The portals were unlocked. Deidre tested them three times but was afraid of pissing off Gabriel by disobeying him so early in the day. Of course, it didn’t matter, since he was already angry. Tell him the truth hurt more than she thought.
With nothing else to lose, all she could think about was what happened to the human she left in Hell. The news of their deal had infuriated Gabriel once more and driven him off, leading Deidre to believe that he had loved the human more than her. It was a brutal realization, one that left her devastated but also guiltier than ever.
She couldn’t start to make things right with him, if she didn’t start there. Gabriel had seen human-Deidre but said nothing about what shape she was in. Deidre needed to see Darkyn’s mate herself, to face what horror she’d committed before she was able to understand the consequences of her actions.
Deidre entered the shadow world and summoned the human she’d left in Hell. After a moment, a form emerged from the black portal.
Darkyn’s mate stopped as soon as she was through.
Deidre’s heart flipped in her chest. She almost cried out in relief. The human was alive and well. Still wearing the garb of Hell, Darkyn’s mate was sporting fangs with her pink hair and a heavy sultriness that made Deidre look twice.
“Hello,” Darkyn’s mate spoke first in a hushed voice.
“Hello,” Deidre replied. “My gods, what happened to you? Darkyn turned you into a sex-demon?”
“I guess if you give a man the ability to build his own mate, he’ll make her a tramp.” The Dark One’s mate rolled her eyes.
Deidre stared at her then gave a startled laugh. She didn’t expect to find the human alive, let alone of a mindset to make a joke.
The moment turned awkward. Their first and only exchange hadn’t been pleasant and resulted in a deal made under duress. Deidre didn’t know what to say. Her perspective of everything was too different now for her to recall what happened with anything but regret.
Darkyn’s mate ducked her head and crossed her arms.
“You called me?” she asked.
“I guess I wanted to see how you’re faring,” Deidre managed.
“Weird, but good,” she replied. “You?”
“You’re doing good.” Deidre smiled. “I’m really glad to hear it.”
“You mean surprised?”
“No. I mean, yes, I am surprised, but I’m also glad,” Deidre said. “I, uh, know now what I did wasn’t the best route to take. You must hate me.”
“I don’t.”
An awkward silence fell. Darkyn’s mate was gazing at her. There was hurt in her eyes but not the anger Deidre expected.
She’s not broken like we are, Wynn had told Deidre before she left Hell. She began to see what he meant. The human bore her no ill-will. Deidre didn’t understand how that was possible.
“How can I help you?” Darkyn’s mate asked.
“I’m pretty sure no one can,” Deidre admitted, embarrassed when the last word came out choked. She cleared her throat. “I’m failing miserably. Darkyn stripped my power when I left Hell. I thought it’d be easy. I mean you humans … I guess you make it look simple. You know I couldn’t figure out how to turn on the shower? I won’t tell you how fascinating I find kitchen appliances.”
Darkyn’s mate smiled.
“I’m just not getting some things,” Deidre said. She paused, sighing. “Like emotions. I never knew there were so many. I don’t know how to control them or to make decisions when they’re always there just confusing me.”
“You’re starting from scratch,” Darkyn’s mate said. “You have to go easier on yourself. Take time to learn the new things and try not be so frustrated with yourself.”
Deidre stared at her. “How can you be so … nice?”
Darkyn’s mate flushed.
“I mean, you’re in Hell maybe even being torn to pieces every day and you’re being kind to me. I don’t understand any of this.”
“I guess I pity you.”
Pity. Deidre face grew warm. Wynn was wrong about her being broken. No, she was lost like the souls sitting in the mortal lakes.
“Why did you want to see me now?” Darkyn’s mate asked. “You could’ve checked up on me at any point.”
It was a fair question. A brutal one but fair nonetheless. Deidre thought hard about how to respond.
“I’m not sure,” she replied. “I guess I was afraid to see what I’d done. I kept hoping things would just go well. I told Gabe about what I did to you yesterday, and he walked out on me.”
“That’s rough,” Darkyn’s mate murmured.
“I’m fucking up everything,” Deidre continued. “He came back but he’s barely speaking to me. Like he’s there but I’m not.”
“I remember the cold shoulder. He’s good at pushing people away.”
“I figured I had nothing to lose now. I might as well see what all I’d fucked up,” Deidre finished. “I wanted to check on you. If you were alive, I wanted to see if you had any … advice about how to deal with Gabriel.”
Turmoil crossed the features of Darkyn’s mate. She took a deep breath.
“Well, first, you didn’t fuck me over. I thought you did at first and I’ll admit, I’m not completely certain things might not break bad, but for now, I’m fine. Darkyn hasn’t hurt me and won’t. Look.” She turned to show her back.
Deidre gasped, understanding now how Darkyn planned on ensuring his mate didn’t go anywhere, even after she won their deal.
“Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “He blood-bound you! That crafty son of a bitch!”
“In case I win our deal.” Darkyn’s mate flushed and cleared her throat. “Sorry. Seems kinda tacky to bring it up.”
“No.” Deidre shook her head. “I knew he’d figure out something. Never guessed that. He’s not someone who bows to others, and a blood-bond is pretty serious, considering you were already mates. I can’t imagine the impact of both on him when one is more than enough.”
The puzzled curiosity on the features of Darkyn’s mate made Deidre wonder if the girl fully understood what had happened. The idea Darkyn voluntarily took a bond to a human when he made a name for himself disobeying his former master …
There might be a reason Darkyn hadn’t explained it to his mate.
Deidre stared with renewed interest at the woman she created. There were no signs of violence on the mate of the Dark One. In fact, she glowed with health, even if she seemed shy or nervous.
“That explains the fangs. So jealous,” Deidre added. “Sexy.”
Darkyn’s mate blushed again and ducked her gaze. “Anyway,” she mumbled. “I’m glad you told Gabriel the truth. We talked after you told him.”
“He came to see you.” A streak of jealousy and misery went through Deidre. She knew it was wrong. After condemning the human to Darkyn, how did she deserve to feel this way? “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“He’s always loved you, Deidre. That hasn’t changed.”
“I don’t believe it’s possible. I’ve been afraid of losing him my whole life.”
The gaze of Darkyn’s mate was on the ground. She hugged herself, visibly upset. Deidre didn’t know what to say to comfort her. She was barely holding her own tears.
“I don’t know how to help,” Darkyn’s mate whispered. “The bond between mates is strong. Gabriel is honorable. He will do what’s right.”
“I want to do what’s right, too, but don’t even know what that is.”
“Darkyn’s approach to the mating bond was much different than Gabriel’s. Gabriel gave me space and a choice. Darkyn … no way in hell. Relentless.” The Dark One’s mate took on a husky note that made her flush. “Anyway I mean, if you confront something instead of letting it fester, it might be easier to deal with. Instead of waiting for Gabe to come around, why don’t you go to him? Try to make things right.”
“I’ve been trying to think of how to do that.”
“Remind him why he fell in love with you. He l
oves … your spontaneity, your sense of humor.” Darkyn’s mate tapped one of her fangs absently. “He loves …you and always has. He’s always loved the side of you that laughs. The part of you that makes him forget how grey his world is.”
“My gods. How do you know this?” Deidre’s words were barely audible.
“I ...” Darkyn’s mate blinked rapidly, as if near tears.
“You figured that out after a week, and I know nothing after thousands of years,” Deidre whispered. “If you weren’t blood-bound, I’d give him to you now.”
Darkyn’s mate said nothing but managed to shake her head. Deidre knew it wasn’t possible, not with the girl before her blood-bound to the Dark One. But she couldn’t help feeling as if she’d never truly known the man she loved until someone else told her what she missed. Her distress toppled into full blown despair.
“If I can win over the Dark One, you can win over Death,” said the mate of Darkyn. “You have the advantage that he already loves you.”
No one could love her after all she’d done! Deidre said nothing, pensive. Gabriel was bound to her by Immortal Law. He needed time. Deidre didn’t have time. Maybe it was poetic justice that her soul was doomed.
“Not sure why you’re trying to help me,” she said.
“I want to see Gabriel happy,” was the simple response. “You are the only person who can do that.”
“You really believe that?”
“I do.”
“It’s not going to happen in a week,” Deidre said, pacing.
“No.”
Deidre waited for her to say more. The Dark One’s mate appeared uncertain once more. Deidre didn’t press. She felt guilty enough being there.
“Are you allowed to leave Hell?” she asked.
Darkyn’s mate nodded.
“If I don’t fuck up everything and wipe out the world or die-dead in three days, I think I’d like to talk to you more,” Deidre said. “If you’re interested in being the friend of someone like me.”
“I might need some time for that. I can forgive you, but I’m not sure I can ever trust you.”
“Trust must be earned,” Deidre said. “I get it. I’m learning that with Gabriel. I thought this was the first step. I’m just asking for the chance, from both of you, to make things right. If I even can.”
“I’ll think about it,” Darkyn’s mate said. “I’m gonna go. Um, I guess you know how to call me if you need anything.”
“I do, thank you. Deidre, I really am happy that you’re okay.”
Darkyn’s mate nodded, turned and retreated through the portal back to Hell.
Deidre let the tears fall that she’d held back. She covered her face with her hands and cried. She’d never hurt so much, even knowing Darkyn’s mate was okay. The chill of the shadow world made her shiver. She padded to the glowing portal and stepped through.
She was hungry. Worry had prevented her from eating earlier. She walked down the hallway in search of the dining room, thoughts on all Darkyn’s mate had said. Relief was forefront in Deidre’s mind and the acknowledgment she’d gotten damn lucky that the demon lord favored winning deals over killing mates.
She paused at an intersection to let a group of Immortals through, uninterested in talking to anyone just now. Her eyes settled on a familiar form, and she stared at him.
Wynn stopped in the middle of the hallway. He regarded her for a long minute and then smiled. It was a cold, knowing smile, one that screamed I told you so.
Deidre spun and walked back the way she came.
“I never took you for a coward,” Wynn taunted.
Deidre stopped. The first Ancient Immortal approached her. Tall with dark skin and glowing turquoise eyes, he most closely resembled Andre of any of his sons. The cultured mannerisms that made talking to Andre comfortable were quite different from Wynn. He was cold where Andre was warm, and Wynn’s direct gaze held no emotion.
“You’re starting to see how right I was,” he assessed.
“How did you get out of Hell?” she asked coolly.
“Long story. We’ll talk sometime.”
Deidre studied him. She didn’t recall what it was that made him hate her. It was locked away with her memories. She did remember bringing him back from the dead ten years before in order to help her with her plan and how cold he’d been to her then.
Only he’d tried to kill the human she wanted him to preserve. He failed in his mission, for which she was grateful. But she saw what lay beneath his actions: hatred for something she’d done to him.
“Wynn,” she started. “What did I do to you that made you want to kill me?”
He considered her. “You don’t recall?”
“No.”
A flash of irritation crossed his gaze. He clasped his hands behind his back and drew a deep breath.
She waited apprehensively.
“Many things. I don’t care to relive it all,” he answered.
“You’ve never forgiven me.”
“Never,” he said in a low voice. “I never will.”
The powerful words made her frown.
“Even so, I’m sorry,” she said softly. “It may not help you now. Whatever it was, I apologize for hurting you so much that you bore a grudge for thousands of years.”
Wynn listened intently. She wasn’t certain what to expect. The silence grew. Finally, he spoke.
“My only regret is that I didn’t save the human you sacrificed when I had the chance,” he responded in the same tone. “We are both culpable for sending the only innocent soul either of us has ever known to Hell.”
His words stung. Deep inside, she knew she probably deserved them.
“Darkyn was too kind to you,” Wynn continued. “He should’ve let you remember every wrong you committed so you could relive them every second of every day. You have the capacity to care now. Your tears would never stop if you were faced with the creature you were.”
“I understand,” she murmured.
“You’re right,” he finished. “It’s too late for an apology, Deidre.” The Ancient Immortal swept by her, his anger palpable.
Deidre watched him go. No longer hungry, she began to wonder how many other people she’d faulted over her lifetime.
She went back to her room, startled to find Gabriel there. The sight of him made her want to cry. She managed to hurt everyone around her, even her precious Gabriel.
They stared at each other. She wiped her eyes hastily. The tension around Gabriel was present. His muscular frame and direct gaze made her uneasy. He would never hurt her, but he’d never again touch her as he had the other day, either.
The silence grew taut.
“I went to see her,” she said.
Gabriel crossed his arms. He said nothing.
“I don’t know what else to say, Gabriel. I understand if you hate me. I just don’t know what to do to fix things.”
Her mate said nothing. Deidre’s shoulders sagged. She turned away from him, wanting to be alone. Thinking of taking a dive in the lake and not surfacing again, except that it meant she’d lose her soul. She couldn’t change anything that happened or make things right. Where did that leave her?
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“No. I can’t be okay. I’ve hurt so many people.”
“Are there any more secrets?”
She sighed and shook her head. “The ones I had weren’t enough to drive you away?”
“I told you. No matter what, you’re my mate.”
Deidre glanced at him. Spending her lifetime with someone who hated her was not what she wanted.
“Now that everything’s on the table,” he continued. “This is where we start to rebuild.”
Deidre stared at him. His faint smile contained sadness. Of all the things she’d done, she’d never be able to forgive herself for hurting him.
“How can you say that?” she asked. “You deserve so much better, Gabriel. All I do is cause pain.”
“I
never stopped loving you either, Deidre. You have no idea how much that makes me hate myself sometimes,” he said. “Our path won’t be easy, but we didn’t spend thousands of years trying to be together not to take the chance we have now.”
She searched his face. Even hurting, he was serious about everything he said. She didn’t know how he could love her still after all she’d done or why he was willing to try to make things work. Had she ever understood how honorable and good he was?
“If you’re interested,” he added at her silence. “It’ll take us some time, but we’ve got eternity.”
She managed a smile despite the tears she tried not to shed. Deidre nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“We’ll start slow. You want to have dinner?” he asked.
“Funnel cakes,” she whispered.
“Okay,” he said.
Gabriel hesitated. Deidre didn’t know what to say, overwhelmed by him and her emotions.
“I’m headed to a meeting with Rhyn,” he said. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
She nodded, looking up only when he crossed to the door and left. Deidre gazed after him, fear and hope colliding within her. For the first time this week, she didn’t feel entirely doomed.
Deidre. The soft summons made her pause. Accompanying it was a vision of the shadow world. She hesitated then opened a portal.
As she stepped through, so did Darkyn’s mate, from a black portal to her left. Deidre glanced at her with apprehensive curiosity, wondering what the former human wanted. Darkyn’s mate wasn’t alone. A teenage girl with a scarred face framed by short dark hair and tiny fangs marking her as a demoness trailed her. The girl wore the garb of Hell but appeared uncertain, mirroring Deidre’s emotion. She crowded Darkyn’s mate.
“Hi, Deidre,” Darkyn’s mate was the first to speak. “I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.”
“Um, I thought you summoned me,” Deidre said.
Darkyn’s mate shook her head.
Dread crept into Deidre.
“Deidre, I think we need to –“ she started, backing towards her portal. It had started to close.
Sensing her alarm, Darkyn’s mate turned and took the arm of the girl behind her, pushing her towards the black door to Hell.
Two forms stepped between them and the portal, blocking it.
Deidre whirled and saw two people between her and the yellow portal. Heart pounding, she stared at the woman and man before her.
“Harmony,” Darkyn’s mate said in a hushed tone.
Deidre knew the death dealer; she’d recruited all of them. Harmony was tall and willowy with red hair and green eyes. The man beside her was Vory.
“What do you want?” Deidre demanded in a cool tone.
“You aren’t Death anymore.” Harmony stepped forward.
Deidre didn’t see the blow coming. The punch flattened her and made her ears buzz. She shook her head, once again amazed at how awful pain was. She didn’t know how humans bore through it.
“That’s for recruiting me without telling me it’d cost my soul,” Harmony said, crouching beside her.
“Deidre, are you okay?” Darkyn’s mate called anxiously.
“Yes,” Deidre replied and rose. “What’s going on?”
“Simple. Because of Darkyn’s bitch, I’ve got a price on my head from the Dark One. I didn’t betray Gabriel to be stuck in the human world,” Harmony said. She grabbed Deidre’s arm and hauled her to the other two women. “Who is this?”
Deidre’s eyes fell to the tall teen demoness, who was shaking and clinging to Darkyn’s mate.
“A servant,” was the quick response.
“Kill her.”
One of the dealers grabbed the girl and pulled a knife free.
“No!” Darkyn’s mate cried. “I lied. She’s Darkyn’s daughter.”
Harmony stared at her then at the teen girl. Suddenly, she smiled.
“Perfect. Even better,” Harmony said. “Darkyn’s bitch will get us into Hell. Gabe’s will get us into the underworld. Once we’re there, we’ll have all the leverage we need.”
Deidre exchanged a look with Darkyn’s mate. They’d be completely cut off from either deity in the underworld. Gabriel was locked out, and Darkyn wasn’t permitted access in the first place. If both of their mates disappeared, she saw them starting an all out war rather than trying to find them.
Darkyn’s mate cast a worried look at the teen demoness, who was shaking. Deidre held no warmth at all for Darkyn, but she could understand that the girl didn’t belong in this mess.
“Will you leave her?” Darkyn’s mate asked. “I have the power of Hell at my back. I can grant you almost anything in exchange for her life.”
“I will, too,” Deidre spoke up. “Any deal I make will be sealed by Death’s magic.”
Harmony was quiet for a moment.
“Darkyn made a deal with Gabriel for your soul, Harmony. Whoever finds you first, Darkyn keeps you,” Darkyn’s mate added.
The death dealer paled and glanced at Deidre. Deidre knew that look, the one that said that Harmony was staring down an eternity of demon mercy. It was the same feeling that Deidre got every time she let herself think of what happened when her deal ran out.
“Let the girl go, and I’ll make sure your soul goes where it should, right beside mine,” Deidre added, carefully wording the deal.
“Or you can risk an eternity with the Dark One personally overseeing your day-to-day … activities,” Darkyn’s mate seconded.
Harmony appeared indecisive.
“The soul of a deity or former deity has special standing,” Deidre pushed. “Yours will remain right beside mine.”
Harmony tossed her head towards the death dealer holding Darkyn’s daughter. She held out a hand to Deidre. Deidre took it. They shook, and their deal was sealed with the magic of Gabriel. Darkyn’s mate was looking at her hard. Deidre focused on the girl.
The death dealer tossed the teen demoness through a yellow portal, onto the mortal plane rather than into Hell. Darkyn’s mate gasped.
“She’s alive,” Deidre said quickly, seeing the woman’s distress.
“If either of you summons your mates, I’ll kill the other. If you try to alert anyone or escape, I’ll peel your skin from your bodies and watch you scream,” Harmony warned. “Got it?”
Deidre nodded. So did Darkyn’s mate.
“Now, we’re going to Hell.”
Deidre swallowed hard. This was definitely not how she envisioned the end of her week. Worst of all: she’d miss her first dinner date with Gabriel.
Not even the thought of losing her soul could rival the sorrow she felt knowing she’d disappoint him one last time.
Chapter Thirteen