken breasts in here, so I’ll do a stir fry.”
Margaret sighed and shook her head.
After dinner, Charlotte found plenty of other things to do, from dusting to starting a load of laundry. Margaret finally gave up on her and went to bed.
The next morning Charlotte had breakfast ready and started out the door as soon as Margaret got up. “I’m going shopping for some clothes. There’s no place to shop around Crispens Point. I’m in desperate need of some new pants. I’ll be back this afternoon.” After she left, Margaret went into Charlotte’s room. There were at least a dozen pairs of pants hanging in the closet.
She got home just in time for dinner. “I brought home a pizza and a movie,” she said, as if it were an idea no one had ever thought of before.
“Did you find some pants?”
“What? Oh, no, I didn’t. You know how hard it is for me to find something that fits. I must have tried on three thousand pairs.”
They ate pizza in silence and Margaret fell asleep before the video ended.
The next day Charlotte again left, saying she had to do research at the library for her latest book. She returned in time for dinner again, but then went out for a long walk. By the fourth day, Margaret had had enough. When Charlotte announced that she was going for a drive, she put her foot down. “Have a seat, Charlotte.”
“What?”
“You aren’t going for a drive just yet. We need to talk.”
“I don’t feel like talking, Mom. Talking never gets me anywhere. It makes me think too much.”
“So, you’re going to go through life without thinking any more?”
“No, just not for a while. I need some time.”
“Time for what?”
“Just time! Why can’t you let it be at that?”
“Because however you think you’re handling this, it’s not working. I’ve never seen you more miserable, and if you’re going to use my home as a way of escape, forget it. I’m not going to let you.”
Charlotte flushed red as she raised her voice. “Why do you always have to meddle? Why can’t you just let me live my life?” As soon as she said these words, she regretted them. Her mother’s face showed more pain than in all her battles with cancer. She felt thoroughly ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m acting just like I did in high school. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.”
Margaret recovered quickly. “You’re nothing like you were in high school. But please, Charlotte. Don’t shut me out.”
Charlotte put her hands over her face and began to cry. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I keep messing everything up.”
“Is this about Frank? I didn’t know you cared for him that much.”
She pulled herself together, drying her eyes and blowing her nose. “No, this isn’t about Frank. He was never more than a friend.”
“Is there someone else?”
Charlotte nodded her head.
“Who? You’ve never mentioned another man.”
The tears threatened again, so Charlotte forced out her words. “That’s because the man I really care about, I have no hope of a relationship with.”
“Why?” Margaret looked truly bewildered.
“Because he would never want me. Not if he knew.”
“Who is this man, Charlotte?”
“Pastor Gordon.”
“Pastor Gordon! Why, he’s wonderful. Why wouldn’t you want to date him?”
“Mother, think about it. Think about my past. What kind of minister’s wife would I make?”
Margaret looked angry, “A good minister’s wife. Not perfect, but good. Christ came to forgive sinners; that should be the hallmark of what Pastor Gordon believes.” Charlotte didn’t look up so Margaret continued, “Has he shown interest in you?”
“He just asked me out before I came here. That’s what’s so frustrating. I think he does like me.”
“Then be honest with him. Give him a chance.”
Charlotte’s pain was so intense it felt physical. “I don’t think I can stand it, Mom. I couldn’t even keep John’s love and respect. How could I expect to keep Gordon’s? I can’t live through another rejection.”
“I see.” Her mother looked thoughtful as she pulled an afghan over her legs. “So, it’s okay to get involved with Frank, someone you don’t respect so much, because he would’ve been less likely to reject you.”
Charlotte hated that. Her mother could always see through her. She closed her eyes and repeated, “I don’t think I could stand it. I already love Gordon so much it hurts. If I let myself think there’s hope, it will ki
ll me.”
“Well, I’d say your lifespan is going to be pretty short if you keep trying to stay so busy that you can’t think. You might as well live dangerously and go for it.”
This brought a hysterical chuckle from Charlotte. She stood up and hugged her mom. “I love you and hate you all at the same time. I always have, you know.”
“I know. It’s a mother’s lot in life.”
“Thanks for being mine.” The two women clung to each other for quite a while.
CHAPTER twenty seven
Charlotte packed her many bags and returned to Crispens Point. No sooner had she arrived home than her mother called to say that Lyla had gone into early labor and had a little girl, named Margaret, Maggie for short. “Oh, that’s wonderful. I should have stayed longer. Should I come back? I want to see her. What does she look like?”
“She’s so tiny, just five and a half pounds, but healthy as can be. She has lots of dark hair that sticks out all over. You’d love her. But no, take care of things there first. You’ll have plenty of time to see Maggie. She’ll be with us for a while. I told Lyla they could stay here until she goes back to work.”
“All right. Tell Lyla I love her, and I’m so happy for her.”
“I will. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
Now that she was home, she wasn’t sure where to start, but she thought she’d start at the beginning. She went to Bible study since it was Wednesday night. Janice saw her first and threw her arms around her. “The prodigal girl has come home. Welcome back, Charlotte, we missed you.”
“Thanks, I missed you too. It’s good to be back.” She was afraid to look at Pastor Gordon, but she finally got up the courage. He was examining her face carefully, but when she broke into a smile, he felt the sun had come out after forty days of rain. His heart leapt at the possibilities.
Somehow, they both got through that evening. Charlotte lingered after the other people left. When it was finally only she and Gordon, she approached him. “I’m sorry I was so abrupt the other day when we talked. If the offer’s still open, I’d like very much to go to that Italian restaurant.”