Mum sat down opposite me and put the menu on the table between us. ‘No I don’t mind,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘I mean, I wouldn’t want another baby myself, but I understand Gemma . . .’ She sighed. ‘I guess I just feel a bit old.’
‘Oh.’ I wasn’t sure what to say.
Mum looked up and smiled. ‘Shall we order one green and one red curry?’
After we’d eaten I went up to my room to listen to the River songs again. It struck me that, for once, Mum and I had talked for over an hour without either arguing or mentioning Flynn.
I felt a sense of peace and happiness that I’d never known before. Flynn loved me and was looking out for me. And, as long as we didn’t actually make contact, I could live in the delicious anticipation of seeing him soon – but I didn’t have to explain the situation to anyone.
The only downside . . . the only dark cloud hovering above me . . . was that such a time couldn’t possibly last.
11
I slept in late on Saturday morning, then hung out with Mum some more. Apart from the few minutes she spent suggesting I had my hair cut in a pageboy bob, whatever that was, Mum was remarkably non-interfering. She put up no resistance to my suggestion that I might go over to see Grace that evening and seemed pleased when I told her I was on friendly terms again with Emmi.
I didn’t leave the house all afternoon but I did look around when I set off to walk to Grace’s that night. There was no sign of Flynn – or of Cody. I wondered if Flynn would really have followed me to London. After walking to Grace’s house and there still being no sign of him, I was convinced he couldn’t possibly be here. I mean, surely he would come up to me if he saw me on my own?
Grace cooed over my pictures of Lily, then she and I spent a fun hour getting ready to go to a party. This one was in central London – and being given by another friend of James who Grace appeared to know quite well but I’d never met. Emmi and some of my other old friends from school were coming too. Grace and I were just finishing our make-up when James arrived. I could see something was wrong as soon as he walked in, though Grace – flying into the bathroom – didn’t notice.
‘What is it?’ I asked as soon as she’d shut the door.
James frowned. ‘This guy’s been asking about you, River. A friend of Flynn’s, Cody Walsh. He was at that party we all went to last week.’
My insides shrivelled. ‘Cody Walsh?’
James nodded. ‘He turned up at my house a few days ago, demanding to know where you lived.’
I gasped. ‘What did you say?’
‘Nothing.’ James made a face. ‘Flynn had already called me, warned me the guy was dangerous and that I shouldn’t give him any information.’
‘Did he say why Cody wanted to find me?’
‘No.’ James shrugged. ‘But Flynn was adamant I should say I didn’t know your address.’
‘Thanks.’ I sank down on to Grace’s bed, my head in my hands. The whole idea of Cody trying to trace me had started to seem a little far-fetched but now here was James confirming exactly that . . . exactly what Flynn had warned me of a week ago.
I shivered.
‘I’m sorry, River,’ James said. ‘What happened? Cody didn’t seem that odd to me at the party, but Flynn made him sound like a psycho.’
I gulped. I couldn’t tell James the truth. ‘I think he got the wrong end of the stick about something,’ I said vaguely.
‘Well, don’t say anything to Grace, will you?’ James urged. ‘I don’t want her getting all stressed.’ He shook his head. ‘Trouble follows Flynn everywhere, doesn’t it?’ he said wearily. ‘Look, River, you know I like him, yeah? Flynn’s a great guy. He stands up for himself and he’s loyal to people and . . . and he does really love you. He knows he made a mistake getting involved with a gangster and he’s trying to deal with all that. But honestly, you are so much better off not having anything to do with him. Or people like Cody Walsh.’
‘Right,’ I said, as Grace came back into the room. Was James right that I should back away from Flynn? After all, it wasn’t directly Flynn’s fault that I’d witnessed Cody being paid to kill someone . . . or that Cody was now trying to track me down.
An hour or so later we arrived at the party. For a while I actually managed to enjoy myself, catching up with a few friends from my old school and putting thoughts of Cody out of my head.
Then Emmi cornered me.
‘What’s going on with Flynn?’ she said, her eyes sparkling with mischief. ‘Grace didn’t notice but I saw the two of you leaving that party last week. Are you having a thing for old times’ sake?’
I could feel myself blushing. ‘Flynn was just helping me get a taxi home,’ I said.
‘Yeah, right.’ Emmi raised an eyebrow. ‘Come on, girl, talk to me. After all this time, you wouldn’t really go there again, would you?’
I bit my lip, unwilling to lie, unable to tell the truth.
The smile on Emmi’s lips faltered. A look of consternation came into her eyes. ‘Oh, I’m sorry if I’ve put my foot in it. I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘You haven’t. I’m not seeing Flynn. Seriously. He did help me out last week, but that’s it. I haven’t seen or talked to him since last weekend.’ I looked Emmi in the eye, feeling a blush creep across my cheeks. Everything I’d said was true in the strictest sense, of course, but I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable saying it.
Emmi blew out her breath. ‘Well, that’s a relief. I thought for a moment you were going to say you were going back out with him. But even you wouldn’t be that crazy.’ She laughed.
‘Right,’ I said.
We chatted away for a bit but I felt hollow inside. Why was it so hard for everyone to understand that love wasn’t a switch you could flick on or off. Suddenly, in the middle of the heaving party, I felt totally alone. I wandered outside, to the front of the house. Two guys were smoking. They glanced at me, then carried on their conversation. Feeling self-conscious, I wandered to the end of the road. It was late, but London was still full of lights and bustle. I looked around. There was absolutely no sign of Flynn. I felt more depressed than ever.
The traffic died down as I walked around the block. I just needed a little time to psych myself up before going back into the party. The wind whipped around the corner of a tall office building. It wasn’t a cold night but I was only wearing a short-sleeved dress with bare legs and I shivered.
And then a man strode around the corner up ahead of me. He was walking intently towards me, his head down. I stopped walking and stared at him. Was that Cody?
He was about the same height and dressed in a similar silver-grey suit to the one I’d seen Cody wearing. I hesitated. The man strode towards me. He was getting closer and closer. Why didn’t he look up, so I could see his face?
Panic seized me. I turned and ran. My heels slowed me down, but I pushed myself on. As I reached the end of the road I looked over my shoulder. The man in the suit had vanished. Had he gone? Or was it Cody, hiding . . . waiting to sneak up on me?
I couldn’t think clearly. All I knew was that I had to get away. I plunged down the next street, past more deserted office buildings, then stopped to get my bearings. I took a deep breath and headed back to the party. As I turned around the next corner, I ran into a group of men. They were staggering along, clearly drunk and laughing and shouting at each other.
‘Excuse me.’ I tried to walk past the man at the end of the group, but he grabbed my arm.
‘Come with us,’ he slurred.
‘No.’ I tried to pull away.
The other men were moving past us. One of them called out, ‘Leave her alone, you big perv.’ The guy holding my arm yanked me closer towards him.
‘Don’t you want a drink, love?’ he said.
‘No.’ I tugged my arm out of his grip, but before I could move on, a figure flew past me, so fast he was almost a blur. Flynn shoved the man in the chest.
I gasped. So he had been here, watching over me after all. The ma
n he had pushed roared out. His friends turned.
‘Hey!’
‘Oy!’
‘Stop it!’
The shouts rose up.
Flynn took my hand. His eyes met mine.
‘Run!’ he said.
12
We tore down the street. Flynn was gripping my arm so tightly I practically flew along beside him, half off my feet. I could hear footsteps behind us, but there was no time to look over my shoulder.
A hand grabbed my hair. I was yanked back, torn in two directions by the man who was gripping my hair and Flynn, who hadn’t let go of my arm.
‘You shouldn’t have pushed me,’ the man snarled.
‘You shouldn’t have touched her,’ Flynn snapped back.
‘Let me go,’ I demanded.
The man released my hair. He was older than us, in his thirties at least, and tall and thickset. Flynn drew me behind him as the man’s friends jogged up. They surrounded us. My heart raced. Never mind Cody, this was real danger, right here. I glanced at Flynn. He was standing, squared up to the tall man with his fists clenched. Flynn was muscular himself, but this guy was far bigger and looked much stronger.
‘Please, just let us go,’ I said quickly.
The man ignored me, but Flynn looked over, concern spreading across his face. He took a step away, opening his hands in a gesture of surrender.
‘I don’t want to fight,’ he said.
I stared at him. I had never, ever, in all the time I’d known him seen Flynn willingly back away from an argument.
‘Let them go, Paul,’ one of the men nearby said with a grunt. ‘They’re just a couple of kids.’
‘Yeah, and you were hassling her,’ said another.
Paul sneered at Flynn, ignoring his friends. ‘Don’t fancy your chances? Think I’d take you?’
Flynn’s fists clenched again. But, as before, he glanced at me, his face creased with doubt. He hesitated a second then said:
‘I just want my girlfriend to be safe.’
I stared at him.
‘That’s fair enough, Paul,’ said the man who’d spoken before. ‘Come on, don’t be a jerk.’ He put his arm around Paul’s shoulders and steered him away.
The others all followed.
Seconds later the pavement was empty, as if the whole incident had never happened. A gust of wind blew a carton of juice across the path ahead of us. It scratched against the concrete, the only sound suddenly apart from the distant hum of traffic.
Flynn stood in front of me, his head bowed. The bruise I’d seen last week had faded from his skin, but his face still seemed thinner and older than I remembered from last year.
‘I’m sorry I called you my girlfriend,’ he mumbled. ‘I just thought it might help them leave us alone.’
‘You backed down,’ I said.
Flynn shrugged. He still hadn’t looked up at me. ‘What mattered was, well, what I said . . . keeping you safe. A fight with so many people wasn’t going to do that. I’m sorry if it wasn’t the right thing to—’
‘It was,’ I said. ‘Though that guy deserved a slap.’
Flynn smiled. He looked up at last, his eyes meeting mine, full of longing and hurt and love.
My guts tumbled and twisted inside me. ‘You were here,’ I said. ‘Watching over me, like you said.’
‘I have been since I saw you. I promised I would and I have. I’ve been hiding out of sight near the commune, watching who comes and goes. I’ve got a car. I’ve only slept when I’m sure you’re safe.’ He blew out his breath.
‘Next you’ll be saying you’ve stopped smoking.’ I laughed.
‘I have,’ he said, moving closer. ‘You said you didn’t like it, so I’ve stopped. I only started because . . . well, it was like the drinking. I realised that what I’d been doing before – not ever touching any alcohol – I was trying to be the opposite of my dad, but it was stupid – that way he was still controlling who I was . . . I mean why shouldn’t I have a few drinks? It doesn’t make me him.’ He ran his hand down my bare arm. His touch sent a shiver running right through me. ‘I’m here,’ he whispered. ‘On any terms you like. All I want to do is make sure Cody doesn’t find you and hurt you.’
I bit my lip, trying to ignore the delicious feel of his fingers on my arm. I moved slightly away. ‘I feel bad not going to the police and telling them properly about Cody agreeing to do the hit. You know, giving my name, making a statement.’
Flynn frowned. ‘I don’t think it’ll make any difference, but I’ll back you, whatever you want to do. All I’m asking is for you to let me carry on watching over you. If Cody hasn’t found you in another week or so then I’m guessing he’ll calm down. Maybe he already has, but I want to be sure you’re all right.’
‘I thought I saw him earlier – there was a guy in a silver-grey suit. That’s why I ran.’
‘I saw him, it wasn’t Cody,’ Flynn said, meeting my gaze again.
‘You were watching me the whole time?’
‘Yes.’
I wanted to ask Flynn why he hadn’t come up to me when I was alone just now or when I was walking between Mum’s and Grace’s houses earlier this evening, but suddenly the question felt too exposing. It would show I cared, that I wanted him to be with me. And, after everything that had happened between us, I didn’t want to be that vulnerable in front of him.
Flynn took my hand, clearly sensing what I was thinking. ‘I wanted to come and speak to you before. I want to be with you, River. But it’s not fair. I mean apart from that probably being the last thing you really want, if we were together again you’d have to deal with everyone else being angry or upset – your friends, your parents. I get that.’ He squeezed my hand. ‘Still, as I’m here now I could walk with you back to the party?’
‘Sure.’
We set off along the pavement. My head was spinning. On the one hand Flynn was saying that he wanted to be with me again. On the other, that he was planning on keeping his distance . . . for my sake, so that I could stay in this limbo place where I didn’t have to deal with the reality of a relationship and all the fallout it would bring.
I stopped walking and took a deep breath. ‘Do you want to go out with me again?’
Flynn frowned. ‘River, I already told you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I always have – I just didn’t used to believe I deserved you.’ He looked away. ‘I still don’t really.’
I stared at him.
‘I know it’s not supposed to happen to people when they’re young,’ he went on. ‘But it’s happened to me. I know it. You’re the only person I’ll ever truly love. That’s what’s in the stars, not what all those other people think.’
We stood in silence again. My heart thudded.
‘I feel the same.’ My voice came out as a tiny whisper.
‘Oh, Riv.’ Flynn drew me towards him and we hugged.
It was so good to be in his arms. I breathed in his scent, his shirt soft against my cheek, his chest firm and muscular underneath. Then I pulled away and placed my hands on his face.
‘I want to be with you,’ I stammered. ‘But so much has happened. And you left me. I get that you were all upset and confused last year, but you still handled the situation really badly. And you got involved with Bentham, maybe at first because you were trying to help your mum, but you stayed. You might have taken the first bit of money for her, but I can see the clothes you’re wearing and—’
‘Bentham wouldn’t let me leave,’ Flynn interrupted. ‘After the first job I wanted to stop, but he said I had to do one more so I said yes, but of course after I’d done one more, there was another. Then another. I’d think he was finally letting me alone, then Cody would say I was needed again. In the end I realised he was never going to let me go, so I got out.’
‘What did these jobs involve?’ I asked. ‘What kind of work did you do for him?’
‘I was just his bodyguard at first, but the jobs were different . . .’ Flynn hesitated. ‘It’s c
omplicated. I was never involved in any real violence. I hate talking about it. I feel so stupid that I got suckered into the whole thing in the first place.’
I nodded. ‘That’s part of the problem though, don’t you see? I don’t know who you are any more – I mean I don’t know what you’ve been through and how your life has been. And I’ve changed too.’
‘So you’re saying we need to get to know each other again?’ Flynn asked, his intelligent eyes burning with intensity. ‘I can do that. We can do it.’
‘Yes,’ I said, thinking about what he’d said. And getting to know each other means taking it slow, not leaping into a relationship or . . . or . . .’
‘Or a bed.’ Flynn laughed. He drew me close and hugged me again. ‘I agree. It sounds brilliant. I’ll do whatever you say, take it as slow as you like.’
We started walking again, our arms around each other. I felt happier than I had done for ages, yet somewhere deep inside me I was anxious too. What would everyone say if they knew I was seeing Flynn again? However slowly we took it, most of my friends and certainly both my parents would be appalled that I was letting him into my life once more. Not just because he had hurt me so badly before, but because he was mixed up with murderous gangsters, one of whom was now trying to hunt me down.
But Flynn had only gone with the gangsters to try and help his mum and he’d only hurt me because he was a mess last year, not because he meant to be cruel or because he wanted someone else. He’d left Bentham, so he was trying to put that mistake behind him. And he still loved me. He always had.
‘How are we going to do this?’ I said, leaning into him as we turned the corner on to the street where the party was being held.
‘However you like,’ Flynn said softly. ‘Maybe I could see you tomorrow? Take you out for tea?’
‘Take me for tea?’ I laughed. ‘You make us sound about ninety.’
‘Okay, then tell me what you want,’ Flynn said. ‘And we can do it next week or next month if tomorrow’s too soon.’
‘You’ll wait?’ I asked, gazing up at him.