Gabriel listened to her tell him what she did, the mind check and traitor forgotten. He suspected there was much more to past-Death’s story but never expected to discover the human was alive and well in Hell. If he hadn’t seen her, he wouldn’t believe it possible.
Hearing the lengths his mate went through to condemn the human rendered him speechless. He gazed at Deidre as she admitted to abandoning human-Deidre in Hell. She was crying. He wanted to hold her. The buzzing in his ears was too loud. Had he ever been this angry?
Just when he thought things were going well and they spent the night making love and talking, he woke up in a new nightmare.
It took him a long moment to realize that she was finished talking. She gazed at him fearfully, terrified he was leaving her.
He couldn’t. But he couldn’t stay right now either. Gabriel reached out to her, wiping away the tears on one cheek with his thumb.
“I’ll be back,” he promised.
“Where are you going?”
“I need a minute to cool down.”
She looked away.
Gabriel left the forest. Dusk had caused shadows to darken the forest. He went to the lake and the souls, the only place that seemed to calm him. Landon was waiting with the dealers for their mind checks. He barely registered they were there. Landon approached then paused.
Gabriel stood for a long moment, numb, and then flung a knife into the forest with a roar.
What the fuck did he do now? His mate admitted to basically killing the woman he’d fallen for last week. But what did that mean? He loved them both? Did it matter, since Darkyn had double-bound the human?
Gabriel wiped his mouth.
“Boss?” Landon called.
“Reassemble them later,” Gabriel barked.
Even the lake wasn’t calming him. He flung his head back, trying to remember the last time he’d felt some semblance of peace. It was the night he sat with human-Deidre on the beach. The night he slept with her and condemned her to walk the path that led her to Hell.
Grief made him angrier. He’d played a hand in sentencing the sweet human to Hell.
He opened a portal and returned to the beach where they met. The soothing sounds of the ocean greeted him. It was nighttime on this side of the world, and the sky was clear. The moon was non-existent, and the waves sparkled in starlight.
Being here was probably a mistake. He shook out his tension but felt an even heavier sense of guilt.
Gabriel sat on the beach. He’d seen Darkyn’s mate yesterday and knew she was at least alive. She’d seemed uncertain and scared, though. He didn’t know if it was because of Darkyn or because of being attacked by death dealers that defected.
Also potentially his fault.
What was worse: he suddenly realized he might have the means to get into his underworld. Darkyn would never let him through Hell, but Deidre …
He felt like shit just thinking about it yet recognized the danger he was in. If he didn’t find his soul and quell the rebellion, more than his fate was fucked.
Gabriel sat in silent thought, comforted by the ebb and flow of the waves. The other night, he sat on a beach with one Deidre and watched the moon cross the sky. Tonight, he was alone, but he needed to be for a while. His soul, the underworld, rebellion … everything that mattered didn’t when he considered how the mighty Death hadn’t been able to save one innocent human from a dark fate.
Only when the moon was halfway across the sky did he rouse himself. He saw Darkyn’s mate yesterday. She’d been shaken, and he wanted … needed to verify that she was okay.
“Deidre,” he summoned the demon lord’s mate.
A moment passed. Gabriel suspected the Dark One wasn’t going to let his little human out of Hell, especially not to see her former mate. His fury grew.
“Hi, Gabriel.”
He twisted, staring. He’d been too shocked yesterday to notice how much she changed. Deidre glowed darkly with the Dark One’s power and something else, an aura that drew his gaze and left him feeling slightly addled. He looked her up and down.
Dressed in the seductive clothing of Hell, her body’s gentle shape appeared voluptuous, her narrow shoulders exposed, her round hips and breasts enhanced. The black dress she wore fit her like a second skin, outlining every curve, dip and nook of her body. Sexy little fangs rested on her full lower lip. They were the kind of fangs a man fantasized about, not too large to cause damage but sharp enough to offer an exquisite combination of pleasure and pain if she nipped him. The perfect bow of her mouth appeared red, roughened and plump from kisses. Her large eyes were steady, her porcelain skin clear and smooth. He noticed her eyelashes, long and thick. She oozed fragile innocence and sultry sex appeal, her allure capable of ensnaring even a deity.
Struck by the change, Gabriel laughed in bewilderment.
“He turned you into a sex demon!” he said. He saw her blush in the dim starlight.
The ocean breeze made her dress move as if it was alive, and her pink hair swept across her features. She pushed it away and crossed her arms, shivering.
“I like it,” he added. He patted the sand beside him.
“Of course you do. You’re male. Me? Not so much!” she retorted in a silky voice. She hesitated then sat beside him. “This is where we met.”
The sadness in her voice chased away his mirth.
“I’m surprised he let you come,” he said, eyes returning to the sea.
“He says the mate of the Dark One can do whatever she wants. Apparently, evil is equal opportunity.”
“Not sure seeing an ex-mate is included.”
Deidre glanced at him. Gabriel kept his eyes on the ocean.
“Are you really okay?” he asked.
“I think so.”
As hard as it was to believe, she looked great. Gabriel took in her body and face again. He saw the massive scarring that could come from no other than the Dark One, probably when he turned her. Otherwise, she appeared healthy. Not at all like Darkyn was bleeding her dry or torturing her.
“He, um, has been very assertive and direct,” she added.
“You mean violent and aggressive.”
“Not violent. Not with me, at least. He leaves no room for failure or my hope that certain things will change,” she said.
“You don’t think you’ll ever leave Hell.”
“I can come and go. But he will always be my … mate.” She said the word in a hushed voice that sounded husky and sexy with her newfound status as a seductress.
Gabriel didn’t know what to think. The immortal mating rules from the time-before-time couldn’t be broken. Yet, his mate had found a way to reset them. He didn’t think it was possible for that to happen twice, but if it were …
Would it matter? Human-Deidre was now a demon, blood-bound to the Dark One. Nothing – not even Darkyn – could change that, even if the Immortal mating script changed again. She was effectively trapped in Hell with the devil for eternity.
“I’m serious about taking you to the underworld, if he hurts you,” he reasserted. “Immortal Laws be damned. If I’d had the balls to …” he stopped.
She rested her temple on one knee, eyes on him. Her smile was gentle.
“It’s scary to be with him,” she admitted. “But … he doesn’t mistreat me and there’s potential for me to do good from Hell. I helped Rhyn already. We stopped Darkyn’s demons from massacring the kids.”
“He told me it was over,” Gabriel said, surprised. “How did you convince Darkyn to stop?”
“I asked him.”
Gabriel snorted. “You make it sound easy.”
“Well, it was,” she admitted. “I don’t understand his motivation.”
“You were right yesterday about saying I wouldn’t take a chance,” he started. “I want to clear the air, though. There’s more to the story than what you know.”
“Gabe …”
“I have to.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t take a chance on you for the reason yo
u think. It had to do with the tumor. Wynn said your happiness made it grow. You were so close to the end, we couldn’t take a chance. It had nothing to do with you or how I felt.”
“Instead of making my last days happy, you decided to make me miserable in the hopes you could find a solution,” she said.
“Pretty much,” he replied. “I was going to Darkyn myself to make a deal to save you.”
“Really?”
“You beat me to it.”
Deidre was quiet for a moment. “I think we both did things imperfectly.”
He chuckled at her polite phrasing.
“Up until today, I wasn’t convinced that this might have been destiny from the beginning,” she began. “This will sound weird, but bear with me. Hell has a library, and the librarian has been teaching me about the deities through these little video tutorial things.”
“You’ve been sitting in Hell watching movies?” He smiled.
“It’s like these books and when you open them, these movies spring up,” she said, motioning with her hands. “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“It’s called an Oracle. Hell has one, and Death does as well. The book houses the spirit of a dead Oracle from the time-before-time that records history, among other things.”
“You mean it’s possessed?”
“Yeah.”
Deidre appeared taken aback.
“Voluntarily. The Oracles wanted to be put in books,” he explained. “Though saying it that way does sound strange.”
“It’s totally bizarre.”
He laughed.
“Anyway, I saw how Darkyn was created from a lowborn demon scorned by others because he was smaller. He had nothing but ambition. I saw how you were created from a seventeen-year-old boy who wanted nothing more than for your mistress to love you.” She paused. “I saw what was between you and the original Deidre. Her plan didn’t just happen when I was born. She really did create me. She waited thousands of years and worked with both Dark Ones to make it happen. Fate played a hand, too, as did Wynn. I don’t think she knew they were working as much against her as with her. She had one focus: to be with you in a way you couldn’t be together when she was Death.”
Gabriel listened, jaw clenched.
“I was meant to be …” Deidre cleared her throat.
He glanced at her and saw the tears in her eyes.
“Disposable,” she managed. “Basically. Or would’ve been, if Darkyn hadn’t decided to honor the informal deal he made with her.”
“Gods,” he muttered. “You were never disposable.”
“Seeing the relative lack of consequence your life has in the grand scheming of deities and Immortals kind of makes you view things differently, Gabe.”
“Sometimes when you look at a grain of sand in your hand, you forget that there couldn’t be a beach without every one of them.”
“That’s sweet.” She smiled. “I guess what made the biggest impression was watching you and her over the course of thousands of years. There was never a day when you didn’t love each other. There were days when you hated the fact you did love her, and there were days when she almost walked away from you for good, because she hated that she couldn’t control how she felt,” Deidre continued. “But there was never a day when you didn’t love her and she didn’t love you.”
The words were hard for him to hear. There was too much truth in them for his comfort. He wanted to condemn the horrible things past-Death had done that resulted in an innocent human being thrown to the Dark One. Her actions disgusted him, but he was angrier with himself for not being able to make himself feel less towards her.
His gaze lingered on human-Deidre, and he was troubled by the memories of the time they spent together. Time he might have enjoyed, if he hadn’t pushed her away. Could he have prevented this outcome? How could he ever forgive his mate for what happened? He’d only learned the woman he fell for last week was still alive and now he had to let her go.
Again.
“I’m sorry, Deidre,” he whispered. “You gave me hope when I was numb to the world. You don’t deserve any of this.”
“Silver lining,” she said softly. “I helped Rhyn protect kids. I can help others. Darkyn is not an easy person to understand or live with, and I’m still not certain at all what to think of him at times. He’s been fair and brutally honest, and he can’t hurt me because of our blood bond. I kind of like him, even if he scares me.”
“Kind of like him.” Gabriel smiled. “Only someone as sweet as you would say that about the Dark One.”
“Don’t get me wrong. He’s not normal. But it makes me think that maybe things happen for a reason.”
“What reason is there behind falling for a woman and watching her get shipped off to live with the Dark One?” he asked bitterly.
“You did love me,” she said, smiling.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve got news for you, Death,” she said in a lighter tone. “What you loved about me is present in your current mate. You just have to give it a chance.”
“She sends you to Hell, and you go to bat for her.”
“Not for her. For you,” she replied. “I want you to be happy. I am out of the picture. I understand this. I also forgive both of you, Gabe. I can’t say I want her to be happy yet, but I don’t want her to be sad.”
He laughed. “That’s as spiteful as you get, isn’t it?”
“Pretty much.” She was blushing. “I loved you, too, Gabriel. I think a part of me always will. You gave me the strength to take a step I wouldn’t have otherwise. You made me want to live when I was ready to die. I’ll always be grateful to you for that.”
Her eyes were shimmering with tears that only heightened her seductive appeal. She meant what she said; that much was clear. His anger lessened without him understanding why. She accepted her fate with the Dark One. It should’ve made him angrier.
Gabriel didn’t say what he thought, that she might’ve been better off in the Lake of Souls than with Darkyn. A part of him was relieved. Human-Deidre was alive and healthy. He purposely didn’t let himself think about Darkyn being in her bed instead of him.
“You’re welcome, I think,” he said with a shake of his head. “My offer to hide you in the underworld is always open.”
“I won’t need it.”
They sat in silence, both of them gazing at the ocean. She shivered in the chilly ocean breeze. Gabriel resisted the urge to wrap his arm around her the way he had once before.
“You want something else from me,” Deidre assessed.
He glanced at her.
“Darkyn said my weakness is being taken advantage of by others. He shared some of his power or whatever your deities do. I can sense that you have an ulterior motive of some sort,” she explained. “I can’t see it, but I feel it.”
“Savvy demon,” Gabriel murmured. “You needed that.”
“No more men like Wynn killing me slowly.” Her features saddened.
“You’re right. I do need to ask you for something.”
She focused on him in interest.
“I have to get into the underworld. The dealers are rebelling, and they’ve figured out a way to out me from my position. I have to be there in order to prevent it,” he said carefully. “The only way into the underworld is through Hell.”
“Darkyn will make you a deal you probably can’t live with,” she guessed. “I can’t make deals.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you to,” he said. “I was going to ask you to help me get home.”
Her calm acceptance faded, replaced by turmoil. He couldn’t read all the emotions crossing her face. She ducked her gaze, and her breathing quickened.
“You’re afraid,” he said.
She shook her head.
“You’re not the only one who can sense emotion in others,” he reminded her with a nudge. “It’s more than fear. I’d say you’re still pissed at me.”
“You know what you’re asking me to do?” she
said at last.
“Yes. I have no other option, Deidre. There’s something in my underworld that I have to find before they do.”
“What is it?” she asked.
He grappled with himself. He trusted the human, but dared he trust the mate of the Dark One?
“Only my soul,” he replied ruefully.
“Oh, god, Gabriel.”
“Just get me through Hell. What happens then won’t matter.”
“Gabriel …” Deidre sounded distressed. She rose and paced, the dress tracing her movements in a way that made his eyes follow her body. “You shouldn’t have told me that. You shouldn’t have asked me.”
“I have no alternative,” he said with some irritation, rising. “I’m not asking because of what we had. I’m asking because I have no choice. I’ll owe you.”
“You already do owe me one favor,” she reminded him.
“I’ll owe you two.”
Deidre sighed. “I’ll try to help you, Gabriel. God help me, I don’t know how.”
She paced. He watched her, resolute despite how it made him feel to ask more of the woman he’d already fucked over.
“I have to figure this out,” she murmured. “Can I have a little time?”
“Whatever you need.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out way before our deal is up,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“What deal?”
“The one between me and your Deidre.”
“You made a deal.” He crossed his arms, unimpressed. He’d thought to ask Darkyn about any debts owed but not about any future debts. “Do I want to know what it was?”
She hesitated. “No. Because it doesn’t matter.”
“Your deal is sealed by the Dark One. Why do I have the feeling he’s waiting to collect?”
“I can’t talk about it with you, Gabriel. She shouldn’t either,” she said quietly. “Please just know I bear neither of you ill will, despite the outcome.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. “That scares the shit out of me.”
“It shouldn’t. I’m the only one in this mess who isn’t out to hurt anyone else,” she retorted. “It’s strange, but I’ve learned from Darkyn not to be ashamed of my nature. He laughs at me for being unwilling to hurt anyone else, but he says no one should feel shame about who they are.”
“He’s a living example of that,” Gabriel remarked wryly. “Life lessons from a sociopathic demon lord. I never expected him to be capable of treating you well.”
“He does, in his own way,” she replied. “Can I get your soul from the underworld?”
“A demon of human origin?” he shook his head. “Neither humans nor demons are permitted entry to the underworld.”
She gave a sound of frustration.
“It would take all of five seconds,” he said. “I’ll accept all risk and if Darkyn is angry, I’ll take you with me.”
“Let me figure it out,” she repeated. “Thank you for checking up on me and for the offer to protect me.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
Troubled, Deidre nodded. She nibbled on her lower lip with the tiny fangs. Gabriel sensed someone else join them and tensed. He knew who it was without looking.
“Romantic setting for two former lovers.” The Dark One’s low growl made Deidre blink.
“We’re just talking. No need to be jealous,” Gabriel said. Any gentleness he felt with Deidre dissipated at the arrival of her mate.
“One might ask why you’re distressing my mate,” Darkyn said.
Deidre sighed. “I’m not distressed. He didn’t do or say anything bad.”
Gabriel watched her, wanting to verify that she didn’t fear the creature she was trapped with. Deidre crossed the short distance to her mate and paused in front of him. Darkyn appeared unwelcoming as usual, his frame rigid and his growl loud enough for Gabriel to hear. He half-expected Darkyn to snap or scream at her. As confused as he felt, Gabriel would never let anyone hurt either Deidre, no matter whose mate she was.
The demon lord did neither. Deidre leaned forward until she was resting against the demon, who didn’t move away. She nudged his chin with her cheek. Darkyn lifted his head in what Gabriel took to be disapproval.
He almost smiled. In that moment, the demon lord reminded him of Rhyn when the half-demon was trying not to let his mate soften his mood. Darkyn wasn’t happy, but Deidre wasn’t scared, a sign Gabriel took as good. His only hope was that Deidre didn’t share what he revealed to her with the Dark One, who would do whatever it took to beat Gabe to his soul.
She nudged him again. Without taking his eyes off Gabriel, the ruthless demon lord that knew no mercy bowed his head to his mate and nudged her gently in return. The subtle nonverbal exchange was intimate and powerful, enough to tell Gabriel that there was a side to Darkyn only his mate knew. It was also a warning, one Gabriel understood innately, that Deidre belonged to the Dark One. Darkyn was claiming his territory with one small touch.
“This was where we met, Darkyn,” Gabe said. No part of him was unwilling to bait the demon.
“Thus far, only one of us has managed to hold onto her,” Darkyn replied.
“No fighting,” Deidre said softly. “Go home, Gabriel.”
He smiled to himself. He didn’t want to provoke the demon lord into a fight, not when he might need to deal with him soon.
“Always a pleasure, Deidre.”
She turned to look at him without leaving Darkyn’s body. The demon had yet to touch her aside from the nudge, and she kept herself between the two of them as Gabriel called a portal. He thought he saw a flicker of sadness cross her gaze before he crossed into the shadow world.
He wondered if she’d be able to swing helping him. If she turned him over to Darkyn, he deserved it. But he hoped that wasn’t the case.
Gabriel stepped out of the portals to find himself beside the lake near Rhyn’s fortress. It was almost morning on this side of the world. He wiped his face, still able to smell the scent of his mate on his skin. It stirred his blood. Seeing human-Deidre left him pensive, not entirely certain what to do about his own mate.
His eyes settled on the lake. She’d figured out how the souls were crossing over. Their attempt to dig a hole to the underworld failed, but at least they’d stemmed the flow of souls. He was proud of her for this and for telling him what she did.
What he couldn’t quite rationalize: what he would’ve done if she hadn’t gotten lucky and Darkyn didn’t want his mate. The goddess fucked over Deidre without any sort of remorse. Now human, she understood what she had done. It helped but wasn’t enough for him to be able to forgive her just yet.
His thoughts returned to the deal the two Deidres made. Neither had told him what exactly it was. All he knew was that it would be over soon. He didn’t believe Darkyn’s mate when she said it didn’t matter. Or that she bore them no ill will. It sounded as if she’d already won, which meant his mate had lost.
What was on the line?
Gabriel glanced towards the fortress. He hadn’t been able to face his mate since her confession. He wasn’t certain that he was able to now. She hadn’t sought him out, which made him think she was too afraid to talk to him.
He’d promised to spend every night with her. Unable to determine what he felt, he did want to at least see her.
He walked back to the fortress, hoping the cold night air cleared his mind.
When he reached her bedroom, he hesitated then entered. The French doors were open, rendering the room cold. His eyes fell to a toaster on the dresser with two socks resting beside it, as if waiting for their turn to warm her feet in the morning.
His mate was curled into a tight ball in the middle of her bed, on top of the covers. Her sleep was fitful, and he walked to the bed, standing beside it in the dark.
How the fuck did he just go with what she’d done? He still didn’t know. The human was okay, and his mate was at his side, where she’d always belonged. He sat on the bed, reaching over to r
est a hand on her head. He used his power to soothe her sleep.
Being near her calmed him, despite his ambivalence.
She’d told him the truth, because she wanted them to have a relationship built on trust and love. Because not telling him was hurting her.
This wasn’t the same goddess who fucked them all over. She’d been incapable of empathy or remorse. Darkyn stripped her power, turning her human. The woman in the bed behind him wouldn’t hurt anyone else.
The woman in the bed behind him had taken three days to warn him about the human left in Hell. What if Darkyn slaughtered the innocent life dragged into this mess for no other purpose than to make the goddess’ transition easier.
Disposable. The human thought herself unwanted, except by Darkyn, who had done more to help her than Gabriel thought possible. She was able to justify it as destiny. He wasn’t as forgiving of himself or his mate.
There was never a day when you didn’t love each other.
Gabriel considered the human’s sad wisdom. This was what troubled him most: that despite everything his mate had done, he never stopped loving her. He hadn’t been able to during their time together when she was a goddess and he her servant. He couldn’t now that their roles were reversed.
He had never doubted himself before. He couldn’t afford to now but there was a part of him that hurt.
Deidre stirred from behind him. She took the hand he rested on her forehead into both of hers. Gabriel didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry, Gabriel,” she whispered again.
“So am I.” He squeezed her hands.
“Do you hate me now?”
“No,” he said quietly. “I’m angry.”
“At me.”
“Yes and at myself.”
“You did nothing wrong, Gabriel. I did. I thought I was doing right.”
“I know,” he replied. “Deidre, is there anything else?”
She was quiet for a moment. Her hands left his. He heard her stir and shift. Gabriel shifted to see her. Her hair was mussed.
“Yes,” the word was barely audible. “We made a deal.”
“Who?” he asked, unwilling to tell her that he already knew the answer to this question.
“Deidre and I did. In Hell. She challenged me to win you over in a week like she did.”
“What was at stake?” He felt cold. By the tremor in her voice, she knew she’d lost this one as well as he did.
“Oh, only my soul,” she replied with a half-laugh. “We were both a little emotional at the time. I didn’t realize … anything.”
Gabriel rose and paced. It was worse than he thought. The firm assertion of Darkyn’s mate that she bore no one ill-will made more sense when he understood why she said it. She may not, but Darkyn … what would he do to get the soul of past-Death? The Dark One had let it go once as part of a deal. He wasn’t going to let her go again.
“At least I can’t kill you,” he mused. “We’ll keep you safe until we can return home. He can’t go there.”
“Does it really matter? You can’t ever love me.”
He wanted to agree out of anger but couldn’t. The truth was he never fully stopped, because he couldn’t.
“I’ll always take care of you,” he replied. It was better for both Deidres if he worked to ensure his mate never died-dead. “We need some time to … deal with all of this.”
There might one day be a way to win her soul back. If he kept her alive and well and his eye on any potential opportunity to rake the Dark One over the coals, he’d do it.
Never mind that they bartered over his love like some sort of prize to be won at a fair. Never mind both women had not only betrayed his trust to make deals with Darkyn, but would soon both have their souls owned by the Dark One.
Near the boiling point, Gabriel drew a deep breath.
“I’ll be hunting demons today,” he said, needing a release for his fury. “Stay at the fortress.”
Deidre said nothing. He left, barely able to see straight let alone think straight.
When he was done killing demons, he’d interrogate the death dealer he had sitting in a cell at the bottom of the fortress. He wanted the dealer scared but not dead, and right now, he didn’t think he’d be able to handle a traitor without ripping off his head.
Day Five
Chapter Twelve