Later that evening, after the Princess Vanessa had gone to bed, I visited Edgerton in his suite. I found him sitting in the drawing room. He appeared to be staring at nothing in particular, but his eyes were red from crying. I wasn't surprised. Catlett was the love of his life, even if she hadn't loved him the same way.
I sat on the divan next to Edgerton. "The other day, I told Catlett that she should consider taking a consort or two. She giggled and made excuses as to why she couldn't, but I believe she was actually considering the idea. I even suggested that she make you one of her consorts."
Edgerton managed a sad smile. "I'm glad we didn't have time for that to happen for I would've embarrassed myself considerably."
"I don't think she would've noticed. Or cared. She knew how you felt about her, even if you couldn't tell her."
"I've spent my life in service to her. I'm not sure I can go on now that she's gone. I'm not sure I want to go on."
I dropped to my knees in front of Edgerton and took his hands in mine. "I've lost too many people already. My mother. Salisha. Catlett. I cannot lose you."
Edgerton smiled, another sad smile. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that a queen doesn't kneel?"
I ignored his comment. "You must promise me that you won't leave me."
Edgerton didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes told me all I needed to know. It was a promise that he wouldn't make and couldn't keep. His heart was broken. His will to live gone. Nothing could mend his heart, nothing could bring back his will to live. It was only a matter of time before he followed his beloved Catlett to the grave.
I finally broke down and cried. I cried for the queen I had found and lost. I cried for the chancellor I would soon lose. I cried for myself. I was caught in a maelstrom of change, a storm that began the night my mother died. I didn't know where it was taking me or how it would end.