myduty."
"And I mine," - I added, with my heart beating. Now it seemeda good opening for some of the things I had to say; yet myheart beat and I was silent.
"Yours, Daisy?" he said very tenderly. "What is yours? Whatpresent pressure of conscience is giving you something hard todo? I know it will be done! What work is this little soldieron?"
I could not tell him. I could not. My answer diverged.
"What are _you_ on, Christian?"
"The same thing. Rather preparing for work - preparing others.I am at that all day."
"And do you expect there will be real work, as you call it?Will it come to that?"
"Looks like it. What do you think of Fairfax Court-house? -and Great Bethel? - and Falling Waters, and so on?"
"That was bad, at Great Bethel," I said.
"Mismanagement -" said Mr. Thorold calmly.
"And at Vienna."
"No, the troops behaved well. They behaved well, Daisy. I amcontent with that."
"Do you think - don't be angry, Christian! - do you think thepeople of the North generally will make as fiery fighting menas the people of the South, who are used to fighting, andcommanding, and the practice of arms?"
"When you get a quiet man angry, Daisy, he is the very worstman to deal with that you ever saw."
"But the people of the North are all accustomed to peacefulemployments?"
Mr. Thorold laughed, looking down at me with infiniteamusement and tenderness mixed.
"I see what your training has been," he said. "What will youdo when you have one of those quiet people for your husband?"
"Quiet!" said I. "When your eyes are showering sparks of fireall over me!"
"Daisy," he said, "those rose leaves in your cheeks are thevery prettiest bits of colour I ever saw in my life."
"But we are wandering from the subject," I said.
"No, we are not," he said decidedly. "You are my one subjectat all times."
"Not when you are training soldiers?" I said half laughing.But he gave me a look which silenced me. And it nearly tookaway all the courage I had, for everything I wanted to say tohim and had found it so difficult to say.
"Christian," I began again after an interval, "were the troopsthat were sent over into Virginia just now, sent, do yousuppose, to meet Beauregard?"
"I suppose so."
"You are not going?" - I asked, because the question wastorturing me.
He looked down at me again, a steady, fixed, inquiring look,that grew very full of affection before he answered,
"I hope so, Daisy."
"You are not ordered!"
"No; not yet."
"But if you were to go, would you not know it by this time?"
"Not certainly. Some troops will be left here of course, toguard Washington."
I walked with my heart in my mouth. I knew, what he did notsay, that orders might be issued suddenly and as suddenlyobeyed; with no beforehand warning or after delay. How could Ispeak anything of what had been in my mind to be said? Yet thevery circumstances which made it more difficult made it alsoimperative, to speak them. I fought myself, while Mr. Thoroldsometimes watched me and constantly took care of me, with athoughtful care in little things which was eloquent.
"Christian" - I began, feeling my voice changed.
"That is to tell me we must turn homeward?" he said gayly.
"No; I want to speak to you. But we must turn homeward too."
"To speak to me? In that voice? Look at me, Daisy. - No, Iwon't hear it now, and not here. We must have somethingbetter. Daisy, go and ride with me to- morrow evening!"
"Oh, I cannot."
"Yes, Daisy. I ask it of you. Dr. Sandford is in bed. Hecannot go along. Then you can tell me all that is on your mindabout Northern soldiers."
"Oh, I only thought Christian - You know, I know the temper ofthe Southern people."
"You will know the temper of the other section of the countrysome day," he said, with a smile at me which was half seriousand half personal in its bearing. But he made me promise to goand ride with him if I could; and so left me.
I met Mrs. Sandford as I went into the house. She said she wasglad I kept up my walks; she was sorry I had such a terriblydull time; it was a pity I came to Washington. Dr. Sandfordwas no better, and much worried about me, that I should be socut off from amusement.
"Tell him I am doing very well, and having time to read thepapers," I said.
"Those horrid papers!" said Mrs. Sandford. "They make my hairstand on end. I wouldn't read them; Daisy."
"But you do."
"Well, I cannot keep my hands off them when I see them; but Iwish I was where I could never see them. Ever since I readGeneral Beauregard's proclamation, I have been in a fury witheverything South; and it is uncomfortable to be in a fury. Odear! I wish Grant would get well and take us away. Come inand let us have a cup of tea, dear. Isn't it hot?"
I took the tea and bore the talk, till both were done and Icould shut myself into the seclusion of my own room. And tearsdid not come to-night, but dry heart- aching pain instead;with which I struggled till the night had worn far on.Struggled, trying to reason it away and to calm it down byfaith and prayer. Ah me! how little reason could do, or faitheither. For reason only affirmed and enlarged my fears; andfaith had no power to say; they might not come true. Thepromise, "He shall not be afraid of evil tidings," belongs tothose who have their will so merged in God's will as not to becareful what that will may be. I had not got so far. A newlesson was set me in my experience book; even to lay my willdown; and nobody who has not learned or tried to learn thatlesson knows how mortal hard it is. It seemed to me my heartwas breaking the whole livelong night.
CHAPTER V.
ON HORSEBACK
A little sleep and the fresh morning light set me up again. Iwas to ride with Mr. Thorold in the evening; my mind fixed onthat nearest point, and refused for the moment to go further.I heard from Mrs. Sandford at breakfast that Dr. Sandford wasno better; his low nervous prostration continued andthreatened to continue. Mrs. Sandford was much troubled aboutme. All this suited my convenience; even her unnecessaryconcern; for I had made up my mind to tell Mrs. Sandford I wasgoing to ride; but I would not till our late dinner, thatthere might be no chance of her consulting the doctor. Atdinner I mentioned that a friend had asked me to ride and Ihad half consented. Mrs. Sandford looked somewhat startled andasked who the friend might be?
"Another officer," I said quietly; "his name is Thorold. I sawhim last summer, Mrs. Sandford; and I know about him. He is agood one to go with."
"I can't ask Grant anything," she said, looking doubtful. "Heknows everybody."
"It is not needful," I answered. "I am going to take theindulgence this once. I think it will do me good."
"Daisy, my dear!" said Mrs. Sandford - "You are as good aspossible - but you have a will of your own. All youSoutherners have, I think."
I replied that I was a Northerner; and the talk went to otherthings. Mrs. Sandford left me with a kiss and the injunctionto take care of myself. I was very glad to get off so, for shelooked a little unsatisfied. My way was clear now. I dressedwith a bounding heart, mounted, and was away with Mr. Thorold;feeling beneath all my gladness that now was my time and myonly time for doing all the difficult work I had set myself.But gladness was uppermost, as I found myself in the saddleand away, with Mr. Thorold by my side; - for once free andalone together; - gladness that kept us both still I think;for we exchanged few words till we were clear of the city andout upon the open country. There we slackened bridle, and Ibegan to feel that the minutes were exceedingly precious. Idreaded lest some words of Christian's should make itimpossible for me to do what I had to do.
"Christian," I began, "I have things to talk to you about."
"Well," said he brightly, "you shall. Will it take a greatwhile, Daisy? Because I have things to talk to _you_ about."
"Not a great while, I hope," I said, almost stammering.
"You shall talk what you will, darling. But wait til
l we get abetter place."
I would have liked the place where we were, and the time.Better where the road was rough than where it was smooth;easier where there was something to make interruption thanwhere Christian could give too exclusive heed to me. But Icould not gainsay him; and we rode on, till we came to a pieceof pretty broken ground with green turf and trees. Here Mr.Thorold stopped and proposed that we should dismount; he saidwe should talk more at our ease so. I thought my predeterminedmeasures of dignity could be more easily maintained onhorseback; but I could not bear to refuse him, and he did notmean to be refused, I saw. He had dismounted even while