"Hey, this one's new, look."
A picture of a small dirty brown coin with Abraham Lincoln's bust popped up on the screen.
"What's that got to do with space?"
"That Curiosity contraption took it up to Mars as a calibration tool. That dirt, it's Mars dust."
"Ah. I feel a little déjà vu, I think."
"Hey?"
Bunt continued searching but found nothing more of interest.
"They still haven't sussed us yet."
"Good. Search for 'moon dust watch', will ya?"
"Sure, okay."
A few images came up and he clicked on one.
"Oh yeah. The things they do with dust, huh?"
"Thought I'd seen it all before. Just think, what would they do with our stuff if they ever found it?"
Bunt burst out laughing.
"What?"
"They'd probably sell it on eBay."
Another homo-sapien walked by.
"That one will do."
"Good. It's getting cold out here."
Weekend Quickie 6 - We're going to die
(image - white lizard, element - a can of pumpkin, emotion - bravado)
"We’re going to die!"
After uncountable days in the desert, they’d found shelter in an abandoned trailer in the middle of nowhere filled with nothing but sand.
"Oh, don’t talk such rot! I’m the greatest scavenger, I am! We’re going to pull through!"
The idiot searched through the cupboards and boxes in the trailer, making more mess. It was his idea that they should escape from the prison and head in this direction.
"We found shelter, now all we need is food…ah-ha! You see? I’m never wrong!"
The guy held a large can, read the label, and threw it over to him.
"It’s…it’s a can of pumpkin."
"Pumpkin, yes. For you. Not really my favourite."
"I’m allergic to squash. If I eat that, I’ll die."
He threw it back.
"Waste not, want not."
The guy opened the can, took a huge gulp of pumpkin and spat it out in a flash.
"1946? A little bit past its sell-by date."
"I saw a white lizard outside as we came in. It might still be there."
"White lizard? Ah-ha! I’m the greatest hunter, I’ll catch that for us, don’t you worry!"
The idiot ran out into the sun.
"We’re going to die…"
Weekend Quickie 7 - Grandma's favourite nephew
(image - Batman & Batgirl kissing, element - a cake walk, emotion - confusion)
Never get your Grandma to organise your birthday party. After the usual pass-the-parcel game, which of course her favourite nephew Bobby won and not me, the birthday boy, we're now playing something she calls the 'cake walk', some musical numbered square walking game they do in the local fête every year. You get a cake if the number you're standing on is called out when the music stops. As if the superhero costumes fancy-dress wasn't enough!
But I've got a plan. I'm gonna beat her. When Grandma's 'favourite nephew' won the last game, Mary went and kissed him, which upset Bobby so much he threw off his Batman mask in disgust. I'm wearing a Batman costume, too, not so good as his, though, but I'm getting more glances and smiles from Grandma now I've switched our masks. Bobby didn't notice, either.
"Nine!"
"Yeah!"
Wayne got the cheese cake.
"Four!"
"Yippie!"
Bruce got the vanilla sponge cake. I want the chocolate cake, that's next. Grandma's looking in my direction.
"Twelve!"
"Yes!"
I got it! I got the cake!
"Oh, err, sorry, erm, my mistake..."
What?
"I meant..."
She's spotted him, damn!
"Twenty!"
"I won!"
Bobby's got the chocolate cake! How...? Wha...?
Weekend Quickie 8 - Dog in Snow
(image - snow-ridden road at night, element - a lost dog, emotion - incredulity)
"Trust Bono to go and get lost now!"
The snow had been coming down all day long, keeping them indoors with cabin fever. It wasn't a surprise when Bono their labrador jumped at the chance to escape as Justin opened the French windows to rescue one of his toys from the garden.
"You would've thought it'd be easy to find him, what with footprints in the snow and that."
"Paw prints. And no, it started snowing again after he got lost."
He'd changed to winter tyres only last week after watching the 10-day forecast predicting this. But the car slid around like a dodgem on grease.
"We going the right way?"
"There's only one way to go. Bono went this way, for sure."
They passed by another car struggling to move through the snow-ridden road.
"Whoa, that was close."
Suddenly he lost control of the steering wheel and the car followed the slope of the road. For five whole minutes they both sat and watched the world go by at two miles per hour as the car left the road, slid between trees and came to rest in a ditch.
"I just can't believe that."
"Me neither. Look, there's Bono."
Weekend Quickie 9 - Lifesaver
(image - Italian restaurant with family sitting outside, element - tangerine lifesaver, emotion - inspired creativity)
"Our customers, they say our toppings stink, Luigo!"
The whole family were out in front of the restaurant. It was a sunny afternoon but they should've been all working hard inside, serving customers, making money.
"I know."
"But our crust, our crust is the best in town!"
"A crust doesn't make a pizza, Grandpa."
"And you canna make a pizza, Mario!"
Grandpa smacked Mario around the head.
"When you gonna learn, boy? You go to waiting tables!"
"Then who will bake, Grandpa?"
"Anyone can bake, except..."
As Grandpa pointed towards Mario, he started choking, his face going even more red than usual, his lips turning purple. Mario was afraid to slap his Grandpa's back but he overcame his fear and gave him the hardest hit he could muster. The tangerine lifesaver Grandpa was sucking on flew out from his mouth and landed on the pavement right next to Luigo. It took a few seconds for the idea to appear in his mind.
"Grandpa! You're a genius!"
"I am?" Grandpa was trying to recover. "I am, yes. Why?"
"More crust! On the outside AND the inside! Come on, Mario, let's get in that kitchen and make history!"
And so they did.
Weekend Quickie 10 - Here comes the choo-choo train
(image - chocolate cake with '14' candles, element - a son or mother, emotion - extreme devotion)
"You're gonna regret ever crossing me!"
The warehouse echoed with his victim's whimpering, blood dripping from the man's tied wrists. Vince's soldiers stood nearby, waiting. Another entered through the sliding doors and ran over, catching his ear.
"Boss?"
"What? Can't you see I'm busy?"
"It's your mother, boss."
"My wha...oh Christ."
Vince saw her coming in, the small wrinkled little thing, carrying a large cake.
"Mother! What are you doing here? I told you I was busy."
"Busy, busy, you're always busy, no time for your dear old mother, eh, Vincent?"
She passed the cake to one of his soldier's and expected a kiss on the cheek. It came reluctantly.
"That's better. Now, Vincent, I've got you a cake."
"What for, mother?"
His victim spat some blood. Vince slapped him.
"Respect! This is my mother!"
"Sorry."
"Better. Mother, it's a birthday cake."
"And? You looked a little pale and thin this morning, I thought you needed something sweet."
She took out a knife and cut the cake.
"
It's got candles on it, mother. I'm not 14."
"It's all I could get at the 24 hour. Open wide, dear!"
"Ah, mother!"
Vince opened his mouth.
"And here come's the choo-choo train!"
Weekend Quickie 11 - Just what did little Tim do?
(image - large turkey float in parade, element - a lava lamp, emotion - thankfulness)
There was something wrong with the picture. Standing with Tim in the middle of the crowd while watching a stupid-looking massive turkey go by on a float in the annual parade, I knew something was up. But I couldn't put my finger on it. Something didn't sit right...
As the floats continued going by, my body started sweating uncontrollably. Something wasn't right. I had the feeling to leave the throng of people and go straight home. Why? I had to get home but why?
With Tim in my arms I made the decision, but I had to set off on foot as there wasn't any public transport for the duration of the parade. What was bugging me? Had I forgotten something? Was it my mother's birthday? What was it?
When I entered the flat, pissed off that we'd missed the rest of the parade, I saw it. Tim loved my lava lamp. He could watch it for hours, but this morning he'd put it on the stove without me knowing to make the horrible stuff inside move around faster. Consciously knowing, that is. I ran to the kitchen and switched it off. Thank god for women's intuition. And that turkey.
Weekend Quickie 12 - Memories
(image - storm in the distance down a long road, element - musical notes, emotion - a longing inspired by beauty, that you thought you’d overcome)
The radio played in the background as his partner yapped on about how he should do more about the house and fix the terrace so she could hold her afternoon social gatherings with the local bridge club and...he recognised the musical notes in the air, such beauty he had long forgotten. They swirled in his mind and brought back a time when his life had some meaning, a longing for beauty, for life, a longing for happiness and love. Mozart Symphony No. 4 in D Major. How had he remembered that?
"Are you listeing to me, Winston?"
"Yes, dear."
He tried to concentrate a little more on driving down this forever-ending road towards her relatives' house, but the music enveloped his mind once more and he lost all sense of reality, lost in the beauty of a time he wished back.
"Hey, Winston, Winston!"
"What?"
His partner's shout shook him and he awoke from his reminiscing. He hadn't noticed the sky turning black, the wind buffeting the car. He was driving right into a storm, and not just any storm, the largest he'd seen for a while.
Something about it was comforting, warm, beautiful...
"Winston!"
He put the radio up.
Weekend Quickie 13 - Revisited
(image - Melissani cave on Kefalonia, Greece, element - cyclorama, emotion - enchantment)
I know now we should have let him stay there, instead we thought only of ourselves, our own selfish lives, responsibilities and future schedules. We should have allowed him to pass away on Kefalonia, among the nymphs of Melissani cave.
"I'm back, Lucy, back!"
"Yes, father, you're back."
How could we have not foreseen this? Did we not see the new shine in his eyes while we were there for real, revisiting the place he had loved as a younger man full of vigor, strength and a lust for life?
"I can see them, Lucy. They are so…enchanting."
"Yes, father, yes, I see them."
Luckily Tom had taken a panoramic view of the cave and was able to have some custom wall-sized prints made up to fit the spare room. A few fake rocks, shells and a shallow tray of blue Mediterranean-looking water placed in the foreground made up the cyclorama. After one slow drive around the block, followed by a nap in the car, I was able to convince him that he was in the cave when he woke up.
"Oh Lucy, the nymphs, they are singing!"
"Yes, father."
He closed his eyes, leaving a smile on his face.
12 Days of Christmas (Weekend Quickie Special)
Part 1
(image - man jumping across train carriages, element - partridge in a pear tree, emotion - infinite possibility)
"Quick! Get him, before it's too late!"
Brad saw the attacker escaping from the carriage, holding a partridge?
"Are you okay?"
The attacker's victim brushed himself off.
"Don't worry about me! Worry about him! Him!"
"What?"
"If he finds a pear tree, we're all doomed!"
Brad showed the man his badge.
"Detective Brad Shaw. What is going on?"
"Infinite possibilities are within his grasp!"
The train rocked as another passed by.
"I don't understand."
"He stole the Device, and the partridge! He must be stopped!"
There was a scream and Brad ran into the next carriage. He saw the attacker leaving by a side window. A woman was standing there in a state of shock. Looking out, Brad saw a maintenance ladder which led up to the roof. In spite of himself, Brad followed, to see the man leaping from this carriage to the next. Once up on the roof, Brad noticed they were travelling through a large orchard…of pear trees.
"What is going on?"
He watched as the man, still holding the partridge, jumped from the train towards a pear tree. A strange portal opened up and the man disappeared. In a flash Brad jumped through the same portal.
Part 2
(image - woman blowing dust from her hands, element 1 - magic beans, element 2 - two turtle doves)
The first thing Brad saw was a woman. A nice looking woman, but she was covered in dust.
"Who are you, eh?"
"I...I've just come through some kind of wormhole."
She stared at Brad and shook her head.
"Next you'll be goin' on about magic beans and giants! Who the hell are you?"
The woman cleaned her jacket, bashing debris off herself and blowing dust from her hands.
"You'll be paying for that damage. You an' that other guy."
"Other guy?"
Brad got up and saw he was in an outhouse, now with a huge hole in the wall, in some country backyard.
"Where am I?"
"You're on my land, that's what!"
A loud fat man came into view, holding a shotgun.
"Detective Brad Shaw." He showed his badge. "I'm...I'm following a man."
"What, 'im? Oi! 'E's got two of my turtle doves!"
"Turtle doves?"
Brad saw the same man who'd jumped off the train leap over a large fence.
"My priced turtle doves! You! You're gonna pay for them!"
"Sure. But first I have to catch that man. Excuse me."
What was going on? Two turtle doves? A partridge? Did this man have something against birds? Brad gave chase.
Part 3
(image - old bottle with sample tag, emotion - anticipation, element - three french hens)
Brad ignored the shouts from behind and followed the strange man over fences, gates, fields and outdoor toilets. He finally got within earshot.
"Stop!"
He showed his badge once again but the man shrugged it off.
"No one can stop me."
The man grabbed three chickens from another yard.
"What are you doing? Why are you taking these birds?"
"Leave before I begin to care about your existence!"
"Are you making a bird stew?"
"A partridge in a pear tree, two turtle doves and three french hens! Can't you see the plumage? Lovely plumage..."
"Are you collecting for a school Christmas performance or what?"
The man took out an old bottle with a sample tag and held it to Brad.
"With this pus from her ganglion cyst which she saved in this here bottle, I will bring her back to life! Muhahaha!"
"Who? With pus?"
"Not just pus! Wit
h this device and the twelve elements of Babarossa from the ancient incantation of Babylon, she will once again be mine! I am in excited anticipation of her glorious return!"
"Who?"
The man hit a button on the device and disappeared through another portal. Brad had no other plans for the day.
Part 4
(image - old man and woman sitting at an upright piano, emotion - euphoria, element - four colly birds)
He was lost with no sign of the man. If this followed the twelve days of Christmas, then four calling birds were next. Walking down an almost empty street full of terrace houses, he heard a piano playing. The sound was coming from a house with an open door. Whoever it was, they were playing that same song! Was this…? It had to be him! Brad ran into the house and there he was, playing an upright as bold as brass.
"I'm arresting you for the theft of…!"
"You know, we used to sit together playing the old upright piano...ah, it was euphoria to hear her play Rachmaninoff."
The man had four blackbirds in a cage next to him on the stool.
"I thought it was meant to be calling birds?"
"Four 'Colly' birds, blackbirds. Common mistake."
"You learn something every day. Now, you're under arrest for…"
The man turned and fired his device at Brad. Apparently it doubled as a weapon. He went down like a ton of bricks. As Brad lost consciousness on the carpet, he noticed the man continuously pressing a button on his device and swearing. The last thing Brad saw was the man running out.
Part 5
(image - woman pushing a trolley/pram with twin boys and a christmas tree inside, emotion - an irresistible urge to disco, element - five gold rings)
"Are you alright, dear?"
Brad woke up to a cup of tea.
"Sure."
He sat up and took the drink. The old woman offered a plateful of biscuits.
"Are there any jewellers in the area?"
"Jewellers? Why yes, in the town centre. I took my pearl necklace there some months ago. Lovely man."
Feeling better for the tea, Brad said goodbye and once outside instantly tripped over a trolley filled with twin boys and a christmas tree. Other than the swearing from the mother, he heard a distant alarm. The jewellers. Reaching a pedestrianised square, he saw the place, with its alarm screaming above the door. The owner was there, doing the giddy-down and looking bemused and exhausted.