Chapter 17
Relationships? Well, if you’re talking the girlfriend-boyfriend variety, I’m still working on it. But I can say this. In Head Mind, you never really know anyone, do you. You may know stuff about them—their physical features, likes and dislikes, their names, even their IQ. Because they’re your friend, your girlfriend or boyfriend, or even your worst enemy, you think you know them…but until you know them at the level of Heavenly Mind, you won’t know what connects you and them at the deepest level. Try to find the place where the energies join. How? I’ve told you. Practice headlessness—know yourself!”
- From His Recorded Words
Without the usual after class discussion with Mr. Tan, we were, for the first time in a long time, walking out of school at the same time everyone else did. As we crossed into the busy parking lot, I noticed some people about to come over, probably to pester Danny. He didn’t mind, but I was sick of it. Then a sporty red car pulled up beside us. From the driver’s window Sally Perkins told us to get in.
“I don’t think so,” I said.
From the passenger side, Michelle’s head poked up over the car. “Get in.” Danny hopped in the back so I had to follow.
In her mirror, as she was driving out of the lot, Sally said, “There’s no cheerleading practice today so we’re going to the mall. Want to spend the a couple hours with us?”
“Naw,” I said.
“Sure,” Danny overrode.
“Well, just so long as you’re not emphasizing spend,” I said.
“You’re pretty witty for a bad boy,” Sally said.
“What can I do? You know I come from the wrong side of the tracks for people like you.”
“Who the hell ever said that?” Sally snapped.
“Joe, that’s not right,” Michelle said. “You know that’s not us.”
Danny threw me sideways glance and I just shrugged. I still hadn’t shared anything about Sally with him.
I lost some sourness on the way to mall. Sally, Michelle and Danny chatted about everything and anything not having to do with Danny’s teaching, the rumble on the hill, and other controversies involving Principal Steele, the Young Evangelicals, Mr. Tan, and such. Instead they talked normal stuff—the latest movies, TV shows, some stupid girl getting pregnant from that loser Steve Wylie, and then the football team’s terrible loss to East High the other night and then the big news—Tim being permanently benched after the screaming blowout with the Coach Stevens
“So no more football for Tim?” I said.
“Probably not,” said Michelle.
Sally added, with a mocking tone, “He’ll still have archery.” At that, we all started laughing.
“Tim’s such a jerk,” Sally said, poking Michelle. “I can’t believe you ever went out with that loser.”
“Sorry. I screwed up.”
“Moron,” Sally declared.
Michelle said, mostly to herself, “At the time I was thinking, head cheerleader, top football player—that makes sense. I should have learned from a friend’s experience about Tim.” She poked Sally’s arm. “I’m not the only moron.” She went on to explain how Tim had been going downhill for months, drinking all the time, cheating to get by in school, maybe taking pills. She finally summed it up: “He’s kind of a…psycho.”
I didn’t mention my own thoughts about the Tim situation. I was still fixed on my plans.
Walking around the mall we got lost a few times. I’m sure this happens to other people now and then—wandering in and out of stores, coming out and then backtracking the wrong way—but it just kept happening to us, over and over, and as we doubled back on ourselves for probably the tenth time Sally started laughing so hard she had to sit down on a gigantic planter. Her eyes teared up and she said, “If we keep doing this, I’m going to pee my pants.”
During all of this I was trying to get a handle on Sally’s renewed friendliness. I didn’t want to say anything and push it; but it didn’t seem like she could just be slumming with me, either. We stopped at the food court for some burgers and fries and cokes. Sally pulled a chunk of ice out of her Big Gulp and held it on one of my head bumps, even though I’d already told them, “Don’t ask.” She said, “Well, whatever it was that got you this, stop it.” Then we went to one of those spoof movies that make fun of other movies. This one was making fun of all the vampire movies. I’d never seen a real teen vampire movie; Danny neither, but it was still funny. Unfortunately, I only had a few bucks on me, not enough for the movies. So Michelle and Sally covered the difference, saying they owed us. Sally added that if I wanted I could return the favor sometime.
It was dark when we left the mall. Sally dropped off Michelle first. Her home was close to the mall, in a real nice neighborhood with lots of big houses with big yards and always a nice car, or two or three, in the driveway. This was pretty much how I figured they lived. My house didn’t have a driveway. Danny’s house had one, but it was all broken up and only came in about ten feet from the curb. The comparison was kind of embarrassing.
“Sally, you know our neighborhood is kind of rough. You can just drop us off at school.”
“Yeah,” Danny said. “We like to walk home.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be silly. Of course, I’ll take you home. Danny, where do you live?”
After we dropped off Danny she asked me to come up front. I’m sure she was trying not to, but I could see her scanning warily as we drove through the crumbling streets, littered lawns, shabby houses and crummy bars. “Attractive, huh?” I said.
“It’s fine.’
“Hey thanks for everything,” I said at the curb. “This was fun, and definitely good time for Danny. Get him off some of these problems with Principal Steele.”
“He doesn’t seem too bothered to me,” she said.
“Well, for me then. It was good for me.” I got out the door. And then got a surprise, because she got out of her side too. We met in front, in the headlights.
“What do you want, Sally?” I asked.
She took one of my hands into hers. “I’m sorry I turned you down on the date. I was wrong.”
“You were right. I’m from the wrong side of town. That’s the truth. Sometimes I wish it weren’t. But it is. And Tim told me.”
“Told you what?”
“That you’re sort of…slumming with me.”
She screamed. “That asshole! That’s a lie. Why would you believe a shithead like him? Tim and I dated over a year ago. I dumped him. He was a jackass. Why do you think I tease Michelle about him? I know. He’s a monster.”
“Then why—”
“I don’t have a good reason, Joe. I panicked, that’s all. You’re a little different, and I just wasn’t there yet. I got scared. I was attracted once to someone who didn’t look dangerous, but they were. It’s taken me a while to understand that despite your rep, you’re not dangerous at all. Except when you’re protecting Danny, and that’s the good kind. I can see that now.”
“So it doesn’t matter now, me coming from—” and I swept my hand over the dump of my neighborhood.
“No.” She pressed in, wrapped her arms over my neck. We stood there for about fifteen minutes.
I didn’t invite Sally in. Dad might have been there, and I didn’t think she’d be ready for that. Just coming to this neighborhood, just kissing me, was a heck of a stretch for a girl like her. Seeing how Dad and I really lived—that could have been traumatic.
So she drove away, after saying, “Let’s talk tomorrow,” followed by one last kiss. I stumbled into the house, more unsteady on my feet, I think, than after Tim and his friends had jumped me. Dad was slumped on the couch, snoring his bullhorn snore, and I went to bed feeling better about a whole lot things.