‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Forever.’
We were just a few doors away from the party house now. I glanced over. No one was outside. I reached up and kissed his lips.
His mouth opened hungrily and soon I was lost in a burning kiss, my whole body melting into him.
It was several minutes before we finally stopped and I drew away. Flynn rubbed his forehead. His face was flushed, his eyes lit up. I filled with delicious pride that I had such an effect on him.
He looked up and shook his head. ‘Kissing you, Riv, it’s not like anything else in the world.’
‘Good.’ I smiled. ‘So tea . . . tomorrow?’
Flynn nodded eagerly. ‘Where? Will you be back in Norton by then?’
‘No,’ I explained. ‘I’ll still be at Mum’s. Dad isn’t picking me up until evening.’
‘Okay, so somewhere near your mum’s then?’
We stood talking for a moment, fixing on a time and a place, then we kissed once more and Flynn let me go. ‘Don’t forget I’ll still be watching over you,’ he called out softly as I walked away.
I went back into the party and wandered through the throng of people dancing, one minute thrilling with excitement at the memory of our kiss and the prospect of seeing Flynn properly tomorrow, the next full of anxiety about how going out with him again could possibly work.
Well, I wasn’t going to worry about that now. Tomorrow was just a toe in the water, a chance to see how we were outside all the drama of Cody and the debris from our previous relationship.
I saw Grace and James dancing in a group and headed over. For a moment I wondered where Flynn was right now. Was he really outside? Standing guard over me somewhere close by? Hidden from everyone in here? Then I let the music take over and got lost in the dance.
It was fun. More fun now that I knew where I stood with Flynn. I was actually surprised when Grace leaned over and said it was nearly 2.30 a.m. and she and James were going to go home and did I want to share a cab?
I agreed, somewhat reluctantly. Still, once I was safe back at Mum’s at least Flynn would hopefully get some rest from being my bodyguard.
Grace went to say goodbye to someone while I waited with James at the front door. As I stood there, Emmi wandered over. She looked a bit tipsy, her lipstick smudged.
‘Can I have a word, River?’ she asked.
‘Sorry, Em, we’re leaving,’ I said. ‘Do you want a lift with us?’
Emmi shook her head. She narrowed her eyes at James, who took the hint and backed away.
As soon as he was a few metres across the room, Emmi leaned in close, whispering in my ear. ‘River,’ she said urgently. ‘What’s going on?’ Despite that smudged lipstick, she didn’t sound drunk at all.
I frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
Emmi lowered her voice. ‘I saw you outside, walking up the road with Flynn.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘You were kissing, like . . . like you were totally back together, but you said you’d hardly seen him. What’s going on?’
I stared at her. Of all the people in the world, Emmi, who had betrayed my secret about James and the nano-kiss to such devastating effect last year, was the last person I would have chosen to confide in.
‘We’re not back together,’ I said, looking her straight in the eye.
Emmi snorted. ‘That’s not what it looked like.’ She paused. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone, River. I learned my lesson about butting into other people’s business last year. So your secret is safe, but . . .’
‘There’s no secret,’ I hissed. ‘I keep telling you, we’re not back together, just . . . just . . .’
Emmi tilted her head to one side. ‘You can only kid yourself for so long, River. Just remember who you’re dealing with. It’s Flynn. It won’t end well. It never does with him. You’ll be hurt. Again.’ She sighed and when she spoke next, her voice was more serious than I’d ever heard it. ‘It’s much more dangerous than when he was just a bit of a rebel at school. He’s mixed up with really bad people and he’ll end up destroying you if you’re not careful.’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Fear and anger swirled in my guts. ‘He’s left those people.’
‘It’s not that easy.’ Emmi shook her head, as Grace ran over.
‘Sorry,’ Grace said. ‘I got charting.’ She looked at us. ‘What’s up?’
‘Nothing,’ Emmi said quickly. ‘Ill see you guys soon.’
She went back into the party and Grace, James and I headed outside. As we walked towards our cab, Emmi’s words about Flynn ‘destroying’ me echoed in my head. Leo had said almost exactly the same thing to me the other day. Emmi and Leo were about as different from each other as it’s possible for two people to be and yet they both thought Flynn was destined to ruin my life.
It was ridiculous. Melodramatic. Wasn’t it? Didn’t the fact that he wanted to change, had changed, count for anything? Didn’t our love for each other make a difference?
We reached the taxi. Before I got inside, I looked around trying to spot Flynn but I couldn’t see him. A couple of minutes later I felt my phone buzz. It was a text from a number I didn’t recognise. From him.
Hope ok to txt. Get home safe. C u 2mro x
I shut my phone and stared out at the London lights which gleamed and blurred as we passed through busy streets. James and Grace were chatting happily about the party but I couldn’t join in.
Nobody understood me and Flynn. Nobody was ever going to. If we were going to be together, I had to accept that.
There was no alternative future except one in which I was without him entirely.
And that was not a future I could accept.
13
Flynn was waiting when I arrived at the café the following afternoon. It was raining and I’d been hurrying along the street, pulling my hood over my head so that my hair wouldn’t get wet and frizz up. I’d been looking around the whole way, wondering where he was. Despite my attempts to spot him, he stayed out of sight until I got there, when I saw him at last on the other side of the road.
He waved, then darted through the traffic and rushed up to me.
‘It’s our first date all over again,’ he said.
I grinned as we went into the café. This was, indeed, the first place we had ever come on our own together. Back then, almost two years ago, I’d bumped into him on the Broadway with his sister, Siobhan. He had dropped her at the hair salon where she worked, then asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee. We hardly knew each other back then, just a few weeks into the rehearsals for Romeo and Juliet.
‘That wasn’t really a date,’ I said, as Flynn led me over to the same table where we’d sat on that first occasion. ‘If I remember correctly you were really rude to me.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ Flynn pulled out a chair for me. ‘I think you were pretty rude yourself. You asked me why I was so bothered about being poor.’
‘Only because you bit my head off when I offered to pay my share of the bill.’
Flynn made a face. ‘Yeah, you’re right, I did.’ He sighed. ‘I was a bit of a jerk about money back then.’
‘A bit?’ I raised my eyebrows.
Flynn grinned, then bought our coffees. I asked for a cappuccino, just as I had back then. Flynn ordered a plain black coffee. He brought them back to our table and sat down.
‘So,’ he said. ‘Let’s start again.’ He cleared his throat. ‘It’s nice to meet you, River. Thank you for agreeing to go out on a date with me.’
I giggled. ‘Um, well, I thought I’d give you a try, see how you handled my questions.’
‘Questions? Okay.’ Flynn took a gulp of coffee then set his cup back in the saucer. ‘Ask away,’ he said. ‘Three questions, then it’s my turn.’
‘Fine.’ I narrowed my eyes. ‘My first question is how you are managing to follow me everywhere without me seeing you?’
Flynn’s face broke into a huge grin. ‘That’s your first question?’ He laughed. ‘It’s simple. I stay far enough away to be h
idden, but close enough to see you.’ He lowered his voice. ‘When Bentham took me on to his security staff, he trained me to get in and out of places quietly, so I could move around without drawing attention to myself.’
‘Did he teach you to use a gun, too?’
Flynn looked down at the table between us. I was suddenly aware of the buzz of the café, the chattering voices all around, and us here at the table inside our own intense little bubble.
‘I told you, I’ve never been involved with any real violence and I’ve never used a gun.’ Flynn spoke so softly I could barely hear him. ‘But I know Bentham does. And Cody.’
I took a deep breath, then leaned closer towards him. ‘Has Cody killed anyone before?’ I whispered.
Flynn met my eyes. ‘I don’t know for sure. I mean, I don’t know any details but I think so, yes. But not me, Riv, you have to believe that.’
I stared at him. There was something he wasn’t saying. ‘What have you done then?’ I asked.
‘You’ve had three questions,’ Flynn said, looking down at his coffee. ‘It’s my turn.’
‘No,’ I said. ‘I think I’m entitled to an answer. Explain it from the beginning . . . how you got involved with Bentham . . . everything.’
There was a long pause. ‘Okay,’ Flynn said. ‘Well, it all started about a week after I left the commune. I’d gone to Manchester because I couldn’t bear to be in London. A guy I used to work with at Goldbar’s had fixed me up with a job as a bouncer in a nightclub. Bentham came in one day. Some drunk slipped past his bodyguard and tried to punch him. I stopped the drunk. Bentham was impressed. He told Cody to take me on. Cody and I hit it off at first, but then everything went wrong . . .’ He blew out his breath.
‘Go on,’ I said.
‘So . . . at first I just worked as a bodyguard, no weapons, just muscle. I did that for a month or so and it was well paid, but I had no idea who Bentham really was. Then we came back to London which is where Bentham is based and I started to realise that some of the business things he was doing were probably dodgy, but I thought it was more to do with fraud not violence. Anyway, it got to February or so and Siobhan had called to say Mum needed money and I’d been sending her cash but I didn’t have enough to cover what she owed and just at that exact moment, Cody asked if I wanted to earn some extra cash. A lot of extra cash. All I had to do . . .’ he lowered his voice, ‘. . . was hide a gun for Bentham. He moves them about because it’s illegal to own them but he needs them nearby to protect all his money. So . . . so I stashed a revolver for him in my flat.’
‘But that’s . . .’ I covered my mouth with my hand.
‘Illegal . . . stupid . . . dangerous . . .’ Flynn rubbed his forehead, then took a long swig of coffee. ‘I know.’ He set his cup down again. ‘I did it for the money for Mum. I thought that would be it, but of course Bentham got all heavy and threatened me if I didn’t do it again. Which I did because I was scared.’ Flynn sighed. ‘I can’t tell you how much I regret having anything to do with Bentham or Cody or any of them.’
I sat back and sipped at the froth on my cappuccino. In a way, my worst suspicions had been fulfilled. Flynn had been breaking the law. Bentham was an out and out gangster, Cody almost as bad. And yet I believed Flynn when he said he’d never actually used a gun himself.
‘Can I ask you something now, River?’ Flynn hesitated.
I nodded, my mind still on everything he’d told me. ‘Go on.’
Flynn leaned forward. ‘Tell me . . . what do I need to . . . how can I make up for everything I’ve done wrong? I hurt you by running away. I was a coward. I never stopped loving you, but I didn’t . . . couldn’t do the grown-up thing and just talk it through. So now, after all that, what can I do to make things better?’
I gazed into his expressive eyes. All his emotions were there: hurt and anger and love and longing.
‘The more time that passes,’ Flynn went on, ‘the more I realise just how stupid I was to overreact about you kissing James. It was never really about that. I was . . . it was my whole life, feeling I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. So . . . so how do I say sorry now?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ I said truthfully.
We sat in silence for a bit.
‘I need to be able to trust that you won’t fly off the handle,’ I said at last. ‘That’s one thing.’
Flynn nodded.
‘And you need to be honest with me,’ I went on. ‘You need to tell me how you’re feeling, what you’re going through.’ I paused. ‘Are you really going back to college?’
‘Yes, I’m going to retake this whole year. Maybe not at Norton, but somewhere nearby, so I can see you every day. It’ll mean we’ll be in the same year, so we can apply to college together.’
‘Do you still want to do Law at uni?’ I asked.
‘No, History. I’ve decided I don’t want to be a lawyer. But History is interesting and doing a degree will give me a chance to work out what comes next.’
‘Wow.’ I drank some more of my cappuccino. ‘You sound determined.’
Flynn smiled. ‘Once we’re sure Cody has calmed down, then I’ll look for a place to stay and a job.’
‘Where are you living now?’ I asked.
‘In my car,’ Flynn said.
‘What? You can’t sleep in your car. When did you learn to drive, anyway?’
‘Earlier this year.’ Flynn smiled at the look of horror on my face. ‘I got the car with some of the money I made. I was going to get rid of it, but right now I need it to help me watch over you. Honestly, Riv, it’s cool. I drive around when I know you’re safe, take thirty-minute breaks, go to where I can get a wash, do my laundry. Once I find a flat I’ll sell the car for the deposit and look for a proper job.’
‘Sounds like a great plan,’ I said drily. ‘My mum and dad would be impressed.’
‘Don’t,’ Flynn groaned. ‘I know they hate me.’
I made a face. ‘Let’s not talk about them now. We can work out what to say to them another time.’
Flynn finished his coffee. ‘Can I walk with you up the road for a bit? My car’s parked around the corner. And . . . and maybe we could fix our next date?’ He hesitated. ‘I was wondering if it would be okay if I called you as well?’
‘Yes.’ I stood up. A few calls and texts and another date didn’t amount to a proper relationship, just as loving each other wasn’t enough to make that relationship work. I needed to find out if I could trust Flynn again, and that would only happen over time, after we’d done a whole bunch of small, ordinary things together, away from all the drama of everything that had happened with Cody. And away from other people’s fixed opinions. Because Flynn was right that Mum and Dad would hate me seeing him, but in the end it was my life, nobody else’s business.
Flynn and I left the café. It was still raining, and Flynn put his arm across my shoulders as we hurried up the Broadway and into the shelter of a doorway.
‘We should say goodbye here,’ I said. The closer we got to home, the more danger there was of someone I knew seeing us. ‘Thanks for a lovely first date.’
‘Thank you,’ Flynn murmured, then he took my face in his hands and drew me into a long, sweet kiss.
Eventually I pulled away. ‘That wasn’t a very “first date” kiss,’ I said.
Flynn’s eyes twinkled. ‘Let me try ag—’
‘Hey!’ A rough hand grabbed my arm. I gasped.
It was Cody. He stood beside us, his hair damp against his face, one fist thrust into the pocket of his jacket, the other still holding my arm.
‘Get off me!’
‘Let her go!’
Flynn and I spoke at once. Cody ignored us. He fixed his eyes on me.
‘My gun is pointing right at you, River,’ he muttered. ‘If you don’t come with me now, I’ll shoot.’
‘What?’ Panic rose inside me.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ Flynn demanded.
‘Back off.’ Cody swore. ‘It’s
River I need to speak to.’
‘Please,’ I said, my voice a hoarse whisper. ‘Please, I prom—’
‘Shut up.’ Cody moved closer, prodding me with the gun in his pocket.
He glanced at Flynn. ‘I only want to talk to River for a moment, okay? Walk away.’
With a desperate look at me, Flynn took a couple of steps back. Cody grabbed my arm and dragged me across the pavement. I wanted to shout out, but fear kept my scream in my throat. We reached a sports car. Cody opened the passenger door and shoved me inside. As he raced around to the driver’s seat, I looked in the wing mirror. Flynn was pelting along the road. I peered more closely, watching as he stopped running and got into a car himself. I caught a flash of a door slamming, then he was out of sight.
Cody jumped into the car beside me and before I knew what was happening, we had roared away.
14
The car sped along. Within seconds we were zooming fast, heading across the roundabout and towards the main road. I shrank back, into the corner of the passenger seat.
‘What are you doing?’ I found my voice at last.
Cody glanced across at me. His gun was in his lap. Beads of sweat glistened on his forehead. ‘I just need to talk to you,’ he muttered.
‘Talk to me?’ I shook my head. Panic swirled in my guts. ‘We could have talked on the pavement. You didn’t have to force me into a car at gunpoint.’
Cody said nothing.
‘What are you going to do with me?’ My heart was beating so fast I felt sick.
‘I had to get you away from Flynn,’ Cody said. His hands gripped the steering wheel, his eyes darting over the road ahead.
I glanced into the wing mirror again. Was Flynn behind us somewhere? I cursed myself for not having asked him about his car. I’d only seen a flash of the door as it shut. I wasn’t even sure what colour it was, so, unless it was right behind us, I wouldn’t be able to spot Flynn at all.
‘Come on.’ The traffic had slowed up ahead. Cody swore at the stationary cars. He looked seriously unhinged, his eyes wide and staring and his pale brown hair sticking up at the back.
‘Please, Cody.’ I glanced at my door. We were barely moving right now. Maybe I could try and leap out. I put my hand on the door handle.