"Detective Shaw." Brad showed his badge. "What happened?"
"I was robbed by a guy who zapped me with a strange raygun. I now have an irresistible urge to disco."
The man changed to a bunny slope.
"He took five rings, right?"
"How did you know? Five gold rings. He could've taken it all."
Retro hustle.
Which way did he go?"
"That way."
Brad had to stop this before it went too far. He knocked the man out and ran after his prey.
Part 6
(image - giant hand picking up a car from a carpark, element 1 - Six Geese a Laying, who will only lay to the sound of ABBA, element 2 - Uncle Boom-Boom, your mother’s sister’s second husband)
The street led out to a riverbank frequented by OAPs on benches. A few of them looked shocked.
"Excuse have you...?"
They all pointed downriver, and Brad saw the man some distance ahead.
"You! Stop! Stop this nonsense now!"
The man turned to him and laughed. This was not the same man he saw playing the piano. Yes, he looked the same, but something had changed, something inside.
"Who's going to stop me? You and your Uncle Boom-Boom, your mother’s sister’s second husband? Muhahaha!"
The man was completely crazy!
Brad tried to grab him but he moved too fast. The crazy man hit something on his device and the man's hands grew to an immense size. Ignoring Brad's attempts at stopping him, he picked out six geese who were brooding on eggs in the reeds.
"I will take six geese and they will lay!"
He now danced a strange jig along the riverbank, while holding all six geese in one hand.
"Six geese a laying! Six geese a laying only to the sounds of ABBA!"
Before Brad could think, the man picked up a car from a nearby fisherman's carpark with his other enormous hand and threw it at him.
Part 7
(image - caravans in a 'spend the night party', emotion - a numinous feeling, element - seven swans a swimming)
The man threw like a girl. The car rolled into a nearby caravan park. A sign said 'Spend the Night Party 8pm start'. There'd be a few less tonight with the wreakage spread across the lot.
"Swans, swans, glorious swans!"
More buttons pressed, more insanity. The river rose like a large water snake, writhing in the air. Seven swams were on its surface. They tried to fly away but seemed stuck by some unseen force.
"Seven swans a swimming! Haha!"
Brad didn't see it coming. The river swayed behind and caught him in its wake and the force that held the swans also held Brad. Upside down. It didn't take long to start drowning. He panicked, his lungs emptied and he was helpless, all alone. A curious peace came over him, a numinous feeling, a feeling you get when you entered a church. Was this the afterlife? Was he dead?
A tree hit his head and somehow the force that held him disappeared and he dropped through the branches and leaves and fell onto the ground.
Rubbing his head, Brad knew a direct approach was not on the cards any longer. But he had to keep going, no matter what.
Part 8
(image - Santas wearing beards in a Santa school, emotion - Psithurism, element - eight maids-a-milking)
When he'd got to his feet, he was alone. All he could hear was the sound of the wind in the trees, the rustling of the leaves. Psithurism. Funny how certain words stuck in your head during literature classes. Brad enjoyed the brief moment until a cow broke the spell with a moo. Of course, eight maids-a-milking! There were farm buildings some distance away, and Brad got to them as fast as possible, only to be surprised by the sight he saw when entering a barn. Eight Asian girls with white beards sitting on stools and milking cows.
"What the...?"
"Help!"
Brad spotted the man in the back of the barn and hid in the shadows.
"Help, please! We au pairs. We from down woad, we help out Santa school. He take us and we milk cow."
Maids were far and few between nowadays. He had to give it to the man, au pairs were a sensible choice. Now, how to stop...too late, the crazy man had already opened another portal and the au pairs and cows were being sucked in. Oh, for a few moments to think! Brad grabbed hold of the last cow's tail and was taken through.
Part 9
(image - lightning strikes on Bay Bridge, San Francisco, emotion - exhiliration, element - eight ladies dancing)
Lightning struck the bridge across the bay. Where was he? When following the man through the portal there was no way of knowing where he'd find himself. San Francisco? Did he catch a glimpse of the Golden Gate far off to the north?
"Ha ha! I feel the exhilaration of victory! Soon she will be mine again!"
The madman was oblivious to the world, with his huge hands helping him leapfrog along the bridge and leaving Brad behind.
Brad kept to a steady jog and followed the long line of stunned pedestrians and motorists he found. Resting to catch his breath, he saw men being thrown out of a nightclub. That must be it. As he opened the doors, screams filled the place. There was chaos inside as people scambled to escape. In the centre of the dancefloor, his man was surrounded by a group of dancing woman. Nine ladies dancing. Time was running out. What was it the first man said? 'We're all doomed, infinite possibilities are within his grasp'. What did that mean? Why were we all doomed if this man succeeded? A portal opened up again, and the dancefloor was empty. Brad jumped into the closing dimension.
Part 10
(image - night sky with stars and a church, emotion - wonder inspired by a miracle, element - ten lords a leaping)
He lay on the heath under the night sky among the stars and near an abandoned church, now only a remnant of what it once was. To his right was a mansion, with its windows lit up by the party inside. He didn't need to count how many lords there were, he already knew. Ten lords a leaping, jumping across the long table in the lavish dining room, singing and drinking to the music inside. The crazy man was with them, dancing and laughing, so close to his goal. Brad turned back to the stars.
What was the point? In only hours, Brad's sense of reality, right and wrong, had been blown out of all proportion. Was he doing the right thing? Did he care anymore? With all the insanity he'd seen and experienced, was it worth continuing on with this wild goose chase, literally, or any other come to think of it? As he gazed on looking up at the sky, three green shooting stars swooped by. For a moment, it was like he had been inspired by a miracle, the wonder of the universe, in all its entirety and infinite possibilities. He knew what he had to do.
Part 11
(image - girl and boy kneeling in front of Christmas fireplace, emotion - joy and anticipation, element - eleven pipers piping)
The front door was wide open and the music spread out into the darkness. Brad ran inside, not wishing to miss the next move. On entering the dining room, he saw the lords a leaping, and also the source of the music. Bagpipes, eleven pipers piping.
Brad hid behind a chair as the crazy man danced on the table.
"Soon! Soon, I will see her again!"
Yet more of his ramblings!
"Oh, Daphne! To hear your voice once more, to play as we once played together!"
The crazy man stopped dancing and his attention was taken by the great fireplace covered in Christmas decorations and stockings.
"We used to kneel by the fire in joy and anticipation of the morning to come, our Christmas morning. The presents, the chestnuts! Oh, I miss you so, my dear darling sister!"
This man was doing all this for his sister? They must've had a strong bond, Brad guessed. Through instinct, he thought about taking the man by force though stopped when he saw the hands. He knew what he should do.
But once again, the man pressed more buttons on that damn device and a portal appeared. Brad had only one chance left.
Part 12
(image - people in church at the Midnight Mass, emotion - the peace
that passeth all understanding, element - twelve drummers drumming)
It was all there at the Midnight Mass, the partridge in a pear tree, the doves, hens, lords, maids, everything and everyone. The church was full of people. The final piece to the puzzle, twelve drummers drumming, a group of children from the local school, were making one hell of a racket performing. The crazy man with huge hands was standing nearby, watching a light in front of him grow larger and larger. The image of a woman appeared and was beginning to solidify.
Then it happened. The roof disappeared, the sky opened up, lightning struck, thunder, torrential rain, snow, fish, locusts, cats and dogs. People screamed and ran. Brad was reminded of the premonition of doom.
Brad acted quickly. He jumped in amongst the twelve children, found a pair of bongos and sat down. Anyone can play the bongos. Brad caught onto the rhythm and was playing along with them in seconds.
"Oh, my darling, my lov...what! What is this?"
The woman faded, the skies cleared, snow fell. The clock struck midnight.
"What?"
The man saw Brad.
"You! I'll...!"
Brad felt the peace that passeth all understanding as the man strangled him.
"And a Merry Christmas to you, too."
Weekend Quickie 16 - Nicked in time
(image - typewriter, element 1 - "Some people could look at a mud puddle and see an ocean with ships." Zora Neale Hurston, element 2 - 365 days)
365 days. Three hundred and sixty five days and he couldn't do it.
"Just write something, we'll publish it for you, make you a star, a career," said his friend at the publishing company.
And now was the last day.
Zora Neale Hurston once wrote "Some people could look at a mud puddle and see an ocean with ships." He saw nothing. All his life he'd wanted to be a writer and now he'd blown his chance. He hadn't a creative bone in his body.
There was a knock. He moved himself away from his unused typewriter and went to the door. It was the man from downstairs.
"Hello."
"Hi, err, I'm a little busy right now…"
"Sorry, sorry, but I heard that you were a writer?"
He stopped himself from closing the door.
"Yes, I, err, yes, I'm a writer."
"Well, I know it's a bit of a nuisance for you, but could you do me a big favour and have a look at my old manuscript? I've been working on it for over ten years now and I'd like someone with an eye for these things to peruse it, so to speak."
"Why, of course, I'd be delighted…"
Weekend Quickie 17 - For Love
(image - Aurora Borealis, element - Halcyon (bird), emotion - distraction)
He watched as the Aurora Borealis lit up the night sky. How insignificant he felt, in this infinite universe. Was his uncle really correct? Did it all matter? Were human morals and social constraints meaningless?
"But uncle, what would the neighbours say?"
"I don't have any neighbours, dear boy. And I don't see what all the fuss is about. I love all my works of art, as you know, and this would be no different."
His uncle's trailer was filled with stuffed animals, from dogs and cats, a fox, a squirrel, some strange looking marsupials posted over to him from an Australian relative - the postman gave those packages a curious glance - and his pride and joy, a Halcyon, a type of kingfisher he'd hit with his Landrover on the 'can-never-be-forgotten' African expedition. His uncle wanted a lion but couldn't get anyone to bag him one. So the poor roadkill became the taxidermist's African prize.
"But uncle…"
"I loved her. Why can't I turn her into a work of art?"
"Because it's wrong, uncle, so wrong!"
"Oh, you will send me to distraction, dear boy!"
His uncle stroked her hair.
"Why can't you just bury her like everyone else?"
Weekend Quickie 18 - Exquisite pain
(image - man and woman making a large sailing boat indoors, element - a birthday wish, emotion - a feeling of “la douleur exquise”)
He thought that hiding himself indoors for a few weeks, making a 7 foot sailing boat would keep his mind off her, but he'd forgotten about his birthday. She'd never miss that. Since his brother was being held captive by Taliban terrorists they'd spent a lot of time together.
"Can you just hold this line?"
"Sure."
Everything she did now drove him crazy: smiling, sitting, holding string, speaking, listening, flicking her hair, anything. Why did he have to fall in love with someone he couldn't have? Admittedly, there were few girls on the island, but your brother's wife?
"Happy Birthday!"
She laughed and passed him a small flat present, presumably a book.
"Thank you."
He tried to hide his pain.
"Aren't you going to open it?"
"It's...it's your copy of Shakespeare's Sonnets, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. You said you'd love to read it, so..."
Another laugh, another stabbing wound to his suffering heart.
"I see you have a cake."
"Yes, mother brought it over earlier."
"What did you wish for?"
"If I tell you, it won't come true."
"Yes, I guess so."
She looked over at the photo of his brother, her husband, on the mantelpiece and started crying.
Weekend Quickie 19 - Cowboy Frolics
(image - cars in the parking lot of Gruene Hall, Texas, element - the lyric from “Ramblin’ Man”, by the Allman Brothers “…And I was born in the back seat of a Greyhound bus, Rollin’ down highway 41″, emotion - acquiescence)
Randy lent against the open door of his Dodge pickup truck with the 40 watt double bass stereo system blaring out "Ramblin' Man" by the Allman Brothers. He sang a few lines as he waited for Scott in the Gruene Hall's parking lot.
“…And I was born in the back seat of a Greyhound bus, rollin’ down highway 41…″
Scott swaggered over and stood there, legs apart, staring him down.
"If I remember right, you were born in yer Mami's backyard, with a shovel up yer arse and a greasy rag for a diaper."
"You got what ya wanted earlier, now why d'ya call me here?"
"I want that too, for the whole weekend."
Scott pointed at Randy's Dodge, his pride and joy. What could he do except step aside in silent acquiescence?
"Thanks, 'Buddy'. Keys in the ignition?"
Randy nodded. Scott opened the glove compartment and cleaned his Cuban heeled cowboy boots with Randy's chamois, smiling triumphantly. Straightening his Stetson in the side mirror, he closed the door and started the Dodge.
"Now, boy I'll have this right back after I'm done. Don't yer worry about a thing. And Randy? You know now that I always go on top."
Weekend Quickie 20 - Naughty Mrs. Mibbley
(image - trapdoor under carpets at the bottom of oak staircase, element - lavender, emotion - a feeling of incongruity)
Shaw waited for the doctor to come down from the bedroom. It was a simple case, only paperwork needed for this one. The constable had driven him over from the station.
"There's something wrong with this picture."
"What, this picture, sir?"
The constable pointed to the Brueghel hanging on the wall.
"No, the whole picture, the hallway. There's something not right here."
The doctor walked down the large staircase, holding onto the polished oak rail at every step.
"Well, I'm all done here, Inspector. Died in her sleep, the poor thing."
"Okay, Doc. I'll put that in my report. Could you come and look at this, please?"
They stood there, all three, looking at the large staircase from the front door.
"Sorry, Inspector, but what are we looking at?"'
"I have a feeling of incongruity about all this, the placing of the furniture, the carpets. And all that lavender?"
"Yes, she loved lavend
er, dear poor old Mrs. Mibbley, God rest her soul. Did a lot of flower arranging for the church. Always used lavender."
Shaw bent down and removed the Persian rugs to reveal a trapdoor.
"So, did Mrs. Mibbley like a little something extra with her tea and biscuits?"
Weekend Quickie 21 - The Power of Love
(image - a forest, element - a portent that provokes fear, emotion - infatuation)
Somewhere, they must be somewhere! He ran through the lush green undergrowth of the forest, searching, hoping. If only he could...a rook cawed deep in the forest. A sign of impending doom! He began to sweat not only in exhaustion but also fear, the adrenalin racing through his body. He saw dark foreboding shadows rushing between the trees. Were they real? No matter, he didn't care! Come hell or high water he had to complete this task, for her, for the one! To hold her, to have her as his own! They said he'd been taken over by an infatuation, like a disease but she was his life, his love! Every living moment he could think of no one else but her! Tripping over a thornbush, he lost a shoe but he could not stop! He had to find them! He tried to remember, retrace his steps...there! He had passed this way earlier! Yes! There they were! He picked them up and ran back from whence he came. Running through the trees, ignoring sounds, visions, all distractions, no matter how frightening! He was back to the road and turned the keys in the door.
"I'm back." He kissed the dashboard.
Weekend Quickie 22 - The urge to tell
(image - girl bouncing along on a space hopper on an empty highway, element - just brewed coffee, emotion - the urge to tell a secret)
My mind geared up with the freshly brewed morning coffee as I realised the quietness in the house. Deathly quiet.
"Maddy?"
I told her the secret last night. I had to, she bullied it out of me with her pleading and whining. John had left for the airport a day before and Pappy lived over ten kilometres away, so I had no worries she would tell. Or did I?