My phone chirped, reminding me of the one man I didn’t want to think about.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Maddie. Why haven’t you returned my calls?”
“Sorry, Ben. I’ve not been feeling well thanks to all those drinks,” I said, sarcastically.
“I’m sorry. Can I see you?”
I didn’t want to answer.
“Please? I need to see you,” he said with a whiny voice. Why was I just now noticing how annoying that was?
I dreaded facing him after last night but knew I had to end this. “You can stop by for a minute. We need to talk.”
“Great! I’ll come by after work.”
The happiness in his voice was irritating. Did he not remember trying to force himself on me? What happened to the man I first met? He had become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Perfect one minute, a monster the next.
After hanging up, I laid down. I just needed to close my eyes and lose the searing headache. I needed to escape Ben and thoughts of Ryder.
~~~~
The closing of the front door jerked me awake. For a second, I was terrified that it was Ben, using his spare key but I was relieved to see Ryder walking in.
Butterflies took flight in my stomach. His light brown hair was perfectly disheveled and the stubble on his chin made him look amazing. His jeans hung on his hips, teasingly. The simple t–shirt couldn’t hide his perfect physique or the badass tattoos on his arm. For a man who spent the last twenty–four hours drunk, fighting, and taking care of me, he looked very good.
Glancing at me briefly, he sat a paper sack and a Starbucks cup on the coffee table in front of me.
“Still sick?” he asked, sitting down at the end of the couch.
I sat up slowly, still feeling woozy. “I’m okay,” I said. Never again would I drink.
“I bought you coffee and donuts.”
“Thank you.” I picked up the cup and took a sip. My eyes closed in bliss. My favorite! Mocha Frappuccino with whip. Opening up the paper bag, I let out an audible sigh. Two chocolate glazed Boston Cream donuts stared back at me, full of wonderful sweetness.
I looked over at Ryder. In that moment, holding the coffee he remembered I loved and my absolute favorite donut, I knew that I was hopelessly in love.
“I thought something sugary might help you feel better,” he said, watching as I pulled a donut from the bag.
I licked the chocolate off of my fingers and smiled at him. My grin quickly disappeared when I saw desire flaring in his eyes.
“Want one?” I asked, holding the donut out to him.
“Nope. They’re all yours.”
I watched as his jaw clenched hard and his fingers rubbed down his thighs, making me remember them stroking me. I had to stop thinking this way. It would only get me in trouble.
I started eating the donuts slowly, afraid my stomach would revolt if I ate too fast. By the time I was finished, my headache was back with a massive force. I lay back down on the couch, leaving my feet to dangle off the edge.
A comfortable silence stretched between us as we watched the news. Again, war and terrorist threats were the main headlines.
I was starting to drift off when Ryder threw a blanket over me. Reaching down, he lifted my legs into his lap. I tensed when his hand rested on my calf, warm and rough against my skin.
“Relax, Maddie. I’m not going anywhere,” he said, quietly. "I’ll still be here when you wake up. Trust me."
And I did.
~~~~
Ryder and I spent the rest of the day lounging in front of the television. I was too sick to move and Ryder refused to leave my side. At some point, I must have slept because I woke up to a dark room and Ryder asleep beside me. His hands were warm on the bare skin of my legs, keeping me immobile. In his sleep, he didn’t appear very dangerous but I knew better. The bruises on his face, the ink racing up and down his arm, and the always–present five o’clock shadow on his jaw told a different story. This man was nothing but danger.
I didn’t care. I wanted to crawl into his lap and wake him. Tell him to love me. But I did neither. Instead, I picked up my phone and tried not to groan when I saw the time. Ben would be here soon.
After easing away from Ryder, I went into my bedroom to change. A simple tank top didn’t give me enough protection against Ben. I needed to be covered, every inch of my skin hidden.
I was digging through my closet when I heard Ryder walk in. His eyes moved casually over my unmade bed, making my imagination run wild with what we could possibly do in it.
“Feeling better?” he asked, stopping close by me.
With shaky hands, I hurried to button a shirt over my tank top.
“Yeah.” I paused a second, knowing this wasn’t going to be pretty. “Ben is coming over in a few minutes.”
Before my eyes, Ryder went from relaxed to someone cutthroat, ready to battle. He flexed his fingers and tightened them into fists. The blueness of his eyes turned cold and harsh.
“Shit, Maddie! I don’t want you around him! He almost raped you last night!”
“Ryder…”
He started pacing, furious. With a roll of his shoulders, he clenched his fists, reminding me of a fighter about to enter the ring.
“I don’t want you near him.”
“Ryder, I’ll be okay.”
“Just like you were okay last night?” he asked, disgusted. “If I hadn’t shown up, what would have happened? Could you have fought him off?”
When I didn’t answer, he scoffed. “I didn’t think so. Since I saved your pretty little ass last night, you owe me,” he demanded. “Stay away from him.”
Did he just call my bottom pretty? I shook the thought from my head. That wasn’t important right now.
“I don’t need someone to save me! I’m not a little girl anymore!”
“Believe me, I know…” he grumbled as he ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.
“And what about you? I pushed you away but you didn’t stop kissing me. That’s okay?” I asked, growing angry.
He backed me further into the room, advancing on me boldly. “I would never, NEVER hurt you, Maddie!” he shouted.
“That’s what Ben would probably say too!” I yelled back, standing my ground and refusing to cower.
“The difference is I mean it! You mean everything to me! You always have!” he shouted, inches from me.
I blinked in confusion. I meant everything to him?
A strange look crossed his face. He seemed surprised to hear his own words. Backing away from me, he rubbed a hand through his hair, looking everywhere but at me.
Finally, his eyes met mine. Desire, raw and powerful, stared back at me. My heart started beating double time and my breath quickened when I saw the craving on his face.
This was it. The moment when I decided what to do. Kiss him or walk away? Give him what he wanted or keep my innocence? I took a step toward him, knowing what I wanted. But fate had other plans.
The doorbell chimed loudly.
“Shit!” Ryder muttered.
All desire fled my body. I instantly went cold. Ben was here.
“Stay in here. Let me handle this,” I told Ryder, silently pleading with him not to lose control.
“If he touches you, he’s not walking out of here in one piece,” he promised. "One finger on you and he’s dead." His eyes turned hard, making me believe the threat.
I gave him one last pleading look before walking out of the room, hoping he wouldn’t do anything stupid. Trying to control my overheated body, I crossed the apartment. With each step, I reminded myself that Ryder was off–limits. My feelings and screaming nerve endings could go to hell.
Opening the door, the one person I didn’t want to see stood there, looking cool and classy as always.
Ben.
He moved past me into the apartment, striding with cockiness. When he brushed against me, the shaking started in my hands and spread to my other extremities. Fear of him was making me ill. I coul
dn’t get the image of him holding me down out of my head.
He turned to face me with a pained expression on his face. “I’m so sorry, Maddie. I was drunk last night and got out of hand. Please forgive me?”
Watching Ben warily, I came to the realization that I had never loved him. I had only been fooling myself for the last couple of months. There was always something missing between us that I could never figure out. Now I knew. He didn’t know me. He never did. Maybe the ‘perfect’ man wasn’t right for me. Maybe I needed someone else.
“We need to talk, Ben,” I said, keeping a safe distance from him.
He took a step closer. “Don’t say anything, Maddie, hear me out first. I never should have given you so many drinks or taken you to that bedroom. I’m sorry. I was drunk and you felt so good in my arms…but I would’ve stopped, I promise.”
He seemed so sincere and trustworthy, hiding behind a perfect gentleman mask. If I had been any other girl, I might have believed him but I wasn’t any other girl. And I would never trust him again. I knew where my heart lay and where it always would.
“It’s over, Ben.”
“WHAT?”
“We’re finished.” How much simpler could I say it?
“Why?”
“I don’t want to be with you anymore,” I answered.
“You can’t do this, Maddie!”
A shiver of fear ran down my spine when he advanced on me, backing me up against the wall. He spread his legs on either side of mine, boxing me in and leaving no way of escape.
I opened my mouth to cry out for Ryder when Ben’s face filled with rage.
“You’ll regret this, Maddie! I’m not giving up that damn easily!”
In two strides, he was out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
I closed my eyes. He was gone. I was okay. With trembling hands, I pushed away from the wall.
A great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Ben wasn’t what I wanted or needed. I wanted someone who knew me, the real me. I needed the person who knew all my secrets and fears. I wanted a person who fought passionately and lived passionately.
I wanted my best friend.
Chapter Seven
Taking a deep breath, I walked down the hallway to my room. With each step, my heart pounded harder.
I found Ryder standing in the shadows, looking menacing and dangerous next to my rumbled bed. He waited for me to speak, watching me with blazing eyes.
“I broke up with him,” I said.
With two strides, he was in front of me. My breath caught at the hungry look in his eyes. I opened my mouth to speak but never got the chance. His lips stopped me.
He kissed me hard, causing fire to explode within me. An involuntary moan escaped at the feel of his lips against mine. There was nothing simple or gentle about it. He possessed me.
“What are you doing to me, Maddie?” he rasped against my mouth.
I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.
His lips covered mine again as his hands pulled me further into the room. The back of my legs hit the edge of the bed as his lips ravaged me. His tongue was hot as it swept into my mouth. My tongue met his, earning a deep moan from him.
Long fingers tangled in my hair, bringing me closer to his body. The space between us disappeared. My hands had a mind of their own as they ran up his arms, feeling the bunching of muscles beneath my fingers. I let out a weak sound of pleasure as his mouth moved down my neck, searing me with heat.
He grabbed a fist–full of my hair and gently yanked my head back, giving him more access to my throat, leaving me at his mercy.
“I want you so much,” he murmured before his tongue darted out to touch my burning flesh. "I’ve never wanted something so damn much before."
This was all new for me. Him. Us. The warmth spreading down my body. The hunger I felt for him. For his touch. For his lips.
For him.
I threaded my fingers through his silky hair and pulled him to my mouth again. He obligated me, hungrily possessing my lips, hard and urgent.
Within seconds, he had me on the bed, never breaking our kiss. My hands moved on him. His hair. His shoulders. Lower. I wanted to explore all of him.
Suddenly, he sat up, pulling me along with him. With impatience, he ripped my shirt off. With another yank, my tank top followed. I saw him swallow hard as his eyes dropped down to my lacy bra. Ever so slowly, he ran a finger down between my breasts. His eyes followed the path, taking in the view in front of him. I should have been embarrassed. I should have been worried. I wasn’t. This was Ryder. This was meant to be. I wanted him to be the first.
“You okay with this?” he asked, his voice thick with desire.
I could only nod. My brain was in overdrive right now.
He eased me down to the bed. Leaning over me, he kissed the swell of one breast. His hand moved to my back, caressing my skin along the way. With a smoothness born of experience, he unhooked the clasp on my bra. Ever so slowly, he slid it off of my shoulders, leaving me bare. His eyes drank in the sight of me lying beneath him, his for the taking.
Then, oh, sweet Jesus, he touched me. His hand cupped my breast, fitting me into the palm of his hand as if I was made for him. One of his fingers flicked lightly over my nipple and I couldn’t help but arch my body at the sensation.
He chuckled low at my reaction.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, glancing up my body to meet my eyes. "I’m almost afraid to touch you. But I have to. God forgive me, I have to."
He dipped his head and his warm breath moved over my exposed breasts. My flesh seemed to come alive as his lips hovered above me. With something that sounded like a growl, his head descended, taking my nipple into his mouth. I couldn’t hold back a gasp. The feeling was new and unlike anything I could have imagined.
I grabbed a fist full of his hair and urged him closer. His tongue swirled around and teased. Sucked and nipped. He moved to give the other nipple just as much attention. Hands cupped both my breasts as his mouth worked to drive me crazy.
I thought I would come unhinged.
As his mouth tortured my breasts, one of his hands traveled down to rest at the top of my shorts. I wanted his hands everywhere on me. Touching me. Exploring me. Inside me.
“I need to hear you say it, Maddie. Tell me you want this,” he demanded as his fingers teased me, running an inch below my waistband.
“I need you,” I said, hoarsely.
He moved back up to possess my mouth again. Please, more! I opened my mouth slightly and he deepened the kiss, his tongue meeting mine. His hands pushed my shorts down, achingly slow. As soon as they were out of the way, he ran his fingers under the elastic of my panties, touching me.
I sucked in a breath.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked as his mouth moved to my neck.
I tried to think but it was impossible with his fingers…Oh, God! There! Where my heat was, where my need was. They were just giving me a taste of what was to come and I wanted more.
“No stopping,” I managed to say as my breath hitched from what he was doing to me.
“Say it again,” he demanded, taking my nipple into his mouth.
His tongue was going to kill me.
"Don’t stop."
His fingers started moving, slipping inside me. A shudder worked its way from my toes to the top of my head. I grasped at his arms, needing to hold onto something solid as his fingers teased me without mercy.
I was going to fall to pieces beneath him. I didn’t know how it could get better than this.
His mouth left my breast to slash across my lips. At the same time, he pushed the silk panties down my legs with a frenzied need. I kicked them off quickly, not caring where they landed. His hands moved to his jeans and I heard a zipper lower.
In a flash, his jeans and shirt were gone and he was lying on top of me. His fingers tightened in my hair, holding my head still as his tongue explored my mouth again.
When his knees nud
ged my legs apart, I obeyed, moving so he could settle between them. His erection bumped against me, searching for entry.
“Tell me no,” he whispered as his body rocked against mine. “Tell me to stop. Because I need you now. I can’t wait any longer.”
I didn’t want him to stop. I needed him like I’ve never needed anything before in my life. I craved him. I had to have him.
“Then don’t wait, Ryder. Make love to me.”
At my words, he took my mouth roughly. His tongue thrust inside, branding me as his, owning me.
Suddenly, he moved away from me. I moaned with disappointment, feeling empty.
“Just a second,” he said, leaning over the bed.
I heard him searching the floor for his jeans and then he returned to me. His lips covered mine again, making up for that second of lost time. While his mouth tormented me, the sound of a foil package being open resounded throughout the room.
His hands drifted down my ribcage, leaving my nerve endings screaming for more. Stopping at my hips, he grasped me with both hands as he settled between my legs again.
That’s where I needed him.
As his strong lips dominated mine, he pushed against me. I tensed as I felt him enter. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, I wrapped my legs around his waist, needing to get closer to him. One of his hands grabbed a fistful of my hair while the other hand intertwined with mine. His fingers tightened, both in my hair and on my hand, as he plunged his entire length into me.
I gasped at the pain. My body stiffened at the intrusion.
"God, you’re so tight," he rasped as he held still inside of me, letting me get used to him.
Breathing hard, his body tensed as he pulled halfway out and plunged back into me again, harder this time. I threw my head back and cried out as his fullness filled me.